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Broken Back Blues: Hope and a call for prayer for Gramma Maggic 420

Broken Back Blues: a call for prayer for Gramma Maggic 420

By: 

Gramma Maggic 420

A frequent guest writer for Kiefair.com recently fell off a tall ladder and broke her back. What follows are her posts in chronological order. There is an amazing tale of cannabis and its effectiveness for pain here.

it is an amazing testimony to the power of prayer and the plant when you read it from beginning to end… I’ve taken Gramma Maggic 420’s facebook posts in the reverse chronological order and put them in chronological order from the time Maggie fell.

~~~~~~~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~~

Since my hospital discharge (and to the surprise and amazement of several specialists yesterday); I have not only kept the pain associated with the break in my back under control, but have done so with no pharmacological intervention.

Unfortunately, my only medication is not free. I have not had a personal harvest since last October, my husband has been longer. We are both on disability.

We have been donated a wonderful amount of coconut oil that is holding, but our supply of flower is exhausted.

If anyone in the area can help, it will be repayed in kind.
Please contact Keith or myself. Thanks in advance!!!

Our email to send help directly through PayPal is kthfld@gmail.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maggie Floyd
I took a bad fall from the attic onto my back . I am in bad pain waiting on the ct scan on my lower back. — with Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Finally got ct results back. NO SPINAL OR BONE INJURIES after falling 10 feet off of a ladder.
Thank you all for your prayers. I thank Heavenly Father for keeping me safe in His care.
Spams in my back are still level 9.5….and I could really use some 420…but I WILL HEAL 
 — feeling blessed with Margaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.

 

Admitted to hospital after 10 ft fall to control spasms & start rehab.I received a Priesthood blessing before parametics transported me to the hospital.NO SPINAL OR BONE INJURIES after falling 10 feet off of a ladder.Thank you all for your prayers. I thank Heavenly Father for keeping me safe in His care.
Spams in my back are still level 9.5….and I could really use some 420…but I WILL HEAL  — with Margaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

Okay….the worst part about being in the hospital after the fall actually isn’t the pain anymore.
It is being a newlywed and being away from my hubby all night for the first time since our wedding.
Miss you, Keith!
Back is getting somewhat better….able to walk to bathroom with walker and help with only a 8.5 increase in pain instead of a 10!
Hopeful that means after a bit more rest that I can go home! (Staying downstairs for a bit….just sayin!
I pray for everyone to invite Jesus Christ and His Love and Lighte into their lives….He sure saved my life today! — feeling lonely with Maggie Floyd andKeith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

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Margaret Ellen Floyd
Gettin dozey again. Emotionally and physically drained.
Very grateful to my Lord in Heaven for the restored Priesthood & all of it’s blessings!
Praying that each and every one is surrounded by the love and lighte of Jesus Christ tonight and always.
I sure appreciate everyone and their prayers to Heavenly Father on my behalf!!!
He has listened & granted me blessings beyond belief!!!
 — feeling tired withMaggie Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.
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If you wish to catch some of Maggie Floyd‘s writing please visit:http://kiefair.com/more-writers/gramma-maggic-420s-tales/
Please pray for Margaret Ellen Floyd aka Maggie Floyd (slighte) aka Gramma Magicc 420 a frequent guest writer on http://kiefair.com/ and the editor of my next book “bogart my art”. She fell from a tall ladder and seriously injured her back. I understand she is in need of cannabis cure oil or raw materials to produce it. Anyone in washington state who could give an assist would be greatly appreciated for their efforts.
they are keeping her in the hospital overnight… sounds pretty serious to me.someone else was willing to speak up for me just yesterday and i had my needs filled. the least i can do is ask for someone else in as great or greater need than my own.
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Please pray for Margaret Ellen Floyd aka Maggie Floyd (slighte) aka Gramma Magicc 420 a frequent guest writer on http://kiefair.com/ and the editor of my next book “bogart my art”. She fell from a tall ladder and seriously injured her back. I understand she is in need of cannabis cure oil or raw materials to produce it. Anyone in washington state who could give an assist would be greatly appreciated for their efforts.
they are keeping her in the hospital overnight… sounds pretty serious to me.
someone else was willing to speak up for me just yesterday and i had my needs filled. the least i can do is ask for someone else in as great or greater need than my own.
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I apologize for my earlier post and mood.
Waking up in pain in the hospital being put on opioid pain medication I didn’t ever want to be on again in my life.
This accident and injury has been humbling to say the least. I really do appreciate all of the prayers and help.All of you are wonderful and amazing. I am blessed to have so many people to call “friends”….what I also call my Intentional Family.May the Love and Lighte of Christ surround you all! My dear hubby is here helping care for me now. The best nurse a girl could ask for! (And he smells much better too!  ) — feeling apologetic with Margaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.
Not sure how long they plan to keep me here. Last night was rough, waiting nervously for PT today.Bad pain episode when I tried to eat….or reach for food, I should say. Lead to a nasty mood and a personality issue with my nurse didn’t help.
Thanks to everyone for your prayers, Heavenly Father is definitely watching out for me.
I pray that the Love and Lighte of Christ surrounds all today! — feeling nervous
PT just left.
Sounds like they’re keeping me until tomorrow.
Then home with a walker and lots of instructions & cautions.
 — feeling painedat Providence Centralia Hospital.
Margaret Ellen Floyd
Physical Therapy just left.
Decision that I am not ready for home, nor is my current home ready for me.
Will be using a walker, it seems, when I am discharged.
Hubby went home to check on Athena.
It’s a long walk from the hospital to home….but he keeps doing it.
Very thankful right now for a lot…. especially my hubby!
May the love and Lighte of Christ surround you all! — feeling tired with Maggie Floyd and 2 others at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Still in the hospital.
Hubby left for home.
He is looking for a walker….apparently my grandma had a new one before she passed.
That will be interesting emotionally. I miss my grandma.
Pain level still intolerable, but I have refused opium’s derivatives since morning.Mood and physical pain were combining to make me unbearably frustrated and angry.Not sending me home until I can ambulate using a walker the distance to the bathroom at home….Still haven’t made it 1/4 way.Thank you all for your prayers. Without them, and my Heavenly Father welcomed into my life, I don’t doubt this would be much worse. — feeling lonely with Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Maggie Floyd
Still in this silly hospital.
Perks: fluffy adjustable bed, fresh fruit & fruit juices
And bacon.Emjoying my bacon and nomming on grapes….fresh fruit and fruit juices and bacon and I didn’t have to cook it or prepare them.Even in pain (finally down to an 8.5 after my first flexaril of the day), I will look for the silver lining!Looking forward to some true medicine when I get home so I can begin to heal.May the love and Lighte of Christ surround all today!#CannabisCures #bacon #HospitalPerks — feeling determined at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Maggie Floyd
Hubby finally made it here just as the PT was starting.Better than yesterday, was my little walker-walk….more PT this afternoon and hopefully we can get this pain controlled enough for me to go home soon.Still refusing opioid (doc is sure pushy with them) pain control. I know what will work, I just need to get some.Looking forward to next week & payday. Green healing is much better than this medical paradigm. Need to make a bit of the cure & get this dang back pain under control. — with Margaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.
Margaret Ellen Floyd
Called to order lunch, asked if they could toss a whole bunch of fruit and vegis in a blender & make me a smoothie…and they agreed!Being in the hospital is bad enough….but I fell on Tuesday before I put my teeth in. Trying to eat without teeth has been a challenge.At least I am finally with-it enough to ask them to blend my food up.
Maybe now, I won’t be so challenged with digestive issues & belly pain.I hope everyone’s day is full of the love and lighte of Christ.
I also hope I can start focusing on things not about my body soon. — feelingbored with Maggie Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.
Maggie Floyd
Hubby here, and done with second PT session of the day.Physical Torture is so fun….lol….not. This whole learning to walk thing kinda sucks….and is intensely painful.But I have a lot more sympathy for my hubby and everyone else who has sustained major back injuries. Keith included. — feeling exhausted.
Margaret Ellen Floyd
A few Sisters stopped by! Thank you so much for the card and the visit, it kept my mind from becoming too stir crazy. — with Maggie Floyd and 2 others.
Just got the word: One more day in here to finish learning how to drive a walker & get to the bathroom by myself.I will be happy to go home tomorrow….and start really healing.Praying for the love & Lighte of Christ to surround all! — feeling determined withMargaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Just got done with morning PT and the therapist was very happy with me!
Climbed up the step (with walker) and down 3 times!!!
I should be going home today!The Priesthood power of Jesus Christ has healed me….I just gotta relearn how to walk! May the love and lighte of our Lord, Jesus Christ, surround everyone today!!! — feeling grateful with Maggie Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Good morning Fb’ers and fellow farmers. It’s been a little rough this morning. Out of meds and been working in the garden, I had to raise the lights and it’ll be watering time this evening  Say a prayer my wife gets to come home today!!! Happy FARMING! — feeling hopeful with Maggie Floyd in Centralia, WA.

  1. Bored, hurting and really wishing I had some 420. Conventional meds suck.Hopefully today I can get out of here….after physical torture clears me for driving a walker to the bathroom.All of those simple things just became a whole heck of a lot more difficult.LOTS of fun….guess I’ll watch a little Netflix on my phone while I pray for another short nap.Hoping the Love & Lighte of Christ surrounds all this morning. — with Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

Third night in this silly hospital.Really missing my hubby. Not cool to happen to newlyweds….but oh well. I guess I will be more careful when I climb from now on.
No more slick shoes. Had hubby throw out the ones I was wearing when it happened.Still waiting for my g’night call Saying my prayers & heading to nap…. — feeling lonely with Maggie Floyd andKeith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

Hoping this will in fact be my last night in this place….but I taught nutrition staff how to make a fruit & vegi smoothie….and I am trying to teach the rest of the staff narcotics are not necessary for pain control.Means being one tough ol lady….but with the Power of Christ’s divine Love and Lighte; I can do anything He wants me to do!Praying His Love and Lighte surrounds all of you too!!! — feeling hopeful withMargaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Maggie Floyd changed her profile picture.
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Margaret Ellen Floyd
Third night in this silly hospital.Really missing my hubby. Not cool to happen to newlyweds….but oh well. I guess I will be more careful when I climb from now on.
No more slick shoes. Had hubby throw out the ones I was wearing when it happened.Still waiting for my g’night call Saying my prayers & heading to nap…. — feeling lonely with Maggie Floyd andKeith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.
Maggie Floyd
Bored, hurting and really wishing I had some 420. Conventional meds suck.Hopefully today I can get out of here….after physical torture clears me for driving a walker to the bathroom.All of those simple things just became a whole heck of a lot more difficult.LOTS of fun….guess I’ll watch a little Netflix on my phone while I pray for another short nap.Hoping the Love & Lighte of Christ surrounds all this morning. — with Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

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Good morning Fb’ers and fellow farmers. It’s been a little rough this morning. Out of meds and been working in the garden, I had to raise the lights and it’ll be watering time this evening  Say a prayer my wife gets to come home today!!! Happy FARMING! — feeling hopeful with Maggie Floyd in Centralia, WA.

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Margaret Ellen Floyd
Just got done with morning PT and the therapist was very happy with me!
Climbed up the step (with walker) and down 3 times!!!
I should be going home today!The Priesthood power of Jesus Christ has healed me….I just gotta relearn how to walk! May the love and lighte of our Lord, Jesus Christ, surround everyone today!!! — feeling grateful with Maggie Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

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Margaret Ellen Floyd
Waiting for discharge….getting some not fun parts taken care of.Tummy pain… intestines went into some kind of shock with the fall, don’t want to work. Prune juice last two day to no avail….More medical intervention (read: “western medicine”) while I await a ride home. — feeling pained with Maggie Floyd and 2 others at Providence Centralia Hospital.

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Maggie Floyd
Finally getting ready to go home from this place… — feeling blessed withMargaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

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Keith A. Floyd
the medical industry is finally making progress — with Maggie Floyd.
Photo: the medical industry is finally making progress
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Maggie Floyd
Finally home with my hubby and my puppy after a 10ft fall from an attic ladder landed me flat on my back, then onto a backboard in an ambulance to the hospital where I’ve been since Tuesday.I have so much to be grateful for: when I landed See More — feeling blessedwith Margaret Ellen Floyd and 2 others.
Photo: Finally home with my hubby and my puppy after a 10ft fall from an attic ladder landed me flat on my back, then onto a backboard in an ambulance to the hospital where I've been since Tuesday.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>I have so much to be grateful for: when I landed Tuesday, I felt something and feared that I had broken my back.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>Heavenly Father blessed me through the Missionaries who my husband called after the medics arrived. </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>During the time the medics were evaluating me and transporting me, they wanted me to take IV narcotics. Being allergic to 2/3 of the ones they had available, then the third was the medication my body was dependant upon for 7 years. I said no. Continued to cry and loose myself in the white-hot pain in my back.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>This was the first of many trials of my hospitalization. I am so blessed to be here after that fall that could have easily broken or killed me. </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>When the pain starts to get to me, I uncover my toes and wiggle them; and I understand how blessed I am. </p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <p>I pray that everyone invites the Love & Lighte of Jesus Christ into their lives, that they may be blessed as well.
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Maggie Floyd changed her cover photo.
My discharge papers from the hospital after a 10ft fall, injuring my back. Even in Lewis County, Washington….medical community is making progress!!!

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Margaret Ellen Floyd
Other than the whole not being able to sit or stand or walk; this being home thing rocks! Lol…? — feeling blessed with Maggie Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.
Margaret Ellen Floyd
I am incredibly blessed: My husband is clanging and clattering around the kitchen making me food, while Athena and I cuddle.It is good, very good, to be home. — feeling blessed with Maggie Floyd andKeith A. Floyd at Centraila.

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My wife is cannabinated and eating dinner. She will heal… I am blessed. — feeling blessed with Maggie Floyd and Athena Brooke Floyd in Centralia, WA.

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Maggie Floyd
I do know I am blessed, but right now the level 9 pain is blinding my gratefulness with:
medicare may pay for a walker but the only place that bills medicare in Lewis Co demands CASH UPFRONT.
Begged to borrow cash for dry meds from a relative, but dry meds make me cough (don’t have a vape or bubbler anymore).
No medibles, tincture or cure oil.
Pain is 9, worse when try to run a marathon to get to the bathroom from my bed without a walker they trained me to use.
Husband found the walker my dead grandma used 21 years ago; no wheels, so almost worse than having nothing.
Yes I am grateful I am alive and not paralyzed, but sometimes I just want to escape this pain hell.
Needs some help in Centralia. Poor hubby is so overwhelmed.
I can’t sit to drive, can’t stand to fix food & can’t walk because no pharmacy down in Lewis Co will fill the Rx for the wheeled walker I learned to drive at the hospital without cash upfront even though Medicare will pay for the walker.
Getting from the bed to the bathroom is excruciating without wheels on a walker. Anyone who might have a solution, please contact Keith or me.I pray everyone’s day is full of the love & Lighte of Christ. — feeling exhausted
Maggie Floyd
A big shout out and thank you to Breezy Kiefair and Mxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx & Keith for conspiring to find a way to get me a care package.I am truly blessed, and also thanks to Renae who also tried to assist with the sit.The biggest thanks goes to my Heavenly Father for making sure I have so many wonderful friends (& hubby) who want me to heal asap. — feeling blessed.
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    Feeling blessed to be alive & not paralyzed this Sabbath, but still a bit sad I cannot sit yet.
    No driving or church since sitting is still unwise. Walking to the bathroom is almost a task I can do on my own.
    I know I will recover completely.
    I know I have been healed.
    I know that my Healer & Redeemer lives. His name is Jesus Christ.
    It is Him that I devote my day, today, to. I am so grateful for my life & my mobility, as painful as it is.

    …and I’m back in the hospital.Lots of fun. More pain than fun.
    Seems that things aren’t working like they should. More tests. — feeling exhausted with Margaret Ellen Floyd and Keith A. Floyd at Providence Centralia Hospital.

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    Margaret Ellen Floyd
    Ct results are back: not keeping me, but fitting a brace for my back (it seems a compression fracture was missed during earlier tests), giving me meds for my digestion….and contacting UW about the lack of sensation issues.Not the best news, but certainly not the worse.Heavenly Father is continuing to watch out for me, I thank everyone for their prayers. — feeling blessed with Maggie Floyd and Keith A. Floyd.
    9 hrs · 

    Update for those interested….for friends of my hubby, Keith, too!

    Thanks everyone for your prayers!

    Margaret Ellen Floyd feeling tired

    So…..we are finally back home after another adventure at Centralia Providence Hospital….wowsa.

    So, after my evaluation & all tests were performed, they discovered that they had missed a compression fracture of my T-11 vertebrae.

    So, yes, I did break my back.

    The great news is it should heal completely.

    The not-so-fun news: 3 months (in the Summer :/) in a back brace. An appointment with a neurosurgeon at Swedish is Seattle & Urologist at UW. In addition of course to setting up appointments with physical therapy & going to my regular doc to follow up.

    Looks like my summer will be quite busy.

    Also looks like we are in Washington for the Summer. Sorry to our friends in AZ, but I will not be cleared to drive that distance for some time 

    I am very grateful to my Eternal Heavenly Father for making certain we followed up on what could have seemed like a trivial complaint.

    I am so eternally grateful to God that I was protected from further injuring my back before the break was discovered.

    I am thankful I have full use of my legs and feet. I am very grateful I will heal completely.

    I pray that the love & lighte of my Lord Jesus Christ surrounds all tonight!

    Just beginning to process the entire idea that my back is broken, and all of the medical-type intervention I have had with my body in the past week, and I will have in the next 3 months.For the first time ever, I have a partner by my side. One who has actually rehabilitated himself from 4 back surgeries.This is an opportunity for me, many of them. I will be documenting my rehabilitation. I will not give up this time. I know what it is like to succumb to the loss of my mobility, I did it in 2002. I was without my mobility, for the most part, until 2009. I had some good days, but not a lot.This time I have denied all pharmaceutical medications since my discharge from the hospital on Friday. I have had no opioids (against medical advice) since 24 hours after the fall. Once I was semi-cognizant, I said “no.”My pain has been in control (painful, but in control), since Saturday, when I was able to get some edible cannabis on board. (BIG thanks again to Breezy, Mxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx &Keith for all that cross-country conversating that lead to me being able to finally find my head!).I thank all my friends & family for the prayers & thoughts as I was going through this scary situation.I thank my husband, Keith, for being the most amazing partner & friend during one of the biggest challenges I could imagine our young marriage experiencing. You are unbelievable and I couldn’t love you more!I am most grateful to my Lord & my Heavenly Father for keeping me safe & giving me the knowledge and ability to fully heal from this accident. I fell 10 feet. I still am doing amazingly well.I pray everyone has a week full of Christ’s Love & Lighte. — feeling blessed

    RIP Maya Angelou honoring her cannabis connections

    SATURDAY, JANUARY 11, 2014

    My, Oh Maya

    Revered author Maya Angelou, who was the first poet since Robert Frost to read a poem at a Presidential inauguration, writes about her experiences with marijuana in Gather Together, the second installment of her autobiography after the acclaimedI Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.  Angelou, who started life as Rita Johnson from Stamps, Arkansas, was raped at the age of 7, and had an illegitimate child in her teens. Working as a waitress to support her son in San Diego, 18-year-old Rita met two lesbian prostitutes who frequented the bar where she worked. One night, the women invited her to their house for dinner. Angelou recounts: “Let’s have a little grifa before dinner.” Johnnie Mae gave an order, not an invitation. She turned to me.  “You like grifa?” “Yes. I smoke.” The truth was I had smoked cigarettes for over a year, but never marijuana….I was prepared to refuse anything else they offered me, so I didn’t feel I could very well refuse the pot…. I inhaled the smoke as casually as if the small brown cigarette I held were the conventional commercial kind. “No. No. Don’t waste the grifa. Hand it here….try it like this…” I opened my throat and kept my tongue flat so that the smoke found no obstacle in its passage from my lips to my throat…. The food was the best I’d ever tasted. Every morsel was an experience of sheer delight. I lost myself in a haze of sensual pleasure, enjoying not only the tastes but the feel of the food in my mouth, the smells, and the sound of my jaws chewing.  “She’s got a buzz. That’s her third helping.”  …I decided to dance for my hostesses. The music dipped and swayed, pulling and pushing. I let my body rest on the sound and turned and bowed in the tiny room. The shapes and forms melted until I felt I was in a charcoal sketch, or a sepia watercolor. (pp. 52-55) By the end of the evening Rita had arranged to rent the women’s house, putting them to work for her as prostitutes, with her barganing for their services with cab drivers and taking a cut. Meanwhile, she read Dostoevsky and studied dance. Soon the arrangement turned sour and she had to flee back to Stamps, where drinking Sloe gin “numbed my brain” and she had to make herself sick to get rid of the poison.

    Rita went back to the West Coast and tried joining the Army in San Francisco, but was turned down because the The California Labor school, where she’d studied dance and drama, was deemed a Communist organization. So she started waitressing again, and smoking pot. Smoking grass eased the strain for me. I made a connection at a restaurant nearby. People called it Mary Jane, hash, grass, gauge, weed, pot, and I had absolutely no fear of using it. In the black ghetto of the forties, marijuana, cocaine, hop (opium) and heroin were only a little harder to obtain than rationed whiskey. Although my mother didn’t use anything but Scotch (Black & White), she often sang a song popular in the thirties that at its worst didn’t condemn grass, and at its best extolled its virtues. “Dream about a reefer five foot long Vitamin [sic] but not too strong You’ll be high but not for long If you’re a viper…” From a natural stiffness I melted into a grinning tolerance. Walking on the streets became high adventure, eating my mother’s huge dinners an opulent entertainment, and playing with my son was side-cracking hilarity. For the first time, life amused me. … I disciplined myself. One joint on Sunday and one on the morning of my day off. The weed always had an intense and immediate effect. Before the cigarette was smoked down to roach length, I had to smother my giggles. Just to see the falling folds of the curtains or the sway of a chair was enough to bring me to audible laughter. After an hour the hysteria of the high would abate and I could trust myself in public. (p. 154).  After a brief stint dancing professionally, she met a married man who told her her, “It’s gauge that’s breaking my marriage….My silly dilly wife stopped letting me have any and she goes around laughing and giggling all the time.” She flushed her pot for him and soon let him lead her into prostitution herself, where she was told if she was good she’d be given some “white girl” (cocaine) but, “They won’t let you smoke hemp, though. They say it makes a ‘ho too frisky. ‘Hos get their heads bad and forget about tending to business.” At the close of the book, another man named Troubador shows her how he shot heroin, and makes her promise to keep her innocence. He gives her his clothes to sell so that she can escape and head back to her Mother’s house. In the following autobiographical installment, Singin’ and Swingin’ and Gettin’ Merry Like Christmas, Rita is discovered while dancing at a strip club in San Francisco and develops a Calypso singing act, changing her name and eventually finding her way to activism with Martin Luther King andMalcolm X, as well as writing with the encouragement of James Baldwin and others. Angelou received over 50 honorary degrees and three Grammys. She was awarded the Presidential Medal of Arts in 2000 and the Lincoln Medal in 2008. PS: Angelou isn’t the only revered US poet to sing the praises of pot. In his book of Haiku She Was Just 17, former poet laureate (2001-2003) Billy Collins wrote: So many nicknames for you  But none as lovely as  marijuana

    1 comment:

    Breezy KiefAir said…

    mayi have permission to reprint this on kiefair.com with credit given to you as the author and links back to your blog?

