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Tokin Female: Pot Pioneer, Toni Fox with Pebbles Trippet (SKUNK MAGAZINE VOLUME 9 ISSUE 8 June/July 1014)

Tokin Female: Pot Pioneer, Toni Fox with Pebbles Trippet (SKUNK MAG VOLUME 9 ISSUE 8 June/July 1014)


Reprinted with unprecedented special permission from the SKUNK MAGAZINE STAFF,

Words By: Pebbles Trippett

first, a gift in art to Toni Fox from

Portrait of Toni Fox image created by: Breezy Kiefiar

Portrait of Toni Fox
image created by: Breezy Kiefiar

SKUNK Vol 9, Issue 8

skunk mag vol 9 issue 8 Toni Fox complete PDF (2)

CLICK on the below images to enlarge so you may read the article more easily….. you may order a print copy of this magazine by clicking here


skunk mag vol 9 issue 8 Toni Fox complete PDF (4) skunk mag vol 9 issue 8 Toni Fox complete PDF (5)


skunk mag vol 9 issue 8 Toni Fox complete PDF (6)


skunk mag vol 9 issue 8 Toni Fox complete PDF (7)


skunk mag vol 9 issue 8 Toni Fox complete PDF (8)


2014-05-29 0420 cooking oil (1)

Contact 3d Dispensary

3=D Denver's Discreet Dispensary located at
4305 Brighton Blvd
Denver, CO 80216

Get Directions

3-D Denver's Discreet Dispensary

That’s just off of I-70 on Brighton Blvd. We are on the southside of the Coliseum.