    normelle <ellen@canorml.org>

    11:51 AM (16 minutes ago)

    to me
    Yes, you may repost with link to Tokin Woman blog. (Doesn’t need my name).

    Cannabis and Me: My Testimony of a Plant Christ Created

    A Cannabis leaf in my handBefore I go any further with my tales of volunteering at a collective garden, I thought I would write a bit of a testimonial.

    Even if readers know why I use this plant medically, sometimes even I need a refresher. When I am out of my medicine, these reasons become crystal clear.

    Physicians & Pharmacists: Diagnosis & Treatment

    The first diagnosis that is listed on my medical records pertaining to the use of cannabis is intractable pain caused by damaged nerves during my last pelvic reconstructive surgery (the initial injuries happened when I was an infant then complicated with motherhood & several unsuccessful surgeries).

    From 2002-2009, I was prescribed Fenantyl via a Duragesic patch. Fenatnyl is an opioid pain medication that is about 75-100% stronger than morphine.
    My physicians repeatedly informed me that due to my pain levels, I would never be able to live off of a morphine-strength pain medication. I am allergic to morphine. Fentanyl with vicodin and percocet was how I survived for 7 years.

    During my time on opioid pain medications, I soon learned that any exertion brought nausea, as well as irritation of the initial pain. The side effects of opioids caused me to loose my teeth, and my life. I spent most of my days in a dark bedroom watching DVDs, curled up in a fetal position.

    In 2008, when my daughter graduated from high school, I was barely functioning on 19 pills a day. All prescribed by the same physician. Most were for side-effects of other medications.  During the time I was on these medications I developed other physical issues. Some where profound, like the hiatal hernia I developed during a violent vomiting episode. This has left me with chronic nausea.

    The other diagnosis that I use medical cannabis for also stems from the abuse I sustained as a small child by my father, then step-father.  PTSD and depression with anxiety are some of the major reasons that cannabis is my medication of choice.

    I have a family history that is frightening for depression. My father and grandfather both committed suicide. My aunt and I both have had several unsuccessful attempts at the same action. Major Depressive Disorder is so much more than “the blues.”

    An ironic experience I have had is one of friends getting tired of my acting out during a major depressive episode and tell me to “go take a Prozac.” The reason I find this ironic is that during the time I was being treated by physicians for my depression through pharmaceuticals (1982-2009), I exhausted every formulary; up to, and including ALL SSRIs (of which class Prozac is in). The only medication for depression that I have not been suicidal on, is Cannabis.

    For my anxiety issues, I have been prescribed at least five different medications. Some two at a time. Couch-lock has nothing on the zombifying experience of prescription anxiety medications. At least I didn’t drool much. But I was not “with-it” enough on them to live.

    When a friend suggested that instead of using vicodin or percocet for my “break-through pain” that I use cannabis (or as she so eloquently put it “smoke a bowl!”), I was leery. When I suspected that it would just get me intoxicated and waste more of my life, she pointed out that my life currently consisted of being in bed 24/7, how much more could I loose? I acquiesced and tried it.

    During the years I used cannabis as a supplement to my prescription medications, I began to live again.
    I found that if I smoked about 2-3 hits off of a pipe or joint, I had the energy to push past the pain. Then the pain began getting less. 

    The End of Prescriptions – An Alternative Presented

    When I was discharged without notice from the physician prescribing the pain medications in August 2009, it was cannabis that relieved some of the symptoms of withdrawal from the Fentanyl and Percocet. It was the only reason I was able to get through the hell of withdrawals without becoming suicidal.

    Months after I was off of all prescription medications, still exhibiting several symptoms of withdrawals as well as my primary issues of anxiety and depression as well as nausea and anorexia; I tried my first edible cannabis products. I was absolutely amazed at the results.

    The more cannabis products that I consumed, the better I felt. I began to feel HEALTHY!
    I began to be able to do so much more. I began to regain my life.

    Last year, cannabis ended up leading me to become a Latter-Day Saint. I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints when God answered my prayers with this plant. But that’s another story for another time (feel free to follow my spiritual journey at SlightelyMormon.org).

    In the fall of 2013, at a sister-friend’s urging; I tried an experiment. I began taking a full-plant extract oil (FEO) on a daily basis. There are many names for this type of oil and many ways to process it. Some of the most common names are Rick Simpson Oil (RSO) or Phoenix Tears. My husband calls his version, without the decarboxylation step (I will post about his oil soon), “Jesus Oil.”

    No matter the name it goes by, it is an extract of the oils of the cannabis plant. I prefer the “full-plant” with the cannabinoids that are only found in the leaves and other non-bud parts of the plant included.

    Here is a link to the best explanation I have found for the processing of small batches of this type of oil, by a dear friend, Breezy Keifair: How to Make Cannabis Oil Without Alerting the Neighbors.

    As the rice-grain sized bit of oil began to be absorbed into my system, I didn’t become intoxicated nor did I feel any euphoria. In fact, as the days progressed to weeks into this experiment of daily oil, I found I was feeling less euphoria from cannabis, but more happiness over-all. My body began to feel “able”. My mind was clear. I could think, and I had energy. I didn’t hurt and my legs worked. My brain looked towards the Gospel and furthering my fores into genealogy. I could think and feel clearly.

    Thirty days into using cannabis oil daily, I felt like a new woman.

    As I have experimented with the use of cannabis for my health, it has been with the guidance of my health care providers and my “cannafamily” – an intentional family of friends.

    As I have learned about the cannabis plant, I have attempted to share this knowledge with others.

    For seven years, prescription medications took my life away from me. Several years ago, while I was in a puddle of vomit and tears, I prayed to my Heavenly Father to save me. It is He who held the branch of the cannabis plant to me. It is He that saved me, through a plant.

    County Line Alternative Medicine: First Morning as a Volunteer

    Day 2, morning one. It was my first Monday morning in a very long time. My disabilities took my freedom from me. My freedom to work. On this Monday morning, I walked about a quarter mile on the way to work, before hitchhiking for a ride.

    Today was more than my first day volunteering for this Collective Garden. It was also the 4 year anniversary of the day my physician had discharged me without notice; putting me involuntarily into withdrawals from the fentanyl and percocet he had been prescribing for five years. For the two years before that, it had been my general physician. But strangely enough, she was no longer in practice.

    This Monday morning felt triumphant. I had begun to take my life back with my baptism in the spring, now perhaps I could at least have the opportunity to help others at the same time as ease the incredible strain on my pocket book that my medical costs were, as they are to anyone on disability.

    The day started off wonderfully. I began to learn my way around the front desk procedures; as I had been trained on the bud-tending bar the previous Saturday night shift.

    I was given passwords and asked to update the web menu on many sites. I began to become acquainted with the other volunteers and their stories.

    County Line was owned and operated by a woman on disability who got tired of her husband sitting around smoking pot all day and doing nothing. So, they started a Collective Garden with a grow and a lounge in the back where he could still, in fact, sit around and smoke weed all day. Only now, they could make money off of it. That was my observation on first glance. I saw a family with two disabled parents attempting to get by and looking at what they knew and making the best of it.

    Jim (all of the names have been changed) was the official owner of the business with their adult son as a partner, as not to get his wife in trouble with Social Security; but he was quick to point out that his wife, Betty, was the true boss. She was, in fact, the one who did the books….and the one to whom the boys on night-shift were answerable for their shenanigans.

    Betty and I got along quite well. In fact, I still miss her and keep her in my prayers.

    Another volunteer I had the opportunity to meet was Jill. She was the “cleaning lady.” In fact, she was a very disabled woman. A patient who lived on a meager fixed income who had trouble affording her medicine. So, she offered to do anything for the Collective Garden. They made her the cleaning lady, and gave her one gram for every 6 hours of work.

    For those of us who are disabled, every hour we work is worth so many more “able-bodied” hours. It takes us so much to be able to push past the pain coma of a pain level that sometimes reaches 9.5+ upon awakening without any cannabis in our system.

    To procure a lowly $10 worth of medicine for 6 hours of bending, twisting, and lifting…doing all of those things that our physicians have warned us against, is something that too many of us would do in a heartbeat.

    That was the remuneration that we all received. All of the volunteers were patients. We all received one gram of dry, cured, medicine for every 6 hours of work that we provided. As “volunteers”, it was a paradigm that was not uncommon, as testified by the volunteers who came from other places. Jim and Betty tried to “sweeten the deal” by promising a dream trip to all the volunteers and calling them “family”.  Meanwhile, many were in the negative by the time they came to work that day.

    On the shiny side of the cloud that first day, were the patients that I was able to meet and help. While riding a line, not attempting to give out medical advice, as none of us want to be practicing medicine without a license; I was able to share my personal experience with this plant in it’s topical, edible and combustible forms with a patient who was in severe pain. Within minutes after using a topical spray, she experienced relief. As a caregiver, it was enough to make me want to come back the next day to help again.

    There are many stories that remain to be told. Many yet to write. County Line Alternative Medicine was north of an unfriendly county border and I lived south of that line. Living in unfriendly territory towards a medicine I have come to know is God’s was, and is, a challenge. Just because cannabis is legal in Washington does not mean it is liked. Many counties, even west of the Cascades, are very unfriendly to cannabis and anyone who uses it for any reason.

    We must continue to spread education and understanding. Erase fear with education. Learn, teach, and grow. Overgrow with the Love and Lighte of Christ. And Cannabis.

    Hippocracy of the Alternative

    In these days when the Hippocratic oath is more than a little hypocritical, we need our alternative medical care more than ever before.

    In today’s world, those who have gone about getting their education in the prescribed manner have incurred so much debt, that entire professions worth of employees, be they physicians, pharmacists or licensed nurses and massage therapists; they are trained very well: You do what we say, or you loose your license. You must not use or do what you know is right, even though it is the compassionate thing to do, you will loose your way to earn money if you do it.

    It is a simple as that. It all boils down to the almighty dollar. Non-maleficence, first doing no harm; has gone the way of family doctor who performs house calls. First, they harm your wallet, which effects your general well-being; then what they do causes more harm than good. Thus, ensuring your return and another procedure and visit that they can bill you for. Upfront payment accepted only. Medical ethics?!

    When those with the initials after their names; when THOSE who have done the education the prescribed way, when THEY FAIL to act in a caring manner, when they FAIL to act with compassion and care CHOOSING the lure of Satan in the guise of the almighty dollar, those of us who DO CARE about our brother are forced to become “front line medics” using the tools that GOD Himself gave us to treat and attempt to cure what ails each other.

    The next line of treatment, in a “compassionate state” is to go to the alternative care providers. Those with no medical degrees, relying on self-directed studies of the studies performed by distant scientists as well as anecdotal evidence of friends.

    But what do we get, when we place our trust and health care needs in the hands of people we will actually call “family,” a “canna-family;” solely because they partake of the same alternative treatment that we have chosen?

    Under RCW 69.51a, the medical cannabis in Washington is governed. A new set of rules and laws were added when Washington State voters approved I-502 against the objections of many medical cannabis patients.

    The fight for and against I-502 split the cannabis community in more than two pieces. A community that refers to itself as a family; now cannibalizing each other for the cash that they can procure.

    After traveling the country for the past 3 years, meeting a lot of people in a lot of different circumstances, most of them revolving around a plant, I decided to take up an invitation to “volunteer” at a local “collective garden” in Washington State for a few months. What I observed while there made me sicker than even “big pharma” has for a long time.

    I will be posting stories from the Collective Garden I was volunteering at. It is and was the norm. I had the opportunity, while there and at other times, to interview and get to know as true friends, a large variety of people, all patients, who have volunteered in these “Gardens”. Their, and my experience is typical of what a small town “Safe Access Point” is in Washington State.

    I believe in a better paradigm. I aim to create a situation for myself, my husband and as many of our friends as possible in a community that is about caring. Cannabis is a part of it, but currency will not be.

    My heart has been hurt tremendously by the people who call patients “family” only to be close to them when they receive their pittance of a decreasing valued limited income. It is time for all to grow their own. It is time for people to step up and help their neighbor if he CAN’T grow. It is time to be our brother’s keeper. It is TIME to Overgrow the World with compassion. With the love and lighte of Christ. And with Cannabis.

    Watching the Stats

    “Watching The Stats”

    People say I’m crazy doing what I’m doing,
    Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,
    When I say that I’m o.k. they look at me kind of strange,
    Surely your not happy now you no longer play the game,

    People say I’m lazy toking my life away,
    Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to strengthen the light in me,
    When I tell that I’m doing Fine watching smoke play on the wall,
    Don’t you miss the big time girl you best get on the ball!

    I’m just sitting here watching the stats go up and up,
    They really love to read my words,
    I tell them all the things the money hounds,
    dont want the people to know,

    People asking questions lost in confusion,
    Well I warn them when i know of a problem,
    Offering solutions,
    Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind,
    I tell them there’s no hurry…
    I’m just sitting here smokin kind,

    I’m just sitting here watching the stats go up and up,
    They really love to read my words,
    I tell them all the things the money hounds,
    dont want the people to know,.
    http://youtu.be/Da69-pu_pqc
    Of Poetry, Pain and PotThe Art of Breezy Kiefair

    GEDSC DIGITAL CAMERA

     

    see also: http://kiefair.com/2014/01/15/of-poetry-pain-and-pot-new-verses/

    How to make Cannabis Cure Oil without alerting the neighbors

    The purpose of this blogpost to assist folks in making smaller batches of cannabis cure oil (aka phoenix tears) specifically written for those in situations requiring caution and little smell, whatever those conditions may be (i.e. cancer pts in non legal states). MAKING CANNABIS CURE OIL IS EASIER THAN FOLKS THINK!!! If you wish make a small batch of cannabis cure oil aka phoenix tears on the down low or are worried about the neighbors smelling what you’re cooking, then this guide is for you.  This method works with just a little bit of raw materials to process.  I usually reclaim the alcohol solvent, but for the purposes of this post, i’m going ultra low tech and easy for people who wont take the time to run a still because they are complete novices in need of oil…

    Screenshot 2014-03-09 20.13.36 edit

    if you are worried about the legality of this oil, I say to you

    “When a life is at stake, and breaking a law will save it, abiding by the law is not a virtue.” ~Breezy Kiefair

    or perhaps Henry David Thoreau said it better in his work Civil Disobedience”

    If the machine of government is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law.
    Read more at: http://xroads.virginia.edu/~hyper/WALDEN/Essays/civil.html

    ******BEFORE YOU ATTEMPT TO EXTRACT

    CANNABIS CURE OIL, Please read  the following post

    first in addition to this post in its ENTIRETY.******

    FAQ’s about Phoenix Tears Therapy for the Beginner

    The Frequently asked questions about phoenix tears therapy for the beginner post covers a lot of the science regarding how and why this medication works to combat cancer. The post you are currently reading centers on how to make the cannabis cure oil.

    *******************     *******************     

    PLEASE NOTE!

    I am not a doctor or licensed herbalist. I am just a lady who has traveled this path trying to offer information to other people considering walking down this path of their own free will.

    PLEASE FOLLOW ALL SAFETY PRECAUTIONS!

    *******************     *******************     

    What Are Phoenix Tears?

    Quite simply, Phoenix Tears are a potent, concentrated form of the cannabis plant.  This therapy is also known as R.S.O (Rick Simpson Oil), Cannabis Cure Oil, Run From the Cure Oil, F.E.C.O (Fully Extracted Cannabis Oil), Jamaican Hash Oil (like you used to get “back in the day”) Cannabis extract, or simply hash oil. Whatever you call it, it is strong medicine that cures most cancers and can treat many disorders/diseases in the body.

    I invite you to also follow the below link for more frequently asked questions on how to use this medication.

    FAQ’s about Phoenix Tears Therapy for the Beginner

    What kind of cannabis

    do I use?

    Some of you out there are so new to cannabis that knowing what kind of cannabis to get is a difficult proposition. For others, this is basic information that I am reviewing for you.

    Cannabis is divided into two general families. They are referred to as Indicas and Sativas (there are hybrids that are described as a percentage Indica and a percentage sativa)

    2013-05-23 0657 indicasativa leaves collage polished

    Some of the most commonly recommended strains by the Rick Simpson Camp of oil creation are white widow and white rhino. Both of these strains are good Indica strains but there are many, many other Indica strains. Indica plants have fat leaves and generally are more earthy in their flavor and smell.

    You need a strain high in both THC and CBD. I am of the opinion that all of the compounds of the plant work in concert together to heal cancer. Some people will argue with me that chlorophyll is not necessary, but truly that is a small matter.

    Indica strains tend to be sleepier and are better in my opinion for nighttime, however for me, Indica plants are also more effective for deep pain.

    Indica medical marijuana strains are short, bushy plants with wide leaves. Indica plants typically grow faster and have a higher yield than the sativa variety. Medicine produced from cannabis indica plants have higher CBD and lower THCcounts therefore a pure indica strain will produce a heavier, sleepy type of high. The flowering stage lasts between 6 to 8 weeks.Plant Origins: Afghanistan, Morocco, and Tibet.

    Sativa strains are more for daytime. The feeling is more social, more antidepressant, creative, more energetic, and clearer headed. Sativas are also good as a “ distraction” from the pain, they will help you get interested in whatever it is you are doing to help you not notice how much pain you are in.

    The sativa strain of marijuana is the complete opposite of the indica strain. Sativa medical marijuana pants are tall, thin plants, with narrow leaves, and generally are a lighter shade of green then their counterpart, the Indica strain. Sativa strains take longer to grow, mature, and require more light. Medicine produced from cannabis sativa plants have lower CBD and higher THC counts which produces a more clear headed, energetic type of high. The flowering stage lasts between 10 to 16 weeks. Plant Origins: Colombia, Mexico, Thailand and Southeast Asia.

    remember that cannabis flowers are like roses... roses come in many colors and the right color given to the right person can open many doors... cannabis flowers come with many different effects and the right flower given to the right person with the right illness that flower is good at treating can ease much suffering. —                                                                     https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=530336420319705&set=o.154533251224064&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn1%2F525999_530336420319705_1779578205_n.jpg&size=480%2C384

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=530336420319705&set=o.154533251224064&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn1%2F525999_530336420319705_1779578205_n.jpg&size=480%2C384

    remember that cannabis flowers are like roses… roses come in many colors and the right color given to the right person can open many doors… cannabis flowers come with many different effects and the right flower given to the right person with the right illness that flower is good at treating can ease much suffering.

    I recommend a Cannabis Indica strain or a cannabis Indica dominant hybrid strain for the curing of cancer. If you are treating another disease, you may want to try different strains of cannabis that are more suited for your condition  For example, someone wanting to treat their Post Traumatic Stress Disorder might choose to make their Cannabis Cure Oil from a strain known to be a good treatment for P.T.S.D anxiety symptoms such as Northern Lights. An epileptic or seizure patient may want to make their oil out of strains known to reduce seizure activity such as White Widow, White Rhino, or Life Saver. A chronic fatigue patient may want a sativa based oil for the energetic properties of some of those strains. Likewise, a patient with depression may wish to choose an uplifting euphoric  sativa strain to use as an antidepressant. Cannabis Indica strains tend to be high in both  Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) and  Cannabidiol (CBD)

    There is nothing wrong with using a mixture of bud and close trim to make phoenix tears oil. I have even known people who used street grade weed (commonly referred to as shwag) to make the oil and saw results. Too often shwag is grown by non-organic methods and harvested before the nutrients have been flushed out of the plant properly. Sometimes, the plant is even harvested before she is completely ripe.  That being said, you cannot argue with the results of people who used shwag because that was all they had access to and were able to cure their cancer with it.  Because of all these concerns, I recommend everyone grow their own bud, or buy the raw materials from a trusted grower.

    What you will need:

    a quantity of Indica cannabis flowers or cannabis trim

    you can make batches with as little and 1/8 ounce of raw materials, though the yield is very small.

    a bag made from a scrap of a clean old t-shirt or some cheese cloth

    a 1qt mason jar to soak it in

    food grade high proof alcohol (ever-clear works well) Please make sure your alcohol is 190 proof or higher! the higher the proof the lower the water content.

    Unbleached cone shaped coffee filters

    a funnel

    an oven and oven thermometer to decarboxylate the cannabis

    a plant oil such as coconut oil, olive oil, butter, grapeseed oil, hempseed oil in order to help you get the cannabis oil back out of the jar.

    What YOU DO

    Step 1 Grind it:

    2014-03-09 22.23.50

    Cut or grind your cannabis into small, loose pieces. This increases the surface area for the solvent and maximizes the amount of medication extracted. This step is particularly important if your raw materials have been compressed in any way.

    Step 2 Bake it (decarboxylation):

    Place your raw materials in a bag made from t-shirt (jersey) material. preheat your oven to 290 degrees fahrenheit (143.3 degrees celsius) Place your bag of raw materials into a glass dish and put into the oven. Heat for at least 20 minutes and up to 60 minutes. AN OVEN THERMOMETER MAY BE NECESSARY! DO NOT EXCEED THIS LEVEL OF HEAT, or you begin to LOSE YOUR MEDICINE.