Our telephone number is (303) 297-1657 Email

~~~~~BREEZY SAYS~~~~~
My special thanks to Toni Fox and Pebbles Trippet for their assistance in getting me the raw materials I needed… I was willing to pay, but when pebbles calls in a favor, she REALLY calls in a favor. Toni wouldn’t hear of me paying one red cent for the trim from her PERSONAL GROW. I should be able to begin appropriate dosing for my cancerSEE PHOTOS FROM THIS COOK: recipe to make Rick Simpson – Phoenix Tears aka Cannabis Cure oil see the video of what I did with the gift!

— with Please Bogart My Art, Pebbles Trippet, Reefer Gurl and Toni Fox at 3D Cannabis Center.

Related Articles:

RIP MAYA ANGELOU Honoring her Cannabis Connections (check out some art included in next month’s skunk magazine issue!)

Setting up the Lamay Cannabis History Museum (a look back and forward in cannabis and its laws. check the bottom of the article to see how you can help make laws better!)

Broken Back Blues (a tale of hope)

How to make Cannabis Cure oil without alerting the neighbors (DO IT YOURSELF GUIDE!)

More Articles on Toni Fox and 3 D Dispensary coming soon!

I have not done a dispensary review in nearly a year, and I have never reviewed a recreational dispensary before. Now, I could have called ahead and had them prepare me a hand picked review sample, but to me, that’s just not a fair way to review. I’d rather walk in unannounced on a holiday weekend. If there are any problems with herb or with staff, they will be apparent under the higher stresss and potentially higher customer volume of the weekend. The point being, I want to make sure I’m pretty much treated exactly like everyone else. I also like to review when I know the boss is likely away doing other things as this can also be a factor in bud and budtend quality. I must say I was impressed with the professionalism of the staff at 3D Cannabis Center . I’ve been happy with the buds thus far too. be sure to pick up a copy of SKUNK Magazine to read Pebbles Trippet“s awesome interview with Toni Fox

Broken Back Blues: Hope and a call for prayer for Gramma Maggic 420

Broken Back Blues: a call for prayer for Gramma Maggic 420


Gramma Maggic 420

A frequent guest writer for recently fell off a tall ladder and broke her back. What follows are her posts in chronological order. There is an amazing tale of cannabis and its effectiveness for pain here.

it is an amazing testimony to the power of prayer and the plant when you read it from beginning to end… I’ve taken Gramma Maggic 420’s facebook posts in the reverse chronological order and put them in chronological order from the time Maggie fell.


Since my hospital discharge (and to the surprise and amazement of several specialists yesterday); I have not only kept the pain associated with the break in my back under control, but have done so with no pharmacological intervention.

Unfortunately, my only medication is not free. I have not had a personal harvest since last October, my husband has been longer. We are both on disability.

We have been donated a wonderful amount of coconut oil that is holding, but our supply of flower is exhausted.

If anyone in the area can help, it will be repayed in kind.
Please contact Keith or myself. Thanks in advance!!!

Our email to send help directly through PayPal is


Maggie Floyd
I took a bad fall from the attic onto my back . I am in bad pain waiting on the ct scan on my lower back. — with Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Finally got ct results back. NO SPINAL OR BONE INJURIES after falling 10 feet off of a ladder.
Thank you all for your prayers. I thank Heavenly Father for keeping me safe in His care.
Spams in my back are still level 9.5….and I could really use some 420…but I WILL HEAL 
 — feeling blessed with Margaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.


Admitted to hospital after 10 ft fall to control spasms & start rehab.I received a Priesthood blessing before parametics transported me to the hospital.NO SPINAL OR BONE INJURIES after falling 10 feet off of a ladder.Thank you all for your prayers. I thank Heavenly Father for keeping me safe in His care.
Spams in my back are still level 9.5….and I could really use some 420…but I WILL HEAL  — with Margaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

Okay….the worst part about being in the hospital after the fall actually isn’t the pain anymore.
It is being a newlywed and being away from my hubby all night for the first time since our wedding.
Miss you, Keith!
Back is getting somewhat better….able to walk to bathroom with walker and help with only a 8.5 increase in pain instead of a 10!
Hopeful that means after a bit more rest that I can go home! (Staying downstairs for a bit….just sayin!
I pray for everyone to invite Jesus Christ and His Love and Lighte into their lives….He sure saved my life today! — feeling lonely with Maggie Floyd andKeith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

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Margaret Ellen Floyd
Gettin dozey again. Emotionally and physically drained.
Very grateful to my Lord in Heaven for the restored Priesthood & all of it’s blessings!
Praying that each and every one is surrounded by the love and lighte of Jesus Christ tonight and always.
I sure appreciate everyone and their prayers to Heavenly Father on my behalf!!!
He has listened & granted me blessings beyond belief!!!
 — feeling tired withMaggie Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.
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If you wish to catch some of Maggie Floyd‘s writing please visit:
Please pray for Margaret Ellen Floyd aka Maggie Floyd (slighte) aka Gramma Magicc 420 a frequent guest writer on and the editor of my next book “bogart my art”. She fell from a tall ladder and seriously injured her back. I understand she is in need of cannabis cure oil or raw materials to produce it. Anyone in washington state who could give an assist would be greatly appreciated for their efforts.
they are keeping her in the hospital overnight… sounds pretty serious to me.someone else was willing to speak up for me just yesterday and i had my needs filled. the least i can do is ask for someone else in as great or greater need than my own.
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Please pray for Margaret Ellen Floyd aka Maggie Floyd (slighte) aka Gramma Magicc 420 a frequent guest writer on and the editor of my next book “bogart my art”. She fell from a tall ladder and seriously injured her back. I understand she is in need of cannabis cure oil or raw materials to produce it. Anyone in washington state who could give an assist would be greatly appreciated for their efforts.
they are keeping her in the hospital overnight… sounds pretty serious to me.
someone else was willing to speak up for me just yesterday and i had my needs filled. the least i can do is ask for someone else in as great or greater need than my own.
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I apologize for my earlier post and mood.
Waking up in pain in the hospital being put on opioid pain medication I didn’t ever want to be on again in my life.
This accident and injury has been humbling to say the least. I really do appreciate all of the prayers and help.All of you are wonderful and amazing. I am blessed to have so many people to call “friends”….what I also call my Intentional Family.May the Love and Lighte of Christ surround you all! My dear hubby is here helping care for me now. The best nurse a girl could ask for! (And he smells much better too!  ) — feeling apologetic with Margaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.
Not sure how long they plan to keep me here. Last night was rough, waiting nervously for PT today.Bad pain episode when I tried to eat….or reach for food, I should say. Lead to a nasty mood and a personality issue with my nurse didn’t help.
Thanks to everyone for your prayers, Heavenly Father is definitely watching out for me.
I pray that the Love and Lighte of Christ surrounds all today! — feeling nervous
PT just left.
Sounds like they’re keeping me until tomorrow.
Then home with a walker and lots of instructions & cautions.
 — feeling painedat Providence Centralia Hospital.
Margaret Ellen Floyd
Physical Therapy just left.
Decision that I am not ready for home, nor is my current home ready for me.
Will be using a walker, it seems, when I am discharged.
Hubby went home to check on Athena.
It’s a long walk from the hospital to home….but he keeps doing it.
Very thankful right now for a lot…. especially my hubby!
May the love and Lighte of Christ surround you all! — feeling tired with Maggie Floyd and 2 others at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Still in the hospital.
Hubby left for home.
He is looking for a walker….apparently my grandma had a new one before she passed.
That will be interesting emotionally. I miss my grandma.
Pain level still intolerable, but I have refused opium’s derivatives since morning.Mood and physical pain were combining to make me unbearably frustrated and angry.Not sending me home until I can ambulate using a walker the distance to the bathroom at home….Still haven’t made it 1/4 way.Thank you all for your prayers. Without them, and my Heavenly Father welcomed into my life, I don’t doubt this would be much worse. — feeling lonely with Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Maggie Floyd
Still in this silly hospital.
Perks: fluffy adjustable bed, fresh fruit & fruit juices
And bacon.Emjoying my bacon and nomming on grapes….fresh fruit and fruit juices and bacon and I didn’t have to cook it or prepare them.Even in pain (finally down to an 8.5 after my first flexaril of the day), I will look for the silver lining!Looking forward to some true medicine when I get home so I can begin to heal.May the love and Lighte of Christ surround all today!#CannabisCures #bacon #HospitalPerks — feeling determined at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Maggie Floyd
Hubby finally made it here just as the PT was starting.Better than yesterday, was my little walker-walk….more PT this afternoon and hopefully we can get this pain controlled enough for me to go home soon.Still refusing opioid (doc is sure pushy with them) pain control. I know what will work, I just need to get some.Looking forward to next week & payday. Green healing is much better than this medical paradigm. Need to make a bit of the cure & get this dang back pain under control. — with Margaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.
Margaret Ellen Floyd
Called to order lunch, asked if they could toss a whole bunch of fruit and vegis in a blender & make me a smoothie…and they agreed!Being in the hospital is bad enough….but I fell on Tuesday before I put my teeth in. Trying to eat without teeth has been a challenge.At least I am finally with-it enough to ask them to blend my food up.
Maybe now, I won’t be so challenged with digestive issues & belly pain.I hope everyone’s day is full of the love and lighte of Christ.
I also hope I can start focusing on things not about my body soon. — feelingbored with Maggie Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.
Maggie Floyd
Hubby here, and done with second PT session of the day.Physical Torture is so fun….lol….not. This whole learning to walk thing kinda sucks….and is intensely painful.But I have a lot more sympathy for my hubby and everyone else who has sustained major back injuries. Keith included. — feeling exhausted.
Margaret Ellen Floyd
A few Sisters stopped by! Thank you so much for the card and the visit, it kept my mind from becoming too stir crazy. — with Maggie Floyd and 2 others.
Just got the word: One more day in here to finish learning how to drive a walker & get to the bathroom by myself.I will be happy to go home tomorrow….and start really healing.Praying for the love & Lighte of Christ to surround all! — feeling determined withMargaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Just got done with morning PT and the therapist was very happy with me!
Climbed up the step (with walker) and down 3 times!!!
I should be going home today!The Priesthood power of Jesus Christ has healed me….I just gotta relearn how to walk! May the love and lighte of our Lord, Jesus Christ, surround everyone today!!! — feeling grateful with Maggie Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Good morning Fb’ers and fellow farmers. It’s been a little rough this morning. Out of meds and been working in the garden, I had to raise the lights and it’ll be watering time this evening  Say a prayer my wife gets to come home today!!! Happy FARMING! — feeling hopeful with Maggie Floyd in Centralia, WA.

  1. Bored, hurting and really wishing I had some 420. Conventional meds suck.Hopefully today I can get out of here….after physical torture clears me for driving a walker to the bathroom.All of those simple things just became a whole heck of a lot more difficult.LOTS of fun….guess I’ll watch a little Netflix on my phone while I pray for another short nap.Hoping the Love & Lighte of Christ surrounds all this morning. — with Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

Third night in this silly hospital.Really missing my hubby. Not cool to happen to newlyweds….but oh well. I guess I will be more careful when I climb from now on.
No more slick shoes. Had hubby throw out the ones I was wearing when it happened.Still waiting for my g’night call Saying my prayers & heading to nap…. — feeling lonely with Maggie Floyd andKeith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

Hoping this will in fact be my last night in this place….but I taught nutrition staff how to make a fruit & vegi smoothie….and I am trying to teach the rest of the staff narcotics are not necessary for pain control.Means being one tough ol lady….but with the Power of Christ’s divine Love and Lighte; I can do anything He wants me to do!Praying His Love and Lighte surrounds all of you too!!! — feeling hopeful withMargaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Maggie Floyd changed her profile picture.
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Margaret Ellen Floyd
Third night in this silly hospital.Really missing my hubby. Not cool to happen to newlyweds….but oh well. I guess I will be more careful when I climb from now on.
No more slick shoes. Had hubby throw out the ones I was wearing when it happened.Still waiting for my g’night call Saying my prayers & heading to nap…. — feeling lonely with Maggie Floyd andKeith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Maggie Floyd
Bored, hurting and really wishing I had some 420. Conventional meds suck.Hopefully today I can get out of here….after physical torture clears me for driving a walker to the bathroom.All of those simple things just became a whole heck of a lot more difficult.LOTS of fun….guess I’ll watch a little Netflix on my phone while I pray for another short nap.Hoping the Love & Lighte of Christ surrounds all this morning. — with Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

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Good morning Fb’ers and fellow farmers. It’s been a little rough this morning. Out of meds and been working in the garden, I had to raise the lights and it’ll be watering time this evening  Say a prayer my wife gets to come home today!!! Happy FARMING! — feeling hopeful with Maggie Floyd in Centralia, WA.

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Margaret Ellen Floyd
Just got done with morning PT and the therapist was very happy with me!
Climbed up the step (with walker) and down 3 times!!!
I should be going home today!The Priesthood power of Jesus Christ has healed me….I just gotta relearn how to walk! May the love and lighte of our Lord, Jesus Christ, surround everyone today!!! — feeling grateful with Maggie Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

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Margaret Ellen Floyd
Waiting for discharge….getting some not fun parts taken care of.Tummy pain… intestines went into some kind of shock with the fall, don’t want to work. Prune juice last two day to no avail….More medical intervention (read: “western medicine”) while I await a ride home. — feeling pained with Maggie Floyd and 2 others at Providence Centralia Hospital.

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Maggie Floyd
Finally getting ready to go home from this place… — feeling blessed withMargaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

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Keith A. Floyd
the medical industry is finally making progress — with Maggie Floyd.
Photo: the medical industry is finally making progress
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Maggie Floyd
Finally home with my hubby and my puppy after a 10ft fall from an attic ladder landed me flat on my back, then onto a backboard in an ambulance to the hospital where I’ve been since Tuesday.I have so much to be grateful for: when I landed See More — feeling blessedwith Margaret Ellen Floyd and 2 others.
Photo: Finally home with my hubby and my puppy after a 10ft fall from an attic ladder landed me flat on my back, then onto a backboard in an ambulance to the hospital where I've been since Tuesday.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>I have so much to be grateful for: when I landed Tuesday, I felt something and feared that I had broken my back.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>Heavenly Father blessed me through the Missionaries who my husband called after the medics arrived. </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>During the time the medics were evaluating me and transporting me, they wanted me to take IV narcotics. Being allergic to 2/3 of the ones they had available, then the third was the medication my body was dependant upon for 7 years. I said no. Continued to cry and loose myself in the white-hot pain in my back.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>This was the first of many trials of my hospitalization. I am so blessed to be here after that fall that could have easily broken or killed me. </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>When the pain starts to get to me, I uncover my toes and wiggle them; and I understand how blessed I am. </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>I pray that everyone invites the Love & Lighte of Jesus Christ into their lives, that they may be blessed as well.
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Maggie Floyd changed her cover photo.
My discharge papers from the hospital after a 10ft fall, injuring my back. Even in Lewis County, Washington….medical community is making progress!!!

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Margaret Ellen Floyd
Other than the whole not being able to sit or stand or walk; this being home thing rocks! Lol…? — feeling blessed with Maggie Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.
Margaret Ellen Floyd
I am incredibly blessed: My husband is clanging and clattering around the kitchen making me food, while Athena and I cuddle.It is good, very good, to be home. — feeling blessed with Maggie Floyd andKeith A. Floyd at Centraila.

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My wife is cannabinated and eating dinner. She will heal… I am blessed. — feeling blessed with Maggie Floyd and Athena Brooke Floyd in Centralia, WA.

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Maggie Floyd
I do know I am blessed, but right now the level 9 pain is blinding my gratefulness with:
medicare may pay for a walker but the only place that bills medicare in Lewis Co demands CASH UPFRONT.
Begged to borrow cash for dry meds from a relative, but dry meds make me cough (don’t have a vape or bubbler anymore).
No medibles, tincture or cure oil.
Pain is 9, worse when try to run a marathon to get to the bathroom from my bed without a walker they trained me to use.
Husband found the walker my dead grandma used 21 years ago; no wheels, so almost worse than having nothing.
Yes I am grateful I am alive and not paralyzed, but sometimes I just want to escape this pain hell.
Needs some help in Centralia. Poor hubby is so overwhelmed.
I can’t sit to drive, can’t stand to fix food & can’t walk because no pharmacy down in Lewis Co will fill the Rx for the wheeled walker I learned to drive at the hospital without cash upfront even though Medicare will pay for the walker.
Getting from the bed to the bathroom is excruciating without wheels on a walker. Anyone who might have a solution, please contact Keith or me.I pray everyone’s day is full of the love & Lighte of Christ. — feeling exhausted
Maggie Floyd
A big shout out and thank you to Breezy Kiefair and Mxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx & Keith for conspiring to find a way to get me a care package.I am truly blessed, and also thanks to Renae who also tried to assist with the sit.The biggest thanks goes to my Heavenly Father for making sure I have so many wonderful friends (& hubby) who want me to heal asap. — feeling blessed.
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    Feeling blessed to be alive & not paralyzed this Sabbath, but still a bit sad I cannot sit yet.
    No driving or church since sitting is still unwise. Walking to the bathroom is almost a task I can do on my own.
    I know I will recover completely.
    I know I have been healed.
    I know that my Healer & Redeemer lives. His name is Jesus Christ.
    It is Him that I devote my day, today, to. I am so grateful for my life & my mobility, as painful as it is.

    …and I’m back in the hospital.Lots of fun. More pain than fun.
    Seems that things aren’t working like they should. More tests. — feeling exhausted with Margaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

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    Margaret Ellen Floyd
    Ct results are back: not keeping me, but fitting a brace for my back (it seems a compression fracture was missed during earlier tests), giving me meds for my digestion….and contacting UW about the lack of sensation issues.Not the best news, but certainly not the worse.Heavenly Father is continuing to watch out for me, I thank everyone for their prayers. — feeling blessed with Maggie Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.
    9 hrs · 

    Update for those interested….for friends of my hubby, Keith, too!

    Thanks everyone for your prayers!

    Margaret Ellen Floyd feeling tired

    So…..we are finally back home after another adventure at Centralia Providence Hospital….wowsa.

    So, after my evaluation & all tests were performed, they discovered that they had missed a compression fracture of my T-11 vertebrae.

    So, yes, I did break my back.

    The great news is it should heal completely.

    The not-so-fun news: 3 months (in the Summer :/) in a back brace. An appointment with a neurosurgeon at Swedish is Seattle & Urologist at UW. In addition of course to setting up appointments with physical therapy & going to my regular doc to follow up.

    Looks like my summer will be quite busy.

    Also looks like we are in Washington for the Summer. Sorry to our friends in AZ, but I will not be cleared to drive that distance for some time 

    I am very grateful to my Eternal Heavenly Father for making certain we followed up on what could have seemed like a trivial complaint.

    I am so eternally grateful to God that I was protected from further injuring my back before the break was discovered.

    I am thankful I have full use of my legs and feet. I am very grateful I will heal completely.

    I pray that the love & lighte of my Lord Jesus Christ surrounds all tonight!

    Just beginning to process the entire idea that my back is broken, and all of the medical-type intervention I have had with my body in the past week, and I will have in the next 3 months.For the first time ever, I have a partner by my side. One who has actually rehabilitated himself from 4 back surgeries.This is an opportunity for me, many of them. I will be documenting my rehabilitation. I will not give up this time. I know what it is like to succumb to the loss of my mobility, I did it in 2002. I was without my mobility, for the most part, until 2009. I had some good days, but not a lot.This time I have denied all pharmaceutical medications since my discharge from the hospital on Friday. I have had no opioids (against medical advice) since 24 hours after the fall. Once I was semi-cognizant, I said “no.”My pain has been in control (painful, but in control), since Saturday, when I was able to get some edible cannabis on board. (BIG thanks again to Breezy, Mxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx &Keith for all that cross-country conversating that lead to me being able to finally find my head!).I thank all my friends & family for the prayers & thoughts as I was going through this scary situation.I thank my husband, Keith, for being the most amazing partner & friend during one of the biggest challenges I could imagine our young marriage experiencing. You are unbelievable and I couldn’t love you more!I am most grateful to my Lord & my Heavenly Father for keeping me safe & giving me the knowledge and ability to fully heal from this accident. I fell 10 feet. I still am doing amazingly well.I pray everyone has a week full of Christ’s Love & Lighte. — feeling blessed

    Cannabis and Me: My Testimony of a Plant Christ Created

    A Cannabis leaf in my handBefore I go any further with my tales of volunteering at a collective garden, I thought I would write a bit of a testimonial.

    Even if readers know why I use this plant medically, sometimes even I need a refresher. When I am out of my medicine, these reasons become crystal clear.

    Physicians & Pharmacists: Diagnosis & Treatment

    The first diagnosis that is listed on my medical records pertaining to the use of cannabis is intractable pain caused by damaged nerves during my last pelvic reconstructive surgery (the initial injuries happened when I was an infant then complicated with motherhood & several unsuccessful surgeries).

    From 2002-2009, I was prescribed Fenantyl via a Duragesic patch. Fenatnyl is an opioid pain medication that is about 75-100% stronger than morphine.
    My physicians repeatedly informed me that due to my pain levels, I would never be able to live off of a morphine-strength pain medication. I am allergic to morphine. Fentanyl with vicodin and percocet was how I survived for 7 years.

    During my time on opioid pain medications, I soon learned that any exertion brought nausea, as well as irritation of the initial pain. The side effects of opioids caused me to loose my teeth, and my life. I spent most of my days in a dark bedroom watching DVDs, curled up in a fetal position.

    In 2008, when my daughter graduated from high school, I was barely functioning on 19 pills a day. All prescribed by the same physician. Most were for side-effects of other medications.  During the time I was on these medications I developed other physical issues. Some where profound, like the hiatal hernia I developed during a violent vomiting episode. This has left me with chronic nausea.

    The other diagnosis that I use medical cannabis for also stems from the abuse I sustained as a small child by my father, then step-father.  PTSD and depression with anxiety are some of the major reasons that cannabis is my medication of choice.

    I have a family history that is frightening for depression. My father and grandfather both committed suicide. My aunt and I both have had several unsuccessful attempts at the same action. Major Depressive Disorder is so much more than “the blues.”

    An ironic experience I have had is one of friends getting tired of my acting out during a major depressive episode and tell me to “go take a Prozac.” The reason I find this ironic is that during the time I was being treated by physicians for my depression through pharmaceuticals (1982-2009), I exhausted every formulary; up to, and including ALL SSRIs (of which class Prozac is in). The only medication for depression that I have not been suicidal on, is Cannabis.

    For my anxiety issues, I have been prescribed at least five different medications. Some two at a time. Couch-lock has nothing on the zombifying experience of prescription anxiety medications. At least I didn’t drool much. But I was not “with-it” enough on them to live.

    When a friend suggested that instead of using vicodin or percocet for my “break-through pain” that I use cannabis (or as she so eloquently put it “smoke a bowl!”), I was leery. When I suspected that it would just get me intoxicated and waste more of my life, she pointed out that my life currently consisted of being in bed 24/7, how much more could I loose? I acquiesced and tried it.

    During the years I used cannabis as a supplement to my prescription medications, I began to live again.
    I found that if I smoked about 2-3 hits off of a pipe or joint, I had the energy to push past the pain. Then the pain began getting less. 

    The End of Prescriptions – An Alternative Presented

    When I was discharged without notice from the physician prescribing the pain medications in August 2009, it was cannabis that relieved some of the symptoms of withdrawal from the Fentanyl and Percocet. It was the only reason I was able to get through the hell of withdrawals without becoming suicidal.

    Months after I was off of all prescription medications, still exhibiting several symptoms of withdrawals as well as my primary issues of anxiety and depression as well as nausea and anorexia; I tried my first edible cannabis products. I was absolutely amazed at the results.

    The more cannabis products that I consumed, the better I felt. I began to feel HEALTHY!
    I began to be able to do so much more. I began to regain my life.

    Last year, cannabis ended up leading me to become a Latter-Day Saint. I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints when God answered my prayers with this plant. But that’s another story for another time (feel free to follow my spiritual journey at

    In the fall of 2013, at a sister-friend’s urging; I tried an experiment. I began taking a full-plant extract oil (FEO) on a daily basis. There are many names for this type of oil and many ways to process it. Some of the most common names are Rick Simpson Oil (RSO) or Phoenix Tears. My husband calls his version, without the decarboxylation step (I will post about his oil soon), “Jesus Oil.”

    No matter the name it goes by, it is an extract of the oils of the cannabis plant. I prefer the “full-plant” with the cannabinoids that are only found in the leaves and other non-bud parts of the plant included.

    Here is a link to the best explanation I have found for the processing of small batches of this type of oil, by a dear friend, Breezy Keifair: How to Make Cannabis Oil Without Alerting the Neighbors.

    As the rice-grain sized bit of oil began to be absorbed into my system, I didn’t become intoxicated nor did I feel any euphoria. In fact, as the days progressed to weeks into this experiment of daily oil, I found I was feeling less euphoria from cannabis, but more happiness over-all. My body began to feel “able”. My mind was clear. I could think, and I had energy. I didn’t hurt and my legs worked. My brain looked towards the Gospel and furthering my fores into genealogy. I could think and feel clearly.

    Thirty days into using cannabis oil daily, I felt like a new woman.

    As I have experimented with the use of cannabis for my health, it has been with the guidance of my health care providers and my “cannafamily” – an intentional family of friends.

    As I have learned about the cannabis plant, I have attempted to share this knowledge with others.