    2014-03-09 22.23.31

    Step 3 SOAK IT:

    Freeze your raw materials for a minimum of 2 hours.  Also freeze the alcohol solvent (no it will not become solid and if there is any water in your alcohol, it will freeze to the sides of your container) Put your bag of frozen raw materials into a container to soak. cover with the alcohol you have selected and allow to soak with a lid on it for 2-24 hours. Many different oil makers use different soak times. Some measure their soak time in minutes, some in hours, others in days or weeks. My teacher and I have played with many soak times and have settled upon the 2-24 hour range as ideal for our patients. For small scale extracts, I like 24 hours to maximize the yield.

    the soak, after overnight in the freezer

    Step 4 Filter it:

    Remove the raw material bag being sure you squeeze as much of the alcohol out as possible. Place the bag in a funnel or strainer and allow the alcohol to drain from the bag thoroughly. Collect all the alcohol!  Set up a funnel on top of another container and place a cone shaped coffee filter inside the funnel. Carefully pour the alcohol through the filter and funnel. This removes some of the plant cellulose so that you get a better consistency (less hard) oil in the end process.

    Step 5 Evaporate the alcohol:

    Leave the filtered alcohol uncovered in a warm cupboard or cabinet. Putting it someplace closed up helps keep the smell away from the neighbors. It may evaporate faster in the open. You want to leave it someplace warm that it is not going to get bumped, spilled or moved. This step can take several days, so be patient. You are left with a thick dark grease like substance in the bottom of the jar. You can access this cannabis cure oil (phoenix tears) in the next step, so dont be worried that you can’t get at the product. If you need ultra concentrated phoenix tears, use a wide mouth flat dish for the evaporation step. you can use a razor blade to scrape the oil off the glass and or a syringe to collect it depending on yield and consistency.

    Step 6: time for fats

    Add a quantity of coconut oil, olive oil, grapeseed oil, or butter to the jar. Gently heat the jar until the oil is melted and marries with the cannabis oil. Lots of stirring in this step!  The less fat you put in the jar, the more potent the end result is… this is the step where you decide your dose. It is easier to add more oil and make it less potent than to add too much oil. If you add too much fat, the only thing you can do to increase the potency is make another batch of oil and add it to the cannabis infused oil you already have. The end result can be used in a variety of cooking methods or if you prefer can be put into vegetable capsules (works best with coconut oil) for use as pills or suppositories. I really like a blend I make with the cannabis plus equal parts coconut oil and honey. For more information and discussion on the method, please click this sentence 

    Step 7 Store it:

    if you have access to empty oral syringes, then draw up the phoenix tears into syringes

    If you do not have access to oral syringes, consider making up pills from empty vegetable capsules

    If neither of the above are an option, a wide mouth glass container is suitable

    DO NOT STORE IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT. No need to refrigerate, if you do they may become too thick to work with.

    Questions?

    send a pm through facebook to this profile

    email: btokeefer@gmail.com

    Need a More in Depth look?

    Information on dosing and concerns about side effects can be found at the following post:

    FAQ’s about Phoenix Tears Therapy for the Beginner

    If you find my method difficult to understand, please seek out other tutorials on this method. A few are below.

    need to make a smaller batch? http://www.weedist.com/2013/01/full-extract-cannabis-oil-made-easy/

    If you click this sentence, it will take you to the phoenixtears.ca tutorial on how to make the oil

    end-notes:

    I am not afraid to tell you that I agonized about writing this tutorial. The responsibility of writing this oil creation tutorial weighed  heavy on my mind. I know I need to make the instructions pretty much fool proof. even if i write this flawlessly… with ample warnings and clear language…. what responsibility do i hold karmic or otherwise if someone extracts poorly after reading my tutorial? what level of fool is acceptable for making the oil? How many fools will ignore safety precautions, allow alcohol to build up in the extraction area and become alcohol vapor poisoned or worse will light a joint and go boom for lack of airflow? My teacher is a good oil maker and had to learn his lesson on alcohol vapor poison the hard way… how can I ensure the knowledge I am imparting will not have dangerous consequences if they fall into a fools hands? I have weighed all these concerns in my heart and decided that it was too important of information to with hold it for fear of what people will do with it. In the end, the fear of what people would do with out it is greater than the fear of what they will do with it.

    related posts:

    How to Extract Cannabis Cure Oil with alcohol (Phoenix Tears)

    Do’s and Don’ts of Helping a friend with social anxiety or Phobias (Sting and Paul Simon Serenade)

    Perhaps you have a friend or mate who becomes intensely uncomfortable in social situations. Or perhaps you yourself have an intense aversion to large crowds or some other phobia that the people around you think you need to “get over”. Getting over these phobias is easier said than done. In this article we will explore some forms of social anxiety from other people’s point of view interspersed with some of my own failures and successes where social anxiety are concerned. I’m going to begin by listing a bunch of attempts that ended with less than successful  or mixed results, I will finish up with some recent victories.

    Lets take a journey in the way back machine

    and look as some of my past attempts to interact in social situations when there are a lot of people around.

    July 27, 2010

    Longmont Colorado City Council chambers

    Longmont City Council Chambers 7/27/10

    July 27, 2010 1 hour 15 mins to go. I’m sittin in the council chambers….. first signed up to speak, but its agenda item 11A

    On July 27, 2010, I gathered my courage and went down to the Longmont, Colorado City Council Chambers to speak about the Council wanting to ban dispensaries in the city of Longmont.  I was terrified. I knew I was walking into a metaphorical “lion’s den” and I was doing it alone. I dressed as professionally as the closet of clothing and fashions provided by the the thrift store on my meager income. I had spent a great deal of time preparing myself for the 3 minute speech I was to give to our city fathers and mothers. I had my speech all written out on 3×5 cards so as to appear more professional. I arrived almost an hour early, but that had more to do with the distance I had to walk and my paranoia that it would take me longer than the average person to walk the 5 mile distance from the place where the RV I lived in was parked and the City Council Chambers. While this experience was a success in that I made it to the city council chambers, I do not count it as a success. I was successful in that I did manage to attend and to give my speech and even go through this same process several more times, even getting my name repeatedly in the Longmont Times Call (the local newspaper) and my little speeches to the city mothers and fathers even were aired on TV, appearing at the time on “The Longmont Channel” (a public access channel serving the Longmont area)

    Anyone who may question why I do not consider these exercises a success need only watch the video from one of the city council meetings. Despite the eloquence of my words, you can clearly see (and I even mention) how afraid I am.

    07/20/2010 View the video here: I am the second citizen to speak

    http://65.49.32.143/presentation/longmont/777305ac-340b-4c4c-9600-bb3ec6c0d414/072010of_Agenda/presentation_file/mgpresenter.html

    the video from July 27, 2010:

    http://65.49.32.143/presentation/longmont/62fc90a1-21ab-41f4-b9f4-4068d164d029/072710rs_Agenda/presentation_file/mgpresenter.html

    associated links:

    times call article list: http://nl.newsbank.com/nl-search/we/Archives?p_product=LCDB&p_theme=lcdb&p_action=search&p_maxdocs=200&s_dispstring=allfields(Breedheen)%20AND%20date(all)&p_field_advanced-0=&p_text_advanced-0=(%22Breedheen%22)&xcal_numdocs=20&p_perpage=10&p_sort=YMD_date:D&xcal_useweights=no

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=141767912509893&set=a.151763424843675.27293.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-frc3%2Ft1%2F38509_141767912509893_2555818_n.jpg%3Flvh%3D1&size=300%2C400

    links to more experiences so that those along the path may see that it can really take a lot of failure on the social anxiety road before you can reach a shining success… I’m not going to go into each humiliation in great detail, but you can visit the links and see for yourself what I am speaking about here:

    New Years eve 2011: https://www.facebook.com/breezy.kiefair/media_set?set=a.181356261884391.40580.100000300558421&type=3

    state capitol edible hearing: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=196532210366796&set=a.151763424843675.27293.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Fscontent-a-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ash2%2Ft1%2F181912_196532210366796_5403390_n.jpg&size=640%2C480

    artistic images from that hearing: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.204678466209542.55495.154533251224064&type=3

    Traveling through Southern Colorado on foot and Stranger’s kindness

    https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.308895199121201.84420.154533251224064&type=3

    2012 MLK day march https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=342732465746769&set=a.151763424843675.27293.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Fscontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-frc3%2Ft1%2F401386_342732465746769_2115864266_n.jpg&size=640%2C480

    Ganja Gala January 27, 2012

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=350522411634441&set=a.151763424843675.27293.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Fscontent-a-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ash2%2Ft31%2F210824_350522411634441_1816312773_o.jpg&smallsrc=https%3A%2F%2Fscontent-a-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ash2%2Ft1%2F396573_350522411634441_1816312773_n.jpg&size=1280%2C2048

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=358500207503328&set=a.151763424843675.27293.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-frc3%2Ft1%2F420024_358500207503328_1375356071_n.jpg&size=308%2C480

    fb ganja gala event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/256052781125358/

    event description:

    Join us at Colorado’s inaugural Ganja Gala, benefiting the Medical Marijuana Assistance Program of America (MMAPA) and National Cannabis Industry Association (NCIA). This Roaring Twenties-themed fundraising joint will celebrate the achievements of the medical cannabis industry with Prohibition Era cocktails, tasting stations serving swell snacks, and gabbing with other cannabis industry leaders to swank twenties era and modern music. Get dolled up in your costume or cocktail glad rags and join us for a night on the town. It’s sure to be the cat’s meow!Need more information? Contact Christie@303-250-0096

    I was actually thrown out of the Ganja Gala when a brain injured member of my party engaged people across the vip lines… i was mortified, but also took a stand for the low income people the event coordinators were using for fundraising but not truly helping.

    Paris on the Platte, revisiting a place of strength

    https://www.facebook.com/breezy.kiefair/media_set?set=a.755419424478069.1073741855.100000300558421&type=3

    Cinderella’s misadventures at the Halloween Hash Bash

    https://www.facebook.com/breezy.kiefair/media_set?set=a.691553604197985.1073741843.100000300558421&type=3

    Interaction in small groups

    Michelle Lamay’s Thanksgiving Visit https://www.facebook.com/breezy.kiefair/media_set?set=a.711323275554351.100000300558421&type=3

    Purchasing from private growers: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=740424859310859&set=t.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn2%2Ft31%2F1556308_740424859310859_616353164_o.jpg&smallsrc=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn1%2Ft1%2F15658_740424859310859_616353164_n.jpg&size=2048%2C1536

    Donations from Rev Baker via a Good Neighbor: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=740382512648427&set=t.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-frc3%2Ft31%2F1501632_740382512648427_1236464536_o.jpg&smallsrc=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-ash3%2Ft1%2F1043861_740382512648427_1236464536_n.jpg&size=2048%2C1536

    Diana Sunshine Wulf and Pennies for Pot

    https://www.facebook.com/breezy.kiefair/media_set?set=a.709271002426245.100000300558421&type=3

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151852060018757&set=t.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn2%2Ft31%2F1421171_10151852060018757_529150658_o.jpg&smallsrc=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn2%2Ft1%2F1424359_10151852060018757_529150658_n.jpg&size=1600%2C1200

    Renting a Basement from a friend for a few days to make cancer cure oil:

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=658667970819882&set=t.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Fscontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ash4%2Ft31%2F1167505_658667970819882_1543100740_o.jpg&smallsrc=https%3A%2F%2Fscontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ash4%2Ft1%2F1146743_658667970819882_1543100740_n.jpg&size=1448%2C2048

    I’ve detailed some pretty sad attempts to interact socially. No matter what I did or how I tried, these social interactions with larger groups of people just kept ending in disaster! Interactions with smaller groups were easier, but still difficult. My fears in social situations had become social anxiety or maybe would be better termed as a social phobia. I simply could not walk into a crowd without running away 3x as fast. Then one day, I found myself interviewing a new roommate and was invited to a concert that I would dearly love to see. I was faced with the old social anxiety dilemma… “do I go and risk running out, or do I not even try?” I decided to keep on trying.

    Victory at last! Attendance of Sting and Paul Simon Concert 2/11/2014

    Playlist of videos performed at the concert. Please note that this playlist is not the actual concert, it is a peace offering to audio purists because the quality of my video and mic are so poor. I have tried to get the music video the artist produced for mass consumption whenever possible. If an artistic music video was unavailable, I have substituted it with a live performance of much higher quality video/audio than the video I shot.

    http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwc43UiVjiufYewv_-RgH0icVF61lxgne

    Some of you know what a huge deal attending last night's concert was for me. Yes, it was amazing to be serenaded by two artists of such high esteem. Yes, it was an enormous gift too big and lovely for me to have even contemplated far outside of what my own income ever has been able to provide... Yet, there is a huge truth that usually would have prevented me from attending. My ptsd has left me with a near phobia of crowds, and it is rare I even attempt attendance where there will be many people except when I need a bit of in person research for kiefair.com and the research cannot possibly be done any other way and is meant to help folks... I am sure there were some folks last night who were waiting to see me run screaming away from the concert. This did not happen. We got there early, and for a full 3 hours I was in the midst of a crowd. In the end, it wasn't the fear, but sting's light show towards the end was just way too much stimuli for me (nearly had a seizure for the first time in a long time). When I could not stand any more, my new roommate was so kind, nonjudgemental, and also was more than ready to go, allowing me not to have to fight the crowd on the way out. If you can see why this image would be a huge deal to me to attend and not run from the crowd, then I thank you for cheering me on.  ref: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=751610774858934&set=a.151763424843675.27293.100000300558421&type=1&permPage=1

    Some of you know what a huge deal attending last night’s concert was for me. Yes, it was amazing to be serenaded by two artists of such high esteem. Yes, it was an enormous gift too big and lovely for me to have even contemplated far outside of what my own income ever has been able to provide… Yet, there is a huge truth that usually would have prevented me from attending. My ptsd has left me with a near phobia of crowds, and it is rare I even attempt attendance where there will be many people except when I need a bit of in person research for kiefair.com and the research cannot possibly be done any other way and is meant to help folks… I am sure there were some folks last night who were waiting to see me run screaming away from the concert. This did not happen. We got there early, and for a full 3 hours I was in the midst of a crowd. In the end, it wasn’t the fear, but sting’s light show towards the end was just way too much stimuli for me (nearly had a seizure for the first time in a long time). When I could not stand any more, my new roommate was so kind, nonjudgemental, and also was more than ready to go, allowing me not to have to fight the crowd on the way out. If you can see why this image would be a huge deal to me to attend and not run from the crowd, then I thank you for cheering me on. ref: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=751610774858934&set=a.151763424843675.27293.100000300558421&type=1&permPage=1

    fb photo from concert: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=751610774858934&set=t.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Fscontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-prn1%2Ft1%2F1932238_751610774858934_704856247_n.jpg&size=960%2C720

    So, what made this time so much different?

    1. This concert was a “bucket list item for me” meaning that I wanted to attend a Sting Concert before I died. The fact that I have so often wanted to attend a Sting concert was a definite factor in me overcoming my fear. The person feeling the fear must be excited enough about the event to overrule the fear. A business event within the industry the person works within can be a double edged sword for those with social anxiety. Those types of events appear attractive because there may or may not be people the person having the anxiety knows at the event. For me, industry events are like kryptonite… I always feel like I’m about to jump into a shark tank. It probably has something to do with my past failures at such events where other people needed me to take a stand, no matter how uncomfortable to me… For this reason, it is not my recommendation to mingle work and your attempts to overcome social anxiety at least in the beginning. If you are strong at work from behind your computer, don’t try to change that dynamic too much to start. It’s more rewarding to make this type of growth outside of the work setting and in a fun setting anyway.

    2. I did not have time to overthink the event. The invitation happened the night before the event. I had a clear choice without much waiting or anticipation surrounding it. I said yes, and went the next day. I have sometimes found that when I am given too much time to ponder an event, it makes it impossible for me to attend because my mind is given too much time to ponder the negative possibilities.

    3. Choose your mates for the battle carefully! The person attending the event with me knew how difficult the crowd would be for me and made every effort to help me through it. When I became overwhelmed with the crowd, a member of my party directed me to a quiet area to recenter. It did not take me long at all to regain my bearings and be able to continue along our way to our seats despite a long walk and a lot of people to get through. In the past, others have reacted to my fear in far less supportive ways causing me to utterly fail in my attempts to overcome. They probably did not realize they were making it harder for me, so no one is to blame really for my previous failure…. but the point is, the right support can = success.

    4. I knew I had permission from myself and those in my party to leave if the experience proved to be too much for me or just became overstimulating in general. We stayed through nearly the entire concert, but this permission did come into play towards the end of the event. We left the event slightly early not because of my fear of any crowds, but from the stimuli of the light show on my seizure disorder.

    5. Leaving a little early can help you not have to fight the same crowd twice. By either showing up early and/or leaving early or late, you can effectively avoid having to fight crowds too much. It was a far different experience walking out of the event than it had been walking into the event.

    videos from the event

    Links on social anxiety, Ptsd, and Related articles:

    social anxiety from wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety

    NIMH social anxiety: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/social-phobia-social-anxiety-disorder/index.shtml

    Related posts on Kiefair.com

    Cannabis Activism Home Movies from the Kiefair Journey

    Weight Gain Journey of an Intractably Nauseous Stomach

    PTSD People and Passive Aggressive People… a toxic mix

    Of Poetry Pain and Pot new verses

    1501709_724764604210218_641304898_n

    Here is some new poetry from the author of the book,

    “Of Poetry, Pain and Pot”

    Of Pain, poetry, and pot.” Is a collection of cannabis centered poetry in a neobeatnik style. It includes updated versions of Allen Ginsberg – Howls “howl” and “america”, along with an update on “to whom it may concern” by Adrian Mitchell , a cannabis parody of Rifleman’s Creed and many other poems that are all my own. I hope ya grab your free download while it is available and be sure to lend it to your friends (I have enabled book lending on this piece). The next day to download it for free is December 21

    http://www.amazon.com/Pain-Poetry-Pot-Breedheen-ORilley-ebook/dp/B00FGF8WUY/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1385582510&sr=1-1

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    The river is broad, deep and still.
    The cattle lowe upon the bank
    Stately she glides upon a ship of gopher wood 
    drifting upon the rivers ebb and tide.
    It is a houseboat, a royal palace,
    A temple wherein she and her healing reside
    Her sails hempen homespun
    Her mast the finest teak
    Gossamer crystalline curtains beckon you within
    A temple throneroom green and golden
    You feel a peace and safety such as never has been.
    And then you see her, such a rare and powerful beauty
    Seated upon her high cannabis throne.
    That is when you know, you have come home.

    Poem fragment 12-2-2013 12:36am
    Breezy Kiefair author Of Poetry, Pain and Potartist under the influence of cannabis at The Art of Breezy Kiefair, editor, Kiefair.comReefer Gurl and Gardening Tips for the Medically Damned

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I have the strangest fantasy of how things would be if I could disembody me literally

    To disassemble the sum of my parts to allow each bit to focus on arts, healing written, and viewed and then I’d like to lay about the room.

    Near the ceiling in the North East Corner of the room floats my stomach and digestive tract that has been lifted up in prayer so often it just floats like a gruesome garland rising from the earth to the air.

    On the bed reclines a disembodied spine each vertebrae pulled apart so it can finally breathe

    I separate my eyes always watching detached from all and yet they see what is, what was, what yet may come to be.

    The eye that sees well closely i park like an orb web cam along with half abrain and my left hand. Grateful they blaze to work free of the body and shining in internet land.

    The right hand, the other half of the bran and the longer sighted eye work leisurely on art’s beautiful sigh.

    Above my stomach floats my mouth with a funnel filling system with nutritious fuel even if i get tired of digesting gruel.

    My nose I leave in a bed of potpouri flowers.

    My lungs float ever filled with smoke from an equally disembodied bottomless bowl.

    My heart is broken and hides locked in a crate ever trying to put the pieces back together shattered by fate. Its physical hole and emotional hole preventing all hope for a fulfilled heart that’s whole.

    My veins make a maze hoooked to the digestive tract with estuaries leading to confined heart and runs likewise to pancreas, liver, kidneys and it does to the heart.

    My female organs are in pickle jars before the tv always in the line of view reminding me of what I lost being unable to see.

    In a heap under the bed lies pathetic immune system hiding and waiting for a sterile enviornment

    Muscles drape about the room like laundry drying finally feeling relief of tension.

    The remaining bones save the skull are in a pile on the south wall waiting for the pain to burn them out of existance.

    my blood is an aquarium in the west ever being purified and recycled.

    one leg kicks asses online with brain hand and eye, and one leg disembodied hikes 14,000 ft mountains in memory of past strength within I

    What is left of my sex lies secreted in a box beneath my pillow, beneath skull and spine in safekeeping mourning the loss of love.

    What a gruesome sight this disembodiment would be. And somehow it is comforting fantasy to me.

    Still alive, yet detached in so many ways from the pain and the anguissh that limits my accomplishments each and every day. 

    I have the strangest fantasy of how things would be if I could disembody me literally

    To disassemble the sum of my parts to allow each bit to focus on arts, healing written, and viewed and then I’d like to lay about the room.

    11/07/2013 1:07 am

    Breezy Kiefair

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    November 22, 2013 at 4:34pm
    At the daily appointed time, she hides in darkness stretching the leafy dime. She inhales and ponders the days events and does her best to fear circumvent. She is filled with sorrow for so many who do without this simple comfort she has made her life about. In the winter twilight she shivers and smokes and prays for those who wish with her to shiver and toke. For the suffering smokeless masses are so very many and yet when I point them out I’m treated like a crazy ninny. I shiver and smoke and cry and toke and still have a heart for those who are broke. The feds raid and I wonder about the needs of the end user how will they suffer because of a possible regulation abuser? All this pain could be gone if we all just accepted growing and using a plant is not wrong.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Have yourself a merry canna christmas
    Toke until you’re light
    How many years must we sow our grow out of sight

    Have yourself a merry canna christmas
    And if you cannot pay
    next year charity might just give meds away

    When will it be as in olden days
    Happy toking days of yore
    Hempy fields that are dear to us
    Were grown near to us before.