    For seven years, prescription medications took my life away from me. Several years ago, while I was in a puddle of vomit and tears, I prayed to my Heavenly Father to save me. It is He who held the branch of the cannabis plant to me. It is He that saved me, through a plant.

    County Line Alternative Medicine: First Morning as a Volunteer

    Day 2, morning one. It was my first Monday morning in a very long time. My disabilities took my freedom from me. My freedom to work. On this Monday morning, I walked about a quarter mile on the way to work, before hitchhiking for a ride.

    Today was more than my first day volunteering for this Collective Garden. It was also the 4 year anniversary of the day my physician had discharged me without notice; putting me involuntarily into withdrawals from the fentanyl and percocet he had been prescribing for five years. For the two years before that, it had been my general physician. But strangely enough, she was no longer in practice.

    This Monday morning felt triumphant. I had begun to take my life back with my baptism in the spring, now perhaps I could at least have the opportunity to help others at the same time as ease the incredible strain on my pocket book that my medical costs were, as they are to anyone on disability.

    The day started off wonderfully. I began to learn my way around the front desk procedures; as I had been trained on the bud-tending bar the previous Saturday night shift.

    I was given passwords and asked to update the web menu on many sites. I began to become acquainted with the other volunteers and their stories.

    County Line was owned and operated by a woman on disability who got tired of her husband sitting around smoking pot all day and doing nothing. So, they started a Collective Garden with a grow and a lounge in the back where he could still, in fact, sit around and smoke weed all day. Only now, they could make money off of it. That was my observation on first glance. I saw a family with two disabled parents attempting to get by and looking at what they knew and making the best of it.

    Jim (all of the names have been changed) was the official owner of the business with their adult son as a partner, as not to get his wife in trouble with Social Security; but he was quick to point out that his wife, Betty, was the true boss. She was, in fact, the one who did the books….and the one to whom the boys on night-shift were answerable for their shenanigans.

    Betty and I got along quite well. In fact, I still miss her and keep her in my prayers.

    Another volunteer I had the opportunity to meet was Jill. She was the “cleaning lady.” In fact, she was a very disabled woman. A patient who lived on a meager fixed income who had trouble affording her medicine. So, she offered to do anything for the Collective Garden. They made her the cleaning lady, and gave her one gram for every 6 hours of work.

    For those of us who are disabled, every hour we work is worth so many more “able-bodied” hours. It takes us so much to be able to push past the pain coma of a pain level that sometimes reaches 9.5+ upon awakening without any cannabis in our system.

    To procure a lowly $10 worth of medicine for 6 hours of bending, twisting, and lifting…doing all of those things that our physicians have warned us against, is something that too many of us would do in a heartbeat.

    That was the remuneration that we all received. All of the volunteers were patients. We all received one gram of dry, cured, medicine for every 6 hours of work that we provided. As “volunteers”, it was a paradigm that was not uncommon, as testified by the volunteers who came from other places. Jim and Betty tried to “sweeten the deal” by promising a dream trip to all the volunteers and calling them “family”.  Meanwhile, many were in the negative by the time they came to work that day.

    On the shiny side of the cloud that first day, were the patients that I was able to meet and help. While riding a line, not attempting to give out medical advice, as none of us want to be practicing medicine without a license; I was able to share my personal experience with this plant in it’s topical, edible and combustible forms with a patient who was in severe pain. Within minutes after using a topical spray, she experienced relief. As a caregiver, it was enough to make me want to come back the next day to help again.

    There are many stories that remain to be told. Many yet to write. County Line Alternative Medicine was north of an unfriendly county border and I lived south of that line. Living in unfriendly territory towards a medicine I have come to know is God’s was, and is, a challenge. Just because cannabis is legal in Washington does not mean it is liked. Many counties, even west of the Cascades, are very unfriendly to cannabis and anyone who uses it for any reason.

    We must continue to spread education and understanding. Erase fear with education. Learn, teach, and grow. Overgrow with the Love and Lighte of Christ. And Cannabis.

    Hippocracy of the Alternative

    In these days when the Hippocratic oath is more than a little hypocritical, we need our alternative medical care more than ever before.

    In today’s world, those who have gone about getting their education in the prescribed manner have incurred so much debt, that entire professions worth of employees, be they physicians, pharmacists or licensed nurses and massage therapists; they are trained very well: You do what we say, or you loose your license. You must not use or do what you know is right, even though it is the compassionate thing to do, you will loose your way to earn money if you do it.

    It is a simple as that. It all boils down to the almighty dollar. Non-maleficence, first doing no harm; has gone the way of family doctor who performs house calls. First, they harm your wallet, which effects your general well-being; then what they do causes more harm than good. Thus, ensuring your return and another procedure and visit that they can bill you for. Upfront payment accepted only. Medical ethics?!

    When those with the initials after their names; when THOSE who have done the education the prescribed way, when THEY FAIL to act in a caring manner, when they FAIL to act with compassion and care CHOOSING the lure of Satan in the guise of the almighty dollar, those of us who DO CARE about our brother are forced to become “front line medics” using the tools that GOD Himself gave us to treat and attempt to cure what ails each other.

    The next line of treatment, in a “compassionate state” is to go to the alternative care providers. Those with no medical degrees, relying on self-directed studies of the studies performed by distant scientists as well as anecdotal evidence of friends.

    But what do we get, when we place our trust and health care needs in the hands of people we will actually call “family,” a “canna-family;” solely because they partake of the same alternative treatment that we have chosen?

    Under RCW 69.51a, the medical cannabis in Washington is governed. A new set of rules and laws were added when Washington State voters approved I-502 against the objections of many medical cannabis patients.

    The fight for and against I-502 split the cannabis community in more than two pieces. A community that refers to itself as a family; now cannibalizing each other for the cash that they can procure.

    After traveling the country for the past 3 years, meeting a lot of people in a lot of different circumstances, most of them revolving around a plant, I decided to take up an invitation to “volunteer” at a local “collective garden” in Washington State for a few months. What I observed while there made me sicker than even “big pharma” has for a long time.

    I will be posting stories from the Collective Garden I was volunteering at. It is and was the norm. I had the opportunity, while there and at other times, to interview and get to know as true friends, a large variety of people, all patients, who have volunteered in these “Gardens”. Their, and my experience is typical of what a small town “Safe Access Point” is in Washington State.

    I believe in a better paradigm. I aim to create a situation for myself, my husband and as many of our friends as possible in a community that is about caring. Cannabis is a part of it, but currency will not be.

    My heart has been hurt tremendously by the people who call patients “family” only to be close to them when they receive their pittance of a decreasing valued limited income. It is time for all to grow their own. It is time for people to step up and help their neighbor if he CAN’T grow. It is time to be our brother’s keeper. It is TIME to Overgrow the World with compassion. With the love and lighte of Christ. And with Cannabis.

    Watching the Stats

    “Watching The Stats”

    People say I’m crazy doing what I’m doing,
    Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,
    When I say that I’m o.k. they look at me kind of strange,
    Surely your not happy now you no longer play the game,

    People say I’m lazy toking my life away,
    Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to strengthen the light in me,
    When I tell that I’m doing Fine watching smoke play on the wall,
    Don’t you miss the big time girl you best get on the ball!

    I’m just sitting here watching the stats go up and up,
    They really love to read my words,
    I tell them all the things the money hounds,
    dont want the people to know,

    People asking questions lost in confusion,
    Well I warn them when i know of a problem,
    Offering solutions,
    Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind,
    I tell them there’s no hurry…
    I’m just sitting here smokin kind,

    I’m just sitting here watching the stats go up and up,
    They really love to read my words,
    I tell them all the things the money hounds,
    dont want the people to know,.
    Of Poetry, Pain and PotThe Art of Breezy Kiefair



    see also:

    How to make Cannabis Cure Oil without alerting the neighbors

    The purpose of this blogpost to assist folks in making smaller batches of cannabis cure oil (aka phoenix tears) specifically written for those in situations requiring caution and little smell, whatever those conditions may be (i.e. cancer pts in non legal states). MAKING CANNABIS CURE OIL IS EASIER THAN FOLKS THINK!!! If you wish make a small batch of cannabis cure oil aka phoenix tears on the down low or are worried about the neighbors smelling what you’re cooking, then this guide is for you.  This method works with just a little bit of raw materials to process.  I usually reclaim the alcohol solvent, but for the purposes of this post, i’m going ultra low tech and easy for people who wont take the time to run a still because they are complete novices in need of oil…

    Screenshot 2014-03-09 20.13.36 edit

    if you are worried about the legality of this oil, I say to you

    “When a life is at stake, and breaking a law will save it, abiding by the law is not a virtue.” ~Breezy Kiefair

    or perhaps Henry David Thoreau said it better in his work Civil Disobedience”

    If the machine of government is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law.
    Read more at:


    CANNABIS CURE OIL, Please read  the following post

    first in addition to this post in its ENTIRETY.******

    FAQ’s about Phoenix Tears Therapy for the Beginner

    The Frequently asked questions about phoenix tears therapy for the beginner post covers a lot of the science regarding how and why this medication works to combat cancer. The post you are currently reading centers on how to make the cannabis cure oil.

    *******************     *******************     


    I am not a doctor or licensed herbalist. I am just a lady who has traveled this path trying to offer information to other people considering walking down this path of their own free will.


    *******************     *******************     

    What Are Phoenix Tears?

    Quite simply, Phoenix Tears are a potent, concentrated form of the cannabis plant.  This therapy is also known as R.S.O (Rick Simpson Oil), Cannabis Cure Oil, Run From the Cure Oil, F.E.C.O (Fully Extracted Cannabis Oil), Jamaican Hash Oil (like you used to get “back in the day”) Cannabis extract, or simply hash oil. Whatever you call it, it is strong medicine that cures most cancers and can treat many disorders/diseases in the body.

    I invite you to also follow the below link for more frequently asked questions on how to use this medication.

    FAQ’s about Phoenix Tears Therapy for the Beginner

    What kind of cannabis

    do I use?

    Some of you out there are so new to cannabis that knowing what kind of cannabis to get is a difficult proposition. For others, this is basic information that I am reviewing for you.

    Cannabis is divided into two general families. They are referred to as Indicas and Sativas (there are hybrids that are described as a percentage Indica and a percentage sativa)

    2013-05-23 0657 indicasativa leaves collage polished

    Some of the most commonly recommended strains by the Rick Simpson Camp of oil creation are white widow and white rhino. Both of these strains are good Indica strains but there are many, many other Indica strains. Indica plants have fat leaves and generally are more earthy in their flavor and smell.

    You need a strain high in both THC and CBD. I am of the opinion that all of the compounds of the plant work in concert together to heal cancer. Some people will argue with me that chlorophyll is not necessary, but truly that is a small matter.

    Indica strains tend to be sleepier and are better in my opinion for nighttime, however for me, Indica plants are also more effective for deep pain.

    Indica medical marijuana strains are short, bushy plants with wide leaves. Indica plants typically grow faster and have a higher yield than the sativa variety. Medicine produced from cannabis indica plants have higher CBD and lower THCcounts therefore a pure indica strain will produce a heavier, sleepy type of high. The flowering stage lasts between 6 to 8 weeks.Plant Origins: Afghanistan, Morocco, and Tibet.

    Sativa strains are more for daytime. The feeling is more social, more antidepressant, creative, more energetic, and clearer headed. Sativas are also good as a “ distraction” from the pain, they will help you get interested in whatever it is you are doing to help you not notice how much pain you are in.

    The sativa strain of marijuana is the complete opposite of the indica strain. Sativa medical marijuana pants are tall, thin plants, with narrow leaves, and generally are a lighter shade of green then their counterpart, the Indica strain. Sativa strains take longer to grow, mature, and require more light. Medicine produced from cannabis sativa plants have lower CBD and higher THC counts which produces a more clear headed, energetic type of high. The flowering stage lasts between 10 to 16 weeks. Plant Origins: Colombia, Mexico, Thailand and Southeast Asia.

    remember that cannabis flowers are like roses... roses come in many colors and the right color given to the right person can open many doors... cannabis flowers come with many different effects and the right flower given to the right person with the right illness that flower is good at treating can ease much suffering. —                                                           

    remember that cannabis flowers are like roses… roses come in many colors and the right color given to the right person can open many doors… cannabis flowers come with many different effects and the right flower given to the right person with the right illness that flower is good at treating can ease much suffering.

    I recommend a Cannabis Indica strain or a cannabis Indica dominant hybrid strain for the curing of cancer. If you are treating another disease, you may want to try different strains of cannabis that are more suited for your condition  For example, someone wanting to treat their Post Traumatic Stress Disorder might choose to make their Cannabis Cure Oil from a strain known to be a good treatment for P.T.S.D anxiety symptoms such as Northern Lights. An epileptic or seizure patient may want to make their oil out of strains known to reduce seizure activity such as White Widow, White Rhino, or Life Saver. A chronic fatigue patient may want a sativa based oil for the energetic properties of some of those strains. Likewise, a patient with depression may wish to choose an uplifting euphoric  sativa strain to use as an antidepressant. Cannabis Indica strains tend to be high in both  Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) and  Cannabidiol (CBD)

    There is nothing wrong with using a mixture of bud and close trim to make phoenix tears oil. I have even known people who used street grade weed (commonly referred to as shwag) to make the oil and saw results. Too often shwag is grown by non-organic methods and harvested before the nutrients have been flushed out of the plant properly. Sometimes, the plant is even harvested before she is completely ripe.  That being said, you cannot argue with the results of people who used shwag because that was all they had access to and were able to cure their cancer with it.  Because of all these concerns, I recommend everyone grow their own bud, or buy the raw materials from a trusted grower.

    What you will need:

    a quantity of Indica cannabis flowers or cannabis trim

    you can make batches with as little and 1/8 ounce of raw materials, though the yield is very small.

    a bag made from a scrap of a clean old t-shirt or some cheese cloth

    a 1qt mason jar to soak it in

    food grade high proof alcohol (ever-clear works well) Please make sure your alcohol is 190 proof or higher! the higher the proof the lower the water content.

    Unbleached cone shaped coffee filters

    a funnel

    an oven and oven thermometer to decarboxylate the cannabis

    a plant oil such as coconut oil, olive oil, butter, grapeseed oil, hempseed oil in order to help you get the cannabis oil back out of the jar.

    What YOU DO

    Step 1 Grind it:

    2014-03-09 22.23.50

    Cut or grind your cannabis into small, loose pieces. This increases the surface area for the solvent and maximizes the amount of medication extracted. This step is particularly important if your raw materials have been compressed in any way.

    Step 2 Bake it (decarboxylation):

    Place your raw materials in a bag made from t-shirt (jersey) material. preheat your oven to 290 degrees fahrenheit (143.3 degrees celsius) Place your bag of raw materials into a glass dish and put into the oven. Heat for at least 20 minutes and up to 60 minutes. AN OVEN THERMOMETER MAY BE NECESSARY! DO NOT EXCEED THIS LEVEL OF HEAT, or you begin to LOSE YOUR MEDICINE.

    2014-03-09 22.23.31

    Step 3 SOAK IT:

    Freeze your raw materials for a minimum of 2 hours.  Also freeze the alcohol solvent (no it will not become solid and if there is any water in your alcohol, it will freeze to the sides of your container) Put your bag of frozen raw materials into a container to soak. cover with the alcohol you have selected and allow to soak with a lid on it for 2-24 hours. Many different oil makers use different soak times. Some measure their soak time in minutes, some in hours, others in days or weeks. My teacher and I have played with many soak times and have settled upon the 2-24 hour range as ideal for our patients. For small scale extracts, I like 24 hours to maximize the yield.

    the soak, after overnight in the freezer

    Step 4 Filter it:

    Remove the raw material bag being sure you squeeze as much of the alcohol out as possible. Place the bag in a funnel or strainer and allow the alcohol to drain from the bag thoroughly. Collect all the alcohol!  Set up a funnel on top of another container and place a cone shaped coffee filter inside the funnel. Carefully pour the alcohol through the filter and funnel. This removes some of the plant cellulose so that you get a better consistency (less hard) oil in the end process.

    Step 5 Evaporate the alcohol:

    Leave the filtered alcohol uncovered in a warm cupboard or cabinet. Putting it someplace closed up helps keep the smell away from the neighbors. It may evaporate faster in the open. You want to leave it someplace warm that it is not going to get bumped, spilled or moved. This step can take several days, so be patient. You are left with a thick dark grease like substance in the bottom of the jar. You can access this cannabis cure oil (phoenix tears) in the next step, so dont be worried that you can’t get at the product. If you need ultra concentrated phoenix tears, use a wide mouth flat dish for the evaporation step. you can use a razor blade to scrape the oil off the glass and or a syringe to collect it depending on yield and consistency.

    Step 6: time for fats

    Add a quantity of coconut oil, olive oil, grapeseed oil, or butter to the jar. Gently heat the jar until the oil is melted and marries with the cannabis oil. Lots of stirring in this step!  The less fat you put in the jar, the more potent the end result is… this is the step where you decide your dose. It is easier to add more oil and make it less potent than to add too much oil. If you add too much fat, the only thing you can do to increase the potency is make another batch of oil and add it to the cannabis infused oil you already have. The end result can be used in a variety of cooking methods or if you prefer can be put into vegetable capsules (works best with coconut oil) for use as pills or suppositories. I really like a blend I make with the cannabis plus equal parts coconut oil and honey. For more information and discussion on the method, please click this sentence 

    Step 7 Store it:

    if you have access to empty oral syringes, then draw up the phoenix tears into syringes

    If you do not have access to oral syringes, consider making up pills from empty vegetable capsules

    If neither of the above are an option, a wide mouth glass container is suitable

    DO NOT STORE IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT. No need to refrigerate, if you do they may become too thick to work with.


    send a pm through facebook to this profile


    Need a More in Depth look?

    Information on dosing and concerns about side effects can be found at the following post:

    FAQ’s about Phoenix Tears Therapy for the Beginner

    If you find my method difficult to understand, please seek out other tutorials on this method. A few are below.

    need to make a smaller batch?

    If you click this sentence, it will take you to the tutorial on how to make the oil


    I am not afraid to tell you that I agonized about writing this tutorial. The responsibility of writing this oil creation tutorial weighed  heavy on my mind. I know I need to make the instructions pretty much fool proof. even if i write this flawlessly… with ample warnings and clear language…. what responsibility do i hold karmic or otherwise if someone extracts poorly after reading my tutorial? what level of fool is acceptable for making the oil? How many fools will ignore safety precautions, allow alcohol to build up in the extraction area and become alcohol vapor poisoned or worse will light a joint and go boom for lack of airflow? My teacher is a good oil maker and had to learn his lesson on alcohol vapor poison the hard way… how can I ensure the knowledge I am imparting will not have dangerous consequences if they fall into a fools hands? I have weighed all these concerns in my heart and decided that it was too important of information to with hold it for fear of what people will do with it. In the end, the fear of what people would do with out it is greater than the fear of what they will do with it.

    related posts:

    How to Extract Cannabis Cure Oil with alcohol (Phoenix Tears)

    Do’s and Don’ts of Helping a friend with social anxiety or Phobias (Sting and Paul Simon Serenade)

    Perhaps you have a friend or mate who becomes intensely uncomfortable in social situations. Or perhaps you yourself have an intense aversion to large crowds or some other phobia that the people around you think you need to “get over”. Getting over these phobias is easier said than done. In this article we will explore some forms of social anxiety from other people’s point of view interspersed with some of my own failures and successes where social anxiety are concerned. I’m going to begin by listing a bunch of attempts that ended with less than successful  or mixed results, I will finish up with some recent victories.

    Lets take a journey in the way back machine

    and look as some of my past attempts to interact in social situations when there are a lot of people around.

    July 27, 2010

    Longmont Colorado City Council chambers

    Longmont City Council Chambers 7/27/10

    July 27, 2010 1 hour 15 mins to go. I’m sittin in the council chambers….. first signed up to speak, but its agenda item 11A

    On July 27, 2010, I gathered my courage and went down to the Longmont, Colorado City Council Chambers to speak about the Council wanting to ban dispensaries in the city of Longmont.  I was terrified. I knew I was walking into a metaphorical “lion’s den” and I was doing it alone. I dressed as professionally as the closet of clothing and fashions provided by the the thrift store on my meager income. I had spent a great deal of time preparing myself for the 3 minute speech I was to give to our city fathers and mothers. I had my speech all written out on 3×5 cards so as to appear more professional. I arrived almost an hour early, but that had more to do with the distance I had to walk and my paranoia that it would take me longer than the average person to walk the 5 mile distance from the place where the RV I lived in was parked and the City Council Chambers. While this experience was a success in that I made it to the city council chambers, I do not count it as a success. I was successful in that I did manage to attend and to give my speech and even go through this same process several more times, even getting my name repeatedly in the Longmont Times Call (the local newspaper) and my little speeches to the city mothers and fathers even were aired on TV, appearing at the time on “The Longmont Channel” (a public access channel serving the Longmont area)

    Anyone who may question why I do not consider these exercises a success need only watch the video from one of the city council meetings. Despite the eloquence of my words, you can clearly see (and I even mention) how afraid I am.

    07/20/2010 View the video here: I am the second citizen to speak

    the video from July 27, 2010:

    associated links:

    times call article list:

    links to more experiences so that those along the path may see that it can really take a lot of failure on the social anxiety road before you can reach a shining success… I’m not going to go into each humiliation in great detail, but you can visit the links and see for yourself what I am speaking about here:

    New Years eve 2011:

    state capitol edible hearing:

    artistic images from that hearing:

    Traveling through Southern Colorado on foot and Stranger’s kindness

    2012 MLK day march

    Ganja Gala January 27, 2012

    fb ganja gala event page:

    event description:

    Join us at Colorado’s inaugural Ganja Gala, benefiting the Medical Marijuana Assistance Program of America (MMAPA) and National Cannabis Industry Association (NCIA). This Roaring Twenties-themed fundraising joint will celebrate the achievements of the medical cannabis industry with Prohibition Era cocktails, tasting stations serving swell snacks, and gabbing with other cannabis industry leaders to swank twenties era and modern music. Get dolled up in your costume or cocktail glad rags and join us for a night on the town. It’s sure to be the cat’s meow!Need more information? Contact Christie@303-250-0096

    I was actually thrown out of the Ganja Gala when a brain injured member of my party engaged people across the vip lines… i was mortified, but also took a stand for the low income people the event coordinators were using for fundraising but not truly helping.

    Paris on the Platte, revisiting a place of strength

    Cinderella’s misadventures at the Halloween Hash Bash

    Interaction in small groups

    Michelle Lamay’s Thanksgiving Visit

    Purchasing from private growers:

    Donations from Rev Baker via a Good Neighbor:

    Diana Sunshine Wulf and Pennies for Pot

    Renting a Basement from a friend for a few days to make cancer cure oil:

    I’ve detailed some pretty sad attempts to interact socially. No matter what I did or how I tried, these social interactions with larger groups of people just kept ending in disaster! Interactions with smaller groups were easier, but still difficult. My fears in social situations had become social anxiety or maybe would be better termed as a social phobia. I simply could not walk into a crowd without running away 3x as fast. Then one day, I found myself interviewing a new roommate and was invited to a concert that I would dearly love to see. I was faced with the old social anxiety dilemma… “do I go and risk running out, or do I not even try?” I decided to keep on trying.

    Victory at last! Attendance of Sting and Paul Simon Concert 2/11/2014

    Playlist of videos performed at the concert. Please note that this playlist is not the actual concert, it is a peace offering to audio purists because the quality of my video and mic are so poor. I have tried to get the music video the artist produced for mass consumption whenever possible. If an artistic music video was unavailable, I have substituted it with a live performance of much higher quality video/audio than the video I shot.

    Some of you know what a huge deal attending last night's concert was for me. Yes, it was amazing to be serenaded by two artists of such high esteem. Yes, it was an enormous gift too big and lovely for me to have even contemplated far outside of what my own income ever has been able to provide... Yet, there is a huge truth that usually would have prevented me from attending. My ptsd has left me with a near phobia of crowds, and it is rare I even attempt attendance where there will be many people except when I need a bit of in person research for and the research cannot possibly be done any other way and is meant to help folks... I am sure there were some folks last night who were waiting to see me run screaming away from the concert. This did not happen. We got there early, and for a full 3 hours I was in the midst of a crowd. In the end, it wasn't the fear, but sting's light show towards the end was just way too much stimuli for me (nearly had a seizure for the first time in a long time). When I could not stand any more, my new roommate was so kind, nonjudgemental, and also was more than ready to go, allowing me not to have to fight the crowd on the way out. If you can see why this image would be a huge deal to me to attend and not run from the crowd, then I thank you for cheering me on.  ref:

    Some of you know what a huge deal attending last night’s concert was for me. Yes, it was amazing to be serenaded by two artists of such high esteem. Yes, it was an enormous gift too big and lovely for me to have even contemplated far outside of what my own income ever has been able to provide… Yet, there is a huge truth that usually would have prevented me from attending. My ptsd has left me with a near phobia of crowds, and it is rare I even attempt attendance where there will be many people except when I need a bit of in person research for and the research cannot possibly be done any other way and is meant to help folks… I am sure there were some folks last night who were waiting to see me run screaming away from the concert. This did not happen. We got there early, and for a full 3 hours I was in the midst of a crowd. In the end, it wasn’t the fear, but sting’s light show towards the end was just way too much stimuli for me (nearly had a seizure for the first time in a long time). When I could not stand any more, my new roommate was so kind, nonjudgemental, and also was more than ready to go, allowing me not to have to fight the crowd on the way out. If you can see why this image would be a huge deal to me to attend and not run from the crowd, then I thank you for cheering me on. ref:

    fb photo from concert:

    So, what made this time so much different?

    1. This concert was a “bucket list item for me” meaning that I wanted to attend a Sting Concert before I died. The fact that I have so often wanted to attend a Sting concert was a definite factor in me overcoming my fear. The person feeling the fear must be excited enough about the event to overrule the fear. A business event within the industry the person works within can be a double edged sword for those with social anxiety. Those types of events appear attractive because there may or may not be people the person having the anxiety knows at the event. For me, industry events are like kryptonite… I always feel like I’m about to jump into a shark tank. It probably has something to do with my past failures at such events where other people needed me to take a stand, no matter how uncomfortable to me… For this reason, it is not my recommendation to mingle work and your attempts to overcome social anxiety at least in the beginning. If you are strong at work from behind your computer, don’t try to change that dynamic too much to start. It’s more rewarding to make this type of growth outside of the work setting and in a fun setting anyway.

    2. I did not have time to overthink the event. The invitation happened the night before the event. I had a clear choice without much waiting or anticipation surrounding it. I said yes, and went the next day. I have sometimes found that when I am given too much time to ponder an event, it makes it impossible for me to attend because my mind is given too much time to ponder the negative possibilities.

    3. Choose your mates for the battle carefully! The person attending the event with me knew how difficult the crowd would be for me and made every effort to help me through it. When I became overwhelmed with the crowd, a member of my party directed me to a quiet area to recenter. It did not take me long at all to regain my bearings and be able to continue along our way to our seats despite a long walk and a lot of people to get through. In the past, others have reacted to my fear in far less supportive ways causing me to utterly fail in my attempts to overcome. They probably did not realize they were making it harder for me, so no one is to blame really for my previous failure…. but the point is, the right support can = success.

    4. I knew I had permission from myself and those in my party to leave if the experience proved to be too much for me or just became overstimulating in general. We stayed through nearly the entire concert, but this permission did come into play towards the end of the event. We left the event slightly early not because of my fear of any crowds, but from the stimuli of the light show on my seizure disorder.

    5. Leaving a little early can help you not have to fight the same crowd twice. By either showing up early and/or leaving early or late, you can effectively avoid having to fight crowds too much. It was a far different experience walking out of the event than it had been walking into the event.

    videos from the event

    Links on social anxiety, Ptsd, and Related articles:

    social anxiety from wikipedia:

    NIMH social anxiety:

    Related posts on

    Cannabis Activism Home Movies from the Kiefair Journey

    Weight Gain Journey of an Intractably Nauseous Stomach

    PTSD People and Passive Aggressive People… a toxic mix

    Genesis Pure by Chippewama Nutritional Supplements Reviews

    Come visit my website and check out our awesome product line! have questions? ask Dorothy Williams

    Come visit my website and check out our awesome product line! have questions? ask Dorothy Williams 

    What follows below are some reviews of a few nutritional supplements from Genesis Pure sold by Chippewama

    Dorothy Williams , Independent Business Owner Email me: Call me: 7202706224

    Dorothy Williams , Independent Business Owner
    Email me:
    Call me: 7202706224


    Genesis Pure Goji Berry Juice

    January 29 at 8:39pm ·

    Breezy Kiefair says, ” I’m amazed at the effects of the Goji Berry Juice that I’ve been taking morning and night. When I began this therapy, I could barely force down some protein powder. I was so nauseous that I had barely eaten a bite of solid food in 2014. Within 45 minutes of the first ounce I swallowed, I had an appetite and could keep my food down. The effects have remained constant over an entire week’s use. If you are struggling with appetite issues that have you underweight, i would suggest this. This is the first product I have tried that really gives me an appetite. Not even medicinal cannabis could get me to eat but this stuff did!”
    “As soon as I ran out of my goji berry juice from Genesis Pure by Chippewa Ma , I was immediately unable to eat again. Grandpa quickly reordered some (I pay him the $30 for the bottle plus half the shipping when I get paid) and tonight we begin round 2 of the trial with this super berry to see if the effects (increased appetite and ability to eat and digest food) repeat. Wish me luck and visit her page for more information on this product line. Stay tuned for more reviews of other products on come… I’m also working on a review of their daily cleanse product….”
    Gojiberry update! The gojiberry juce that I purchased from Genesis Pure by Chippewa Ma has been an amazing appetite stimulant for me as well as an antinausea agent and I wanted to know why… I ate an entire sirloin steak and broccoli yesterday… what a huge difference from barely getting protein shakes in… so, true to my habits, I went digging and found a link that answers my question.

    Jul 11

    The Goji Berry (Lycium Barbarum) has been used in traditional Tibetan medicine for centuries! The plants grow like bushes with vines that reach over 15 feet. The berries are never touched by hand as they will oxidize and turn black if touched while fresh. They are shaken onto mats, then dried in the shade. Goji berries can be used in smoothies or juice cocktails. The Goji fruit contains polysaccharides, which have been demonstrated to fortify the immune system. This same polysaccharide has been found to be a secretagogue, that is, a substance that stimulates the secretion in the pituitary gland of human growth hormone (HGH, a powerful innate anti-aging hormone.) It is the richest source of carotenoids, including beta carotene (more beta carotene than carrots, of all known foods or plants on earth! The Goji is a powerful antioxidant and is traditionally believed to fortify the body against disease and to provide the energy to overcome difficult obstacles in healing. Beta-carotene can be transformed into vitamin A under the influence of human liver enzymes. Being rich in trace minerals, Goji berries contains significant amounts of zinc, calcium, germanium, selenium and phosphorus, plus small quantities of many others.

    The Goji berry is commonly used by first trimester mothers to prevent morning sickness. It is a gentle and soothing fruit that is loaded with available vitality.

    In several study groups with elderly people Goji was given once a day for 3 weeks, with many beneficial results being experienced. 67% of the patients’ T cell transformation functions tripled and the activity of the patients’ white cell interleukin-2 doubled. In addition, the results showed that all the patients’ spirit and optimism increased significantly, appetite improved in 95% of the patients, 95% of the patients slept better and 35% of the patients partially recovered their sexual function. The Goji berry has absolutely no toxicity. However like most fruits, it should not be used if you are suffering from Spleen deficiency with dampness and diarrhea. Goji is now being used in clinical settings for a number of common maladies including the treatment of consumptive disease accompanied by thirst such as early-onset diabetes and tuberculosis, dizziness, blurred vision, and chronic cough. In the treatment of diabetes. 8-10 grams of fruit was steamed and eaten each time, three times daily (steaming softens the fruits). The daily dosage range of 8-30 grams is typical of medical applications being done at this time in several countries. The berry has also been used in a number of recent clinical trials for treatment of bone marrow deficiency conditions (low production of red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets).

    The Mongolian Institute of Traditional Medicine reported that Goji berries have been used in the treatment of atrophic gastritis, weakened digestion due to reduced stomach activity. Patients consumed 10 grams of the whole fruits each time, three times daily before meals for two months and longer with excellent results. Goji berries contains 8 kinds of amino acids (six times higher than bee pollen), of which 8 are indispensable amino acids for the human body (such as isoleucine and tryptophan). 50% of the each Goji berry’s amino acids are free amino acids. Goji berries contain 21 trace minerals, (of which the main ones are zinc, iron and copper) and 500 times the amount of vitamin C by weight than oranges. Goji berries are loaded with vitamin B1, B2, B6 and vitamin E. Mature fruits contain about 11 mg. of iron per 100 grams, as well as glucose, fructose, vitamin C, beta-sitosterol (an anti-inflammatory agent), linoleic acid (a fatty acid), sesquiterpenoids (cyperone, solavetivone), tetraterpenoids (zeaxanthin, physalin), and betaine (0.1%).

    Goji berries are now undergoing intense scrutiny as a cancer drug in Tibet, Mongolia, China, Japan and Switzerland. It has been found that the fruit, as well as an extract from its leaves, can kill many kinds of cancer cells in vitro. In vivo studies and human studies are proving to be highly promising.

    Goji berries contain Germanium. Germanium has been demonstrated to have anti-cancer activity. Japanese studies indicate that organic Germanium is effective in treating liver cancer, lung cancer, uterine cancer, cervical cancer, and testicular cancer when combined with other drugs. It has been found to induce the production in human beings of g-interferon. Interferon can depress and even kill cancer cells. Germanium possesses the power to take over the hydrogen ion from cancer cells. Losing hydrogen ions can cause depression and even death to cancer cells. Besides Germanium, this berry has other components that act against cancer. These other components appear to be able to depress or block the synthesis of the cancer cells’ DNA, which interferes with the cells’ ability to divide and thus lowers the reproductive capacity of the cancer cells.

    The Goji berry of the Solanaceae family has also been tested as an anti-obesity drug. Patients were given 30 grams each morning and each afternoon, made into a tea. Results were excellent with most patients losing significant weight.


    Genesis Pure by Chippewa ma like page:
    to buy the goji berry juice i’ve been using visit:

    From the website:


    The goji berry is known by some as the “happy berry” and some evidence suggests that goji juice may promote feelings of well-being. Goji berries, native to the Himalayan mountain range and Tibet, are very hardy and can withstand temperatures as low as -15 degrees Fahrenheit and as high as 100 degrees Fahrenheit. The original writings about goji berries were found engraved on the back of a turtle shell. Genesis PURE™ Goji contains no added sugar or preservatives, and is not diluted with other fruit juices like some other goji products on the market.*

    Nutrition information



    Genesis Pure Energy Powder

    February 1, 2014

    Going to give the genesis pure by chippewama energy with wheat grass powder a try again today. The goji berry juice still has me eating. When I’ve tried the energy powder previously, I was impressed with the effects. No crash. The last 2 times I used it, it was for intellectual work behind the computer. Today, I am testing it with a more active day.

    1012550_745988242087854_836219887_n It gave me a good 4 hours of energy that allowed me to do the shopping for the month, and get it all put away. I am appropriately tired after, but am unsure if I would have been able to accomplish what I did without this boost.



    Genesis PURE™ ENERGY contains ingredients that may support mental clarity, improve focus, and prevent fatigue.  It also contains antioxidants, herbs, vitamins and minerals to support overall health and well-being.  It contains no preservatives or sugar, and is naturally sweetened with stevia.*

    Recommended Use

    Add one level scoop or one packet drink mix to 8-12 fl. oz. of water (according to taste). Drink whenever a boost of energy is needed.*CAUTION: Keep out of reach of children. Consult your health care provider before using this product if you are pregnant or nursing.

    Store in a cool, dry place.

    20140201_091457 corrrected

    Note: ENERGY contains 120 mg of caffeine per serving. (retrieved from: )

    * These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.



    Need more info?

    Dorothy Williams , Independent Business Owner

    Email me:

    Call: 7202706224

    Come visit my website and check out our awesome product line! have questions? ask Dorothy Williams Image altered by The Art of Breezy Kiefair source image:

    Related Nutritional reviews:
    Weight Gain Journey for the Intractably Nauseous Stomach

    Weight Gain Journey of an Intractably Nauseous Stomach

    Weight Gain Journey of an Intractably Nauseous Stomach

    Some of you know that I have been struggling with nausea and vomiting for years. sometimes it has me under 100 lbs. I’ve been able to be around 110 lbs steady for the past few months, but still want and need to put on another 10-15 lbs so that i will have fat to loose when I happen to have a string of nausea days.  I’m thinking of writing some articles about trying to gain weight while under the cloud of intractable nausea to detail all the lengths I’ve been going to in order to get nutrition in and keep it in. There are so many like me fighting for every calorie they can and it seems there are tons of rip offs and scams in that market as well. I can help others by both detailing what does not work (save them some time and dollars) and if I happen upon something that does work, perhaps us sick folks watching ourselves disappear might be helped. If you do a search, there is all kinds of info on how to drop weight, but not nearly as much about gaining weight when you are suffering from nausea. Currently, I’m on 3 different oral nausea big pharma meds for nausea. 1 pharma suppository for nausea, trying to get an insurance approval meltaway or liquid form of nausea med because I can’t keep my pills down… in addition to cannabis smoke as a nausea med and an appetite stimulant. I’m doing everything I know how. Is it any wonder I’m so grumpy?

     I began this journey by ordering some protein powder from

    2014-01-12 10.57.49

    The weight gain protein powder advertized as 1500 calories per serving actually only has 240 calories per serving unless you can mix it with whole milk. Whole milk is not an option for me. Also, the can only has about 5 days of servings if you take it as directed (2 servings a day). it also does not have nearly the vitamins I had hoped. I’m not sending it back because I need the calories badly. Very disappointed though. My artemisinin for my cancer came in today too. I’ve got to get to where I can keep pill vitamins down before I can start on that one because it must be taken with iron to help with cancer according to the article I read. (to read that article, please visit this link: )

    This is the protein powder I ordered online through It cost me $11.34 and shipped for free because I have an amazon prime membership. : hoped. I’m not sending it back because I need the calories badly. Very disappointed though. My artemisinin for my cancer came i


    I got some different protein powder at the healthfood store, mixed it with that disappointing stuff I ordered (had a few things the 

    new powder did not) then mixed it with the little bit of hemp protein powder (so heavy with shells that I have no choice but to mix it 

    2014-01-12 10.57.33

    with other things or it irritates my gut) and added some soy phosphate granules that I got from the foodbank.

    While use of all this protein powder was able to help me maintain my weight,  they did not do much to calm my gut or to get me towards being able to eat solid food. They are all mixed up in powder form to facilitate ease of mixing with liquids. It doesn’t taste bad at all. At least I’m getting some calories in. I’ve been able to keep my probiotic pills down for a day or two and will be starting on some supplements to alkalize my system next. Hopefully soon I’ll be able to keep my big pharma pills and health store vitamins down. The insurance company rejected the meltaway nausea med, so its up to me and my plant knowledge again. January 12 at 10:44am 

    So, I am satisfied that protein powders do help me maintain my weight, but I’m not buying into them

    2014-01-27 11.49.46as a solution for the intractable nausea issue. I have tried other meal replacements such as ensure, pediasure, boost, and similar products on the market. I’m satisfied with the whey protein mix i concocted. In the future I likely will order some other hemp, whey and other protein powders to evaluate different brands.

    2014-01-27 12.09.55

    decided to get a good multistrain probiotic supplement and add that to the daily mix hoping that the helpful bacteria would also help me want to eat and easily digest what nutrients I do take in Dr. Stephen Langer’s Ultimate 15 Strain Probiotic with FOS is the brand and type of probiotics I decided to try. About the only difference I noticed in my digestion while on these pills was an abundance of flatulence, causing me to take them at night instead of first thing in the morning when they would do me the most good. I’m on the hunt for a probiotic that also puts a variety of good bacteria into my gut, but without the embarrassing gas.

    By this point, I was frustrated and disappointed. I had maintained my weight, which was wonderful because both the doctor and I had been concerned I would loose a lot of weight while I was so sick and could not eat solids. Still, I was far from satisfied.

    Then, a friend started selling Genesis Pure products. I have been on the Goji Berry juice for about a week and the results have been amazing. Watch for more reviews of Genesis Pure Products to come later.

    visit the following link for more in depth reviews of the Genesis Pure Products: 

    The goji berry is known by some as the “happy berry” and some evidence suggests that goji juice may promote feelings of well-being. Goji berries, native to the Himalayan mountain range and Tibet, are very hardy and can withstand temperatures as low as -15 degrees Fahrenheit and as high as 100 degrees Fahrenheit. The original writings about goji berries were found engraved on the back of a turtle shell. Genesis PURE™ Goji contains no added sugar or preservatives, and is not diluted with other fruit juices like some other goji products on the market.*Take 1-2 fl. oz. on an empty stomach in the morning and the afternoon or as directed by your healthcare provider. Additional servings may be taken throughout the day if desired. May be taken alone or mixed with other fruit juices. Once opened, consume within 30 days. Refrigerate after opening.* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any buy visit:
    photo credit: The Art of Breezy Kiefair
    Unlike ·  · Share · Edit · January 25 · Edited
    • Genesis Pure by Chippewa Ma more on the goji berry:
      What Are the Benefits of Goji Berries?Research shows that eating berries — like blueberries, acai berries, cranberries, strawberries, and cherries — offer definite health benefits. It may be because berries like the goji berry are filled with powerful antioxidants and other compounds. Goji berries also have compounds rich in vitamin A.In laboratory tests, antioxidants minimize damage from free radicals that injure cells and damage DNA. When a cell’s DNA changes, the cell grows abnormally. Antioxidants can take away the destructive power of free radicals. Research is ongoing to see if this effect carries over into prevention of disease and aging.Some studies using goji berry juice found benefits in mental well-being and calmness, athletic performance, happiness, quality of sleep, and feelings of good health. These are preliminary studies that need to be repeated before definitive conclusions can be drawn.While goji berries are a rich source of antioxidants, it’s still unclear how they stack up against other berries. Researchers also don’t know whether goji berry supplements have the same health benefits as the actual berries.Do Goji Berries Have Side Effects?There may be some possible herb-drug interactions with goji berries. If you take warfarin (a blood thinner), you may want to avoid goji berries. Goji berries may also interact with diabetes and blood pressure drugs.When eaten in moderation, goji berries appear to be safe.…/goji-berries-health-benefits-and…

      WebMD examines the benefits and side effects of using goji berries as health supplements.
    • Breezy Kiefair I’m amazed at the effects of the Goji Berry Juice that I’ve been taking morning and night. When I began this therapy, I could barely force down some protein powder. I was so nauseous that I had barely eaten a bite of solid food in 2014. Within 45 minutes of the first ounce I swallowed, I had an appetite and could keep my food down. The effects have remained constant over an entire week’s use. If you are struggling with appetite issues that have you underweight, i would suggest this. This is the first product I have tried that really gives me an appetite. Not even medicinal cannabis could get me to eat but this stuff did!”
    • Genesis Pure by Chippewa Ma Thank you for sharing your powerful story! It is your story and other powerful ones similar to yours as to why I chose to represent Genesis!

    Of Poetry Pain and Pot new verses


    Here is some new poetry from the author of the book,

    “Of Poetry, Pain and Pot”

    Of Pain, poetry, and pot.” Is a collection of cannabis centered poetry in a neobeatnik style. It includes updated versions of Allen Ginsberg – Howls “howl” and “america”, along with an update on “to whom it may concern” by Adrian Mitchell , a cannabis parody of Rifleman’s Creed and many other poems that are all my own. I hope ya grab your free download while it is available and be sure to lend it to your friends (I have enabled book lending on this piece). The next day to download it for free is December 21


    The river is broad, deep and still.
    The cattle lowe upon the bank
    Stately she glides upon a ship of gopher wood 
    drifting upon the rivers ebb and tide.
    It is a houseboat, a royal palace,
    A temple wherein she and her healing reside
    Her sails hempen homespun
    Her mast the finest teak
    Gossamer crystalline curtains beckon you within
    A temple throneroom green and golden
    You feel a peace and safety such as never has been.
    And then you see her, such a rare and powerful beauty
    Seated upon her high cannabis throne.
    That is when you know, you have come home.

    Poem fragment 12-2-2013 12:36am
    Breezy Kiefair author Of Poetry, Pain and Potartist under the influence of cannabis at The Art of Breezy Kiefair, editor, Kiefair.comReefer Gurl and Gardening Tips for the Medically Damned


    I have the strangest fantasy of how things would be if I could disembody me literally

    To disassemble the sum of my parts to allow each bit to focus on arts, healing written, and viewed and then I’d like to lay about the room.

    Near the ceiling in the North East Corner of the room floats my stomach and digestive tract that has been lifted up in prayer so often it just floats like a gruesome garland rising from the earth to the air.

    On the bed reclines a disembodied spine each vertebrae pulled apart so it can finally breathe

    I separate my eyes always watching detached from all and yet they see what is, what was, what yet may come to be.

    The eye that sees well closely i park like an orb web cam along with half abrain and my left hand. Grateful they blaze to work free of the body and shining in internet land.

    The right hand, the other half of the bran and the longer sighted eye work leisurely on art’s beautiful sigh.

    Above my stomach floats my mouth with a funnel filling system with nutritious fuel even if i get tired of digesting gruel.

    My nose I leave in a bed of potpouri flowers.

    My lungs float ever filled with smoke from an equally disembodied bottomless bowl.

    My heart is broken and hides locked in a crate ever trying to put the pieces back together shattered by fate. Its physical hole and emotional hole preventing all hope for a fulfilled heart that’s whole.

    My veins make a maze hoooked to the digestive tract with estuaries leading to confined heart and runs likewise to pancreas, liver, kidneys and it does to the heart.

    My female organs are in pickle jars before the tv always in the line of view reminding me of what I lost being unable to see.

    In a heap under the bed lies pathetic immune system hiding and waiting for a sterile enviornment

    Muscles drape about the room like laundry drying finally feeling relief of tension.

    The remaining bones save the skull are in a pile on the south wall waiting for the pain to burn them out of existance.

    my blood is an aquarium in the west ever being purified and recycled.

    one leg kicks asses online with brain hand and eye, and one leg disembodied hikes 14,000 ft mountains in memory of past strength within I

    What is left of my sex lies secreted in a box beneath my pillow, beneath skull and spine in safekeeping mourning the loss of love.

    What a gruesome sight this disembodiment would be. And somehow it is comforting fantasy to me.

    Still alive, yet detached in so many ways from the pain and the anguissh that limits my accomplishments each and every day. 

    I have the strangest fantasy of how things would be if I could disembody me literally

    To disassemble the sum of my parts to allow each bit to focus on arts, healing written, and viewed and then I’d like to lay about the room.

    11/07/2013 1:07 am

    Breezy Kiefair


    November 22, 2013 at 4:34pm
    At the daily appointed time, she hides in darkness stretching the leafy dime. She inhales and ponders the days events and does her best to fear circumvent. She is filled with sorrow for so many who do without this simple comfort she has made her life about. In the winter twilight she shivers and smokes and prays for those who wish with her to shiver and toke. For the suffering smokeless masses are so very many and yet when I point them out I’m treated like a crazy ninny. I shiver and smoke and cry and toke and still have a heart for those who are broke. The feds raid and I wonder about the needs of the end user how will they suffer because of a possible regulation abuser? All this pain could be gone if we all just accepted growing and using a plant is not wrong.


    Have yourself a merry canna christmas
    Toke until you’re light
    How many years must we sow our grow out of sight

    Have yourself a merry canna christmas
    And if you cannot pay
    next year charity might just give meds away

    When will it be as in olden days
    Happy toking days of yore
    Hempy fields that are dear to us
    Were grown near to us before.

    Through the years we keep fighting this battle
    Till the fates allow
    A prohibition repeal but till then we’ll muddle through some how.
    So have yourself a merry canna christmas now.
    Breezy Kiefair, Of Poetry, Pain and Pot, The Art of Breezy Kiefair, Gardening Tips for the Medically Damned

    parody of the christmas carol Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas


    January 7 at 4:09pm

    For whatever reason, my creator gave me talents and gifts wrapped in genetics and circumstances promising me a difficult and unique life. I seek to find a way to share that gift with the world in a way that does not daily enrage me or break my fragile heart that already lays on the floor of my chest like glass waiting for a blower to put them to the torch and forge something new. If sacrificing most portions of my activism on the altar of artistic integrity is the price to find a path to peace, then it is a toll I cheerfully pay to gain entry to a path of potential higher art. Sacrifice is a part of most any artists path in one form or another. I pick my sacrifices carefully and am likewise selective as to what altars I bow down and sacrifice at. My muses rarely steer me wrong or into peril if I but trust them. Their whispers come from the same creator who formed me as I am and set the stage of circumstances. What have I to fear?


    576483_572377506106301_1369787859_n book cover edit 8x 11 w text small


    January 10 at 5:51pm

    I would rather be left alone with ghosts of poets, artists, historians, historical figures and other beings whose energies echo yet to this day with integrity than to sell my artistic and immortal soul to a community so corrupt as to profit off the weak, sick and dying. One company feels like pure ethereal silk upon the skin of the soul sweet and pure as you dance upon the clouds of nirvana, the other is a harsh dirty sack cloth on the soul in eternity that scratches the soul’s skin and makes the heat of an eternal flame more evident.


    Oh sore and throbbing knot that doth reoccur behind mine left ear. Why must thou swell and ache? Why when I find hope that you have moved to lungs and nearly expelled you from my realm do you redouble your efforts and climb back into my ear? Since 2006 you have dwelled in the swell behind mine ear of feminine creativity, body mine won’t you expell this bacterial or viral lodger and perhaps restore some function and quality of life to me? Nae, nae, instead it begins with sweats in the night and by the next night doth progress to unquiet discomfort yet again. Heat and herbal oils friends through the night. I shall call the physician tomorrow to update her on my plight.

     January 12 at 5:08pm


    Maiden, mother, crone… the triangle of stength and life each female soul must roam. We all begin as maidens latent powers to attract, mythical beings such as unicorns but in our world people see the power and detract. They impose their power, their ideas, their rules of what a maiden is and what life she must choose. Mother is a shadowy thing that some have choosen, some stumble into, and some supplicate and seek in neverending prayer like a treasure they are seeking to serve a larger thing to which they are beholden. If we have enough years, we all become a crone latent power here of a matriarch on her throne. Aged quiet power and knowledge residing in her bones. Remember dear ladies we all dance this triangle of power solitarily yet we all dance and never are alone.

    January 14, 2014 11:16 am


    One thing I can do without lifting my head. I can express my love and gratitude for those who are interested and kind. I can send prayers and virtual tokes to those worse off than I to whom the world seems blind. I can dance upon ethereal planes and perhaps a spiritual healing I’ll find…. all these are more peaceful choices than listening to the pain seeping from my ear into my mind.
    January 15, 2013 

    Viewer’s Choice videos of 2013 THANK YOU VIEWERS!






    You May view all these videos in a playlist by clicking here

    #10 Most Viewed from my youtube channel

    2012-01-18 to 2012-02-02 UPDATE of Phoenix Tears Healing A Diabetic Ulcer 

    Part 3 of the healing…..
    Fat Freddy has had a sore on his back for about 3 years and it would not heal! We started putting Rick Simpson Oil on it on November 23, then the next day we checked it and then checked it every 3 days afterwards, changing the oil and bandage every 3 days as well! Here is the progress so far! (WARNING THIS IS GRAPHIC!)

    for more info on phoenix
    tears, please visit:

    For more info on “Fat
    Freddy” of the Freak
    Brother’s Comics (a
    longtime cannabis freedom
    fighter and the dude whose
    back we are healing) please

    to buy Hemp EaZe Baby &
    Me Spray (the non thc
    lotion I have been using
    along with the PTO) please

    Check the other videos.
    Video 1
    11/23/11 to 12/09/11 phoenix tears healing a diabetic ulcer

    Video 2
    2011-12-12 to 2011-12-26 phoenix tears healing a diabetic ulcer part 2

    Video 3


    #9 Most Viewed from my youtube channel

    2011-07 – 2011-11 Sour diesel Grow pics Grateful Dead “touch of Grey”

    I worked a private caregiver’s grow from July 2011 to November 2011. I was paid 1/4 oz medication, a roof over my head for the duration of the grow and use of years old trim with no “sugar” left to medicate me. I was supposed to be medicated for the duration of the grow, and recieve winter lodging NO MATTER WHAT for my efforts. Every silver lining has a touch of grey….

    song choice: Grateful Dead, Touch of Grey (fair use, education)

    Sour Diesel

    Sativa 90 / Indica 10
    Origins – Mexican Sativa x Chemo
    Flowering – 75-80 days
    Harvest – Early November

    Beyond the citrus end of the pot palate spectrum lies a sour lemon tang tending toward the heay pungency of an open drum of diesel. This odor is so strong in Reservoir’s Sour Diesel strain that it may need to be masked during growing if stealth is a goal or necessity. Even when dried and carried in a pocket, these buds are smelly enough to raise suspicions. Reservoir drew on the Mexican sativa family and the sativa hybrid Chemo in an effort to produce the most psychedelic non-haze sativa possible.

    Sour Diesel is a tall, thin plant suitable for sea or screen of green. She stretches in the first 3 weeks of flowering. By maturity she reaches a daunting 6 feet indoors in a slender version of the classic Christmas tree silhouette. Her foliage purples as it ages, and commonly displays pink-hued pistils. The buds are loose and spear-shaped.

    Sour Diesel taste combined with its effects may be considered an “exptreme sport” version of cannabis. The stone pulls smokers into the sky fast with a viscerally uplifting pleasure and lots of consciousness expansion in the direction of spirituality. This good-vibe variety may help alleviate chronic depression, as well as the ordinary blahs by encouraging a change in perspective.


    “Touch Of Grey”

    Must be getting early, clocks are running late.
    Paint by numbers morning sky, looks so phony.
    Dawn is breaking everywhere, light a candle, curse the glare
    Draw the curtains I don’t care ’cause it’s alright
    I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.I see you’ve got your list out, say your piece and get out.
    Guess I get the gist of it ’cause it’s alright
    Oh, well, anyway, sorry that you feel that way.
    The only thing there is to say
    Every silver lining’s got a touch of grey
    I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.It’s a lesson to me
    The Ables and the beggars and the thieves
    The ABC’s
    We all think of
    And try to keep a little graceIt’s a lesson to me
    The Deltas and the East and the Freeze
    The ABC’s we all think of
    And try to give a little loveI know the rent is in arrears, the dog has not been fed in years
    It’s even worse than it appears ’cause it’s alrightCow is given kerosene, kid can’t read at seventeen
    The words he knows are all obscene ’cause it’s alright
    I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.It’s a lesson to me
    The Deltas and the East and the Freeze
    The ABC’s we all think of
    And try to keep a little loveThe shoe is on the hand it fits, there’s all there really nothing much to it
    Whistle through your teeth and spit ’cause it’s alrightOh, well, a touch of gray, kinda suits you anyway,
    That’s all I had to say ’cause it’s alright
    I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.It’s a lesson to me,
    The deltas and the East and the free
    The ABC’s we all must face,
    Try to save a little grace.We will get by. We will get by. We will get by. We will survive
    We will get by. We will get by. We will get by. We will survive

    #8 Most Viewed from my youtube channel

    Hind’s Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard video 2

    (see #3 most viewed so you can view videos 1 and 2 in their proper order.)

    #7 Most Viewed from my youtube channel

    Patient testimonial “i have cancer, cancer does not have me”

    music selection:
    Rusted Root
    “Won’t Be Long”

    *****The patient made this video herself. All the author of this blog did was add the music for her.

    #6 and #5 Most Viewed from my youtube channel

    Phoenix Tears Makers~ Naphtha is not a healthy Solvent!

    #6 Version

    #5 Version



    #4 Most Viewed from my youtube channel

    2011-12-09 phoenix tears healing a diabetic ulcer 

    Please Click here for more information of healing diabetic ulcers

    #3 and #8 Most Viewed from my youtube channel

    Please see all the available Chapters by clicking here

    The introduction and first chapters of a set of videos in Tribute to the writing of Hannah Hurnard, “Hind’s Feet on High Places” to Art of Breezy Kiefair and the Music of Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. Please give it 20 minutes of your time. Chapter 1 “Invitation to the High Places” i just put music and art to a book that has been a favorite since childhood… my mother used to read me that book…. call it a tribute to her and an introduction of the book to an audience that may otherwise remain unaware of it. I recommend it for anyone with anxiety or PTSD

    info on the book from wikipedia:
    Hinds’ Feet on High Places
    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Hinds’ Feet on High Places
    Author(s) Hannah Hurnard
    Country United Kingdom
    Language English
    Genre(s) Christian
    Publisher Christian Literature Crusade
    Publication date 1955
    Media type Print (Hardback & Paperback)
    Pages 158 pp.
    Hinds’ Feet on High Places is an allegorical novel by English author Hannah Hurnard. Hinds’ Feet was written in 1955 and has become a very successful work of Christian fiction, seeing new editions published as recently as July, 2005.
    [edit]Plot introduction

    It is the story of a young woman named Much Afraid, and her journey away from her Fearing family and into the High Places of the Shepherd, guided by her two companions Sorrow and Suffering. It is an allegory of a Christian devotional life from salvation through maturity. It aims to show how a Christian is transformed from unbeliever to immature believer to mature believer, who walks daily with God as easily on the High Places of Joy in the spirit as in the daily life of mundane and oftentimes humiliating tasks that may cause Christians to lose perspective.
    The book takes its title from Habakkuk 3:19, “The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places.”
    The story begins in the Valley of Humiliation with Much Afraid, being beset by the unwanted advances of her cousin, Craven Fear, who wishes to marry her. The Family of Fearings seems to have some strong similarities to the Addams Family. Much Afraid is ugly from all outward appearances, walking on club feet, sporting gnarled, deformed hands, and speaking from a crooked mouth that seems to have been made so by a stroke or the like.
    The Good Shepherd is tender and gentle with Much Afraid, especially in the beginning. However, His many sudden departures may strike the reader as bizarre, given the human penchant to expect kindly souls to never do everything that may be interpreted as rude or as hurtful in any way. Yet, though the Shepherd leaves in a moment, He returns the same way at the first furtive cry of the forlorn little protagonist. “Come, Shepherd, for I am much afraid!”
    When Much Afraid intimates that she would love to be able to dance upon the high places as do the surefooted deer, the Shepherd commends her for this desire. In order to accomplish this, he offers to “plant the seed of love” into her heart. At first sight of the long, black hawthorne-looking seed, she shrieks in fear. Soon, she relents, and after the initial intense pain, she senses that something is indeed different in her, though she still looks the same, for now.
    Just when the reader thinks that Much Afraid is about to reach the High Places, the path turns downward towards a seemingly endless desert. There is an incident at the sheer cliff that must be climbed with only one rope, which hangs a long way down to her from the top. Then days are spent in a forest that is shrouded in a thick cloud of fog. During this time Much Afraid is sequestered with her two friends, Sorrow and Suffering, in a log cabin. The climax is an unexpected twist that comes as Much Afraid despairs of ever reaching the High Places.
    [edit]Allusions/references to other works

    The book bears some stylistic similarities to John Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress. The name of the protagonist, Much-Afraid, also appears first in Bunyan’s work.

    #1 and # 2 Most Viewed from my youtube channel

    Pink Floyd The Piper at the Gates of Dawn Side

    video created by
    music by pink floyd obviously



    Like these videos? Pleas give my channel a view, subscribe, and share. More vids to come in 2014!

    First Video Created in 2014


    the audio has been reworked by Breezy Kiefair.The base audio was a live performance of “Tin Pan Alley” by Stevie Ray Vaughn and Double Trouble All images created by Breezy Kiefairl.

    Dedicated to the low income cannabis patient left toking through tin pan Alley.

    “Tin Pan Alley (aka Roughest Place in Town)” is track #23 on the album Essential Stevie Ray Vaughan. It was written by Geddins.

    Tin Pan Alley (aka Roughest Place in Town)

    Went down to Tin Pan Alley
    See what was goin’ on
    Things was too hot down there
    Couldn’t stay very long
    Hey, hey, hey, hey
    Alley’s the roughest place I’ve ever been
    All the peoples down there
    Lord, they are livin’ for their whisky, wine and gin
    She get up in the mornin’
    Before the break a day
    Before she can wash her face and hand
    You know she really did go away
    Hey, hey, hey, you tell
    What kinda place can this here Alley be?
    Well now, every women I get here
    Every women I get to know
    This Alley takes her away from me
    I heard a pistol shoot
    Yeah, and it was a .44
    Somebody killed a crap shooter
    ‘Cause he didn’t shake, rattle and roll
    Hey, hey, hey, hey
    What kinda place can a Alley be?
    All those people down there
    Lord, they are livin’ for their whisky, wine and gin
    I heard a woman scream
    Yeah, and I peeked through the door
    Some cat was workin’ on Annie with a
    Lord, Lord with a two by four
    Hey, hey, hey, hey
    Alley’s the roughest place, I’ve ever been
    All the people down there
    Lord, they are killin’ for their whisky, wine and gin
    I saw a cop standing there
    With hand on his gun
    Said this is a raid boy now
    Run, run, nobody run
    Hey, hey, hey, hey
    Alley’s the roughest place, I’ve ever been
    Yeah, they took me away from Alley
    Lord, they took me right back to the pen


    Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble – Tin Pan Alley (aka Roughest Place In Town)

    the same video in an earlier draft with an album version (audio unaltered) is available here:


    Thumbnail image

    Breezy KeefAir

    Videos: 137 – Created: Aug 25, 2010 – Lifetime views: 62,345CHANNEL

    Last year (Jan 1, 2013 – Dec 31, 2013)


    VIEWS 43,825
    ESTIMATED MINUTES WATCHED 240,154 (about 4,002.56 hours)
    Top 10 Videos


    Estimated minutes watched Total estimated earnings
    Pink Floyd The Piper at the Gates of Dawn Side 1 14,127
    Pink Floyd “the piper at the gates of dawn” side 2 7,500
    Hind’s Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard video 1 2,489
    2011-12-09 phoenix tears healing a diabetic ulcer 2,023
    Phoenix Tears Makers~ Naphtha is not a healthy Solvent! (edit 2) 1,550
    Phoenix Tears Makers~ Naphtha is not a healthy Solvent! 1,063
    Patient testimonial “i have cancer, cancer does not have me” 944
    Hind’s Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard video 2 720
    2011-07 – 2011-11 Sour diesel Grow pics Grateful Dead “touch of Grey” 602
    2012-01-18 to 2012-02-02 UPDATE of Phoenix Tears Healing A Diabetic Ulcer 583



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    1. Male 61%
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    1. YouTube watch page 83%
    2. Mobile devices 10%
    3. Embedded player on other website s5.4%
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    1. View referrals from YouTube 57%
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    Solstice Gift! free ecopy “Of Pain, Poetry and Pot” One Day Only!

    DECEMBER 21, 2013 ONLY!

    Hurry over to and download your free ecopy Of Poetry, Pain and Pot, by Breezy Kiefair featuring works from The Art of Breezy Kiefair and Don’t own a kindle? no worries…. download Kindle for PC or Amazon Kindle for Android to access the book without purchasing the Amazon Kindle hardware. The Book is free today in honor of the Winter solstice celebration

    Of Pain, Poetry and Pot is a poetry book centered on pot written by cannabis activist and artist under the influence of cannabis , Breezy Kiefair. “Of Pain, poetry, and pot.” Is a collection of cannabis centered poetry in a neobeatnik style. It includes updated versions of Allen Ginsberg – Howl and “america”, along with an update on “to whom it may concern” by Adrian Mitchell , a cannabis parody of Rifleman’s Creed and many other poems that are all my own.

    I just published a poetry book with…..this is the book cover. It is called “Of Pain, Poetry and Pot”

    Of Pin, Poetry and Pot cover

    Of Pin, Poetry and Pot cover

    the electronic edition is still free for one more day folks! Please distribute the following link for people to get their free copy

    “Of Pain, poetry, and pot.” Is a collection of cannabis centered poetry in a neobeatnik style. It includes updated versions of Allen Allen Ginsberg – Howls “howl” and “america”, along with an update on “to whom it may concern” by Adrian Mitchell , a cannabis parody of Rifleman’s Creed and many other poems that are all my own. I hope ya grab your free download while it is available and be sure to lend it to your friends (I have enabled book lending on this piece). Yes, I am aware of the odd format in the table of contents. I assure you that is semi-intentional. and please! Share these links around so the pot poetry can be read easily.
    another link for the paperback

    What the reviews are saying: (dec 20, 2013)

    Customer Reviews
    2 Reviews
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    1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
    5.0 out of 5 stars Talented, insightful artist and writer, November 25, 2013
    Amazon Verified Purchase(What’s this?)
    This review is from: Of Pain, Poetry and Pot (Paperback)

    This multi-talented artist and writer amazed me with her insightful and sometimes heartbreaking poetry. Her artwork is not only beautiful, but different from any I have seen. I have actually ordered several individual prints off her website to give as gifts this Christmas. I highly recommend this book.

    Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
    Was this review helpful to you? Yes No

    2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
    5.0 out of 5 stars Rare and Lovely, October 2, 2013
    Amazon Verified Purchase(What’s this?)

    Would You Like To Pick Breezy’s Brain? This wonderful book is a chance to witness the creative process at work; author Breezy Kiefair (aka Breedheen O’Rilley) is the real deal, a gifted poet/journalist/activist on the forefront of the battle for medical marijuana patients’ rights and for truth in media. And speaking of truth, emotional truth is exactly what you’ll get here. Breezy isn’t afraid to take an open-eyed, unsparing look at society, at herself, at her illnesses, at the lies we tell ourselves and each other — and at the scintillating, breathtaking beauty which is more real and more powerful than all else. Highly recommended.

    Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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    A bit of Cancer poetry for thought…

    To Whom It May Concern
    I was run over by the truth one day.
    Ever since the diagnosis I have been this way
    So burn my body with radiation
    Tell me lies about cancer.

    Heard the alarm clock screaming with pain,
    Couldn’t find myself so I went back to sleep again
    So fill my veins with Chemo
    burn my body with radiation
    Tell me lies about cancer. Every time I shut my eyes, all I see is pain.
    Made a little ribbon to remember all the names
    So empty out my bank account
    fill my veins with chemo
    burn my body with radiation
    Tell me lies about cancer. I hear they are thinking surgery, hope it’s not my brains.
    They’re only gutting fishes for their own personal gain.
    So numb my brain with Morphine
    empty out my bank  account
    fill my veins with chemo
    burn my body with radiation
    Tell me lies about cancer. Where were you at the time of the crime?
    Ripping up the Hippocratic oath, just to make a dime?
    So chain my Life with hopelessness
    numb my brain with Morphine
    empty out my bank account
    fill my veins with chemo
    burn my body with radiation
    Tell me lies about cancer

    You put your doctors in, they take their conscience out,
    They take the human being and they twist it all about
    So take my world away
    chain my Life with hopelessness
    numb my brain with Morphine
    empty out my bank account
    fill my veins with chemo
    burn my body with radiation
    Tell me lies about cancer– 

    Adrian Mitchell’s structure.

    Words by The Art of Breezy Kiefair

    There is a cure for cancer…

    how many beautiful women and men need to be butchered

    because doctors want to run from the cure

    for the sake of monetary gain?

    PTSD People and Passive Aggressive People… a toxic mix

    I admit to being a deeply flawed and scarred individual. I have shared several links this morning regarding Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to help people better understand what it is like to live inside a PTSD mind and provide some do’s and don’ts on how to deal with and help someone suffering with this mental illness. I have also provided some links on Passive–aggressive behavior to shed some light on how someone exhibiting passive aggressive tendencies could easily escalate the symptoms of someone suffering from PTSD. I hope this information will be helpful to my friends in dealing with me and will also shed some light on the dynamics of interactions with others and why things have spiraled out of control over the past 2 years or so.

    I was sure to post more articles about ptsd than passive aggressive behaviors to take more responsibility for being an individual with ptsd than i am laying blame for passive aggressive behaviors that tend to push my ptsd buttons.

    Lets look at Post Traumatic Stress Disorder first.


    What is post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD?

    PTSD is an anxiety disorder that some people get after seeing or living through a dangerous event.

    When in danger, it’s natural to feel afraid. This fear triggers many split-second changes in the body to prepare to defend against the danger or to avoid it. This “fight-or-flight” response is a healthy reaction meant to protect a person from harm. But in PTSD, this reaction is changed or damaged. People who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened even when they’re no longer in danger.

    Who gets PTSD?

    Anyone can get PTSD at any age. This includes war veterans and survivors of physical and sexual assault, abuse, accidents, disasters, and many other serious events.

    Not everyone with PTSD has been through a dangerous event. Some people get PTSD after a friend or family member experiences danger or is harmed. The sudden, unexpected death of a loved one can also cause PTSD.

    What are the symptoms of PTSD?

    PTSD can cause many symptoms. These symptoms can be grouped into three categories:

    1. Re-experiencing symptoms:
    Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
    Bad dreams
    Frightening thoughts.
    Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.

    2. Avoidance symptoms:
    Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience
    Feeling emotionally numb
    Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry
    Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past
    Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.
    Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.

    3. Hyperarousal symptoms:
    Being easily startled
    Feeling tense or “on edge”
    Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.
    Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.

    It’s natural to have some of these symptoms after a dangerous event. Sometimes people have very serious symptoms that go away after a few weeks. This is called acute stress disorder, or ASD. When the symptoms last more than a few weeks and become an ongoing problem, they might be PTSD. Some people with PTSD don’t show any symptoms for weeks or months.

    Do children react differently than adults?

    Children and teens can have extreme reactions to trauma, but their symptoms may not be the same as adults.1 In very young children, these symptoms can include:

    Bedwetting, when they’d learned how to use the toilet before
    Forgetting how or being unable to talk
    Acting out the scary event during playtime
    Being unusually clingy with a parent or other adult.
    Older children and teens usually show symptoms more like those seen in adults. They may also develop disruptive, disrespectful, or destructive behaviors. Older children and teens may feel guilty for not preventing injury or deaths. They may also have thoughts of revenge. For more information, see the NIMH booklets on helping children cope with violence and disasters.

    How is PTSD detected?

    A doctor who has experience helping people with mental illnesses, such as a psychiatrist or psychologist, can diagnose PTSD. The diagnosis is made after the doctor talks with the person who has symptoms of PTSD.

    To be diagnosed with PTSD, a person must have all of the following for at least 1 month:
    At least one re-experiencing symptom
    At least three avoidance symptoms
    At least two hyperarousal symptoms
    Symptoms that make it hard to go about daily life, go to school or work, be with friends, and take care of important tasks.
    Why do some people get PTSD and other people do not?

    It is important to remember that not everyone who lives through a dangerous event gets PTSD. In fact, most will not get the disorder.

    Many factors play a part in whether a person will get PTSD. Some of these are risk factors that make a person more likely to get PTSD. Other factors, called resilience factors, can help reduce the risk of the disorder. Some of these risk and resilience factors are present before the trauma and others become important during and after a traumatic event.

    Risk factors for PTSD include: 2
    Living through dangerous events and traumas
    Having a history of mental illness
    Getting hurt
    Seeing people hurt or killed
    Feeling horror, helplessness, or extreme fear
    Having little or no social support after the event
    Dealing with extra stress after the event, such as loss of a loved one, pain and injury, or loss of a job or home.
    Resilience factors that may reduce the risk of PTSD include: 3
    Seeking out support from other people, such as friends and family
    Finding a support group after a traumatic event
    Feeling good about one’s own actions in the face of danger
    Having a coping strategy, or a way of getting through the bad event and learning from it
    Being able to act and respond effectively despite feeling fear.
    Researchers are studying the importance of various risk and resilience factors. With more study, it may be possible someday to predict who is likely to get PTSD and prevent it.

    How is PTSD treated?

    The main treatments for people with PTSD are psychotherapy (“talk” therapy), medications, or both. Everyone is different, so a treatment that works for one person may not work for another. It is important for anyone with PTSD to be treated by a mental health care provider who is experienced with PTSD. Some people with PTSD need to try different treatments to find what works for their symptoms.

    If someone with PTSD is going through an ongoing trauma, such as being in an abusive relationship, both of the problems need to be treated. Other ongoing problems can include panic disorder, depression, substance abuse, and feeling suicidal.


    Psychotherapy is “talk” therapy. It involves talking with a mental health professional to treat a mental illness. Psychotherapy can occur one-on-one or in a group. Talk therapy treatment for PTSD usually lasts 6 to 12 weeks, but can take more time. Research shows that support from family and friends can be an important part of therapy.

    Many types of psychotherapy can help people with PTSD. Some types target the symptoms of PTSD directly. Other therapies focus on social, family, or job-related problems. The doctor or therapist may combine different therapies depending on each person’s needs.

    One helpful therapy is called cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT. There are several parts to CBT, including:

    Exposure therapy. This therapy helps people face and control their fear. It exposes them to the trauma they experienced in a safe way. It uses mental imagery, writing, or visits to the place where the event happened. The therapist uses these tools to help people with PTSD cope with their feelings.
    Cognitive restructuring. This therapy helps people make sense of the bad memories. Sometimes people remember the event differently than how it happened. They may feel guilt or shame about what is not their fault. The therapist helps people with PTSD look at what happened in a realistic way.
    Stress inoculation training. This therapy tries to reduce PTSD symptoms by teaching a person how to reduce anxiety. Like cognitive restructuring, this treatment helps people look at their memories in a healthy way.
    Other types of treatment can also help people with PTSD. People with PTSD should talk about all treatment options with their therapist.

    How Talk Therapies Help People Overcome PTSD
    Talk therapies teach people helpful ways to react to frightening events that trigger their PTSD symptoms. Based on this general goal, different types of therapy may:

    Teach about trauma and its effects.
    Use relaxation and anger control skills.
    Provide tips for better sleep, diet, and exercise habits.
    Help people identify and deal with guilt, shame, and other feelings about the event.
    Focus on changing how people react to their PTSD symptoms. For example, therapy helps people visit places and people that are reminders of the trauma.

    What efforts are under way to improve the detection and treatment of PTSD?

    Researchers have learned a lot in the last decade about fear, stress, and PTSD. Scientists are also learning about how people form memories. This is important because creating very powerful fear-related memories seems to be a major part of PTSD. Researchers are also exploring how people can create “safety” memories to replace the bad memories that form after a trauma. NIMH’s goal in supporting this research is to improve treatment and find ways to prevent the disorder.

    PTSD research also includes the following examples:
    Using powerful new research methods, such as brain imaging and the study of genes, to find out more about what leads to PTSD, when it happens, and who is most at risk.
    Trying to understand why some people get PTSD and others do not. Knowing this can help health care professionals predict who might get PTSD and provide early treatment.
    Focusing on ways to examine pre-trauma, trauma, and post-trauma risk and resilience factors all at once.
    Looking for treatments that reduce the impact traumatic memories have on our emotions.
    Improving the way people are screened for PTSD, given early treatment, and tracked after a mass trauma.
    Developing new approaches in self-testing and screening to help people know when it’s time to call a doctor.
    Testing ways to help family doctors detect and treat PTSD or refer people with PTSD to mental health specialists.
    For more information on PTSD research, please see NIMH’s PTSD Research online Fact Sheet or the PTSD Clinical Trials Web site.

    How can I help a friend or relative who has PTSD?

    If you know someone who has PTSD, it affects you too. The first and most important thing you can do to help a friend or relative is to help him or her get the right diagnosis and treatment. You may need to make an appointment for your friend or relative and go with him or her to see the doctor. Encourage him or her to stay in treatment, or to seek different treatment if his or her symptoms don’t get better after 6 to 8 weeks.

    To help a friend or relative, you can:
    Offer emotional support, understanding, patience, and encouragement.
    Learn about PTSD so you can understand what your friend or relative is experiencing.
    Talk to your friend or relative, and listen carefully.
    Listen to feelings your friend or relative expresses and be understanding of situations that may trigger PTSD symptoms.
    Invite your friend or relative out for positive distractions such as walks, outings, and other activities.
    Remind your friend or relative that, with time and treatment, he or she can get better.
    Never ignore comments about your friend or relative harming him or herself, and report such comments to your friend’s or relative’s therapist or doctor.

    How can I help myself?

    It may be very hard to take that first step to help yourself. It is important to realize that although it may take some time, with treatment, you can get better.

    To help yourself:
    Talk to your doctor about treatment options.
    Engage in mild activity or exercise to help reduce stress.
    Set realistic goals for yourself.
    Break up large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can as you can.
    Try to spend time with other people and confide in a trusted friend or relative. Tell others about things that may trigger symptoms.