    Through the years we keep fighting this battle
    Till the fates allow
    A prohibition repeal but till then we’ll muddle through some how.
    So have yourself a merry canna christmas now.
    Breezy Kiefair, Of Poetry, Pain and Pot, The Art of Breezy Kiefair, Kiefair.com Gardening Tips for the Medically Damned

    parody of the christmas carol Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    January 7 at 4:09pm

    For whatever reason, my creator gave me talents and gifts wrapped in genetics and circumstances promising me a difficult and unique life. I seek to find a way to share that gift with the world in a way that does not daily enrage me or break my fragile heart that already lays on the floor of my chest like glass waiting for a blower to put them to the torch and forge something new. If sacrificing most portions of my activism on the altar of artistic integrity is the price to find a path to peace, then it is a toll I cheerfully pay to gain entry to a path of potential higher art. Sacrifice is a part of most any artists path in one form or another. I pick my sacrifices carefully and am likewise selective as to what altars I bow down and sacrifice at. My muses rarely steer me wrong or into peril if I but trust them. Their whispers come from the same creator who formed me as I am and set the stage of circumstances. What have I to fear?

    https://www.facebook.com/breezy.kiefair/posts/733001996719812

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    576483_572377506106301_1369787859_n book cover edit 8x 11 w text small

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    January 10 at 5:51pm

    I would rather be left alone with ghosts of poets, artists, historians, historical figures and other beings whose energies echo yet to this day with integrity than to sell my artistic and immortal soul to a community so corrupt as to profit off the weak, sick and dying. One company feels like pure ethereal silk upon the skin of the soul sweet and pure as you dance upon the clouds of nirvana, the other is a harsh dirty sack cloth on the soul in eternity that scratches the soul’s skin and makes the heat of an eternal flame more evident.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Oh sore and throbbing knot that doth reoccur behind mine left ear. Why must thou swell and ache? Why when I find hope that you have moved to lungs and nearly expelled you from my realm do you redouble your efforts and climb back into my ear? Since 2006 you have dwelled in the swell behind mine ear of feminine creativity, body mine won’t you expell this bacterial or viral lodger and perhaps restore some function and quality of life to me? Nae, nae, instead it begins with sweats in the night and by the next night doth progress to unquiet discomfort yet again. Heat and herbal oils friends through the night. I shall call the physician tomorrow to update her on my plight.

     January 12 at 5:08pm

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Maiden, mother, crone… the triangle of stength and life each female soul must roam. We all begin as maidens latent powers to attract, mythical beings such as unicorns but in our world people see the power and detract. They impose their power, their ideas, their rules of what a maiden is and what life she must choose. Mother is a shadowy thing that some have choosen, some stumble into, and some supplicate and seek in neverending prayer like a treasure they are seeking to serve a larger thing to which they are beholden. If we have enough years, we all become a crone latent power here of a matriarch on her throne. Aged quiet power and knowledge residing in her bones. Remember dear ladies we all dance this triangle of power solitarily yet we all dance and never are alone.

    January 14, 2014 11:16 am

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    One thing I can do without lifting my head. I can express my love and gratitude for those who are interested and kind. I can send prayers and virtual tokes to those worse off than I to whom the world seems blind. I can dance upon ethereal planes and perhaps a spiritual healing I’ll find…. all these are more peaceful choices than listening to the pain seeping from my ear into my mind.
    January 15, 2013 

    Solstice Gift! free ecopy “Of Pain, Poetry and Pot” One Day Only!

    DECEMBER 21, 2013 ONLY!

    Hurry over to Amazon.com and download your free ecopy Of Poetry, Pain and Pot, by Breezy Kiefair featuring works from The Art of Breezy Kiefair and Kiefair.com. Don’t own a kindle? no worries…. download Kindle for PC or Amazon Kindle for Android to access the book without purchasing the Amazon Kindle hardware. The Book is free today in honor of the Winter solstice celebration

    Of Pain, Poetry and Pot is a poetry book centered on pot written by cannabis activist and artist under the influence of cannabis , Breezy Kiefair. “Of Pain, poetry, and pot.” Is a collection of cannabis centered poetry in a neobeatnik style. It includes updated versions of Allen Ginsberg – Howl and “america”, along with an update on “to whom it may concern” by Adrian Mitchell , a cannabis parody of Rifleman’s Creed and many other poems that are all my own.

    http://www.amazon.com/Pain-Poetry-Pot-Breedheen-ORilley/dp/1492830399/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1387652549&sr=8-1&keywords=of+poetry+pain+and+pot

    I just published a poetry book with amazon.com…..this is the book cover. It is called “Of Pain, Poetry and Pot”

    Of Pin, Poetry and Pot cover

    Of Pin, Poetry and Pot cover

    the electronic edition is still free for one more day folks! Please distribute the following link for people to get their free copy

    “Of Pain, poetry, and pot.” Is a collection of cannabis centered poetry in a neobeatnik style. It includes updated versions of Allen Allen Ginsberg – Howls “howl” and “america”, along with an update on “to whom it may concern” by Adrian Mitchell , a cannabis parody of Rifleman’s Creed and many other poems that are all my own. I hope ya grab your free download while it is available and be sure to lend it to your friends (I have enabled book lending on this piece). Yes, I am aware of the odd format in the table of contents. I assure you that is semi-intentional. and please! Share these links around so the pot poetry can be read easily.
    another link for the paperback

    What the reviews are saying: (dec 20, 2013)

    Customer Reviews
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    1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
    5.0 out of 5 stars Talented, insightful artist and writer, November 25, 2013
    Amazon Verified Purchase(What’s this?)
    This review is from: Of Pain, Poetry and Pot (Paperback)

    This multi-talented artist and writer amazed me with her insightful and sometimes heartbreaking poetry. Her artwork is not only beautiful, but different from any I have seen. I have actually ordered several individual prints off her website to give as gifts this Christmas. I highly recommend this book.

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    2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
    5.0 out of 5 stars Rare and Lovely, October 2, 2013
    Amazon Verified Purchase(What’s this?)

    Would You Like To Pick Breezy’s Brain? This wonderful book is a chance to witness the creative process at work; author Breezy Kiefair (aka Breedheen O’Rilley) is the real deal, a gifted poet/journalist/activist on the forefront of the battle for medical marijuana patients’ rights and for truth in media. And speaking of truth, emotional truth is exactly what you’ll get here. Breezy isn’t afraid to take an open-eyed, unsparing look at society, at herself, at her illnesses, at the lies we tell ourselves and each other — and at the scintillating, breathtaking beauty which is more real and more powerful than all else. Highly recommended.

    Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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    excerpt:

    A bit of Cancer poetry for thought…

    To Whom It May Concern
    I was run over by the truth one day.
    Ever since the diagnosis I have been this way
    So burn my body with radiation
    Tell me lies about cancer.

    Heard the alarm clock screaming with pain,
    Couldn’t find myself so I went back to sleep again
    So fill my veins with Chemo
    burn my body with radiation
    Tell me lies about cancer. Every time I shut my eyes, all I see is pain.
    Made a little ribbon to remember all the names
    So empty out my bank account
    fill my veins with chemo
    burn my body with radiation
    Tell me lies about cancer. I hear they are thinking surgery, hope it’s not my brains.
    They’re only gutting fishes for their own personal gain.
    So numb my brain with Morphine
    empty out my bank  account
    fill my veins with chemo
    burn my body with radiation
    Tell me lies about cancer. Where were you at the time of the crime?
    Ripping up the Hippocratic oath, just to make a dime?
    So chain my Life with hopelessness
    numb my brain with Morphine
    empty out my bank account
    fill my veins with chemo
    burn my body with radiation
    Tell me lies about cancer

    You put your doctors in, they take their conscience out,
    They take the human being and they twist it all about
    So take my world away
    chain my Life with hopelessness
    numb my brain with Morphine
    empty out my bank account
    fill my veins with chemo
    burn my body with radiation
    Tell me lies about cancer– 

    Adrian Mitchell’s structure.

    Words by The Art of Breezy Kiefair

    There is a cure for cancer…

    how many beautiful women and men need to be butchered

    because doctors want to run from the cure

    for the sake of monetary gain?

    PTSD People and Passive Aggressive People… a toxic mix

    I admit to being a deeply flawed and scarred individual. I have shared several links this morning regarding Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to help people better understand what it is like to live inside a PTSD mind and provide some do’s and don’ts on how to deal with and help someone suffering with this mental illness. I have also provided some links on Passive–aggressive behavior to shed some light on how someone exhibiting passive aggressive tendencies could easily escalate the symptoms of someone suffering from PTSD. I hope this information will be helpful to my friends in dealing with me and will also shed some light on the dynamics of interactions with others and why things have spiraled out of control over the past 2 years or so.

    I was sure to post more articles about ptsd than passive aggressive behaviors to take more responsibility for being an individual with ptsd than i am laying blame for passive aggressive behaviors that tend to push my ptsd buttons.

    Lets look at Post Traumatic Stress Disorder first.

    _________________________

    What is post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD?

    PTSD is an anxiety disorder that some people get after seeing or living through a dangerous event.

    When in danger, it’s natural to feel afraid. This fear triggers many split-second changes in the body to prepare to defend against the danger or to avoid it. This “fight-or-flight” response is a healthy reaction meant to protect a person from harm. But in PTSD, this reaction is changed or damaged. People who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened even when they’re no longer in danger.

    Who gets PTSD?

    Anyone can get PTSD at any age. This includes war veterans and survivors of physical and sexual assault, abuse, accidents, disasters, and many other serious events.

    Not everyone with PTSD has been through a dangerous event. Some people get PTSD after a friend or family member experiences danger or is harmed. The sudden, unexpected death of a loved one can also cause PTSD.

    What are the symptoms of PTSD?

    PTSD can cause many symptoms. These symptoms can be grouped into three categories:

    1. Re-experiencing symptoms:
    Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
    Bad dreams
    Frightening thoughts.
    Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.

    2. Avoidance symptoms:
    Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience
    Feeling emotionally numb
    Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry
    Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past
    Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.
    Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.

    3. Hyperarousal symptoms:
    Being easily startled
    Feeling tense or “on edge”
    Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.
    Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.

    It’s natural to have some of these symptoms after a dangerous event. Sometimes people have very serious symptoms that go away after a few weeks. This is called acute stress disorder, or ASD. When the symptoms last more than a few weeks and become an ongoing problem, they might be PTSD. Some people with PTSD don’t show any symptoms for weeks or months.

    Do children react differently than adults?

    Children and teens can have extreme reactions to trauma, but their symptoms may not be the same as adults.1 In very young children, these symptoms can include:

    Bedwetting, when they’d learned how to use the toilet before
    Forgetting how or being unable to talk
    Acting out the scary event during playtime
    Being unusually clingy with a parent or other adult.
    Older children and teens usually show symptoms more like those seen in adults. They may also develop disruptive, disrespectful, or destructive behaviors. Older children and teens may feel guilty for not preventing injury or deaths. They may also have thoughts of revenge. For more information, see the NIMH booklets on helping children cope with violence and disasters.

    How is PTSD detected?

    A doctor who has experience helping people with mental illnesses, such as a psychiatrist or psychologist, can diagnose PTSD. The diagnosis is made after the doctor talks with the person who has symptoms of PTSD.

    To be diagnosed with PTSD, a person must have all of the following for at least 1 month:
    At least one re-experiencing symptom
    At least three avoidance symptoms
    At least two hyperarousal symptoms
    Symptoms that make it hard to go about daily life, go to school or work, be with friends, and take care of important tasks.
    Why do some people get PTSD and other people do not?

    It is important to remember that not everyone who lives through a dangerous event gets PTSD. In fact, most will not get the disorder.

    Many factors play a part in whether a person will get PTSD. Some of these are risk factors that make a person more likely to get PTSD. Other factors, called resilience factors, can help reduce the risk of the disorder. Some of these risk and resilience factors are present before the trauma and others become important during and after a traumatic event.

    Risk factors for PTSD include: 2
    Living through dangerous events and traumas
    Having a history of mental illness
    Getting hurt
    Seeing people hurt or killed
    Feeling horror, helplessness, or extreme fear
    Having little or no social support after the event
    Dealing with extra stress after the event, such as loss of a loved one, pain and injury, or loss of a job or home.
    Resilience factors that may reduce the risk of PTSD include: 3
    Seeking out support from other people, such as friends and family
    Finding a support group after a traumatic event
    Feeling good about one’s own actions in the face of danger
    Having a coping strategy, or a way of getting through the bad event and learning from it
    Being able to act and respond effectively despite feeling fear.
    Researchers are studying the importance of various risk and resilience factors. With more study, it may be possible someday to predict who is likely to get PTSD and prevent it.

    How is PTSD treated?

    The main treatments for people with PTSD are psychotherapy (“talk” therapy), medications, or both. Everyone is different, so a treatment that works for one person may not work for another. It is important for anyone with PTSD to be treated by a mental health care provider who is experienced with PTSD. Some people with PTSD need to try different treatments to find what works for their symptoms.

    If someone with PTSD is going through an ongoing trauma, such as being in an abusive relationship, both of the problems need to be treated. Other ongoing problems can include panic disorder, depression, substance abuse, and feeling suicidal.

    Psychotherapy

    Psychotherapy is “talk” therapy. It involves talking with a mental health professional to treat a mental illness. Psychotherapy can occur one-on-one or in a group. Talk therapy treatment for PTSD usually lasts 6 to 12 weeks, but can take more time. Research shows that support from family and friends can be an important part of therapy.

    Many types of psychotherapy can help people with PTSD. Some types target the symptoms of PTSD directly. Other therapies focus on social, family, or job-related problems. The doctor or therapist may combine different therapies depending on each person’s needs.

    One helpful therapy is called cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT. There are several parts to CBT, including:

    Exposure therapy. This therapy helps people face and control their fear. It exposes them to the trauma they experienced in a safe way. It uses mental imagery, writing, or visits to the place where the event happened. The therapist uses these tools to help people with PTSD cope with their feelings.
    Cognitive restructuring. This therapy helps people make sense of the bad memories. Sometimes people remember the event differently than how it happened. They may feel guilt or shame about what is not their fault. The therapist helps people with PTSD look at what happened in a realistic way.
    Stress inoculation training. This therapy tries to reduce PTSD symptoms by teaching a person how to reduce anxiety. Like cognitive restructuring, this treatment helps people look at their memories in a healthy way.
    Other types of treatment can also help people with PTSD. People with PTSD should talk about all treatment options with their therapist.

    How Talk Therapies Help People Overcome PTSD
    Talk therapies teach people helpful ways to react to frightening events that trigger their PTSD symptoms. Based on this general goal, different types of therapy may:

    Teach about trauma and its effects.
    Use relaxation and anger control skills.
    Provide tips for better sleep, diet, and exercise habits.
    Help people identify and deal with guilt, shame, and other feelings about the event.
    Focus on changing how people react to their PTSD symptoms. For example, therapy helps people visit places and people that are reminders of the trauma.

    What efforts are under way to improve the detection and treatment of PTSD?

    Researchers have learned a lot in the last decade about fear, stress, and PTSD. Scientists are also learning about how people form memories. This is important because creating very powerful fear-related memories seems to be a major part of PTSD. Researchers are also exploring how people can create “safety” memories to replace the bad memories that form after a trauma. NIMH’s goal in supporting this research is to improve treatment and find ways to prevent the disorder.

    PTSD research also includes the following examples:
    Using powerful new research methods, such as brain imaging and the study of genes, to find out more about what leads to PTSD, when it happens, and who is most at risk.
    Trying to understand why some people get PTSD and others do not. Knowing this can help health care professionals predict who might get PTSD and provide early treatment.
    Focusing on ways to examine pre-trauma, trauma, and post-trauma risk and resilience factors all at once.
    Looking for treatments that reduce the impact traumatic memories have on our emotions.
    Improving the way people are screened for PTSD, given early treatment, and tracked after a mass trauma.
    Developing new approaches in self-testing and screening to help people know when it’s time to call a doctor.
    Testing ways to help family doctors detect and treat PTSD or refer people with PTSD to mental health specialists.
    For more information on PTSD research, please see NIMH’s PTSD Research online Fact Sheet or the PTSD Clinical Trials Web site.

    How can I help a friend or relative who has PTSD?

    If you know someone who has PTSD, it affects you too. The first and most important thing you can do to help a friend or relative is to help him or her get the right diagnosis and treatment. You may need to make an appointment for your friend or relative and go with him or her to see the doctor. Encourage him or her to stay in treatment, or to seek different treatment if his or her symptoms don’t get better after 6 to 8 weeks.

    To help a friend or relative, you can:
    Offer emotional support, understanding, patience, and encouragement.
    Learn about PTSD so you can understand what your friend or relative is experiencing.
    Talk to your friend or relative, and listen carefully.
    Listen to feelings your friend or relative expresses and be understanding of situations that may trigger PTSD symptoms.
    Invite your friend or relative out for positive distractions such as walks, outings, and other activities.
    Remind your friend or relative that, with time and treatment, he or she can get better.
    Never ignore comments about your friend or relative harming him or herself, and report such comments to your friend’s or relative’s therapist or doctor.

    How can I help myself?

    It may be very hard to take that first step to help yourself. It is important to realize that although it may take some time, with treatment, you can get better.

    To help yourself:
    Talk to your doctor about treatment options.
    Engage in mild activity or exercise to help reduce stress.
    Set realistic goals for yourself.
    Break up large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can as you can.
    Try to spend time with other people and confide in a trusted friend or relative. Tell others about things that may trigger symptoms.
    Expect your symptoms to improve gradually, not immediately.
    Identify and seek out comforting situations, places, and people.

    Source http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml

    _________________________

    Helping Someone with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

    It can be hard to handle having a close friend or family member with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). They may struggle with irritability, have problems sleeping at night, be unable to focus, feel depressed or act anxious most of the time. In fact, for some people the symptoms can be so severe that treatment at a certified post traumatic stress disorder treatment center may be necessary. PTSD treatment facilities have been shown to be very beneficial to the health and overall well-being of those with this disorder.

    How can you deal with this situation? The following steps can serve as helpful tips for dealing with and loving someone with PTSD.

    Learn everything you can about PTSD. By knowing all of this information, you will be better able to handle the situation.
    Exercise together. Exercising strengthens the overall body and improves health.
    Don’t judge them.
    Be there to listen. Make your self available to them when they need to talk. Be an active listener by giving input when needed.
    Show respect. Respect them even though they may be having a difficult time at the moment.
    Look out for them. Show you care by recognizing when everything doesn’t seem to be okay.
    Allow room for mistakes. Recognize that they will make mistakes, but always be there to forgive them and offer help if needed.
    Talk positively.
    Give them their space. Your loved one may not always want your opinion on everything, be willing to step aside every once in a while and give them some space.
    Be active together. Planning and participating in family activities can be a fun way to interact and show them you don’t look down on them.
    Love them.
    Don’t belittle them. While it is important to not expect too much, not expecting anything at all is unnecessary and can be hurtful.
    Be patient.
    Avoid harsh remarks. Stay away from telling your friend or family member to get over their problems, this may only make problems worse.
    Encourage their self-esteem.
    Take care of yourself. Remember that you can’t take care of someone else if you haven’t dealt with yourself first. In many cases seeking out a friend to help you is beneficial.
    In serious situations, it may be helpful to seek out the advice and assistance of a medical professional. In addition, post traumatic stress disorder treatment centers are available for anyone suffering from this disorder. A problem like PTSD can escalate quickly. If help is not sought out soon enough the problem may become increasingly worse to the point where full recovery may never be possible.

    Source: http://casapalmera.com/ways-to-support-someone-with-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/

    _________________________

    Helping a Family Member Who Has PTSD

    When someone has PTSD, it can change family life. The person with PTSD may act differently and get angry easily. He or she may not want to do things you used to enjoy together.
    You may feel scared and frustrated about the changes you see in your loved one. You also may feel angry about what’s happening to your family, or wonder if things will ever go back to the way they were. These feelings and worries are common in people who have a family member with PTSD.
    It is important to learn about PTSD so you can understand why it happened, how it is treated, and what you can do to help. But you also need to take care of yourself. Changes in family life are stressful, and taking care of yourself will make it easier to cope.
    How can I help?

    You may feel helpless, but there are many things you can do. Nobody expects you to have all the answers.
    Here are ways you can help:
    Learn as much as you can about PTSD. Knowing how PTSD affects people may help you understand what your family member is going through. The more you know, the better you and your family can handle PTSD.
    Offer to go to doctor visits with your family member. You can help keep track of medicine and therapy, and you can be there for support.
    Tell your loved one you want to listen and that you also understand if he or she doesn’t feel like talking.
    Plan family activities together, like having dinner or going to a movie.
    Take a walk, go for a bike ride, or do some other physical activity together. Exercise is important for health and helps clear your mind.
    Encourage contact with family and close friends. A support system will help your family member get through difficult changes and stressful times.
    Your family member may not want your help. If this happens, keep in mind that withdrawal can be a symptom of PTSD. A person who withdraws may not feel like talking, taking part in group activities, or being around other people. Give your loved one space, but tell him or her that you will always be ready to help.
    How can I deal with anger or violent behavior?

    Your family member may feel angry about many things. Anger is a normal reaction to trauma, but it can hurt relationships and make it hard to think clearly. Anger also can be frightening.
    If anger leads to violent behavior or abuse, it’s dangerous. Go to a safe place and call for help right away. Make sure children are in a safe place as well.
    It’s hard to talk to someone who is angry. One thing you can do is set up a time-out system. This helps you find a way to talk even while angry. Here’s one way to do this.
    Agree that either of you can call a time-out at any time.
    Agree that when someone calls a time-out, the discussion must stop right then.
    Decide on a signal you will use to call a time-out. The signal can be a word that you say or a hand signal.
    Agree to tell each other where you will be and what you will be doing during the time-out. Tell each other what time you will come back.
    While you are taking a time-out, don’t focus on how angry you feel. Instead, think calmly about how you will talk things over and solve the problem.