    Expect your symptoms to improve gradually, not immediately.
    Identify and seek out comforting situations, places, and people.



    Helping Someone with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

    It can be hard to handle having a close friend or family member with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). They may struggle with irritability, have problems sleeping at night, be unable to focus, feel depressed or act anxious most of the time. In fact, for some people the symptoms can be so severe that treatment at a certified post traumatic stress disorder treatment center may be necessary. PTSD treatment facilities have been shown to be very beneficial to the health and overall well-being of those with this disorder.

    How can you deal with this situation? The following steps can serve as helpful tips for dealing with and loving someone with PTSD.

    Learn everything you can about PTSD. By knowing all of this information, you will be better able to handle the situation.
    Exercise together. Exercising strengthens the overall body and improves health.
    Don’t judge them.
    Be there to listen. Make your self available to them when they need to talk. Be an active listener by giving input when needed.
    Show respect. Respect them even though they may be having a difficult time at the moment.
    Look out for them. Show you care by recognizing when everything doesn’t seem to be okay.
    Allow room for mistakes. Recognize that they will make mistakes, but always be there to forgive them and offer help if needed.
    Talk positively.
    Give them their space. Your loved one may not always want your opinion on everything, be willing to step aside every once in a while and give them some space.
    Be active together. Planning and participating in family activities can be a fun way to interact and show them you don’t look down on them.
    Love them.
    Don’t belittle them. While it is important to not expect too much, not expecting anything at all is unnecessary and can be hurtful.
    Be patient.
    Avoid harsh remarks. Stay away from telling your friend or family member to get over their problems, this may only make problems worse.
    Encourage their self-esteem.
    Take care of yourself. Remember that you can’t take care of someone else if you haven’t dealt with yourself first. In many cases seeking out a friend to help you is beneficial.
    In serious situations, it may be helpful to seek out the advice and assistance of a medical professional. In addition, post traumatic stress disorder treatment centers are available for anyone suffering from this disorder. A problem like PTSD can escalate quickly. If help is not sought out soon enough the problem may become increasingly worse to the point where full recovery may never be possible.



    Helping a Family Member Who Has PTSD

    When someone has PTSD, it can change family life. The person with PTSD may act differently and get angry easily. He or she may not want to do things you used to enjoy together.
    You may feel scared and frustrated about the changes you see in your loved one. You also may feel angry about what’s happening to your family, or wonder if things will ever go back to the way they were. These feelings and worries are common in people who have a family member with PTSD.
    It is important to learn about PTSD so you can understand why it happened, how it is treated, and what you can do to help. But you also need to take care of yourself. Changes in family life are stressful, and taking care of yourself will make it easier to cope.
    How can I help?

    You may feel helpless, but there are many things you can do. Nobody expects you to have all the answers.
    Here are ways you can help:
    Learn as much as you can about PTSD. Knowing how PTSD affects people may help you understand what your family member is going through. The more you know, the better you and your family can handle PTSD.
    Offer to go to doctor visits with your family member. You can help keep track of medicine and therapy, and you can be there for support.
    Tell your loved one you want to listen and that you also understand if he or she doesn’t feel like talking.
    Plan family activities together, like having dinner or going to a movie.
    Take a walk, go for a bike ride, or do some other physical activity together. Exercise is important for health and helps clear your mind.
    Encourage contact with family and close friends. A support system will help your family member get through difficult changes and stressful times.
    Your family member may not want your help. If this happens, keep in mind that withdrawal can be a symptom of PTSD. A person who withdraws may not feel like talking, taking part in group activities, or being around other people. Give your loved one space, but tell him or her that you will always be ready to help.
    How can I deal with anger or violent behavior?

    Your family member may feel angry about many things. Anger is a normal reaction to trauma, but it can hurt relationships and make it hard to think clearly. Anger also can be frightening.
    If anger leads to violent behavior or abuse, it’s dangerous. Go to a safe place and call for help right away. Make sure children are in a safe place as well.
    It’s hard to talk to someone who is angry. One thing you can do is set up a time-out system. This helps you find a way to talk even while angry. Here’s one way to do this.
    Agree that either of you can call a time-out at any time.
    Agree that when someone calls a time-out, the discussion must stop right then.
    Decide on a signal you will use to call a time-out. The signal can be a word that you say or a hand signal.
    Agree to tell each other where you will be and what you will be doing during the time-out. Tell each other what time you will come back.
    While you are taking a time-out, don’t focus on how angry you feel. Instead, think calmly about how you will talk things over and solve the problem.
    After you come back

    Take turns talking about solutions to the problem. Listen without interrupting.
    Use statements starting with “I,” such as “I think” or “I feel.” Using “you” statements can sound accusing.
    Be open to each other’s ideas. Don’t criticize each other.
    Focus on things you both think will work. It’s likely you will both have good ideas.
    Together, agree which solutions you will use.
    How can I communicate better?

    You and your family may have trouble talking about feelings, worries, and everyday problems. Here are some ways to communicate better:
    Be clear and to the point.
    Be positive. Blame and negative talk won’t help the situation.
    Be a good listener. Don’t argue or interrupt. Repeat what you hear to make sure you understand, and ask questions if you need to know more.
    Put your feelings into words. Your loved one may not know you are sad or frustrated unless you are clear about your feelings.
    Help your family member put feelings into words. Ask, “Are you feeling angry? Sad? Worried?”
    Ask how you can help.
    Don’t give advice unless you are asked.
    If your family is having a lot of trouble talking things over, consider trying family therapy. Family therapy is a type of counseling that involves your whole family. A therapist helps you and your family communicate, maintain good relationships, and cope with tough emotions.
    During therapy, each person can talk about how a problem is affecting the family. Family therapy can help family members understand and cope with PTSD.
    Your health professional or a religious or social services organization can help you find a family therapist who specializes in PTSD.
    How can I take care of myself?

    Helping a person with PTSD can be hard on you. You may have your own feelings of fear and anger about the trauma. You may feel guilty because you wish your family member would just forget his or her problems and get on with life. You may feel confused or frustrated because your loved one has changed, and you may worry that your family life will never get back to normal.
    All of this can drain you. It can affect your health and make it hard for you to help your loved one. If you’re not careful, you may get sick yourself, become depressed, or burn out and stop helping your loved one.
    To help yourself, you need to take care of yourself and have other people help you.
    Care for yourself

    Don’t feel guilty or feel that you have to know it all. Remind yourself that nobody has all the answers. It’s normal to feel helpless at times.
    Don’t feel bad if things change slowly. You cannot change anyone. People have to change themselves.
    Take care of your physical and mental health. If you feel yourself getting sick or often feel sad and hopeless, see your doctor.
    Don’t give up your outside life. Make time for activities and hobbies you enjoy. Continue to see your friends.
    Take time to be by yourself. Find a quiet place to gather your thoughts and “recharge.”
    Get regular exercise, even just a few minutes a day. Exercise is a healthy way to deal with stress.
    Eat healthy foods. When you are busy, it may seem easier to eat fast food than to prepare healthy meals. But healthy foods will give you more energy to carry you through the day.
    Remember the good things. It’s easy to get weighed down by worry and stress. But don’t forget to see and celebrate the good things that happen to you and your family.
    Get help

    During difficult times, it is important to have people in your life who you can depend on. These people are your support network. They can help you with everyday jobs, like taking a child to school, or by giving you love and understanding.
    You may get support from:
    Family members
    Friends, coworkers, and neighbors
    Members of your religious or spiritual group
    Support groups
    Doctors and other health professionals



    What NOT to Say to Someone With Panic Disorder


    Imagine this: you’re allergic to cats. You’ve just been exposed to cat dander and your eyes are a soggy, drippy red mess. You sneeze uncontrollably multiple times in a row. Your skin becomes itchy, red, and full of welts. You’re feeling pretty miserable.

    A friend walks up to you.

    “Hey, no worries,” he exclaims casually, “there’s nothing to be allergic to!”

    Uh, what?

    “Sure there is — I’m allergic to cats,” you’d probably say.

    “Nah,” says your friend, “just stop sneezing. You’ll be okay.”

    “What?! I can’t just STOP sneezing on a dime,” you retort.

    “Sure you can. There’s nothing wrong with you,” he insists.

    “Uhm, care to explain these welts, then? And the red eyes? And the sneezing?!”

    Sounds frustrating, doesn’t it? If you suffer from allergies, you know that a reaction to an allergen can produce a truly miserable day. And while panic disorder is no allergy, it produces its own unique brand of misery, too.

    And that misery can be compounded by how others react to a panic attack. Hopefully, no one would ever tell an allergy sufferer to “just stop sneezing” or to “make those welts go away.” It would be ineffective and frustrating advice.

    However, as a panic sufferer myself, I’ve received a lot of ineffective and frustrating advice over the past few years. Most of it is delivered sincerely, with the absolute best of intentions, from people whom I care about. So, it often hurts to let these people know that their advice isn’t helping (and perhaps is even making the panic attack worse!). It’s not easy. If you haven’t yet developed a thick enough skin to ignore the below advice (I sure haven’t!), please share the below tips with family and friends who care about you.

    This post was inspired by this list of things you shouldn’t say to someone who is depressed.

    You say: “Just calm down.”
    We want to say: “Okay, HOW!?”

    Let’s pick this one apart piece by piece. “Just” implies that the act of calming down is a simple one. It’s not. For someone in the midst of panic, calming down can be an extraordinarily difficult task. For you, it might be effortless; for those of us with panic disorder, it might involve medication, breathing exercises, distraction, rituals, positive self-talk and reassurance, and/or time.

    The “calm down” part is also problematic in and of itself. If you don’t have any tools, you can’t build a house, right? Unless you can construct some tools from thin air, you’re out of luck. Likewise, if we don’t have any tools or techniques (like the breathing exercises mentioned above) that can help us to become calmer, we can’t “build” anything. We can’t construct a ladder that will allow us to climb our way out of a panic attack. And, the added stress of being unable to comply with a “calm down” request might compound our anxiety.

    Better response: Can I help you calm down? Is there anything I can do?

    You say: “Why can’t you just relax?”
    We want to say: “It’s a bit more complicated than you think!”

    During a panic attack, the following physiological changes can occur:

    * increased heart rate
    * adrenaline rushes
    * shortness of breath
    * lightheadedness
    * heart palpitations
    * nausea
    * trembling/shaking
    * numbing or tingling in hands/feet

    It’s like trying to relax while you’re being chased by a wild animal. Or while you’re frantically trying to find your way out of a burning building. Put simply, our panic-filled bodies aren’t capable of turning off the fight-or-flight impulse on cue. We’re not equipped with a switch. Even a steadfast resolve to relax will probably only incite further frustration over the fact that our body is going haywire.

    True story: during my very first biofeedback session, the practitioner hooked me up to a computer that measures anxiety via skin conductance (read: sweat), hand temperature, heart rate, and breathing rate. As soon as she said, “Okay, now try to relax!”, my anxiety level (as measured objectively by a computer) surged upward. This is common!

    Better response: I’m here for you. What can I do to help you relax?

    You say: “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
    We want to say: “Oh yeah? Then why does it feel like I’m going to have a (insert-severe medical-condition-here)?”

    Classic line, often delivered by well-intentioned close friends, family, and significant others. Sometimes, this sentiment could be helpful — but only if we’re fretting over the “Is this just panic, or is it a heart attack or a stroke!?” question. Otherwise, it’s usually an unhelpful phrase that makes us want to yell, “Yes! There IS something wrong with me at the moment! I’m panicking, and it’s terrifyingly uncomfortable! THAT is what’s wrong!”

    Better response: This must be uncomfortable. Can I do anything to make it better?

    You say: “Sit down.”
    We want to say: “But sitting down makes me more anxious!”

    Usually, sitting down is a relaxing activity. We sit down to eat, to watch television, and to read a good book — and all of those events are generally agreeable and soothing. However, merely assuming a seated position isn’t going to act as a panacea.

    The panic response sends a rush of adrenaline into our bloodstream that compels us to either fight or flee. It makes us feel like we need to be hypervigilant in order to ensure our survival. If you were really being chased by a wild animal, for example, sitting down would do you no good. That’s why the impulse to stand upright and stay alert is so strong. Leave this one up to the panicker: if we feel more comfortable sitting down, help us to find a safe spot. If we need to pace or go for a walk in order to calm down, let us.

    You say: “You’re overreacting!”
    We want to say: “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”

    While it may be true that our body and mind are in overdrive, we often feel like we cannot control these reactions. In the midst of a rapid heartbeat, a cascading series of negative thoughts, and an intense urge to escape, having someone inform us that we’re overreacting is not helpful. We’re often aware that our body and mind are overreacting, but we may not yet possess the skills to disengage our frantic nervous system.

    Better response: If you want, I’ll wait here with you until this passes.

    Even though the above statements aren’t helpful to hear during a panic attack, some might be more appropriate after the threat of imminent panic has passed. If you know someone with panic disorder and want to be a great support person for them, check out this guide.

    If you’ve ever had a panic attack, what’s the most unhelpful thing you’ve heard from someone who is trying to help? Share your thoughts in the comments or find me on Twitter @summerberetsky.

    Stay tuned for the second half of this list — based on your comments — later in the week.



    PTSD: 5 Rules to Help a Friend

    by Suzanne Grosser

    Someone you love has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD sufferers need help. You want to help them. I warn you, it won’t be easy. If you care enough about them to read this page, they are lucky to have you. But don’t expect them to realize that for a long time.

    Rule #1: Do not take her behavior personally.
    This is not about you. It is about her fear. It is about her anxiety. It is about her pain. This is her post traumatic stress. It is not about you. Understanding this does not make the problems (or obnoxious behaviors) go away. But it can keep your feelings and your relationship from being hurt unnecessarily by PTSD.

    Post traumatic stress disorder is an illness. Once you accept this, you can treat PTSD like any other disease. If she had the flu, you wouldn’t expect her to be all cheerful and chatty. You would bring her a box of tissues and some orange juice. You’d keep her company if that’s what she wanted. You’d let her rest, if she wanted to be alone. Either way, you would not take it personally.

    You would encourage your friend to get treatment. She needs it, but she may resist it.

    Rule #2: Set boundaries
    Do not under any circumstances tolerate unacceptable behavior.

    Do not tolerate abuse of any kind. You are not a punching bag or a target for degrading insults. You do not deserve that and you will not help your friend that way either. If he hits you, leave. If you stay, you will only endanger yourself and you will give him one more thing to hate himself for, later. Don’t do it.

    Do not do everything for him. I can not tell you where the line between helping a friend and being co-dependent is – but your gut will tell you. Give as much as feels right to you. Do not accept the guilt trip you will be handed when you refuse to give everything. Do not feel guilty for having a life outside of his problems. Someday he will join you there. But he’s not ready yet.

    Rule #3: Do not expect much in return.
    Right now, he doesn’t have much to offer. He’s struggling to get through the day without losing his temper, or drinking too much. He’s doing good if he can get to his doctor appointments and take his medications properly.

    You will need your own support network, because he’s got all he can handle to take care of himself. PTSD is taking all his energy to cope with. You will be putting more into this relationship than you will get back out, at least for awhile. He may occasionally acknowledge some of what you do for him. Accept that as the precious gift that it is. It is a sign of his healing. Right now, it is all he has to give.

    Rule #4: Do not judge.
    She needs to talk abut it. It sucks to hear about it. Try to remember that living through it was worse. Now, because of PTSD, she is going over and over it in her mind. Reliving the horror everyday. This is what is making her sick. This is the poison that is eating away at her. Telling someone is like washing out a infected cut. It stings, it burns, it grosses out people, but it is the only way to get rid of the poison.

    Her greatest need is to tell what happened. Her greatest fear is that if she tells, she will lose your love. You probably won’t understand what it was like and she may have done things you both know are wrong. She is afraid of being judged. She has already lost a big part of herself to this trauma. She can’t stand to lose you, too. And if she tells, maybe she will.

    It will take a great deal of courage for her to talk about her trauma. So please listen, and don’t judge her. She is still the person you used to know. But she has been hurt, big time, and she is trying to piece her life back together. In time, she will see her actions clearly and make amends if necessary. But right now, she needs to tell someone and not be rejected for the telling. Here are some tips to help you listen to her story.

    Rule #5: Have fun.
    This is absolutely impossible when you are dealing with PTSD – and absolutely essential. You’ll just have to figure it out. He won’t want to, but maybe he will do it to humor you. He would rather wallow in his pain, but you’re not going to allow that. He is stuck and you can intend to help him get unstuck.

    Watch a silly movie together. Gather some friends and play board games. Practice blowing soap bubbles. Buy one of those giant soap bubble rings and see if you can get it to work. Go for a walk and jump into, not over, the puddles. Eat watermelon, and have a seed spitting contest. If it’s the wrong time of year for watermelon, build a snowman instead.

    Remind him of good times before his trauma and PTSD – look at your high school yearbook or old family pictures. Laugh together. Laughter is healing. So is your love.


    Relationships and PTSD

    How does trauma affect relationships?

    Trauma survivors with PTSD may have trouble with their close family relationships or friendships. The symptoms of PTSD can cause problems with trust, closeness, communication, and problem solving. These problems may affect the way the survivor acts with others. In turn, the way a loved one responds to him or her affects the trauma survivor. A circular pattern can develop that may sometimes harm relationships.
    How might trauma survivors react?

    In the first weeks and months following a trauma, survivors may feel angry, detached, tense or worried in their relationships. In time, most are able to resume their prior level of closeness in relationships. Yet the 5% to 10% of survivors who develop PTSD may have lasting relationship problems.
    Survivors with PTSD may feel distant from others and feel numb. They may have less interest in social or sexual activities. Because survivors feel irritable, on guard, jumpy, worried, or nervous, they may not be able to relax or be intimate. They may also feel an increased need to protect their loved ones. They may come across as tense or demanding.
    The trauma survivor may often have trauma memories or flashbacks. He or she might go to great lengths to avoid such memories. Survivors may avoid any activity that could trigger a memory. If the survivor has trouble sleeping or has nightmares, both the survivor and partner may not be able to get enough rest. This may make sleeping together harder.
    Survivors often struggle with intense anger and impulses. In order to suppress angry feelings and actions, they may avoid closeness. They may push away or find fault with loved ones and friends. Also, drinking and drug problems, which can be an attempt to cope with PTSD, can destroy intimacy and friendships. Verbal or physical violence can occur.
    In other cases, survivors may depend too much on their partners, family members, and friends. This could also include support persons such as health care providers or therapists.
    Dealing with these symptoms can take up a lot of the survivor’s attention. He or she may not be able to focus on the partner. It may be hard to listen carefully and make decisions together with someone else. Partners may come to feel that talking together and working as a team are not possible.
    How might loved ones react?

    Partners, friends, or family members may feel hurt, cut off, or down because the survivor has not been able to get over the trauma. Loved ones may become angry or distant toward the survivor. They may feel pressured, tense, and controlled. The survivor’s symptoms can make a loved one feel like he or she is living in a war zone or in constant threat of danger. Living with someone who has PTSD can sometimes lead the partner to have some of the same feelings of having been through trauma.
    In sum, a person who goes through a trauma may have certain common reactions. These reactions affect the people around the survivor. Family, friends, and others then react to how the survivor is behaving. This in turn comes back to affect the person who went through the trauma.
    Trauma types and relationships

    Certain types of “man-made” traumas can have a more severe effect on relationships. These traumas include:
    Childhood sexual and physical abuse
    Domestic violence
    Prisoner of war
    Survivors of man-made traumas often feel a lasting sense of terror, horror, endangerment, and betrayal. These feelings affect how they relate to others. They may feel like they are letting down their guard if they get close to someone else and trust them. This is not to say a survivor never feels a strong bond of love or friendship. However, a close relationship can also feel scary or dangerous to a trauma survivor.
    Do all trauma survivors have relationship problems?

    Many trauma survivors do not develop PTSD. Also, many people with PTSD do not have relationship problems. People with PTSD can create and maintain good relationships by:
    Building a personal support network to help cope with PTSD while working on family and friend relationships
    Sharing feelings honestly and openly, with respect and compassion
    Building skills at problem solving and connecting with others
    Including ways to play, be creative, relax, and enjoy others
    What can be done to help someone who has PTSD?

    Relations with others are very important for trauma survivors. Social support is one of the best things to protect against getting PTSD. Relationships can offset feelings of being alone. Relationships may also help the survivor’s self-esteem. This may help reduce depression and guilt. A relationship can also give the survivor a way to help someone else. Helping others can reduce feelings of failure or feeling cut off from others. Lastly, relationships are a source of support when coping with stress.
    If you need to seek professional help, try to find a therapist who has skills in treating PTSD as well as working with couples or families. For resources, please see our Where to Get Help for PTSD page.
    Many treatment approaches may be helpful for dealing with relationship issues. Options include:
    One-to-one and group therapy
    Anger and stress management
    Assertiveness training
    Couples counseling
    Family education classes
    Family therapy



    The weakest among us has a gift, however seemingly trivial, which is peculiar to him, and which worthily used, will be a gift also to hus race.


    Never scoff at another’s weakness or try to cover your own. Instead, encourage others and hold your weakness up to the world where it is in the open and can be healed.


    Now let’s take a look at the Passive Aggressive personality. I’m sure once you read how the passive aggressive personality operates, you can see why it would be an exceedingly unhealthy situation for a P.T.S.D sufferer to try to live in close quarters with someone who has passive aggressive tendencies.


    Relationships: Passive-Aggressive Men, Who Are They Hurting?

    He Hurts Everyone in His Path, Including Himself

    Their the men who seem so nice, and trustworthy. They don’t hurt you out in the open, but in a very subtle way, you may not even be aware of. Just the same, they can hurt the people they say they care about the most.
    A passive-aggressive man usually grows up in a household which may have a parent who is either passive-aggressive, or overbearing and controlling. If he really has bad luck, he may grow up with both. Many marriages consist of individuals who are opposites, or fill an area for the other person they may be lacking in. It’s an unspoken deal so to speak, you be the passive one, and I’ll be the overbearing one. As the boys are growing up, somewhere along the way they choose to either identify with one parent or the other. If they see the overbearing and controlling parent as scary, they may come to believe they do not want to be like that parent, and go the other way. If they see the passive parent as weak and wimpy, they may choose to be like the overbearing and controlling parent. What I’m going to write about is the passive-aggressive man. When the boy decides to be weak, unassuming, and afraid to stand up for himself. Ergo, he asserts himself in passive aggressive ways. This ends up hurting allot of the people he truly cares for.

    The passive aggressive man is very often seen as the nice guy that would do anything for anybody. He never says “NO”, at least not out loud, to any request anyone makes of him. He is often everybody’s token doormat. What most people don’t know is there’s a volcano ready to erupt inside this man. He is too afraid to speak up and tell you what he thinks. Therefore, he goes about his life sneaking around doing things he doesn’t want anybody to know about., getting back at people in ways that have nothing much to do with why he’s really mad, and not standing up to the person, or persons, he needs too. He then ends up hurting those he cares about, and puts them in the line of fire.

    Often times when he gets into a relationship, or married, he ends up choosing very strong, overbearing, controlling women. Remember, what I said, people often pick the opposite of themselves, and then it gets them off the hook for ever having to learn how to be strong, and assertive themselves. This is where the problem begins. Because he has chosen to be with this Witch on Wheels, he can never directly confront her with ANYHING. He is too scared. This ends up effecting friends, other family members, and anyone involved with this type of man. You can be this man’s very best friend and if Mrs. Wonderful objects, you’re a goner. Oh, he will keep you as a friend, probably, but it will most definitely be behind his partners back. You will be stuck in drama world, with a half-assed friendship. You can never call him at home when you need to, he hides your e-mails, and you cannot spend anytime with your so-called friend, unless you’re very, very careful. You will always be walking on eggshells. It’s almost like your having an affair with him, without the benefits. This ends up hurting his friends, because his friendships are dictated by her. This is the so-called passive part of his problem

    The aggressive part of this disorder ends up not only hurting him, but the woman he is with. No matter how mad he gets at her, he is NOT going to stand up for himself, or tell her how he feels. He is too scared to say a word. What this man will do, is while being the all-loving nice guy and doing the housecleaning, his woman’s favorite figurine might just accidentally get broken. He will sneak behind her back, to see other women, friends, and to do things he especially knows would make her angry. It’s the only way he knows how to stand up for himself. You can imagine how damaging to a relationship this can be. It can go so far, their relationship ends forever. Unfortunately, because he does all these things in private, it may be along time, if ever, when she figures it out. She really does believe he will always be the nice doormat she fell in love with. This definitely works to his benefit.

    Last but not least, this seriously hurts the man who is passive-aggressive, more than anyone else. He never learns to assert himself, and never develops the self-esteem to say, “this is who I am”, out loud. Although he feels some momentary exhilaration when getting back at someone, he also feels deep shame, that he is not being a real man. He can suffer with depression at times, wondering who he is, and will anyone ever really know him. He is stuck in limbo. He’s afraid to be who he wants to be for fear of losing the woman he loves. At the same time, he’s not even sure why he loves her anyway. After all, isn’t she just there to make up for his inability to do for himself? That may just be the case.

    Although most of the time the passive- aggressive man appears to be a quiet, nice, helpful, boy scout kind of guy, he truly is a very hurtful person. He hurts his friends, his partner, his family, and anyone else on his, quietly, secret, destructive path. This is a very serious disorder, and any chance of change, will have to come with allot of counseling, and allot of work on his part. However change is very hard. The longer this man has been this way, the longer it will take to recover. There is also the possibility he may not want to change. Like good old Dr. Phil says, people do what they do because there is some kind of payoff they’re getting out of that particular behavior. Whatever his choice, to change, or not to change, this can be one of the most difficult type of men to live with. That’s if you ever really know in the first place!



    10 Common Passive Aggressive Phrases to Avoid

    Have you heard (or spoken!) any of these phrases lately?

    Published on November 23, 2010 by Signe Whitson, L.S.W. in Passive Aggressive Diaries

    Is there someone in your life who consistently makes you feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster? Do you know a person who is friendly one day but sulks and withdraws the next? Does a family member or friend consistently procrastinate, postpone, stall, and shut down any emotionally-laden conversations? Are you sometimes that person? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, chances are you may be interacting with a passive aggressive person or showing signs of passive-aggressive behavior yourself.

    In The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces, 2nd ed., passive aggression is defined as a deliberate and masked way of expressing covert feelings of anger (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008). It involves a range of behaviors designed to get back at another person without him recognizing the underlying anger. These ten common passive aggressive phrases can serve as an early-warning system for you, helping you recognize hidden hostility when it is being directed your way:

    1. “I’m Not Mad.”

    Denying feelings of anger is classic passive aggressive behavior. Rather than being upfront and honest when questioned about his feelings, the passive aggressive person insists, “I’m not mad” even when he is seething on the inside.

    2. “Fine.” “Whatever.”

    Sulking and withdrawing from arguments are primary strategies of the passive aggressive person. Since passive aggression is motivated by a person’s belief that expressing anger directly will only make his life worse (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008), the passive aggressive person uses phrases like “Fine” and “Whatever” to express anger indirectly and to shut down direct, emotionally honest communication.

    3. “I’m Coming!”

    Passive aggressive persons are known for verbally complying with a request, but behaviorally delaying its completion. If whenever you ask your child to clean his room, he cheerfully says, “Okay, I’m coming,” but then fails to show up to complete the chore, chances are he is practicing the fine passive aggressive art of temporary compliance.

    4. “I Didn’t Know You Meant Now.”

    On a related note, passive aggressive persons are master procrastinators. While all of us like to put off unpleasant tasks from time to time, people with passive aggressive personalities rely on procrastination as a way of frustrating others and/or getting out of certain chores without having to directly refuse them.

    5. “You Just Want Everything to be Perfect.”

    When procrastination is not an option, a more sophisticated passive aggressive strategy is to carry out tasks in a timely, but unacceptable manner. For example:

    A student hands in sloppy homework
    A husband prepares a well-done steak for his wife, though he knows she prefers to eat steak rare
    An employee dramatically overspends his budget on an important project
    In all of these instances, the passive aggressive person complies with a particular request, but carries it out in an intentionally inefficient way. When confronted, he defends his work, counter-accusing others of having rigid or perfectionist standards.

    6. “I Thought You Knew.”

    Sometimes, the perfect passive aggressive crime has to do with omission. Passive aggressive persons may express their anger covertly by choosing not to share information when it could prevent a problem. By claiming ignorance, the person defends his inaction, while taking pleasure in his foe’s trouble and anguish.

    7. “Sure, I’d be Happy To.”

    Have you ever been in a customer service situation where a seemingly concerned clerk or super-polite phone operator assures you that your problem will be solved. On the surface, the representative is cooperative, but beware of his angry smile; behind the scenes, he is filing your request in the trash and stamping your paperwork with “DENY.”

    8. “You’ve Done so Well for Someone with Your Education Level.”

    The backhanded compliment is the ultimate socially acceptable means by which the passive aggressive person insults you to your core. If anyone has ever told you, “Don’t worry-you can still get braces even at your age” or “There are a lot of men out there who like plump women,” chances are you know how much “joy” a passive aggressive compliment can bring.

    9. “I Was Only Joking”

    Like backhanded compliments, sarcasm is a common tool of a passive aggressive person who expresses his hostility aloud, but in socially acceptable, indirect ways. If you show that you are offended by biting, passive aggressive sarcasm, the hostile joke teller plays up his role as victim, asking, “Can’t you take a joke?”

    10. “Why Are You Getting So Upset?”

    The passive aggressive person is a master at maintaining his calm and feigning shock when others, worn down by his indirect hostility, blow up in anger. In fact, he takes pleasure out of setting others up to lose their cool and then questioning their “overreactions.”



    The Passive Aggressive Man: He’s All About Control

    Who is the passive aggressive man? Identify him and run for the hills.
    If you’ve been in a relationship with him, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t be on the look-out because chances are you will cross paths with a passive aggressive man.

    Who is the passive aggressive man? He is that guy who avoids responsibility and conflict through passivity and withdrawal. He is the “Nice Guy” who reels you in with his adoration and once you are in the game he turns the tables so quickly your head will swim until you decide to take a hike. Do You See His Potential or Who He REALLY Is?
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    The Passive Aggressive Man…
    1. Withholds to Punish: He says one thing but means another. Sure, he wants to go to a movie. He even appears to enjoy himself until later that night when he rejects you sexually. You see, he didn’t want to go to a movie but, his passivity would not allow him to own it. His fear of conflict means punishing you in covert ways for something you “made” him do. What better way to punish than withhold something he knows you want?

    2. Fears Conflict: He will do anything to keep from arguing with you. He has been taught that anger is unacceptable. Well, expressing anger in an open, honest way is unacceptable and not something you will get from this guy. What you will get is a relationship with a man who avoids solving relationship problems, avoids taking responsibility for problems in the relationship and most importantly avoids making an intimate connection with you.

    3. Plays The Victim: This poor guy can’t win for losing, in his mind anyway. He will not show for a dinner date but find it unreasonable that you are upset. It is after, all his bosses fault for making him work late. He could have picked his cell phone up and called but calling isn’t nearly as pleasurable as letting you sit and wait. You waiting on him gets his angries out at you. He gets to punish you and blame his boss…he is off the hook, a “good guy” who is the victim of an unreasonable woman who expects too much from him.

    4. Is Forgetful: He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, anything important to you will be forgotten by him. My ex used to forget he needed something from me until the last minute. If there was a social event related to his work, I would get notice the day before. I spent a lot of time running around trying to prepare from something in a few hours that would normally take days.

    5. Is Afraid of You: They want you but they don’t want to become attached to you! He is in a constant battle with himself to pursue then distance himself. According to Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The Passive Aggressive Man. The passive aggressive man is “unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn’t depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support.”

    You have a lot of anger toward the passive aggressive man you are involved with. You just can’t figure out exactly what you are angry about. He is sweet, kind and loving. He never argues, does exactly what you wish. There must be something wrong with you or such a good man would want to have sex with you, remember your birthday, put effort into solving the problems in the relationship or just show up on time every once in a while. How Do You Manage Red Brain Anger?

    And that is the trap women who are involved with passive aggressive men fall into, they become responsible for all that is wrong in the relationship. He keeps you hanging in by doing for you when he doesn’t want to, by never arguing, by being such a nice guy. All those puzzling behaviors that send the opposite message than the other negative behaviors send.

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    That is why they call it “crazy making” behavior. The passive aggressive man is very good at appearing to be calm, cool and collected while you are going off the deep end. It isn’t his intent to frustrate, offend or cause you to feel guilty. He truly does only want to help.

    The only issue, the kind of help he has to offer comes with a price. He has expectations he is unable to openly express and when you don’t meet those expectations you get resentment and covert punishment in return. And, you should never expect your expectations to be met, not even when you’ve expressed them in a clear, easy to understand fashion.

    Want a relationship with a passive aggressive man to last? Become a mind reader and keep your expectations low.



    The Passive Aggressive

    There are many childhood set ups for this way of coping but most often there is a domineering mother and a father who is ineffectual. There are power struggles in the marriage with one parent backing off and withdrawing. The boy feels trapped between choosing loyalties at home. He is afraid to compete with his father who is absent either physically or emotionally or perceived as being inadequate. In the typical mother dominant-father passive relationship, the boy learns that the job of being a man in relationship is to escape the woman’s needs and subsequent demands.

    The young boy is not allowed to express his feelings and develop a sense of self. He wants his mother’s attention and care yet he resents her continual intrusion. His anger grows but he cannot express it so it becomes submerged and is expressed in an unconscious ‘You can’t tell me what to do.’ He is not allowed to get his way by direct confrontation and competition so he learns to displace his anger through resistance. He learns to use charm, stubbornness, resistance and withdrawal to protect himself in power struggles. He rebels by becoming moody, being an underachiever or developing behavior problems. His self protectiveness and duplicity from the squelched anger and hostility becomes a habit that he plays out with other women he meets. He desperately seeks a woman to meet his needs of being accepted for who he is, but puts her off with small, continual acts of rebellion. He replays the distancing drama of his original family in the relationship.

    The man with passive aggressive behavior needs someone to be the object of his hidden hostility. He needs an adversary whose expectations and demands he can resist as he plays out the dance he learned from his parents. He chooses a woman who will agree to be on the receiving end of his disowned anger. He resists her in small ways setting up a pattern of frustration so that she gets to express the anger that he cannot.

    The biggest irritant in being with a passive aggressive man is that he doesn’t follow through on his agreements and promises. He dodges responsibility while insisting he’s pulling his weight. He often ignores reality as to his irresponsibility and withdrawal. He denies evidence, distorts minimalizes or lies to make his version of reality seem logical.

    He uses vague language to sandbag the partner. Inconsistency and ambiguity are his tools of choice. He withholds information and has a hidden agenda. He can’t take criticism and makes excuses to get himself off the hook. He sulks and uses silence when confronted about his inability to live up to his promises, obligations or responsibilities. When he doesn’t follow through, he puts the blame on his partner so he doesn’t have to take it and accuses her of having the problem.

    The man with this type of pattern shows little consideration of the time, feelings, standards or needs of others. He obstructs and block progress to others getting what they want and then ignores or minimalizes their dissatisfactions and anger. He is silent when confronted as he has never learned to compromise. He may be a workaholic, a womanizer, hooked on TV, caught in addictions or self-involved hobbies.

    He may have multiple relationships with women as a way of keeping distant from one fully committed relationship. He is confused about which woman he wants and stays caught between the two women in his life not being able to commit fully to either. He is confused and can’t understand why the women get so angry with him. He feels others demand too much of him so resists in overt and subtle ways and feels deprived if he must give in to others. The man who copes with conflict by not being there has strong conflict over dependency. He desperately wants attention but fears being swallowed up by the partner. He can’t be alone and live without a woman in his life, but can’t be with a partner emotionally. He’s caught in a Catch 22–wanting affection but avoiding it because he fears it as his destruction. He resents feeling dependent on the woman so must keep her off guard. He makes his partner feel like a nothing through his neglect or irritability but he keeps her around because he needs her. His script is ‘Be here for me, but don’t come too close and don’t burden me with your needs or expectations.’

    He has such strong fears of intimacy deep in his unconscious mind so he must set barriers up to prevent a deep emotional connection. He is clever at derailing intimacy when it comes up by tuning out his partner and changing the subject. He must withhold part of himself to feel safe and may withdraw sexually. Closeness and intimacy during sex may make him feel vulnerable and panicked bringing forth his deepest fears of dependency upon a woman. The passive aggressive man lives an internal loneliness; he wants to be with the woman but stays confused whether she is the right partner for him or not. He is scared and insecure causing him to seek contact with a partner but scared and insecure to fully commit.

    Due to the wounding from childhood, he is unable to trust that he is safe within the relationship. He fears revealing himself and can’t share feelings. His refusal to express feelings keeps him from experiencing his sense of insecurity and vulnerability. He often denies feelings like love that might trap him into true connection with another human being. He feels rejected and hurt when things don’t go his way but can’t distinguish between feeling rejected and being rejected. He pushes people away first so he won’t be rejected. He is often irritable and uses low-level hostility to create distance at home. The relationship becomes based on keeping the partner at bay. He often sets up experiences to get others to reject or deprive him. He is noncommittal and retreats, feeling put upon and burdened by partner’s requests for more closeness. He becomes a cave dweller to feel safe.

    The man with passive aggressive actions is a master in getting his partner to doubt herself and feel guilty for questioning or confronting him. He encourages her to fall for his apologies, accept his excuses and focus on his charm rather than deal with the issue directly. He blames her for creating the problem and keeps her focused on her anger rather than his own ineptitude. When backed into a corner, he may explode and switch to aggressiveaggressive behavior then switch back to passivity. He keeps his partner held hostage by the hope that he will change. He may appease her and clean up his act after a blow up for several weeks, then it’s back to business as usual.

    The passive aggressive man is the classic underachiever with a fear of competition in the work place. He cannot take constructive feedback from others. His fear of criticism, not following through and his inability to see his part in any conflict keeps him from advancing on the job.

    You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs. They care for you the way they care for a favorite pair of slippers or an old easy-chair. You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you fill their needs. The sad thing is, they can sweet talk you, know all the right things to say, to make you believe that you are loved and adored by a someone who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.

    If forced to deal with the problems you’re having due to their behavior, they will completely withdraw from the relationship and you. They will almost never admit that they were wrong no matter how much evidence you show. They have their own version of reality and will work at making your view distorted.

    While most men are having sex with their partner in order to connect more deeply with her, the passive aggressive man withholds sex from his partner in order to keep himself safe and to show her who the boss is. Sex is a weapon to be used, not a way of connecting more emotionally.

    These people are usually unaware that the difficulties they encounter in their life are the result of their own behavior. They do not connect their passive resistant behavior to the hostility or resentment other people feel towards them. Dealing with passive aggressive people can be crazymaking. You feel dismissed, shut down, ignored… but in a subtle enough way that you don’t know how to react. At some point, you explode.

    He Hurts Everyone in His Path, Including Himself

    They’re the men who seem so nice, and trustworthy. They don’t hurt you out in the open, but in a very subtle way, you may not even be aware of. Just the same, they can hurt the people they say they care about the most.

    A passive-aggressive man usually grows up in a household which may have a parent who is either passive-aggressive, or overbearing and controlling. If he really has bad luck, he may grow up with both. When the boy decides to be weak, unassuming, and afraid to stand up for himself. Ergo, he asserts himself in passive aggressive ways. This ends up hurting allot of the people he truly cares for.

    The passive aggressive man is very often seen as the nice guy that would do anything for anybody. He never says “NO”, at least not out loud, to any request anyone makes of him. He is often everybody’s token doormat. What most people don’t know is there’s a volcano ready to erupt inside this man. He is too afraid to speak up and tell you what he thinks. Therefore, he goes about his life sneaking around doing things he doesn’t want anybody to know about, getting back at people in ways that have nothing much to do with why he’s really mad, and not standing up to the person, or persons, he needs too. He then ends up hurting those he cares about.

    Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger in a healthy way. A person’s feelings may be so repressed that they don’t even realize they are angry or feeling resentment. A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior. Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or, are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted about their behavior.

    Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors:

    They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act. Normally they don’t act until after they’ve caused some kind of stress by their ambiguous way of communicating.

    The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by “forgetting.” How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary.

    He may never express anger. There are some who are happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable. Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and then sticking it to you in an under-handed way.

    The passive aggressive often can’t trust. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you by withholding sex.

    Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse? If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it. It is important to him/her that you don’t get your way. He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but, rarely will he/she follow through with giving it. It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel.

    The Passive Aggressive and You:

    The passive aggressive needs to have a relationship with someone who can be the object of his or her hostility. They need someone whose expectations and demands he/she can resist.

    The biggest frustration in being with a passive aggressive is that they never follow through on agreements and promises. He/she will dodge responsibility for anything in the relationship while at the same time making it look as if he/she is pulling his/her own weight and is a very loving partner. The sad thing is, you can be made to believe that you are loved and adored by a person who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.

    The passive aggressive ignores problems in the relationship, sees things through their own skewed sense of reality and if forced to deal with the problems will completely withdraw from the relationship and you. They will deny evidence of wrong doing, distort what you know to be real to fit their own agenda, minimize or lie so that their version of what is real seems more logical.

    The passive aggressive will say one thing, do another, and then deny ever saying the first thing. The passive aggressive withholds information about how he/she feels, their ego is fragile and can’t take the slightest criticism so why let you know what they are thinking or feeling? God forbid they disclose that information and you criticize them.

    Inside the Passive Aggressive:

    The passive aggressive has a real desire to connect emotionally but their fear of such a connection causes them to be obstructive and engage in self-destructive habits. He will be covert in his actions and it will only move him further from his desired relationship with you.

    The passive aggressive never looks internally and examines their role in a problem. They have to externalize it and blame others for having shortcomings. To accept that he has flaws would be tantamount to emotional self-destruction. They live in denial of their self-destructive behaviors, the consequences of those behaviors and the choices they make that cause others so much pain.

    The passive aggressive objectifies the object of their desire. You are to be used as a means to an end. Your only value is to feed his own emotional needs. You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs but as an extension of him. You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you fill their needs.

    The passive aggressive wants the attention and attachment that comes with loving someone but fears losing his independence and sense of self to his spouse. They want love and attention but avoid it out of fear of it destroying them. You have to be kept at arms length and if there is an emotional attachment it is tenuous at best.

    I’m about to fill you in on a little secret. Anger plays a role in passive aggressive behavior. Yep, that passive aggressive spouse that is driving you insane is angry as hell and full of grief. The passive aggressive deals with anger in one of two ways. Either they have no control over their anger or they have problems expressing their anger.

    Adults who have no control over their anger and those who have no idea how to express their anger are grieving. They are grieving the loss of something that was rightfully theirs. Their right to entertain themselves regardless of societies or their parent’s beliefs of what was right or wrong. The right to be heard and cared for regardless of how addicted a parent was to alcohol or drugs. They are grieving the right to express love or negative feelings or a desire for parental attention without fear of punishment.

    It is about loss, the loss of normal things any child should expect from a parent. Instead of grieving that loss in a normal way, they internalize it and compensate by being overly aggressive or overly passive. The grief shows itself in behaviors that are destructive to themselves and anyone who engages in a relationship with them.

    A man who abuses his wife is often motivated by feelings of loss and grief. Feelings that are expressed through rage. Women who emotionally manipulate their husband by withholding affection are motivated by the same feelings of loss and grief.

    The aggression or passivity hides their fear of rejection and helplessness when it comes to getting what they need from their spouse. The spouse is left reeling and wondering what he/she did to deserve a slap across the face or the withholding of normal loving affection.

    The spouse feels responsible in some way. That is the sneaky thing about living with a passive aggressive individual. They don’t know how to properly express anger but they are geniuses when it comes to shifting the blame and projecting their own bad behavior off onto their spouse.

    Next time you are trying to make sense of some nonsensical behavior by your spouse remember you are dealing with a wounded, damaged child. Don’t make excuses for him/her. Don’t take responsibility for their inability to properly express their grief and anger. Understanding why someone acts the way they do does not mean excusing their hurtful actions.

    Knowledge is power.



    Image title: Maiden, Mother, Crone title by: Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer Image by: The Art of Breezy Kiefair source image: source image description:  Title: Banshee Breezy, Be afraid Title By: Breezy Kiefair Image by: Breezy Kiefair of The Art of Breezy Kiefair

    Image title: Maiden, Mother, Crone
    title by: Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer
    Image by: The Art of Breezy Kiefair
    source image:
    source image description:
    Title: Banshee Breezy, Be afraid
    Title By: Breezy Kiefair
    Image by: Breezy Kiefair of The Art of Breezy Kiefair

    If a passive aggressive personality and a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder sufferer team up for business, romance, or friendship, the likely end result will be a lot of drama and hurt feelings. No matter if the passive aggressive person realizes what they are doing or not is irrelevant. No matter if the passive aggressive is aware or not, they are presenting a veiled threat with their words and behaviors to the P.T.S.D personality. The P.T.S.D. personality cannot help but sense this threat. It primes the P.T.S.D mind for an adrenaline response and begins putting the P.T.S.D. person into hyperarousal or hypervigilance territory. From this place, it truly takes a small stimuli to take the P.T.S.D. personality from primed for action, to a complete adrenaline response/meltdown. The Passive Aggressive person’s tendencies are then to punish the P.T.S.D. personality for their moment of weakness. This punishment will then feed into the P.T.S.D. again creating a cyclical hell that is very difficult to escape. I lived in this passive aggressive/ptsd generated hell from November 2011 until August 2013. I’m just beginning to come out of they cyclical thoughts and hell that being romantically involved with a passive aggressive while I am suffering from P.T.S.D. It is my hope that the research I sought out to understand my own situation may help others on both the passive aggression side and the PTSD side of this equation improve their own experience.

    much love, Breezy Kiefair.

    DIY Cannabis Cure oil healing: The tale of Wren

    view on youtube

    IN 32 DAYS

    Figure 1 Day 1

    Figure 1 Day 1

    Figure 2 Day 14

    Figure 2 Day 14 there are a couple more on the top of my head and I am hoping they too are looking better.

    Figure 3 Day 21

    Figure 3 Day 21

    Figure 4 Day 32 Thank you so much for being here to see this with me.

    Figure 4 Day 32

    Thank you so much for being here to see this with me.

    A CANNABIS OIL SUCCESS STORY a 60 day journey back to living.

    wren on pills

    This was me on 3 fists full of prescription meds per day. Yes, I needed to take meds just to take their meds and I had gained nearly 100 pounds for no other reason than all those drugs. I the span of seven years, they had prescribed 72 different drugs. Seemed that every time I went in for a check up, they diagnosed me with another thing and handed me a bottle of pills. UGH!

    wren a year and a half after

    This was taken about a year and a half after the adverse reaction to a SAFE med that was to curb nausea. My body has been twisted in several locations and much of my days were spent in a chair. The pain levels have been excruciating and relentless due to acquired Tardive Dyskenisia/Dystonia,

    I fought with vertigo while sitting still on a daily basis, Often, the right side of my face felt as though bugs were crawling on it but the feeling was only the muscles in my face rippling. As with Tardive Dyskenisia?Dystonia, my swallowing was not always possible, even liquids were choking hazards. The abnormal facial movements loosened up all my teeth causing a few years of infections and extractions., 2 by 6 they came out I lost 98 pounds, Before that drug, I had been using cannabis in smoked form to curb nausea and give me an appetite for years. The only reason I stopped cannabis was so that I could attend college and be a law abiding person

    Where there is a pulse, there is hope