    After you come back

    Take turns talking about solutions to the problem. Listen without interrupting.
    Use statements starting with “I,” such as “I think” or “I feel.” Using “you” statements can sound accusing.
    Be open to each other’s ideas. Don’t criticize each other.
    Focus on things you both think will work. It’s likely you will both have good ideas.
    Together, agree which solutions you will use.
    How can I communicate better?

    You and your family may have trouble talking about feelings, worries, and everyday problems. Here are some ways to communicate better:
    Be clear and to the point.
    Be positive. Blame and negative talk won’t help the situation.
    Be a good listener. Don’t argue or interrupt. Repeat what you hear to make sure you understand, and ask questions if you need to know more.
    Put your feelings into words. Your loved one may not know you are sad or frustrated unless you are clear about your feelings.
    Help your family member put feelings into words. Ask, “Are you feeling angry? Sad? Worried?”
    Ask how you can help.
    Don’t give advice unless you are asked.
    If your family is having a lot of trouble talking things over, consider trying family therapy. Family therapy is a type of counseling that involves your whole family. A therapist helps you and your family communicate, maintain good relationships, and cope with tough emotions.
    During therapy, each person can talk about how a problem is affecting the family. Family therapy can help family members understand and cope with PTSD.
    Your health professional or a religious or social services organization can help you find a family therapist who specializes in PTSD.
    How can I take care of myself?

    Helping a person with PTSD can be hard on you. You may have your own feelings of fear and anger about the trauma. You may feel guilty because you wish your family member would just forget his or her problems and get on with life. You may feel confused or frustrated because your loved one has changed, and you may worry that your family life will never get back to normal.
    All of this can drain you. It can affect your health and make it hard for you to help your loved one. If you’re not careful, you may get sick yourself, become depressed, or burn out and stop helping your loved one.
    To help yourself, you need to take care of yourself and have other people help you.
    Care for yourself

    Don’t feel guilty or feel that you have to know it all. Remind yourself that nobody has all the answers. It’s normal to feel helpless at times.
    Don’t feel bad if things change slowly. You cannot change anyone. People have to change themselves.
    Take care of your physical and mental health. If you feel yourself getting sick or often feel sad and hopeless, see your doctor.
    Don’t give up your outside life. Make time for activities and hobbies you enjoy. Continue to see your friends.
    Take time to be by yourself. Find a quiet place to gather your thoughts and “recharge.”
    Get regular exercise, even just a few minutes a day. Exercise is a healthy way to deal with stress.
    Eat healthy foods. When you are busy, it may seem easier to eat fast food than to prepare healthy meals. But healthy foods will give you more energy to carry you through the day.
    Remember the good things. It’s easy to get weighed down by worry and stress. But don’t forget to see and celebrate the good things that happen to you and your family.
    Get help

    During difficult times, it is important to have people in your life who you can depend on. These people are your support network. They can help you with everyday jobs, like taking a child to school, or by giving you love and understanding.
    You may get support from:
    Family members
    Friends, coworkers, and neighbors
    Members of your religious or spiritual group
    Support groups
    Doctors and other health professionals

    source: http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/helping-family-member.asp

    _________________________

    What NOT to Say to Someone With Panic Disorder

    By 

    Imagine this: you’re allergic to cats. You’ve just been exposed to cat dander and your eyes are a soggy, drippy red mess. You sneeze uncontrollably multiple times in a row. Your skin becomes itchy, red, and full of welts. You’re feeling pretty miserable.

    A friend walks up to you.

    “Hey, no worries,” he exclaims casually, “there’s nothing to be allergic to!”

    Uh, what?

    “Sure there is — I’m allergic to cats,” you’d probably say.

    “Nah,” says your friend, “just stop sneezing. You’ll be okay.”

    “What?! I can’t just STOP sneezing on a dime,” you retort.

    “Sure you can. There’s nothing wrong with you,” he insists.

    “Uhm, care to explain these welts, then? And the red eyes? And the sneezing?!”

    Sounds frustrating, doesn’t it? If you suffer from allergies, you know that a reaction to an allergen can produce a truly miserable day. And while panic disorder is no allergy, it produces its own unique brand of misery, too.

    And that misery can be compounded by how others react to a panic attack. Hopefully, no one would ever tell an allergy sufferer to “just stop sneezing” or to “make those welts go away.” It would be ineffective and frustrating advice.

    However, as a panic sufferer myself, I’ve received a lot of ineffective and frustrating advice over the past few years. Most of it is delivered sincerely, with the absolute best of intentions, from people whom I care about. So, it often hurts to let these people know that their advice isn’t helping (and perhaps is even making the panic attack worse!). It’s not easy. If you haven’t yet developed a thick enough skin to ignore the below advice (I sure haven’t!), please share the below tips with family and friends who care about you.

    This post was inspired by this list of things you shouldn’t say to someone who is depressed.

    You say: “Just calm down.”
    We want to say: “Okay, HOW!?”

    Let’s pick this one apart piece by piece. “Just” implies that the act of calming down is a simple one. It’s not. For someone in the midst of panic, calming down can be an extraordinarily difficult task. For you, it might be effortless; for those of us with panic disorder, it might involve medication, breathing exercises, distraction, rituals, positive self-talk and reassurance, and/or time.

    The “calm down” part is also problematic in and of itself. If you don’t have any tools, you can’t build a house, right? Unless you can construct some tools from thin air, you’re out of luck. Likewise, if we don’t have any tools or techniques (like the breathing exercises mentioned above) that can help us to become calmer, we can’t “build” anything. We can’t construct a ladder that will allow us to climb our way out of a panic attack. And, the added stress of being unable to comply with a “calm down” request might compound our anxiety.

    Better response: Can I help you calm down? Is there anything I can do?

    You say: “Why can’t you just relax?”
    We want to say: “It’s a bit more complicated than you think!”

    During a panic attack, the following physiological changes can occur:

    * increased heart rate
    * adrenaline rushes
    * shortness of breath
    * lightheadedness
    * heart palpitations
    * nausea
    * trembling/shaking
    * numbing or tingling in hands/feet

    It’s like trying to relax while you’re being chased by a wild animal. Or while you’re frantically trying to find your way out of a burning building. Put simply, our panic-filled bodies aren’t capable of turning off the fight-or-flight impulse on cue. We’re not equipped with a switch. Even a steadfast resolve to relax will probably only incite further frustration over the fact that our body is going haywire.

    True story: during my very first biofeedback session, the practitioner hooked me up to a computer that measures anxiety via skin conductance (read: sweat), hand temperature, heart rate, and breathing rate. As soon as she said, “Okay, now try to relax!”, my anxiety level (as measured objectively by a computer) surged upward. This is common!

    Better response: I’m here for you. What can I do to help you relax?

    You say: “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
    We want to say: “Oh yeah? Then why does it feel like I’m going to have a (insert-severe medical-condition-here)?”

    Classic line, often delivered by well-intentioned close friends, family, and significant others. Sometimes, this sentiment could be helpful — but only if we’re fretting over the “Is this just panic, or is it a heart attack or a stroke!?” question. Otherwise, it’s usually an unhelpful phrase that makes us want to yell, “Yes! There IS something wrong with me at the moment! I’m panicking, and it’s terrifyingly uncomfortable! THAT is what’s wrong!”

    Better response: This must be uncomfortable. Can I do anything to make it better?

    You say: “Sit down.”
    We want to say: “But sitting down makes me more anxious!”

    Usually, sitting down is a relaxing activity. We sit down to eat, to watch television, and to read a good book — and all of those events are generally agreeable and soothing. However, merely assuming a seated position isn’t going to act as a panacea.

    The panic response sends a rush of adrenaline into our bloodstream that compels us to either fight or flee. It makes us feel like we need to be hypervigilant in order to ensure our survival. If you were really being chased by a wild animal, for example, sitting down would do you no good. That’s why the impulse to stand upright and stay alert is so strong. Leave this one up to the panicker: if we feel more comfortable sitting down, help us to find a safe spot. If we need to pace or go for a walk in order to calm down, let us.

    You say: “You’re overreacting!”
    We want to say: “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”

    While it may be true that our body and mind are in overdrive, we often feel like we cannot control these reactions. In the midst of a rapid heartbeat, a cascading series of negative thoughts, and an intense urge to escape, having someone inform us that we’re overreacting is not helpful. We’re often aware that our body and mind are overreacting, but we may not yet possess the skills to disengage our frantic nervous system.

    Better response: If you want, I’ll wait here with you until this passes.

    Even though the above statements aren’t helpful to hear during a panic attack, some might be more appropriate after the threat of imminent panic has passed. If you know someone with panic disorder and want to be a great support person for them, check out this guide.

    If you’ve ever had a panic attack, what’s the most unhelpful thing you’ve heard from someone who is trying to help? Share your thoughts in the comments or find me on Twitter @summerberetsky.

    Stay tuned for the second half of this list — based on your comments — later in the week.

    Source: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/09/07/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-panic-disorder/

    _________________________

    PTSD: 5 Rules to Help a Friend

    by Suzanne Grosser

    Someone you love has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD sufferers need help. You want to help them. I warn you, it won’t be easy. If you care enough about them to read this page, they are lucky to have you. But don’t expect them to realize that for a long time.

    Rule #1: Do not take her behavior personally.
    This is not about you. It is about her fear. It is about her anxiety. It is about her pain. This is her post traumatic stress. It is not about you. Understanding this does not make the problems (or obnoxious behaviors) go away. But it can keep your feelings and your relationship from being hurt unnecessarily by PTSD.

    Post traumatic stress disorder is an illness. Once you accept this, you can treat PTSD like any other disease. If she had the flu, you wouldn’t expect her to be all cheerful and chatty. You would bring her a box of tissues and some orange juice. You’d keep her company if that’s what she wanted. You’d let her rest, if she wanted to be alone. Either way, you would not take it personally.

    You would encourage your friend to get treatment. She needs it, but she may resist it.

    Rule #2: Set boundaries
    Do not under any circumstances tolerate unacceptable behavior.

    Do not tolerate abuse of any kind. You are not a punching bag or a target for degrading insults. You do not deserve that and you will not help your friend that way either. If he hits you, leave. If you stay, you will only endanger yourself and you will give him one more thing to hate himself for, later. Don’t do it.

    Do not do everything for him. I can not tell you where the line between helping a friend and being co-dependent is – but your gut will tell you. Give as much as feels right to you. Do not accept the guilt trip you will be handed when you refuse to give everything. Do not feel guilty for having a life outside of his problems. Someday he will join you there. But he’s not ready yet.

    Rule #3: Do not expect much in return.
    Right now, he doesn’t have much to offer. He’s struggling to get through the day without losing his temper, or drinking too much. He’s doing good if he can get to his doctor appointments and take his medications properly.

    You will need your own support network, because he’s got all he can handle to take care of himself. PTSD is taking all his energy to cope with. You will be putting more into this relationship than you will get back out, at least for awhile. He may occasionally acknowledge some of what you do for him. Accept that as the precious gift that it is. It is a sign of his healing. Right now, it is all he has to give.

    Rule #4: Do not judge.
    She needs to talk abut it. It sucks to hear about it. Try to remember that living through it was worse. Now, because of PTSD, she is going over and over it in her mind. Reliving the horror everyday. This is what is making her sick. This is the poison that is eating away at her. Telling someone is like washing out a infected cut. It stings, it burns, it grosses out people, but it is the only way to get rid of the poison.

    Her greatest need is to tell what happened. Her greatest fear is that if she tells, she will lose your love. You probably won’t understand what it was like and she may have done things you both know are wrong. She is afraid of being judged. She has already lost a big part of herself to this trauma. She can’t stand to lose you, too. And if she tells, maybe she will.

    It will take a great deal of courage for her to talk about her trauma. So please listen, and don’t judge her. She is still the person you used to know. But she has been hurt, big time, and she is trying to piece her life back together. In time, she will see her actions clearly and make amends if necessary. But right now, she needs to tell someone and not be rejected for the telling. Here are some tips to help you listen to her story.

    Rule #5: Have fun.
    This is absolutely impossible when you are dealing with PTSD – and absolutely essential. You’ll just have to figure it out. He won’t want to, but maybe he will do it to humor you. He would rather wallow in his pain, but you’re not going to allow that. He is stuck and you can intend to help him get unstuck.

    Watch a silly movie together. Gather some friends and play board games. Practice blowing soap bubbles. Buy one of those giant soap bubble rings and see if you can get it to work. Go for a walk and jump into, not over, the puddles. Eat watermelon, and have a seed spitting contest. If it’s the wrong time of year for watermelon, build a snowman instead.

    Remind him of good times before his trauma and PTSD – look at your high school yearbook or old family pictures. Laugh together. Laughter is healing. So is your love.
    source: http://www.heal-post-traumatic-stress.com/help-PTSD-sufferer.html

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    Relationships and PTSD

    How does trauma affect relationships?

    Trauma survivors with PTSD may have trouble with their close family relationships or friendships. The symptoms of PTSD can cause problems with trust, closeness, communication, and problem solving. These problems may affect the way the survivor acts with others. In turn, the way a loved one responds to him or her affects the trauma survivor. A circular pattern can develop that may sometimes harm relationships.
    How might trauma survivors react?

    In the first weeks and months following a trauma, survivors may feel angry, detached, tense or worried in their relationships. In time, most are able to resume their prior level of closeness in relationships. Yet the 5% to 10% of survivors who develop PTSD may have lasting relationship problems.
    Survivors with PTSD may feel distant from others and feel numb. They may have less interest in social or sexual activities. Because survivors feel irritable, on guard, jumpy, worried, or nervous, they may not be able to relax or be intimate. They may also feel an increased need to protect their loved ones. They may come across as tense or demanding.
    The trauma survivor may often have trauma memories or flashbacks. He or she might go to great lengths to avoid such memories. Survivors may avoid any activity that could trigger a memory. If the survivor has trouble sleeping or has nightmares, both the survivor and partner may not be able to get enough rest. This may make sleeping together harder.
    Survivors often struggle with intense anger and impulses. In order to suppress angry feelings and actions, they may avoid closeness. They may push away or find fault with loved ones and friends. Also, drinking and drug problems, which can be an attempt to cope with PTSD, can destroy intimacy and friendships. Verbal or physical violence can occur.
    In other cases, survivors may depend too much on their partners, family members, and friends. This could also include support persons such as health care providers or therapists.
    Dealing with these symptoms can take up a lot of the survivor’s attention. He or she may not be able to focus on the partner. It may be hard to listen carefully and make decisions together with someone else. Partners may come to feel that talking together and working as a team are not possible.
    How might loved ones react?

    Partners, friends, or family members may feel hurt, cut off, or down because the survivor has not been able to get over the trauma. Loved ones may become angry or distant toward the survivor. They may feel pressured, tense, and controlled. The survivor’s symptoms can make a loved one feel like he or she is living in a war zone or in constant threat of danger. Living with someone who has PTSD can sometimes lead the partner to have some of the same feelings of having been through trauma.
    In sum, a person who goes through a trauma may have certain common reactions. These reactions affect the people around the survivor. Family, friends, and others then react to how the survivor is behaving. This in turn comes back to affect the person who went through the trauma.
    Trauma types and relationships

    Certain types of “man-made” traumas can have a more severe effect on relationships. These traumas include:
    Childhood sexual and physical abuse
    Rape
    Domestic violence
    Combat
    Terrorism
    Genocide
    Torture
    Kidnapping
    Prisoner of war
    Survivors of man-made traumas often feel a lasting sense of terror, horror, endangerment, and betrayal. These feelings affect how they relate to others. They may feel like they are letting down their guard if they get close to someone else and trust them. This is not to say a survivor never feels a strong bond of love or friendship. However, a close relationship can also feel scary or dangerous to a trauma survivor.
    Do all trauma survivors have relationship problems?

    Many trauma survivors do not develop PTSD. Also, many people with PTSD do not have relationship problems. People with PTSD can create and maintain good relationships by:
    Building a personal support network to help cope with PTSD while working on family and friend relationships
    Sharing feelings honestly and openly, with respect and compassion
    Building skills at problem solving and connecting with others
    Including ways to play, be creative, relax, and enjoy others
    What can be done to help someone who has PTSD?

    Relations with others are very important for trauma survivors. Social support is one of the best things to protect against getting PTSD. Relationships can offset feelings of being alone. Relationships may also help the survivor’s self-esteem. This may help reduce depression and guilt. A relationship can also give the survivor a way to help someone else. Helping others can reduce feelings of failure or feeling cut off from others. Lastly, relationships are a source of support when coping with stress.
    If you need to seek professional help, try to find a therapist who has skills in treating PTSD as well as working with couples or families. For resources, please see our Where to Get Help for PTSD page.
    Many treatment approaches may be helpful for dealing with relationship issues. Options include:
    One-to-one and group therapy
    Anger and stress management
    Assertiveness training
    Couples counseling
    Family education classes
    Family therapy

    aource: http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/ptsd-and-relationships.asp

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    The weakest among us has a gift, however seemingly trivial, which is peculiar to him, and which worthily used, will be a gift also to hus race.

    ~Ruskin

    Never scoff at another’s weakness or try to cover your own. Instead, encourage others and hold your weakness up to the world where it is in the open and can be healed.

    _________________________

    Now let’s take a look at the Passive Aggressive personality. I’m sure once you read how the passive aggressive personality operates, you can see why it would be an exceedingly unhealthy situation for a P.T.S.D sufferer to try to live in close quarters with someone who has passive aggressive tendencies.

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    Relationships: Passive-Aggressive Men, Who Are They Hurting?

    He Hurts Everyone in His Path, Including Himself

    Their the men who seem so nice, and trustworthy. They don’t hurt you out in the open, but in a very subtle way, you may not even be aware of. Just the same, they can hurt the people they say they care about the most.
    A passive-aggressive man usually grows up in a household which may have a parent who is either passive-aggressive, or overbearing and controlling. If he really has bad luck, he may grow up with both. Many marriages consist of individuals who are opposites, or fill an area for the other person they may be lacking in. It’s an unspoken deal so to speak, you be the passive one, and I’ll be the overbearing one. As the boys are growing up, somewhere along the way they choose to either identify with one parent or the other. If they see the overbearing and controlling parent as scary, they may come to believe they do not want to be like that parent, and go the other way. If they see the passive parent as weak and wimpy, they may choose to be like the overbearing and controlling parent. What I’m going to write about is the passive-aggressive man. When the boy decides to be weak, unassuming, and afraid to stand up for himself. Ergo, he asserts himself in passive aggressive ways. This ends up hurting allot of the people he truly cares for.

    The passive aggressive man is very often seen as the nice guy that would do anything for anybody. He never says “NO”, at least not out loud, to any request anyone makes of him. He is often everybody’s token doormat. What most people don’t know is there’s a volcano ready to erupt inside this man. He is too afraid to speak up and tell you what he thinks. Therefore, he goes about his life sneaking around doing things he doesn’t want anybody to know about., getting back at people in ways that have nothing much to do with why he’s really mad, and not standing up to the person, or persons, he needs too. He then ends up hurting those he cares about, and puts them in the line of fire.

    Often times when he gets into a relationship, or married, he ends up choosing very strong, overbearing, controlling women. Remember, what I said, people often pick the opposite of themselves, and then it gets them off the hook for ever having to learn how to be strong, and assertive themselves. This is where the problem begins. Because he has chosen to be with this Witch on Wheels, he can never directly confront her with ANYHING. He is too scared. This ends up effecting friends, other family members, and anyone involved with this type of man. You can be this man’s very best friend and if Mrs. Wonderful objects, you’re a goner. Oh, he will keep you as a friend, probably, but it will most definitely be behind his partners back. You will be stuck in drama world, with a half-assed friendship. You can never call him at home when you need to, he hides your e-mails, and you cannot spend anytime with your so-called friend, unless you’re very, very careful. You will always be walking on eggshells. It’s almost like your having an affair with him, without the benefits. This ends up hurting his friends, because his friendships are dictated by her. This is the so-called passive part of his problem

    The aggressive part of this disorder ends up not only hurting him, but the woman he is with. No matter how mad he gets at her, he is NOT going to stand up for himself, or tell her how he feels. He is too scared to say a word. What this man will do, is while being the all-loving nice guy and doing the housecleaning, his woman’s favorite figurine might just accidentally get broken. He will sneak behind her back, to see other women, friends, and to do things he especially knows would make her angry. It’s the only way he knows how to stand up for himself. You can imagine how damaging to a relationship this can be. It can go so far, their relationship ends forever. Unfortunately, because he does all these things in private, it may be along time, if ever, when she figures it out. She really does believe he will always be the nice doormat she fell in love with. This definitely works to his benefit.

    Last but not least, this seriously hurts the man who is passive-aggressive, more than anyone else. He never learns to assert himself, and never develops the self-esteem to say, “this is who I am”, out loud. Although he feels some momentary exhilaration when getting back at someone, he also feels deep shame, that he is not being a real man. He can suffer with depression at times, wondering who he is, and will anyone ever really know him. He is stuck in limbo. He’s afraid to be who he wants to be for fear of losing the woman he loves. At the same time, he’s not even sure why he loves her anyway. After all, isn’t she just there to make up for his inability to do for himself? That may just be the case.

    Although most of the time the passive- aggressive man appears to be a quiet, nice, helpful, boy scout kind of guy, he truly is a very hurtful person. He hurts his friends, his partner, his family, and anyone else on his, quietly, secret, destructive path. This is a very serious disorder, and any chance of change, will have to come with allot of counseling, and allot of work on his part. However change is very hard. The longer this man has been this way, the longer it will take to recover. There is also the possibility he may not want to change. Like good old Dr. Phil says, people do what they do because there is some kind of payoff they’re getting out of that particular behavior. Whatever his choice, to change, or not to change, this can be one of the most difficult type of men to live with. That’s if you ever really know in the first place!

    source: http://voices.yahoo.com/relationships-passive-aggressive-men-they-317967.html

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    10 Common Passive Aggressive Phrases to Avoid

    Have you heard (or spoken!) any of these phrases lately?