    .After the onset of these problems I had torso tics, turrets like symptoms and often speech problems, stuttering and low ruff growly voice. Words were forced out like dried ole boots. To sign my name without ripping the paper was not an option. Having all this grief brought on by the American Medical System, I was scared stiff about going back to be doctored but I did for awhile. I needed to find out what the hell they did to me. As for accepting any more of their medicine, I went home to rot on my own. My heart that was once strong started a long iffy streak in me, not knowing if I would wake up, and the sad part was… I had stopped caring to. Started praying for death to come get me. In my 8 years of wasting, I was so tired and worthless every day. Skin cancer been cropping up and my lymph nodes had given me the finger. No appetite, no hope.
    *** Where there is a pulse, there is hope***

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    Am making Cannabis Oil today. It’s been a long time gathering but looks like the green light came on so wish me luck. this cancer near my left eye has been starting to worry me. another larger on in my hair on top of head. Doc wanted to send me to a specialist. Without naming names, I told her I already have one, Cannabis.

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    Am not afraid, just know I need to deal with this now with positive forces.

    It must be in the cards as a most pleasant surprise came when I stared emptying the clippings bag… found some I did not remember. It will be enough for now.

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    Thank you,. been saving up for what seemed an eternity. Was holding off for a really rainy day.

    Breezy Kiefair

    Its raining now

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer


    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    wrens cook 1

    Things went well in the kitchen. I used the stock pot to bath the raw cannabis in everclear for 2 hours, mashing it with a potato masher every half hour. Strained and rinses raw material again with everclear putting the oil infused solution into a glass pitcher. Next I poured solution into the slow cooker, about 3 inches deep and turned it to high. As the solution evaporated, I added more until it was all most all evaporated.

    wrens cook 2

    I poured the oil into a glass bowl and set the entire bowl back into the slow cooker to finish to proper consistency. When the oil has no more bubbles appearing on top, it is ready to put into container of your choice. I chose a few 20cc syringes because they are easier to dose from if a person does not have gel caps. The end product was not as much as anticipated but it will work for now. it will be enough to clear up my immediate eruptions. this is what I used under my right breast 3 winters ago Breezy. that one never came back.

    Breezy Kiefair

    hugs and good for you lady!

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    by the time all the oil was in containers, there was a little over 3 oz. I started ingesting this morning.

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    a little dose will do ya

    ty I will. started off low and this feels pretty good. yes, I will need to work up to full dose as I have never ingested before. Thank you for being here to share my experience with. Don’t forget, you have a candle and cushion inside the festive circle under the moon tonight. Hugs

    a little dose will do ya 2

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    I was profusely ill the first 4 days of ingesting oil. I do not believe that it was the oils fault as I am prone to days on end of flu like symptoms one regular basis. The thing I notice most so far is my ability to breath and have a better O2 level.

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    um in my healing, I got a boner and am thinkin about sharing it with somebody. not just anybody, but somebody.

    well, not a real boner, but the connections that give good enough reason for my boner.

    It is quite obvious here that I am waking to real life again sis.

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    no….not a boner,… it’s my chubbie, … waking up after 12 years.

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    that’s ok Breezy, I woke up this morning over it. I put over there in the caution bin.

    Cannabis Oil Day 10: per history I have been living with vertigo for quite a long time. The daily episodes would last from a few hours, to off and on all day. I am telling you this because today I HAD NO VERTIGO.
    I have been on 1/2 to 2/3 gram twice a day. I increased the dose to one gram at night after first week as I started this journey to heal from the past 8 years of wasting and it’s repercussions.
    Oh, and the oil I am using is NOT Butane made. I suggest Everclear, a grain alcohol.
    8 years and counting, the wasting away has been relentless, excruciatingly painful and often hideous to watch. The US Supreme court has blocked all venues so the the drug companies do not have to pay for the damage done. People, when this was prescribed to me, I was Assured it was a safe stomach medicine. FUCKING LIES!!! It caused a stroke, damaged my heart and gave me an existence worse than death. I did not die, I suffer so the drug companies can continue their agenda to keep us ALL needing them. Please STOP the madness and start SCREAMING, No one is Immune to this shit and I PRAY it has not happened to you.
    on my cheek. My mind is being blown away, I am in total AWE.
    Boy am I an airhead! I was so happy about yesterday that I totally blew off, forgot about’ this mornings dose of cannabis oil. mid afternoon I was back in vertigo mode and sad that it had come back. DUH, the oil does NO GOOD in the bottle, so I took the evening dose. Within under 5 minutes the vertigo was gone again. This is wonderful stuff
    There is an increase on my relaxed state and it is causing me to sleep earlier at night. Lower pain, No nausea, No vertigo, No severe tremors, No torso tics. That’s fine, it’s what the body needs to heal.
    The real kicker here is that I stopped using cannabis for my stomach and tried to be obedient to the laws of Big Pharma. VERY BAD IDEA!!!!!!
    End of day 12, cannabis oil made by grain alcohol. another blessed day without vertigo. the spots of crap growing on my face were left uncovered today. In the morning I will get a good picture of them before applying more oil. Feeling? The tops of my arms, across my neck and including my throat have been tingling, not my hands and feet, They are like small patches of cool tingles, almost airy. If this oil truly can cure then maybe this is the feeling of fixing all those swollen lymph nodes. Time will tell.
    Oh, one more thing, this is refreshing.
    Holy Sheep Sheets Batman. I feel really good this morning. I don’t think we are in Kansas anymore Toto.
    There is an increase on my relaxed state and it is causing me to sleep earlier at night. That’s fine, it’s what the body needs to heal.
    Definitely not Kansas. Blessed Be! I will pst a couple pics at the end of the day to show the progress on those cancerous spots
    I started 12 days ago. My vertigo is back in check and I am looking forward to the rest of the oil treatment.
    where there is a pulse, there is hope.
    even in my giving up, death did not come, so now I fight like hell to get me back.
    !t wasn’t until my body started popping out some cancer that I decided to use cannabis oil. I was not even thinking about the Dyskenisia/Dystonia But now, I see that my last resort should have been the First Resort.
    Yes the safe stomach med gave me TD after having been on it for 2 1/2 years. After the fact, I learned that it was FAULTY BY DESIGN. what the hell does that mean? It just reinforced what I already knew about routing perfectly good productive people into the arms of big pharma. Hate does not even begin to cover it.
    I am keeping notes, the MDs already know it works, and they are cruel for not doing the right thing here.
    I for one am deeply grateful for having been taught to make this oil with a grain alcohol. Lord knows there are plenty of bad things already wearing me down, I sure do not want to add to the grief if I have options.
    Day 14. Who is this lady that returned from the walking dead? IT’S ME!!!! And it could be you too.
    Tardive Dyskenisia/Dystonia, some long standing lymphomas and recurring basal cell carcinomas, there are many things that have been needing fixed, like the vertigo and chronic fatigue, and the wrenching and torquing of my anatomy.
    been a little whoozy today. gonna blame it on the heat.
    I will be bringing these pics and all my notes with me when I see the specialist on Thursday for my 3 month check in. He better not tell me to Stop what I am doing again. Because I will NOT!
    DAY 15, I feel GOOD 
    Thank you Claud, for 8 years there has been far more bad days than good. The winds are changing and the seas are calming. I pray this for Everyone.
    Day 16, Today is lab day with the docs. I intend to knock their balls out of park. Wish the old lady some luck. See ya’ll when I get home.
    Thank you friends. it’s been a very long day. been poked, prodded, pushed pulled, twisted, scanned, and attempted scammed, and bodily fluids scrutinized. I’M HOME, FIRE IN THE BOWL!
    Day 17 of cannabis oil treatment: Reporting for duty ma’am. I am strong enough to carry my own gear, I am ready.
    Well, ma’am says no, there will be no mud pie making out of me for 2 more weeks. She said that just because I feel stronger, she wants to give me more time that I really feel I do not need. She told me to use these 2 weeks as a REAL Vacation. Pfft, as if I remember what that is. lol help me out here.
    Each day I am grateful to tears about living again.
    Day 18: it used to annoy me to have a tune stuck in my head but waking up with this one playing in there. 
    indeed it beats the alternatives, I had been praying for death to come get me.
    End of Day 18: things are going well with the cannabis oil treatment. I did use up a bit more adrenalin than usual today while schooling a jackass but I am doing fine now. On a lighter note, has anyone else noticed that this oil can taste down right nasty if it does not get washed down and melts in the back of your mouth? Oh HECK NO, I am not complaining here. It’s working and I don’t mind. Bless and be Blessed. See you tomorrow.
    DAY 19: The oil is doing what it should. Alas, the folks here in this town see me getting stronger and I am NOT safe here.
    my head is remaining up. What can they do to me that has not already survived?
    thank you Pamela, I am calm, I am ok. It just took an extra bowl to stop the shaking today. I will be alright. Tried to get a good updated pic of my cancer but hands to shaky. will try again in an hour.
    ty Claud, and bless you hugely. xxx the stress of home issues and the ways of the world today has stolen my appetite. Now would be a good time for me to stay focused on healing. body can’t heal when it is left unattended to worry about things that will not even matter if I am not well enough. Huge Hugs .xxx
    you ladies have done it now, ya made me cry. indeed not sad tears but the kind than wash away the pain. sometimes when one is left all alone at the watch tower for too long, they loose sight of the light and cannot find their way back to it. Bless and be Blessed Sistas Much Love always.
    End of Day 19: hit a small snag today because I allowed myself to get angry last night. Spent most of the day trying to get my legs and hands to calm down and swallowing was also incomplete. At 4pm, I finally started feeling better and took a few mor pics of the cancer on my cheek. will get them downloaded and post in the morning. At the end of the day, please let me say thank you Everyone, and I could not get through some of this without you. good night, Zeus and I are going to take a walk along the creek. Xxx
    Day 20: Time to sparkle and Dazzle. Time to dance among the sun rays and shake some shit loose. Cannabis has not corrected my stupid. Update pics are not scheduled unlit tomorrow. Yesterday ended in a good place, bye bye yesterday, hello life I want to tell you all today that life is exciting. Last night while I was laying down to sleep, I gave myself another self exam looking for those 3 lymphomas. The 2 marble sized ones have not been found in days and the big one, the one that was the size of a silver dollar is getting hard to palpate. Hey peeps, I have lived with these for several years, refusing to let big pharma finish what they started 8 years ago. I am DRUG FREE and getting my anatomy back in check. But the thing that really makes my tah tahz stick out, I am curing myself, my way. Blessed Be, why did I waits so long.
    I hope you all can fit a bit of play in your day. Hugs
    Starve Big Pharma Starve. If I ran the zoo you would be dead by now.
    not burdening the tax payers with my health issues is PRICELESS.
    …and another thing that is true. My heart has stopped reminding me that every breath I take could be my last.
    ….and something really wonderful must be going on inside me, for I have the most beautiful poo I have ever seen. true story!
    “I love talking turd, and I’m not ashamed to say it! Turd, turd, turd. It’s time we all stop hiding behind our toilet paper squares and start understanding one of the most important parts of our everyday well-being — poop”!
    I do not have MS, but I do have Tarvive Dyskenisia/Dystonia and the oil has given me back much! just last month, most days all I could do was click a mouse.
    End of Day 20: Taking my life back is going well, all I had to do is change the C to G, or in my case, drugs of illness to oil of wellness.
    I’ll Take a Melody (Toussaint) – Jerry Garcia – Reflections (1976)
    Day 21: I also need to make note that I do still have that excruciating ice pick feeling in the middle of my back off and on throughout the day. there has been a long history of this with some of the trigger points back there.I was hoping that since the wrenching and twisting and jerking have calmed that the pain would get off it’s kick. When it hurts real bad, I lay down on my back and position two rubber, air inflated spheres under the center of my back. These are instant heaven and it only takes the effort of lying down and relaxing a minute. BONUS: NO NASTY SIDE AFFECTS I considered increasing the oil but can manage the really ruff times with those therapy spheres.
    looking forward to seeing what the next 20 will be like. Good night everybody.
    My boxer used to push his snoot into the place where the lymphomas were growing, now he thinks I need his grooming and inspections. What is up with dag???????????
    he has never been like this before and I wonder if he isn’t been dabbing while I am asleep. he used to push his snoot into the top outer area of my left tah tah and snort, now he just tries to give a a doggie bath arms legs and neck… actually drools then he smells my feel. I think my dag’s gone crazy. day 21 of oil treatment. I imagine I do smell different.
    I do let doctors check but they don’t get to doctor on me anymore. They messed me up huge the last time I trusted them. Hence I resigned to die this was for a few more years. toward the end, even praying for death to come get me. when I did not die, I decided I was going to try the oil. OH MY GOODNESS DENA! Oh My Goodness! so many days where I could do nothing but sit very still and click a mouse. Now… I am up and moving every waking minute. busying my hands with a purpose.
    yes, I am breaking the laws in my state. But Yes, I have saved them what they love most, $$$$$ my healing is costing No One a single penny, and that makes me feel good too.
    he already let me know he knew that, but what I can’t understand today is, Why is he so compelled to come over and give me a couple licks lately. so he is in approval with his sloppy kisses? Good Doggie End of Day 21: I feel GOOD! and I am hoping you do too.
    Day 22: A milestone in that my health is indeed improving, so are my thought processes and outlook on the world in general. much less anxiety gives more time to use my head. I know, and thanks for baring with me through the muk. I’m sure it’s not over for good, but it is BETTER
    If I had but one wish, I would wish that people would overcome their fears, whatever they may be, and take back their lives. Not one person needs to die for Big Pharma. Unless maybe for some misconception that you don’t think you deserve to live. Please Get Well soon my lovelies, your world is waiting for you.
    Day 23: I have been eating better these days, but as I grow more physically active, the realization is that there is still a ways to go. The past 23 days have been more than amazing for one who has been ill so long. I have been using 1/2 gram oil in the morning and 3/4 gram at bedtime. When I know for sure that all the lymphoma is gone, I may need to consider dividing doses differently. There is a pattern of my Tardive Dyskenisia/Dystonia flares up that indicate adjustments to splitting and timing heading back to tie some knots. here is a positive tune for your days. 
    the long and crushingly stagnet days of being sick and tired of being sick and tired are gone. Yes, I still need to manage pain better and there are still times when the tics are still noticeable to others. The observation for today is that I have not had a bad day since beginning this journey. Today I notice that days are going by so quickly.
    AND… the granddaddy of the lymphomas has gone from the diameter of a silver dollar to the size of a pea. I’ve been on No other medications so I know exactly what’s up here.
    may be helpful.
    Day 24: I love all deeply. yet I also have extreme deep hate for the machine that has brought so many to their sufferings and death. Self expression has taken a hit via so many pharmaceuticals that either masked the anger or intensified it. I’ve been away from the last psych med for 24 days now and am learning what I should have come to know decades ago. Do psych meds keep a person from natural developments? HECK YES! Just look at each and every mass shooter and you have your answer.
    Even george zimmerman was and still is on psych meds. So if folks out here are wanting to love me back to a more stable existence, my prayers today are that no one gives up. I won’t stop trying until my better is my best.
    Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Celexa or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Celexa is not approved for use in pediatric patients. (See WARNINGS: Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PATIENT INFORMATION, and PRECAUTIONS: Pediatric Use.)
    Celexa (Citalopram Hydrobromide) Drug Information: Description, User Reviews, Drug Side Effects,…
    Learn about the prescription medication Celexa (Citalopram
    after 5 years of consuming this crap, doc comes to me and says,” Um 40mg per day can cause heart problems and death. YOU ARE IN DANGER”. Gee Thanks for the warning doc, and yes I have been having quite a time trying to stay alive. 24 day away from that and the engorged veins to my head are no longer feeling like they will explode when i laugh. LITERALLY! It was Depressing in and of it’sellf so actually this drug did NOT work. only made me worse off.
    ….and ANOTHER THING: with each new prescription refill, there would be a change in brands. This was another factor. Brands vary and the content within also varied. each time they made a switch from one to another, I had to readjust to it.
    I relied heavily upon Bob Marley, Jerry Garcia and a bowl to help me with coping when it seems my last nerve just waltzed out.
    …and, For the life of me, I swear…my mind can go from wondering if it was a mob of zombies that killed Jesus to  In 00.0001 second. So Frustrating! Thank you M. chronic illness can drive a person absolutely bonkers on so many levels. according to the statistics, Lots of Bonkered people and a lot of people to share what we have come to know with.
    She’s talking about CANNABIS
    Katie Couric
    Katie Couric (@katiecouric) is an award-winning journalist and TV personality, well-known cancer advocate, and New York Times best-selling author The Best Advice I Ever Got: Lessons From Extraordinary Lives. Couric joined the Disney/ABC Television Group in Summer 2011 and serves as special correspo…
    Page: 164,367 like this

    Top of Form

    July 19 at 2:04pm

    It means that you are about to be bent over and corn holed because the systems has just ASSUMED you into playing The Sick Roll. RUN! RUN LIKE HELL!!!
    What Does it Mean to Accept Your Chronic Illness Diagnosis
    Acceptance is one the toughest things that anyone of us has to do. Whether we are accepting the loss of loved one, moving to new town because of a job transfer, getting divorced, or accepting that we have to live with sickness and pain, acceptance isn’t easy. With chronic illness, the sooner you acc…

    The poor zombies don’t even know they are zombies. We as a rational people can stop our own madness when we stop believing that poisoning yourselves is better.Bottom of Form

    The poor zombies don’t even know they are zombies. We as a rational people can stop our own madness when we stop believing that poisoning yourselves is better.
    am so deeply grateful that people are starting to understand the underlying causes of more grief than good, Thanks for taking your own stands about it and your lives. I love you all,
    I have a bipolar diagnosis. years back the lithium became toxic levels and I was told to keep taking it even though I was in emergency room 6 hours dry heaving after several days of it already, It was killing me, and I was told to keep taking it. Pfft! All I needed way to find a buffer between haters and my sanity. So I turned away from pills and picked up music, No nasty side affects
    … and cannabis! Cannabis is my only medication right now and for the first time in over 8 years, I have more good days than bad. Blessed I am
    Day 25: my mind is like a pan of boiling water today, so many thoughts, so little time. a tall glass of shut the hell up and some of these beads, off to busy these hands. : This mp4 player full of mostly Blues and Classic Rock are an excellent buffer between the loudness of the outside world and my ptsd. I am convinced, without then, the body count would be high. lol
    End of day 26: I need to make note that I am feeling the healing that’s taking place with those lymph nodes the past couple days. I can still palpate the largest one but it is getting harder, so all good there. . Been spending more time outdoors and getting some much needed fresh air, even wearing short, I NEVER wear shorts. well, in healing I must be tasting better also…the crawly creature that got into my clothes while out weeding, managed to elude capture and has made quite a meal of me. Keeping my hands and mind busy are a blessing, and I don’t worry about dying anymore either.
    Unfortunately a month ago I was so tired of being so sick and tired all the time, praying for death to just come get me. watching what was left of me waste away for 8 years had taken every last desire and aspiration, I just thought it was enough. MY HOW THINGS CHANGE!
    Yes, we either get busy living or we get busy dying. Ya know something Claud, I have always been a puff puff pass kinda person, It mellowed me down just fine, but really taking it up a notch with cannabis oil is a lot different. The first thing I noticed was No vertigo while sitting still. I am actually up and moving most of the day now.
    The lymphoma showed up after a few years of dental problems brought on by the Dyskenisis/Dystonia. before that, it was said I had great teeth. The abnormal movements in my jaws and tongue pushed them loose. then came the infections as doc tried in vein to prolong the inevitable. so many rounds of antibiotics and the infections just kept coming. when infection runs so deep that it makes it’s own routes out of the body, they become like an open ended boils in the top of my gums. I was worried for the bone tissue. By the time the infections stopped coming there were 14 lymph nodes in, ‘sick of this shit’ mode. 11 of angry mob went back to sleep. 3 decided to keep expanding their perimeters. To deal with them would mean that I would have to turn yet again to the same system that messed me up good n proper a few times already so I declined. And resigned myself to live with them as my grandmother had done.
    Been feeling so alive lately, it would be a shame if it was anything but healing pains. The 1.4 grams of oil per day does not make me high either. It’s ok… I feel good. yes, I still get pain but I feel Good.
    Day 27: Big Sigh… officially back to work, gave em 10 I know, I know, and last week WAS my ease into period. Per history a day like today would have had me crying uncle by noon. Got a lot accomplished today. It has been awhile since my feet have gnarled up and it’s been awhile since my swallower locked up. No choking! Life is Good! Good night And Get Well Soon. 
    there are still problems but I’m not gonna sweat the small stuff right now.
    Day 28: The lymph nodes seems angry the past couple days. I have been trying to find words to describe how the feeling. Dull ache, kind of like a dull pinch. I have felt this before but don’t understand why now. Now that the swellings are all but gone., the pain should also take a hike don’t ya think? Am wondering if this is normal, or am I loosing my marbs? Other than that, No worries.
    Day 29: STAY POSITIVE. Ok Life, I am ready for you. Are you ready for me?

    Heart – Straight On (Live-HQ)
    Recorded in Seattle, during the last show of their 2002 Summer Of Love Tour, sisters Ann and Nancy Wilson and company put on one fantastic performance. New m…
    Day 30: WHAT A MONTH! Thank You EVERYONE for having info out there that is saving so many from suffering and even death. The last resort should have been the first choice. So many of the ills are either calmer or gone completely. am continuing the oil treatment another 30 days at 1/2 gram twice a day for the lymphoma, but YES, I am doing so much better. The Diskenisia/Dystonia symptoms are so much less noticeable to others. maybe they will not be staring so much now. No matter, I feel great and the twinkle is back. Hey kids, that is Huge coming from someone that had given up on trying to stay alive. Don’t give up, Not ever.
    People Are Trying to Tell You Something. Please Listen.
    What? What is that ungodly stench wafting through the air?
    It’s the smell of Big Pharma dying
    tears here as well, grateful… very very grateful to be better.
    spent the day outdoors in the fresh air finishing up the second layers to the hemp chokers. they are looking pretty good, lots of color this time. I am able to get more done in the shop these days. It used to take hours to put on a straight row of beads. to relieve some minuet pain in my left side and breast, I have taken to some simple massage to help move lymph from the affected areas. That really feels good and yes, there is itching, intense at times and it is quite welcome.
    yes ingested and topical application. So much has changes during July. A month long steeped in grief for the loss of my mate 30 years back. July has always been clouded by horror and longing. Oh I still have that, but this time something wonderful also came during July. Now, it will be a few more years before we hook back up in the spirit world, and today, that’s ok, I can accept that my deeds here are not finished.
    was up at the butt crack of dawn, dog and I went foraging in the woods. found some useful things as well as much needed time with my place of origin. Ahhh, when we got home, we realized we have enough, so life is not so worrisome. I took a few good updated pis of my left cheek today, Day 32 of cannabis oil treatment. OH MY will try again to get them into the computer so I can show everybody. Yes, it’s going away too
    Hey sweeties, I got something ta show ya…..32 day of Cannabis Oil treatment on basal cell carcinoma Am Blissing. thank you everybody, it is so much more than believed could happen and one more Believer.
    thank you Brandon, even while my head was up my ass in so much illness, I did manage to do this one right. Have you noticed, the loss of negativity and a more workable bullshit filter? I think the oil fixed that too. No more tv crap just real info, haven’t gamed either. now that I can move about freely, I see no reason to continue a burning butt from sitting on it. Those were long days indeed.
    I have been dosing a little on the high side Brandon. I don’t feel stoned at all just a good feeling of well being. I have been drinking a lot of milk to help with the tummy. I used all the dry plant material I had to make this batch. I miss smokin a bowl but certainly not complaining. better to live to get stoney another day. oh, the plants I grow are an afgani strain. I’ve tried in vein to get Bubblegum and Blueberry to maturity, but Sheesh! they are some touchy ladies.
    if you look just below the area that has just healed by cannabis oil, there is a pink area. This is a pitted scar from having some froze a few years ago.

    Day 38: no, I am taking no meds for him to med check anymore thanks to cannabis oil. been having a great deal of pain in butt and legs because of sciatic nerve. started butt crunches and it will be better soon. saw my psych doctor today, he said that he has no reason to continue seeing me if I am not eating their drugs anymore. He said I look great, noticed my gate is smoother than it’s been since 2006 with far less restrictions to range of motion, far less stuttering and arm flailing. . . . Hmmm there is still some pain that comes and goes with those lymph nodes but I do not detect anything of concern anymore by self exams. It feels so good to be able to get myself to town and back, and still put in a full afternoon at the shop. Fatigue and vertigo kept me shiftless for so long, I dare not waste another second fermenting

    Day 40: I would rather have the pain than the lethargy. I haven’t been worrying so much lately about collapsing to the floor, coming to and dragging myself to the chair and collapsible again, not giving a poo if I woke up. sometimes living alone is ok. It doesn’t subject others to wonder with me. Lol

    August 9th. Day 50: life is better in so many ways. The only glaring problem left is this excruciating relentless stabbing pain in my back. Now comes the exercise to build back some muscle so this pain is not so pissy. Yep, that’s what’s up. Holistic life style

    never have been able to tolerate opiates and acetaminophen is no better. Now that I am up and moving around, surely I could use this time to correct not cover a problem

    there must be something wrong with that trigger point Wanda. It all the time feels like my back is going to rip apart. have been using a tens unit again. and am thinking that by my newfound mobility, I have riled the beasts again. Hope in time that it will grow to love me again. Lol

    Day 60: Oh my Goodness! So much has changed the past 2 months. I’ve been up and moving without restrictions. The lymph nodes are still sending up phantom pains now and then but there is No abnormalities to be palpated. The skin cancer on my cheek has been gone for a couple weeks and I am eating much better also. During this past 2 months I also went off the last of the psych meds the doctor thought I should eat. Good thing for me in that the crap was killing the most important things I have, a heart and a brain. People Need those and it saddens me to see so many that do not yet understand what is happening to them via the drugs the government says are safe, ARE NOT SAFE.
    ~Blessed Be the Cannabis Oil~

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