    Published on November 23, 2010 by Signe Whitson, L.S.W. in Passive Aggressive Diaries

    Is there someone in your life who consistently makes you feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster? Do you know a person who is friendly one day but sulks and withdraws the next? Does a family member or friend consistently procrastinate, postpone, stall, and shut down any emotionally-laden conversations? Are you sometimes that person? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, chances are you may be interacting with a passive aggressive person or showing signs of passive-aggressive behavior yourself.

    In The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces, 2nd ed., passive aggression is defined as a deliberate and masked way of expressing covert feelings of anger (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008). It involves a range of behaviors designed to get back at another person without him recognizing the underlying anger. These ten common passive aggressive phrases can serve as an early-warning system for you, helping you recognize hidden hostility when it is being directed your way:

    1. “I’m Not Mad.”

    Denying feelings of anger is classic passive aggressive behavior. Rather than being upfront and honest when questioned about his feelings, the passive aggressive person insists, “I’m not mad” even when he is seething on the inside.

    2. “Fine.” “Whatever.”

    Sulking and withdrawing from arguments are primary strategies of the passive aggressive person. Since passive aggression is motivated by a person’s belief that expressing anger directly will only make his life worse (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008), the passive aggressive person uses phrases like “Fine” and “Whatever” to express anger indirectly and to shut down direct, emotionally honest communication.

    3. “I’m Coming!”

    Passive aggressive persons are known for verbally complying with a request, but behaviorally delaying its completion. If whenever you ask your child to clean his room, he cheerfully says, “Okay, I’m coming,” but then fails to show up to complete the chore, chances are he is practicing the fine passive aggressive art of temporary compliance.

    4. “I Didn’t Know You Meant Now.”

    On a related note, passive aggressive persons are master procrastinators. While all of us like to put off unpleasant tasks from time to time, people with passive aggressive personalities rely on procrastination as a way of frustrating others and/or getting out of certain chores without having to directly refuse them.

    5. “You Just Want Everything to be Perfect.”

    When procrastination is not an option, a more sophisticated passive aggressive strategy is to carry out tasks in a timely, but unacceptable manner. For example:

    A student hands in sloppy homework
    A husband prepares a well-done steak for his wife, though he knows she prefers to eat steak rare
    An employee dramatically overspends his budget on an important project
    In all of these instances, the passive aggressive person complies with a particular request, but carries it out in an intentionally inefficient way. When confronted, he defends his work, counter-accusing others of having rigid or perfectionist standards.

    6. “I Thought You Knew.”

    Sometimes, the perfect passive aggressive crime has to do with omission. Passive aggressive persons may express their anger covertly by choosing not to share information when it could prevent a problem. By claiming ignorance, the person defends his inaction, while taking pleasure in his foe’s trouble and anguish.

    7. “Sure, I’d be Happy To.”

    Have you ever been in a customer service situation where a seemingly concerned clerk or super-polite phone operator assures you that your problem will be solved. On the surface, the representative is cooperative, but beware of his angry smile; behind the scenes, he is filing your request in the trash and stamping your paperwork with “DENY.”

    8. “You’ve Done so Well for Someone with Your Education Level.”

    The backhanded compliment is the ultimate socially acceptable means by which the passive aggressive person insults you to your core. If anyone has ever told you, “Don’t worry-you can still get braces even at your age” or “There are a lot of men out there who like plump women,” chances are you know how much “joy” a passive aggressive compliment can bring.

    9. “I Was Only Joking”

    Like backhanded compliments, sarcasm is a common tool of a passive aggressive person who expresses his hostility aloud, but in socially acceptable, indirect ways. If you show that you are offended by biting, passive aggressive sarcasm, the hostile joke teller plays up his role as victim, asking, “Can’t you take a joke?”

    10. “Why Are You Getting So Upset?”

    The passive aggressive person is a master at maintaining his calm and feigning shock when others, worn down by his indirect hostility, blow up in anger. In fact, he takes pleasure out of setting others up to lose their cool and then questioning their “overreactions.”

    Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201011/10-common-passive-aggressive-phrases-avoid

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    The Passive Aggressive Man: He’s All About Control

    Who is the passive aggressive man? Identify him and run for the hills.
    If you’ve been in a relationship with him, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t be on the look-out because chances are you will cross paths with a passive aggressive man.

    Who is the passive aggressive man? He is that guy who avoids responsibility and conflict through passivity and withdrawal. He is the “Nice Guy” who reels you in with his adoration and once you are in the game he turns the tables so quickly your head will swim until you decide to take a hike. Do You See His Potential or Who He REALLY Is?
    More from YourTango: 11 Foolproof Pickup Lines To Score A New BFF

    The Passive Aggressive Man…
    1. Withholds to Punish: He says one thing but means another. Sure, he wants to go to a movie. He even appears to enjoy himself until later that night when he rejects you sexually. You see, he didn’t want to go to a movie but, his passivity would not allow him to own it. His fear of conflict means punishing you in covert ways for something you “made” him do. What better way to punish than withhold something he knows you want?

    2. Fears Conflict: He will do anything to keep from arguing with you. He has been taught that anger is unacceptable. Well, expressing anger in an open, honest way is unacceptable and not something you will get from this guy. What you will get is a relationship with a man who avoids solving relationship problems, avoids taking responsibility for problems in the relationship and most importantly avoids making an intimate connection with you.

    3. Plays The Victim: This poor guy can’t win for losing, in his mind anyway. He will not show for a dinner date but find it unreasonable that you are upset. It is after, all his bosses fault for making him work late. He could have picked his cell phone up and called but calling isn’t nearly as pleasurable as letting you sit and wait. You waiting on him gets his angries out at you. He gets to punish you and blame his boss…he is off the hook, a “good guy” who is the victim of an unreasonable woman who expects too much from him.

    4. Is Forgetful: He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, anything important to you will be forgotten by him. My ex used to forget he needed something from me until the last minute. If there was a social event related to his work, I would get notice the day before. I spent a lot of time running around trying to prepare from something in a few hours that would normally take days.

    5. Is Afraid of You: They want you but they don’t want to become attached to you! He is in a constant battle with himself to pursue then distance himself. According to Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The Passive Aggressive Man. The passive aggressive man is “unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn’t depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support.”

    You have a lot of anger toward the passive aggressive man you are involved with. You just can’t figure out exactly what you are angry about. He is sweet, kind and loving. He never argues, does exactly what you wish. There must be something wrong with you or such a good man would want to have sex with you, remember your birthday, put effort into solving the problems in the relationship or just show up on time every once in a while. How Do You Manage Red Brain Anger?

    And that is the trap women who are involved with passive aggressive men fall into, they become responsible for all that is wrong in the relationship. He keeps you hanging in by doing for you when he doesn’t want to, by never arguing, by being such a nice guy. All those puzzling behaviors that send the opposite message than the other negative behaviors send.

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    That is why they call it “crazy making” behavior. The passive aggressive man is very good at appearing to be calm, cool and collected while you are going off the deep end. It isn’t his intent to frustrate, offend or cause you to feel guilty. He truly does only want to help.

    The only issue, the kind of help he has to offer comes with a price. He has expectations he is unable to openly express and when you don’t meet those expectations you get resentment and covert punishment in return. And, you should never expect your expectations to be met, not even when you’ve expressed them in a clear, easy to understand fashion.

    Want a relationship with a passive aggressive man to last? Become a mind reader and keep your expectations low.

    source: http://www.yourtango.com/201063805/passive-aggressive-man-hes-all-about-control

    _________________________

    The Passive Aggressive

    There are many childhood set ups for this way of coping but most often there is a domineering mother and a father who is ineffectual. There are power struggles in the marriage with one parent backing off and withdrawing. The boy feels trapped between choosing loyalties at home. He is afraid to compete with his father who is absent either physically or emotionally or perceived as being inadequate. In the typical mother dominant-father passive relationship, the boy learns that the job of being a man in relationship is to escape the woman’s needs and subsequent demands.

    The young boy is not allowed to express his feelings and develop a sense of self. He wants his mother’s attention and care yet he resents her continual intrusion. His anger grows but he cannot express it so it becomes submerged and is expressed in an unconscious ‘You can’t tell me what to do.’ He is not allowed to get his way by direct confrontation and competition so he learns to displace his anger through resistance. He learns to use charm, stubbornness, resistance and withdrawal to protect himself in power struggles. He rebels by becoming moody, being an underachiever or developing behavior problems. His self protectiveness and duplicity from the squelched anger and hostility becomes a habit that he plays out with other women he meets. He desperately seeks a woman to meet his needs of being accepted for who he is, but puts her off with small, continual acts of rebellion. He replays the distancing drama of his original family in the relationship.

    The man with passive aggressive behavior needs someone to be the object of his hidden hostility. He needs an adversary whose expectations and demands he can resist as he plays out the dance he learned from his parents. He chooses a woman who will agree to be on the receiving end of his disowned anger. He resists her in small ways setting up a pattern of frustration so that she gets to express the anger that he cannot.

    The biggest irritant in being with a passive aggressive man is that he doesn’t follow through on his agreements and promises. He dodges responsibility while insisting he’s pulling his weight. He often ignores reality as to his irresponsibility and withdrawal. He denies evidence, distorts minimalizes or lies to make his version of reality seem logical.

    He uses vague language to sandbag the partner. Inconsistency and ambiguity are his tools of choice. He withholds information and has a hidden agenda. He can’t take criticism and makes excuses to get himself off the hook. He sulks and uses silence when confronted about his inability to live up to his promises, obligations or responsibilities. When he doesn’t follow through, he puts the blame on his partner so he doesn’t have to take it and accuses her of having the problem.

    The man with this type of pattern shows little consideration of the time, feelings, standards or needs of others. He obstructs and block progress to others getting what they want and then ignores or minimalizes their dissatisfactions and anger. He is silent when confronted as he has never learned to compromise. He may be a workaholic, a womanizer, hooked on TV, caught in addictions or self-involved hobbies.

    He may have multiple relationships with women as a way of keeping distant from one fully committed relationship. He is confused about which woman he wants and stays caught between the two women in his life not being able to commit fully to either. He is confused and can’t understand why the women get so angry with him. He feels others demand too much of him so resists in overt and subtle ways and feels deprived if he must give in to others. The man who copes with conflict by not being there has strong conflict over dependency. He desperately wants attention but fears being swallowed up by the partner. He can’t be alone and live without a woman in his life, but can’t be with a partner emotionally. He’s caught in a Catch 22–wanting affection but avoiding it because he fears it as his destruction. He resents feeling dependent on the woman so must keep her off guard. He makes his partner feel like a nothing through his neglect or irritability but he keeps her around because he needs her. His script is ‘Be here for me, but don’t come too close and don’t burden me with your needs or expectations.’

    He has such strong fears of intimacy deep in his unconscious mind so he must set barriers up to prevent a deep emotional connection. He is clever at derailing intimacy when it comes up by tuning out his partner and changing the subject. He must withhold part of himself to feel safe and may withdraw sexually. Closeness and intimacy during sex may make him feel vulnerable and panicked bringing forth his deepest fears of dependency upon a woman. The passive aggressive man lives an internal loneliness; he wants to be with the woman but stays confused whether she is the right partner for him or not. He is scared and insecure causing him to seek contact with a partner but scared and insecure to fully commit.

    Due to the wounding from childhood, he is unable to trust that he is safe within the relationship. He fears revealing himself and can’t share feelings. His refusal to express feelings keeps him from experiencing his sense of insecurity and vulnerability. He often denies feelings like love that might trap him into true connection with another human being. He feels rejected and hurt when things don’t go his way but can’t distinguish between feeling rejected and being rejected. He pushes people away first so he won’t be rejected. He is often irritable and uses low-level hostility to create distance at home. The relationship becomes based on keeping the partner at bay. He often sets up experiences to get others to reject or deprive him. He is noncommittal and retreats, feeling put upon and burdened by partner’s requests for more closeness. He becomes a cave dweller to feel safe.

    The man with passive aggressive actions is a master in getting his partner to doubt herself and feel guilty for questioning or confronting him. He encourages her to fall for his apologies, accept his excuses and focus on his charm rather than deal with the issue directly. He blames her for creating the problem and keeps her focused on her anger rather than his own ineptitude. When backed into a corner, he may explode and switch to aggressiveaggressive behavior then switch back to passivity. He keeps his partner held hostage by the hope that he will change. He may appease her and clean up his act after a blow up for several weeks, then it’s back to business as usual.

    The passive aggressive man is the classic underachiever with a fear of competition in the work place. He cannot take constructive feedback from others. His fear of criticism, not following through and his inability to see his part in any conflict keeps him from advancing on the job.

    You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs. They care for you the way they care for a favorite pair of slippers or an old easy-chair. You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you fill their needs. The sad thing is, they can sweet talk you, know all the right things to say, to make you believe that you are loved and adored by a someone who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.

    If forced to deal with the problems you’re having due to their behavior, they will completely withdraw from the relationship and you. They will almost never admit that they were wrong no matter how much evidence you show. They have their own version of reality and will work at making your view distorted.

    While most men are having sex with their partner in order to connect more deeply with her, the passive aggressive man withholds sex from his partner in order to keep himself safe and to show her who the boss is. Sex is a weapon to be used, not a way of connecting more emotionally.

    These people are usually unaware that the difficulties they encounter in their life are the result of their own behavior. They do not connect their passive resistant behavior to the hostility or resentment other people feel towards them. Dealing with passive aggressive people can be crazymaking. You feel dismissed, shut down, ignored… but in a subtle enough way that you don’t know how to react. At some point, you explode.

    He Hurts Everyone in His Path, Including Himself

    They’re the men who seem so nice, and trustworthy. They don’t hurt you out in the open, but in a very subtle way, you may not even be aware of. Just the same, they can hurt the people they say they care about the most.

    A passive-aggressive man usually grows up in a household which may have a parent who is either passive-aggressive, or overbearing and controlling. If he really has bad luck, he may grow up with both. When the boy decides to be weak, unassuming, and afraid to stand up for himself. Ergo, he asserts himself in passive aggressive ways. This ends up hurting allot of the people he truly cares for.

    The passive aggressive man is very often seen as the nice guy that would do anything for anybody. He never says “NO”, at least not out loud, to any request anyone makes of him. He is often everybody’s token doormat. What most people don’t know is there’s a volcano ready to erupt inside this man. He is too afraid to speak up and tell you what he thinks. Therefore, he goes about his life sneaking around doing things he doesn’t want anybody to know about, getting back at people in ways that have nothing much to do with why he’s really mad, and not standing up to the person, or persons, he needs too. He then ends up hurting those he cares about.

    Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger in a healthy way. A person’s feelings may be so repressed that they don’t even realize they are angry or feeling resentment. A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior. Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or, are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted about their behavior.

    Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors:

    They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act. Normally they don’t act until after they’ve caused some kind of stress by their ambiguous way of communicating.

    The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by “forgetting.” How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary.

    He may never express anger. There are some who are happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable. Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and then sticking it to you in an under-handed way.

    The passive aggressive often can’t trust. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you by withholding sex.

    Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse? If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it. It is important to him/her that you don’t get your way. He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but, rarely will he/she follow through with giving it. It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel.

    The Passive Aggressive and You:

    The passive aggressive needs to have a relationship with someone who can be the object of his or her hostility. They need someone whose expectations and demands he/she can resist.

    The biggest frustration in being with a passive aggressive is that they never follow through on agreements and promises. He/she will dodge responsibility for anything in the relationship while at the same time making it look as if he/she is pulling his/her own weight and is a very loving partner. The sad thing is, you can be made to believe that you are loved and adored by a person who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.

    The passive aggressive ignores problems in the relationship, sees things through their own skewed sense of reality and if forced to deal with the problems will completely withdraw from the relationship and you. They will deny evidence of wrong doing, distort what you know to be real to fit their own agenda, minimize or lie so that their version of what is real seems more logical.

    The passive aggressive will say one thing, do another, and then deny ever saying the first thing. The passive aggressive withholds information about how he/she feels, their ego is fragile and can’t take the slightest criticism so why let you know what they are thinking or feeling? God forbid they disclose that information and you criticize them.

    Inside the Passive Aggressive:

    The passive aggressive has a real desire to connect emotionally but their fear of such a connection causes them to be obstructive and engage in self-destructive habits. He will be covert in his actions and it will only move him further from his desired relationship with you.

    The passive aggressive never looks internally and examines their role in a problem. They have to externalize it and blame others for having shortcomings. To accept that he has flaws would be tantamount to emotional self-destruction. They live in denial of their self-destructive behaviors, the consequences of those behaviors and the choices they make that cause others so much pain.

    The passive aggressive objectifies the object of their desire. You are to be used as a means to an end. Your only value is to feed his own emotional needs. You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs but as an extension of him. You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you fill their needs.

    The passive aggressive wants the attention and attachment that comes with loving someone but fears losing his independence and sense of self to his spouse. They want love and attention but avoid it out of fear of it destroying them. You have to be kept at arms length and if there is an emotional attachment it is tenuous at best.

    I’m about to fill you in on a little secret. Anger plays a role in passive aggressive behavior. Yep, that passive aggressive spouse that is driving you insane is angry as hell and full of grief. The passive aggressive deals with anger in one of two ways. Either they have no control over their anger or they have problems expressing their anger.

    Adults who have no control over their anger and those who have no idea how to express their anger are grieving. They are grieving the loss of something that was rightfully theirs. Their right to entertain themselves regardless of societies or their parent’s beliefs of what was right or wrong. The right to be heard and cared for regardless of how addicted a parent was to alcohol or drugs. They are grieving the right to express love or negative feelings or a desire for parental attention without fear of punishment.

    It is about loss, the loss of normal things any child should expect from a parent. Instead of grieving that loss in a normal way, they internalize it and compensate by being overly aggressive or overly passive. The grief shows itself in behaviors that are destructive to themselves and anyone who engages in a relationship with them.

    A man who abuses his wife is often motivated by feelings of loss and grief. Feelings that are expressed through rage. Women who emotionally manipulate their husband by withholding affection are motivated by the same feelings of loss and grief.

    The aggression or passivity hides their fear of rejection and helplessness when it comes to getting what they need from their spouse. The spouse is left reeling and wondering what he/she did to deserve a slap across the face or the withholding of normal loving affection.

    The spouse feels responsible in some way. That is the sneaky thing about living with a passive aggressive individual. They don’t know how to properly express anger but they are geniuses when it comes to shifting the blame and projecting their own bad behavior off onto their spouse.

    Next time you are trying to make sense of some nonsensical behavior by your spouse remember you are dealing with a wounded, damaged child. Don’t make excuses for him/her. Don’t take responsibility for their inability to properly express their grief and anger. Understanding why someone acts the way they do does not mean excusing their hurtful actions.

    Knowledge is power.

    source: http://mailmandelivers.net/passive-aggression/

    _________________________

    Image title: Maiden, Mother, Crone title by: Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer Image by: The Art of Breezy Kiefair source image: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=555469131139767&set=a.151763424843675.27293.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn1%2F603947_555469131139767_1142977912_n.jpg&size=251%2C750 source image description:  Title: Banshee Breezy, Be afraid Title By: Breezy Kiefair Image by: Breezy Kiefair of The Art of Breezy Kiefair

    Image title: Maiden, Mother, Crone
    title by: Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer
    Image by: The Art of Breezy Kiefair
    source image: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=555469131139767&set=a.151763424843675.27293.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn1%2F603947_555469131139767_1142977912_n.jpg&size=251%2C750
    source image description:
    Title: Banshee Breezy, Be afraid
    Title By: Breezy Kiefair
    Image by: Breezy Kiefair of The Art of Breezy Kiefair

    If a passive aggressive personality and a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder sufferer team up for business, romance, or friendship, the likely end result will be a lot of drama and hurt feelings. No matter if the passive aggressive person realizes what they are doing or not is irrelevant. No matter if the passive aggressive is aware or not, they are presenting a veiled threat with their words and behaviors to the P.T.S.D personality. The P.T.S.D. personality cannot help but sense this threat. It primes the P.T.S.D mind for an adrenaline response and begins putting the P.T.S.D. person into hyperarousal or hypervigilance territory. From this place, it truly takes a small stimuli to take the P.T.S.D. personality from primed for action, to a complete adrenaline response/meltdown. The Passive Aggressive person’s tendencies are then to punish the P.T.S.D. personality for their moment of weakness. This punishment will then feed into the P.T.S.D. again creating a cyclical hell that is very difficult to escape. I lived in this passive aggressive/ptsd generated hell from November 2011 until August 2013. I’m just beginning to come out of they cyclical thoughts and hell that being romantically involved with a passive aggressive while I am suffering from P.T.S.D. It is my hope that the research I sought out to understand my own situation may help others on both the passive aggression side and the PTSD side of this equation improve their own experience.

    much love, Breezy Kiefair.

    DIY Cannabis Cure oil healing: The tale of Wren

    view on youtube http://youtu.be/X2h5s5uidTQ

    IN 32 DAYS

    Figure 1 Day 1

    Figure 1 Day 1

    Figure 2 Day 14

    Figure 2 Day 14 there are a couple more on the top of my head and I am hoping they too are looking better.

    Figure 3 Day 21

    Figure 3 Day 21

    Figure 4 Day 32 Thank you so much for being here to see this with me.

    Figure 4 Day 32

    Thank you so much for being here to see this with me.

    A CANNABIS OIL SUCCESS STORY a 60 day journey back to living.

    wren on pills

    This was me on 3 fists full of prescription meds per day. Yes, I needed to take meds just to take their meds and I had gained nearly 100 pounds for no other reason than all those drugs. I the span of seven years, they had prescribed 72 different drugs. Seemed that every time I went in for a check up, they diagnosed me with another thing and handed me a bottle of pills. UGH!

    wren a year and a half after

    This was taken about a year and a half after the adverse reaction to a SAFE med that was to curb nausea. My body has been twisted in several locations and much of my days were spent in a chair. The pain levels have been excruciating and relentless due to acquired Tardive Dyskenisia/Dystonia, http://www.tardivedyskinesia.com/

    http://www.tardivedyskinesia.com/common-associations/Dystonia/symptoms.php

    I fought with vertigo while sitting still on a daily basis, Often, the right side of my face felt as though bugs were crawling on it but the feeling was only the muscles in my face rippling. As with Tardive Dyskenisia?Dystonia, my swallowing was not always possible, even liquids were choking hazards. The abnormal facial movements loosened up all my teeth causing a few years of infections and extractions., 2 by 6 they came out I lost 98 pounds, Before that drug, I had been using cannabis in smoked form to curb nausea and give me an appetite for years. The only reason I stopped cannabis was so that I could attend college and be a law abiding person

    Where there is a pulse, there is hope

    .After the onset of these problems I had torso tics, turrets like symptoms and often speech problems, stuttering and low ruff growly voice. Words were forced out like dried ole boots. To sign my name without ripping the paper was not an option. Having all this grief brought on by the American Medical System, I was scared stiff about going back to be doctored but I did for awhile. I needed to find out what the hell they did to me. As for accepting any more of their medicine, I went home to rot on my own. My heart that was once strong started a long iffy streak in me, not knowing if I would wake up, and the sad part was… I had stopped caring to. Started praying for death to come get me. In my 8 years of wasting, I was so tired and worthless every day. Skin cancer been cropping up and my lymph nodes had given me the finger. No appetite, no hope.
    *** Where there is a pulse, there is hope***

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    Am making Cannabis Oil today. It’s been a long time gathering but looks like the green light came on so wish me luck. this cancer near my left eye has been starting to worry me. another larger on in my hair on top of head. Doc wanted to send me to a specialist. Without naming names, I told her I already have one, Cannabis.

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    Am not afraid, just know I need to deal with this now with positive forces.

    It must be in the cards as a most pleasant surprise came when I stared emptying the clippings bag… found some I did not remember. It will be enough for now.

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    Thank you,. been saving up for what seemed an eternity. Was holding off for a really rainy day.

    Breezy Kiefair

    Its raining now

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    Yes

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    wrens cook 1

    Things went well in the kitchen. I used the stock pot to bath the raw cannabis in everclear for 2 hours, mashing it with a potato masher every half hour. Strained and rinses raw material again with everclear putting the oil infused solution into a glass pitcher. Next I poured solution into the slow cooker, about 3 inches deep and turned it to high. As the solution evaporated, I added more until it was all most all evaporated.

    wrens cook 2

    I poured the oil into a glass bowl and set the entire bowl back into the slow cooker to finish to proper consistency. When the oil has no more bubbles appearing on top, it is ready to put into container of your choice. I chose a few 20cc syringes because they are easier to dose from if a person does not have gel caps. The end product was not as much as anticipated but it will work for now. it will be enough to clear up my immediate eruptions. this is what I used under my right breast 3 winters ago Breezy. that one never came back.

    Breezy Kiefair

    hugs and good for you lady!

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    by the time all the oil was in containers, there was a little over 3 oz. I started ingesting this morning.

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    a little dose will do ya

    ty I will. started off low and this feels pretty good. yes, I will need to work up to full dose as I have never ingested before. Thank you for being here to share my experience with. Don’t forget, you have a candle and cushion inside the festive circle under the moon tonight. Hugs

    a little dose will do ya 2

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    I was profusely ill the first 4 days of ingesting oil. I do not believe that it was the oils fault as I am prone to days on end of flu like symptoms one regular basis. The thing I notice most so far is my ability to breath and have a better O2 level.

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    um in my healing, I got a boner and am thinkin about sharing it with somebody. not just anybody, but somebody.

    well, not a real boner, but the connections that give good enough reason for my boner.

    It is quite obvious here that I am waking to real life again sis.

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    no….not a boner,… it’s my chubbie, … waking up after 12 years.

    Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

    that’s ok Breezy, I woke up this morning over it. I put over there in the caution bin.

    Cannabis Oil Day 10: per history I have been living with vertigo for quite a long time. The daily episodes would last from a few hours, to off and on all day. I am telling you this because today I HAD NO VERTIGO.
    I have been on 1/2 to 2/3 gram twice a day. I increased the dose to one gram at night after first week as I started this journey to heal from the past 8 years of wasting and it’s repercussions.
    Oh, and the oil I am using is NOT Butane made. I suggest Everclear, a grain alcohol.
    8 years and counting, the wasting away has been relentless, excruciatingly painful and often hideous to watch. The US Supreme court has blocked all venues so the the drug companies do not have to pay for the damage done. People, when this was prescribed to me, I was Assured it was a safe stomach medicine. FUCKING LIES!!! It caused a stroke, damaged my heart and gave me an existence worse than death. I did not die, I suffer so the drug companies can continue their agenda to keep us ALL needing them. Please STOP the madness and start SCREAMING, No one is Immune to this shit and I PRAY it has not happened to you.
    on my cheek. My mind is being blown away, I am in total AWE.
    Boy am I an airhead! I was so happy about yesterday that I totally blew off, forgot about’ this mornings dose of cannabis oil. mid afternoon I was back in vertigo mode and sad that it had come back. DUH, the oil does NO GOOD in the bottle, so I took the evening dose. Within under 5 minutes the vertigo was gone again. This is wonderful stuff
    There is an increase on my relaxed state and it is causing me to sleep earlier at night. Lower pain, No nausea, No vertigo, No severe tremors, No torso tics. That’s fine, it’s what the body needs to heal.
    The real kicker here is that I stopped using cannabis for my stomach and tried to be obedient to the laws of Big Pharma. VERY BAD IDEA!!!!!!
    End of day 12, cannabis oil made by grain alcohol. another blessed day without vertigo. the spots of crap growing on my face were left uncovered today. In the morning I will get a good picture of them before applying more oil. Feeling? The tops of my arms, across my neck and including my throat have been tingling, not my hands and feet, They are like small patches of cool tingles, almost airy. If this oil truly can cure then maybe this is the feeling of fixing all those swollen lymph nodes. Time will tell.
    Oh, one more thing, this is refreshing.
    Holy Sheep Sheets Batman. I feel really good this morning. I don’t think we are in Kansas anymore Toto.
    There is an increase on my relaxed state and it is causing me to sleep earlier at night. That’s fine, it’s what the body needs to heal.
    Definitely not Kansas. Blessed Be! I will pst a couple pics at the end of the day to show the progress on those cancerous spots
    I started 12 days ago. My vertigo is back in check and I am looking forward to the rest of the oil treatment.
    where there is a pulse, there is hope.
    even in my giving up, death did not come, so now I fight like hell to get me back.
    !t wasn’t until my body started popping out some cancer that I decided to use cannabis oil. I was not even thinking about the Dyskenisia/Dystonia But now, I see that my last resort should have been the First Resort.
    Yes the safe stomach med gave me TD after having been on it for 2 1/2 years. After the fact, I learned that it was FAULTY BY DESIGN. what the hell does that mean? It just reinforced what I already knew about routing perfectly good productive people into the arms of big pharma. Hate does not even begin to cover it.
    I am keeping notes, the MDs already know it works, and they are cruel for not doing the right thing here.
    I for one am deeply grateful for having been taught to make this oil with a grain alcohol. Lord knows there are plenty of bad things already wearing me down, I sure do not want to add to the grief if I have options.
    Day 14. Who is this lady that returned from the walking dead? IT’S ME!!!! And it could be you too.
    Tardive Dyskenisia/Dystonia, some long standing lymphomas and recurring basal cell carcinomas, there are many things that have been needing fixed, like the vertigo and chronic fatigue, and the wrenching and torquing of my anatomy.
    been a little whoozy today. gonna blame it on the heat.
    I will be bringing these pics and all my notes with me when I see the specialist on Thursday for my 3 month check in. He better not tell me to Stop what I am doing again. Because I will NOT!
    DAY 15, I feel GOOD 
    Thank you Claud, for 8 years there has been far more bad days than good. The winds are changing and the seas are calming. I pray this for Everyone.
    Day 16, Today is lab day with the docs. I intend to knock their balls out of park. Wish the old lady some luck. See ya’ll when I get home.
    Thank you friends. it’s been a very long day. been poked, prodded, pushed pulled, twisted, scanned, and attempted scammed, and bodily fluids scrutinized. I’M HOME, FIRE IN THE BOWL!
    Day 17 of cannabis oil treatment: Reporting for duty ma’am. I am strong enough to carry my own gear, I am ready.
    Well, ma’am says no, there will be no mud pie making out of me for 2 more weeks. She said that just because I feel stronger, she wants to give me more time that I really feel I do not need. She told me to use these 2 weeks as a REAL Vacation. Pfft, as if I remember what that is. lol help me out here.
    Each day I am grateful to tears about living again.
    Day 18: it used to annoy me to have a tune stuck in my head but waking up with this one playing in there. 
    indeed it beats the alternatives, I had been praying for death to come get me.
    End of Day 18: things are going well with the cannabis oil treatment. I did use up a bit more adrenalin than usual today while schooling a jackass but I am doing fine now. On a lighter note, has anyone else noticed that this oil can taste down right nasty if it does not get washed down and melts in the back of your mouth? Oh HECK NO, I am not complaining here. It’s working and I don’t mind. Bless and be Blessed. See you tomorrow.
    DAY 19: The oil is doing what it should. Alas, the folks here in this town see me getting stronger and I am NOT safe here.
    my head is remaining up. What can they do to me that has not already survived?
    thank you Pamela, I am calm, I am ok. It just took an extra bowl to stop the shaking today. I will be alright. Tried to get a good updated pic of my cancer but hands to shaky. will try again in an hour.
    ty Claud, and bless you hugely. xxx the stress of home issues and the ways of the world today has stolen my appetite. Now would be a good time for me to stay focused on healing. body can’t heal when it is left unattended to worry about things that will not even matter if I am not well enough. Huge Hugs .xxx
    you ladies have done it now, ya made me cry. indeed not sad tears but the kind than wash away the pain. sometimes when one is left all alone at the watch tower for too long, they loose sight of the light and cannot find their way back to it. Bless and be Blessed Sistas Much Love always.
    End of Day 19: hit a small snag today because I allowed myself to get angry last night. Spent most of the day trying to get my legs and hands to calm down and swallowing was also incomplete. At 4pm, I finally started feeling better and took a few mor pics of the cancer on my cheek. will get them downloaded and post in the morning. At the end of the day, please let me say thank you Everyone, and I could not get through some of this without you. good night, Zeus and I are going to take a walk along the creek. Xxx
    Day 20: Time to sparkle and Dazzle. Time to dance among the sun rays and shake some shit loose. Cannabis has not corrected my stupid. Update pics are not scheduled unlit tomorrow. Yesterday ended in a good place, bye bye yesterday, hello life I want to tell you all today that life is exciting. Last night while I was laying down to sleep, I gave myself another self exam looking for those 3 lymphomas. The 2 marble sized ones have not been found in days and the big one, the one that was the size of a silver dollar is getting hard to palpate. Hey peeps, I have lived with these for several years, refusing to let big pharma finish what they started 8 years ago. I am DRUG FREE and getting my anatomy back in check. But the thing that really makes my tah tahz stick out, I am curing myself, my way. Blessed Be, why did I waits so long.
    I hope you all can fit a bit of play in your day. Hugs
    Starve Big Pharma Starve. If I ran the zoo you would be dead by now.
    not burdening the tax payers with my health issues is PRICELESS.
    …and another thing that is true. My heart has stopped reminding me that every breath I take could be my last.
    ….and something really wonderful must be going on inside me, for I have the most beautiful poo I have ever seen. true story!
    “I love talking turd, and I’m not ashamed to say it! Turd, turd, turd. It’s time we all stop hiding behind our toilet paper squares and start understanding one of the most important parts of our everyday well-being — poop”! http://kriscarr.com/blog/your-guide-to-healthy-poop/
    I do not have MS, but I do have Tarvive Dyskenisia/Dystonia and the oil has given me back much! just last month, most days all I could do was click a mouse.
    End of Day 20: Taking my life back is going well, all I had to do is change the C to G, or in my case, drugs of illness to oil of wellness.
    I’ll Take a Melody (Toussaint) – Jerry Garcia – Reflections (1976)
    www.youtube.com
    Day 21: I also need to make note that I do still have that excruciating ice pick feeling in the middle of my back off and on throughout the day. there has been a long history of this with some of the trigger points back there.I was hoping that since the wrenching and twisting and jerking have calmed that the pain would get off it’s kick. When it hurts real bad, I lay down on my back and position two rubber, air inflated spheres under the center of my back. These are instant heaven and it only takes the effort of lying down and relaxing a minute. BONUS: NO NASTY SIDE AFFECTS I considered increasing the oil but can manage the really ruff times with those therapy spheres.
    looking forward to seeing what the next 20 will be like. Good night everybody.
    My boxer used to push his snoot into the place where the lymphomas were growing, now he thinks I need his grooming and inspections. What is up with dag???????????
    he has never been like this before and I wonder if he isn’t been dabbing while I am asleep. he used to push his snoot into the top outer area of my left tah tah and snort, now he just tries to give a a doggie bath arms legs and neck… actually drools then he smells my feel. I think my dag’s gone crazy. day 21 of oil treatment. I imagine I do smell different.
    I do let doctors check but they don’t get to doctor on me anymore. They messed me up huge the last time I trusted them. Hence I resigned to die this was for a few more years. toward the end, even praying for death to come get me. when I did not die, I decided I was going to try the oil. OH MY GOODNESS DENA! Oh My Goodness! so many days where I could do nothing but sit very still and click a mouse. Now… I am up and moving every waking minute. busying my hands with a purpose.
    yes, I am breaking the laws in my state. But Yes, I have saved them what they love most, $$$$$ my healing is costing No One a single penny, and that makes me feel good too.
    he already let me know he knew that, but what I can’t understand today is, Why is he so compelled to come over and give me a couple licks lately. so he is in approval with his sloppy kisses? Good Doggie End of Day 21: I feel GOOD! and I am hoping you do too.
    Day 22: A milestone in that my health is indeed improving, so are my thought processes and outlook on the world in general. much less anxiety gives more time to use my head. I know, and thanks for baring with me through the muk. I’m sure it’s not over for good, but it is BETTER
    If I had but one wish, I would wish that people would overcome their fears, whatever they may be, and take back their lives. Not one person needs to die for Big Pharma. Unless maybe for some misconception that you don’t think you deserve to live. Please Get Well soon my lovelies, your world is waiting for you.
    Day 23: I have been eating better these days, but as I grow more physically active, the realization is that there is still a ways to go. The past 23 days have been more than amazing for one who has been ill so long. I have been using 1/2 gram oil in the morning and 3/4 gram at bedtime. When I know for sure that all the lymphoma is gone, I may need to consider dividing doses differently. There is a pattern of my Tardive Dyskenisia/Dystonia flares up that indicate adjustments to splitting and timing heading back to tie some knots. here is a positive tune for your days. 
    the long and crushingly stagnet days of being sick and tired of being sick and tired are gone. Yes, I still need to manage pain better and there are still times when the tics are still noticeable to others. The observation for today is that I have not had a bad day since beginning this journey. Today I notice that days are going by so quickly.
    AND… the granddaddy of the lymphomas has gone from the diameter of a silver dollar to the size of a pea. I’ve been on No other medications so I know exactly what’s up here.
    may be helpful.
    Day 24: I love all deeply. yet I also have extreme deep hate for the machine that has brought so many to their sufferings and death. Self expression has taken a hit via so many pharmaceuticals that either masked the anger or intensified it. I’ve been away from the last psych med for 24 days now and am learning what I should have come to know decades ago. Do psych meds keep a person from natural developments? HECK YES! Just look at each and every mass shooter and you have your answer.
    Even george zimmerman was and still is on psych meds. So if folks out here are wanting to love me back to a more stable existence, my prayers today are that no one gives up. I won’t stop trying until my better is my best.
    Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Celexa or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Celexa is not approved for use in pediatric patients. (See WARNINGS: Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PATIENT INFORMATION, and PRECAUTIONS: Pediatric Use.)
    Celexa (Citalopram Hydrobromide) Drug Information: Description, User Reviews, Drug Side Effects,…
    www.rxlist.com
    Learn about the prescription medication Celexa (Citalopram
    after 5 years of consuming this crap, doc comes to me and says,” Um 40mg per day can cause heart problems and death. YOU ARE IN DANGER”. Gee Thanks for the warning doc, and yes I have been having quite a time trying to stay alive. 24 day away from that and the engorged veins to my head are no longer feeling like they will explode when i laugh. LITERALLY! It was Depressing in and of it’sellf so actually this drug did NOT work. only made me worse off.
    ….and ANOTHER THING: with each new prescription refill, there would be a change in brands. This was another factor. Brands vary and the content within also varied. each time they made a switch from one to another, I had to readjust to it.
    I relied heavily upon Bob Marley, Jerry Garcia and a bowl to help me with coping when it seems my last nerve just waltzed out.
    …and, For the life of me, I swear…my mind can go from wondering if it was a mob of zombies that killed Jesus to  In 00.0001 second. So Frustrating! Thank you M. chronic illness can drive a person absolutely bonkers on so many levels. according to the statistics, Lots of Bonkered people and a lot of people to share what we have come to know with. http://www.chronicdiseaseimpact.com/
    She’s talking about CANNABIS
    Katie Couric
    Katie Couric (@katiecouric) is an award-winning journalist and TV personality, well-known cancer advocate, and New York Times best-selling author The Best Advice I Ever Got: Lessons From Extraordinary Lives. Couric joined the Disney/ABC Television Group in Summer 2011 and serves as special correspo…
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    July 19 at 2:04pm

    It means that you are about to be bent over and corn holed because the systems has just ASSUMED you into playing The Sick Roll. RUN! RUN LIKE HELL!!! http://invisibleillnessweek.com/2011/08/18/what-does-it-mean-to-accept-your-chronic-illness-diagnosis/
    What Does it Mean to Accept Your Chronic Illness Diagnosis
    invisibleillnessweek.com
    Acceptance is one the toughest things that anyone of us has to do. Whether we are accepting the loss of loved one, moving to new town because of a job transfer, getting divorced, or accepting that we have to live with sickness and pain, acceptance isn’t easy. With chronic illness, the sooner you acc…

    The poor zombies don’t even know they are zombies. We as a rational people can stop our own madness when we stop believing that poisoning yourselves is better.Bottom of Form

    The poor zombies don’t even know they are zombies. We as a rational people can stop our own madness when we stop believing that poisoning yourselves is better.
    am so deeply grateful that people are starting to understand the underlying causes of more grief than good, Thanks for taking your own stands about it and your lives. I love you all,
    I have a bipolar diagnosis. years back the lithium became toxic levels and I was told to keep taking it even though I was in emergency room 6 hours dry heaving after several days of it already, It was killing me, and I was told to keep taking it. Pfft! All I needed way to find a buffer between haters and my sanity. So I turned away from pills and picked up music, No nasty side affects
    … and cannabis! Cannabis is my only medication right now and for the first time in over 8 years, I have more good days than bad. Blessed I am
    Day 25: my mind is like a pan of boiling water today, so many thoughts, so little time. a tall glass of shut the hell up and some of these beads, off to busy these hands. : This mp4 player full of mostly Blues and Classic Rock are an excellent buffer between the loudness of the outside world and my ptsd. I am convinced, without then, the body count would be high. lol
    End of day 26: I need to make note that I am feeling the healing that’s taking place with those lymph nodes the past couple days. I can still palpate the largest one but it is getting harder, so all good there. . Been spending more time outdoors and getting some much needed fresh air, even wearing short, I NEVER wear shorts. well, in healing I must be tasting better also…the crawly creature that got into my clothes while out weeding, managed to elude capture and has made quite a meal of me. Keeping my hands and mind busy are a blessing, and I don’t worry about dying anymore either.
    Unfortunately a month ago I was so tired of being so sick and tired all the time, praying for death to just come get me. watching what was left of me waste away for 8 years had taken every last desire and aspiration, I just thought it was enough. MY HOW THINGS CHANGE!
    Yes, we either get busy living or we get busy dying. Ya know something Claud, I have always been a puff puff pass kinda person, It mellowed me down just fine, but really taking it up a notch with cannabis oil is a lot different. The first thing I noticed was No vertigo while sitting still. I am actually up and moving most of the day now.
    The lymphoma showed up after a few years of dental problems brought on by the Dyskenisis/Dystonia. before that, it was said I had great teeth. The abnormal movements in my jaws and tongue pushed them loose. then came the infections as doc tried in vein to prolong the inevitable. so many rounds of antibiotics and the infections just kept coming. when infection runs so deep that it makes it’s own routes out of the body, they become like an open ended boils in the top of my gums. I was worried for the bone tissue. By the time the infections stopped coming there were 14 lymph nodes in, ‘sick of this shit’ mode. 11 of angry mob went back to sleep. 3 decided to keep expanding their perimeters. To deal with them would mean that I would have to turn yet again to the same system that messed me up good n proper a few times already so I declined. And resigned myself to live with them as my grandmother had done.
    Been feeling so alive lately, it would be a shame if it was anything but healing pains. The 1.4 grams of oil per day does not make me high either. It’s ok… I feel good. yes, I still get pain but I feel Good.
    Day 27: Big Sigh… officially back to work, gave em 10 I know, I know, and last week WAS my ease into period. Per history a day like today would have had me crying uncle by noon. Got a lot accomplished today. It has been awhile since my feet have gnarled up and it’s been awhile since my swallower locked up. No choking! Life is Good! Good night And Get Well Soon. 
    there are still problems but I’m not gonna sweat the small stuff right now.
    Day 28: The lymph nodes seems angry the past couple days. I have been trying to find words to describe how the feeling. Dull ache, kind of like a dull pinch. I have felt this before but don’t understand why now. Now that the swellings are all but gone., the pain should also take a hike don’t ya think? Am wondering if this is normal, or am I loosing my marbs? Other than that, No worries.
    Day 29: STAY POSITIVE. Ok Life, I am ready for you. Are you ready for me?

    Heart – Straight On (Live-HQ)
    www.youtube.com
    Recorded in Seattle, during the last show of their 2002 Summer Of Love Tour, sisters Ann and Nancy Wilson and company put on one fantastic performance. New m…
    Day 30: WHAT A MONTH! Thank You EVERYONE for having info out there that is saving so many from suffering and even death. The last resort should have been the first choice. So many of the ills are either calmer or gone completely. am continuing the oil treatment another 30 days at 1/2 gram twice a day for the lymphoma, but YES, I am doing so much better. The Diskenisia/Dystonia symptoms are so much less noticeable to others. maybe they will not be staring so much now. No matter, I feel great and the twinkle is back. Hey kids, that is Huge coming from someone that had given up on trying to stay alive. Don’t give up, Not ever.
    People Are Trying to Tell You Something. Please Listen.
    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=473460112745637
    What? What is that ungodly stench wafting through the air?
    It’s the smell of Big Pharma dying
    tears here as well, grateful… very very grateful to be better.
    spent the day outdoors in the fresh air finishing up the second layers to the hemp chokers. they are looking pretty good, lots of color this time. I am able to get more done in the shop these days. It used to take hours to put on a straight row of beads. to relieve some minuet pain in my left side and breast, I have taken to some simple massage to help move lymph from the affected areas. That really feels good and yes, there is itching, intense at times and it is quite welcome.
    yes ingested and topical application. So much has changes during July. A month long steeped in grief for the loss of my mate 30 years back. July has always been clouded by horror and longing. Oh I still have that, but this time something wonderful also came during July. Now, it will be a few more years before we hook back up in the spirit world, and today, that’s ok, I can accept that my deeds here are not finished.
    was up at the butt crack of dawn, dog and I went foraging in the woods. found some useful things as well as much needed time with my place of origin. Ahhh, when we got home, we realized we have enough, so life is not so worrisome. I took a few good updated pis of my left cheek today, Day 32 of cannabis oil treatment. OH MY will try again to get them into the computer so I can show everybody. Yes, it’s going away too
    Hey sweeties, I got something ta show ya…..32 day of Cannabis Oil treatment on basal cell carcinoma Am Blissing. thank you everybody, it is so much more than believed could happen and one more Believer.
    thank you Brandon, even while my head was up my ass in so much illness, I did manage to do this one right. Have you noticed, the loss of negativity and a more workable bullshit filter? I think the oil fixed that too. No more tv crap just real info, haven’t gamed either. now that I can move about freely, I see no reason to continue a burning butt from sitting on it. Those were long days indeed.
    I have been dosing a little on the high side Brandon. I don’t feel stoned at all just a good feeling of well being. I have been drinking a lot of milk to help with the tummy. I used all the dry plant material I had to make this batch. I miss smokin a bowl but certainly not complaining. better to live to get stoney another day. oh, the plants I grow are an afgani strain. I’ve tried in vein to get Bubblegum and Blueberry to maturity, but Sheesh! they are some touchy ladies.
    if you look just below the area that has just healed by cannabis oil, there is a pink area. This is a pitted scar from having some froze a few years ago.

    Day 38: no, I am taking no meds for him to med check anymore thanks to cannabis oil. been having a great deal of pain in butt and legs because of sciatic nerve. started butt crunches and it will be better soon. saw my psych doctor today, he said that he has no reason to continue seeing me if I am not eating their drugs anymore. He said I look great, noticed my gate is smoother than it’s been since 2006 with far less restrictions to range of motion, far less stuttering and arm flailing. . . . Hmmm there is still some pain that comes and goes with those lymph nodes but I do not detect anything of concern anymore by self exams. It feels so good to be able to get myself to town and back, and still put in a full afternoon at the shop. Fatigue and vertigo kept me shiftless for so long, I dare not waste another second fermenting

    Day 40: I would rather have the pain than the lethargy. I haven’t been worrying so much lately about collapsing to the floor, coming to and dragging myself to the chair and collapsible again, not giving a poo if I woke up. sometimes living alone is ok. It doesn’t subject others to wonder with me. Lol

    August 9th. Day 50: life is better in so many ways. The only glaring problem left is this excruciating relentless stabbing pain in my back. Now comes the exercise to build back some muscle so this pain is not so pissy. Yep, that’s what’s up. Holistic life style

    never have been able to tolerate opiates and acetaminophen is no better. Now that I am up and moving around, surely I could use this time to correct not cover a problem

    there must be something wrong with that trigger point Wanda. It all the time feels like my back is going to rip apart. have been using a tens unit again. and am thinking that by my newfound mobility, I have riled the beasts again. Hope in time that it will grow to love me again. Lol

    Day 60: Oh my Goodness! So much has changed the past 2 months. I’ve been up and moving without restrictions. The lymph nodes are still sending up phantom pains now and then but there is No abnormalities to be palpated. The skin cancer on my cheek has been gone for a couple weeks and I am eating much better also. During this past 2 months I also went off the last of the psych meds the doctor thought I should eat. Good thing for me in that the crap was killing the most important things I have, a heart and a brain. People Need those and it saddens me to see so many that do not yet understand what is happening to them via the drugs the government says are safe, ARE NOT SAFE.
    ~Blessed Be the Cannabis Oil~

    CDPHE, Please keep to the LAW Regarding Privacy

    CDHPE Violates Patients Privacy

    This past Wednesday, several patients came out in support of the CDHPE MMJ Privacy breach. I’m sure you heard that the CDHPE rejected a petition to stop police from getting our private patient data. Wait, What? You didn’t know about it? Didn’t the Registry contact you about it? Isn’t it is the duty of the Health department to “notify all mmj patients of any changes in the code?” It would be easy to post about the violation on their website, in fact, it should be mandatory! However, they “didn’t realize they were in violation,” so that must be why they didn’t post it? Really?
    In Colorado Revised Statues, Regulation 5 it states:
    “A). Authorized employees of state or local law enforcement agencies shall be granted access to the information contained within the department’s registry ONLY for the purpose of verifying that an individual who has PRESENTED a registry identification card to a state or local law enforcement official is lawfully in possession of such card. The department shall report to authorized state or local law enforcement officials whether a patient’s registry identification card has been suspended because the patient no longer has a debilitating medical condition.”
    So, what’s the problem? Several patients have come forward with the same story. They get stopped for whatever reason, in another state and after the officer calls in, he somehow has knowledge that said person is a “red-card” holder. How can this be? They didn’t offer up the information, so how did they get it? Isn’t the Registry supposed to be confidential and protected? Officers are ONLY supposed to have this knowledge if said person presented them a red-card. In all of these instances, no red-card was presented.
    For me, this is a huge problem! It’s bad enough the daily discrimination we face as cannabis patients. We have no protection in housing, employment, CPS or otherwise. The state reeled us in, took our money and then screwed us, bottom line! Offering us “protection and Confidentiality” and we have NONE! Oh, that’s right, we have A20, affirmative defense.
    That’s all we have…As far as I’m concerned, the CDHPE should be held accountable. The program should be revised and they should pay a fine! But, I doubt that will EVER happen. It’s all a dangling carrot and the state has and is making bank off of sick people. We get treated like second class citizens and all we want is to be well. To be able to treat ourselves with a plant, without putting poison into our bodies. A plant that works for us all!

    Audrey Hatfield/ President C4CPR website: http://www.c4cpr.org/

    Another eye witness to the protest has this to say

    MMJ Wobble me

    “My comments on the CDPHE illegal violations, first I believe that the CDPHE has proven to be incompetent and no patient should feel confident that this government agency will honor the American peoples rights and protections, furthermore their lack of intelligence is no excuse for the crimes they have committed on innocent mmj patients and all parties of this breach should be terminated, in fact I strongly believe that the mmj patients are better off without an illegal database. I believe that the CDPHE hasn’t fulfilled its end of the deal by passing protected information to those who have no business having it, and it for their ignorance have put near 200,000 mmj patients in harms way by exposing anonymous locations and personal information which would be used to incriminate oneself, I say terminate the CDPHE database and we would rid the mmj patients from an unnecessary harm.”

    Privacy is near and dear to the man behind the MMJ Wobble Me pen name. He has even created a social network online meant to offer more privacy while still offering the social networking of sites such as Facebook.

    He has this to say about the site he created, “WobbleMe where we care about our natural, god given, human, constitutional and protections.

    2013-08-23 wobble me

    you may visit the site he created here:  http://wobbleme.com/

    Images of the protest By: Mr. MMJ Wobble me they are his intellectual property and used with his permission.

    2013-08-21 CDPHE privacy protest (1) 2013-08-21 CDPHE privacy protest (2) 2013-08-21 CDPHE privacy protest (3) 2013-08-21 CDPHE privacy protest (4) 2013-08-21 CDPHE privacy protest (5) 2013-08-21 CDPHE privacy protest (6) 2013-08-21 CDPHE privacy protest (7) 2013-08-21 CDPHE privacy protest (8) 2013-08-21 CDPHE privacy protest (9) 2013-08-21 CDPHE privacy protest (10)

    Were you down in Denver at the recent CDPHE privacy protest? Do you have pictures or a story to share about the experience? I am working on a writing piece highlighting the protest and why it is important and I want to hear from you. Couldn’t make it down to the protests but still have an opinion? i would like to hear that as well…. be sure to let me know if you wish your commentary to appear in the article or if you are just registering your opinion to help me form my arguments. If you have photos, please let me know whom the photo credit should go to…. Thanks in advance. email to btokeefer@gmail.com or comment below.

    more news stories on this protest:

    Colorado health authorities reject emergency privacy petition

    DENVER (AP) — Colorado health authorities have rejected an emergency petition from medical marijuana patients to destroy the state patient registry because of security breaches.

    The state Board of Health apologized Wednesday to marijuana patients who demanded they destroy the 107,000-person marijuana patient registry. The patients are angry about security problems outlined in a June audit. However, the health board unanimously rejected the emergency request, saying they want to hear from the state attorney general before proceeding.

    Colorado’s medical patient list is supposed to be accessible to law enforcement only under limited circumstances. But state auditors in June blasted the health department for lax security of the registry. The official who manages the registry told board members the security problems are being addressed.

    Some marijuana patients on Colorado’s registry put paper bags over their heads to protest the Board of Health meeting on Wednesday.

    http://www.nbc11news.com/news/headlines/Colorado-marijuana-patients-protest-privacy-breaches-220503261.html

    Colorado Marijuana Patients Protest Privacy Breaches

    DENVER (AP/CBS4) — Medical marijuana patients asked Colorado health authorities on Wednesday to destroy and rebuild the state’s 107,000-person marijuana patient registry because of security breaches.

    The Board of Health unanimously rejected the emergency petition. But officials expressed alarm about a recent state audit showing the Colorado Department of Health and Environment isn’t keeping the registry confidential, as required by law.

    “Patients can lose their jobs and they’ve had their children taken away, all because it’s been found out they’re a medical marijuana patient,” a medical marijuana patient who didn’t want to be identified for privacy reasons told CBS4.

    Colorado last year made marijuana legal for all adults, but medical marijuana cards are still required to shop in dispensaries.

    Colorado’s medical marijuana patient list is supposed to be accessible to law enforcement only under limited circumstances. But state auditors in June blasted the health department for lax security of the registry.

    In one 2012 case, the health department turned over 107 names to an officer investigating a dispensary, a violation of the protocol for sharing registry information with authorities. In another case, the health department shared with auditors the names of 5,400 people designated to grow marijuana on behalf of others, without notifying the caregivers of the breach.

    Auditors also criticized the health department for not getting confidentiality agreements from temporary employees hired to help process medical marijuana applications.

    “The registry is compromised beyond repair. We don’t believe there’s any reason to trust this,” said Laura Kriho, who leads a patient advocacy group and filed the emergency petition asking the health department to destroy the database and start it again.

    About a dozen protesters pulled paper bags over their heads to protest the privacy breaches outside the Board of Health meeting.

    “That is why we are wearing paper bags over our heads; to symbolize these little pieces of paper are probably doing a better job protecting our confidentiality than the health department has,” the patient at the rally said.

    “I’m disgusted. No other patients’ medical information is treated this way,” protester Kathleen Chippi said.

    The administrator of Colorado’s pot patient registry insisted the state is making security upgrades suggested in the audit. Ron Hyman, the state’s registrar of vital statistics, said the agency needs more time to work with law enforcement and other state agencies to rectify problems involved in keeping the database secure.

    “We take security and confidentiality of our registry very seriously,” Hyman said.

    Hyman told the health board that isolated breaches notwithstanding, police are allowed to perform only individual registry checks, and only if the patient provides a registry number.

    “The way it works is they submit information from the registry card that includes first and last name of the registered, the date of birth, and unique identification number,” Hyman said. “We feel we have prudent practices in place … they are not permitted to go on fishing expeditions.”

    And the Colorado Bureau of Investigation confirmed to CBS4 they have a link to the registry. The health department agreed to improve security, but patients say it needs to be done sooner rather than later.

    “One of the main reasons that we have a medical marijuana registry is because of the discriminations patients face,” a patient said.

    Washington state, the only other state to allow medical and recreational marijuana use, does not keep a patient registry.

    Colorado’s medical registry has declined since adult use was made legal, but only slightly. Colorado had 108,481 patients a month before the legalization measure passed, and 106,817 patients at the end of June, the most recent statistics available.

    The protesters said they want the registry to continue, but they want it to be rebuilt and kept more secure. Colorado’s pot patients can possess more marijuana than recreational users, and they could face lower taxes, depending on what voters approve this November.

    - By Kristen Wyatt, AP Writer

    http://denver.cbslocal.com/2013/08/21/colorado-marijuana-patients-protest-privacy-breaches-2/

    Colorado board rejects petition to stop cops from getting data on med pot users

    POSTED:   08/21/2013 02:45:58 PM MDT55 COMMENTS
    UPDATED:   08/22/2013 01:04:40 AM MDT
    Wayward Bill Chengelis, Chairman of the U.S. Marijuana Party, along with other marijuana patients on Colorado’s registry, attending a state Board of Health meeting, Aug. 21, 2013. (RJ Sangosti, The Denver Post)

    The state Board of Health on Wednesday rejected an emergency petition filed by medical marijuana patients who urged the panel to halt the sharing of patient information with law enforcement.

    A June audit found that the Colorado Department of Health and Environment hasn’t kept the registry confidential.

    The board apologized to marijuana patients who demanded they destroy and rebuild the 107,000-person registry. Information from the registry is supposed to be accessible to law enforcement only under limited circumstances.

    Board president Laura Davis said the panel doesn’t have enough information to determine that the registry is not working properly.

    That information will come from the state Attorney General’s Office, which so far has made no formal recommendations about what, if anything, should be changed, Davis said.

    “We don’t know that we are doing anything wrong,” she said. “The prudent thing to do is have a conversation with the attorney general.”

    Audrey Hatfield, president of Coloradans for Cannabis Patient Rights, said three patients had contacted her to complain that officers who stopped them and ran their names through their computers found that they were on the registry. “It has been going on for at least a year,” she said.

    Ron Hyman, the state’s registrar of vital statistics, said his office has been in contact with the attorney general “to assure we are adequately following what we should be doing. The audit said we are moving through uncharted waters and we want to be prudent.”

    The state has been making changes recommended in the audit, he said.

    In a 2012 case, according to the audit, the health department turned over 107 names to an officer investigating a dispensary, a violation of the protocol for sharing registry information with authorities. In another case, the health department shared with auditors the names of 5,400 people designated to grow marijuana on behalf of others, without notifying the caregivers of the breach.

    Auditors also criticized the health department for not getting confidentiality agreements from temporary employees hired to help process medical marijuana applications.

    Laura Kriho, of the Cannabis Therapy Institute, said she would resubmit the petition. The names on the registry should be confidential “so patients won’t fear being treated as criminals.”

    Marijuana activists demonstrated during the meeting outside the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment. They wore paper bags over their heads to protest what they called the breach of confidentiality.

    The Associated Press contributed to this report

    The Associated Press contributed to this report

    http://www.denverpost.com/breakingnews/ci_23911097/colorado-board-rejects-petition-stop-police-from-getting

    Want to do something? write the CDPHE

    Contact info For CDPHE

    CDPHE

    HSV-80608

    4300 Cherry Creek Drive South

    Denver, CO 80246-1530

     e-mail: medical.marijuana@state.co.us

     Web site: www.colorado.gov/cdphe/medicalmarijuana

     Phone: 303-692-2184

    Lets remind ourselves what amendment 20 says in its entirety. I have highlighted some passages that deal with privacy:

    0-4-287 – ARTICLE XVIII – Miscellaneous Art. XVIII – Miscellaneous

    Section 14. Medical use of marijuana for persons suffering from debilitating medical conditions. (1) As used in this section, these terms are defined as follows:
    (a) “Debilitating medical condition” means:
    (I) Cancer, glaucoma, positive status for human immunodeficiency virus, or acquired immune deficiency syndrome, or treatment for such conditions;
    (II) A chronic or debilitating disease or medical condition, or treatment for such conditions, which produces, for a specific patient, one or more of the following, and for which, in the professional opinion of the patient’s physician, such condition or conditions reasonably may be alleviated by the medical use of marijuana: cachexia; severe pain; severe nausea; seizures, including those that are characteristic of epilepsy; or persistent muscle spasms, including those that are characteristic of multiple sclerosis; or
    (III) Any other medical condition, or treatment for such condition, approved by the state health agency, pursuant to its rule making authority or its approval of any petition submitted by a patient or physician as provided in this section.
    (b) “Medical use” means the acquisition, possession, production, use, or transportation of marijuana or paraphernalia related to the administration of such marijuana to address the symptoms or effects of a patient’s debilitating medical condition, which may be authorized only after a diagnosis of the patient’s debilitating medical condition by a physician or physicians, as provided by this section.
    (c) “Parent” means a custodial mother or father of a patient under the age of eighteen years, any person having custody of a patient under the age of eighteen years, or any person serving as a legal guardian for a patient under the age of eighteen years.
    (d) “Patient” means a person who has a debilitating medical condition.
    (e) “Physician” means a doctor of medicine who maintains, in good standing, a license to practice medicine issued by the state of Colorado.
    (f) “Primary care-giver” means a person, other than the patient and the patient’s physician, who is eighteen years of age or older and has significant responsibility for managing the well-being of a patient who has a debilitating medical condition.
    (g) “Registry identification card” means that document, issued by the state health agency, which identifies a patient authorized to engage in the medical use of marijuana and such patient’s primary care-giver, if any has been designated.
    (h) “State health agency” means that public health related entity of state government designated by the governor to establish and maintain a confidential registry of patients authorized to engage in the medical use of marijuana and enact rules to administer this program.
    (i) “Usable form of marijuana” means the seeds, leaves, buds, and flowers of the plant (genus) cannabis, and any mixture or preparation thereof, which are appropriate for medical use as provided in this section, but excludes the plant’s stalks, stems, and roots.
    (j) “Written documentation” means a statement signed by a patient’s physician or copies of the patient’s pertinent medical records.
    (2) (a) Except as otherwise provided in subsections (5), (6), and (8) of this section, a patient or primary care-giver charged with a violation of the state’s criminal laws related to the patient’s medical use of marijuana will be deemed to have established an affirmative defense to such allegation where:
    (I) The patient was previously diagnosed by a physician as having a debilitating medical condition;
    (II) The patient was advised by his or her physician, in the context of a bona fide physician-patient
    relationship, that the patient might benefit from the medical use of marijuana in connection with a debilitating
    medical condition; and
    (III) The patient and his or her primary care-giver were collectively in possession of amounts of marijuana
    only as permitted under this section.
    This affirmative defense shall not exclude the assertion of any other defense where a patient or primary
    care-giver is charged with a violation of state law related to the patient’s medical use of marijuana.
    (b) Effective June 1, 2001, it shall be an exception from the state’s criminal laws for any patient or primary
    care-giver in lawful possession of a registry identification card to engage or assist in the medical use of
    marijuana, except as otherwise provided in subsections (5) and (8) of this section.
    (c) It shall be an exception from the state’s criminal laws for any physician to:
    (I) Advise a patient whom the physician has diagnosed as having a debilitating medical condition, about the
    risks and benefits of medical use of marijuana or that he or she might benefit from the medical use of
    marijuana, provided that such advice is based upon the physician’s contemporaneous assessment of the
    patient’s medical history and current medical condition and a bona fide physician-patient relationship; or
    (II) Provide a patient with written documentation, based upon the physician’s contemporaneous assessment
    of the patient’s medical history and current medical condition and a bona fide physician-patient relationship,
    stating that the patient has a debilitating medical condition and might benefit from the medical use of
    marijuana.
    No physician shall be denied any rights or privileges for the acts authorized by this subsection.
    (d) Notwithstanding the foregoing provisions, no person, including a patient or primary care-giver, shall be
    entitled to the protection of this section for his or her acquisition, possession, manufacture, production, use,
    sale, distribution, dispensing, or transportation of marijuana for any use other than medical use.
    (e) Any property interest that is possessed, owned, or used in connection with the medical use of marijuana
    or acts incidental to such use, shall not be harmed, neglected, injured, or destroyed while in the possession
    of state or local law enforcement officials where such property has been seized in connection with the
    claimed medical use of marijuana. Any such property interest shall not be forfeited under any provision of
    state law providing for the forfeiture of property other than as a sentence imposed after conviction of a
    criminal offense or entry of a plea of guilty to such offense. Marijuana and paraphernalia seized by state or
    local law enforcement officials from a patient or primary care-giver in connection with the claimed medical
    use of marijuana shall be returned immediately upon the determination of the district attorney or his or her
    designee that the patient or primary care-giver is entitled to the protection contained in this section as may
    be evidenced, for example, by a decision not to prosecute, the dismissal of charges, or acquittal.
    (3) The state health agency shall create and maintain a confidential registry of patients who have applied for
    and are entitled to receive a registry identification card according to the criteria set forth in this subsection,
    effective June 1, 2001.
    (a) No person shall be permitted to gain access to any information about patients in the state health
    agency’s confidential registry, or any information otherwise maintained by the state health agency about
    physicians and primary care-givers, except for authorized employees of the state health agency in the
    course of their official duties and authorized employees of state or local law enforcement agencies which
    have stopped or arrested a person who claims to be engaged in the medical use of marijuana and in
    possession of a registry identification card or its functional equivalent, pursuant to paragraph (e) of this
    subsection (3). Authorized employees of state or local law enforcement agencies shall be granted access to
    the information contained within the state health agency’s confidential registry only for the purpose of
    verifying that an individual who has presented a registry identification card to a state or local law
    enforcement official is lawfully in possession of such card.
    (b) In order to be placed on the state’s confidential registry for the medical use of marijuana, a patient must
    reside in Colorado and submit the completed application form adopted by the state health agency, including
    the following information, to the state health agency:
    (I) The original or a copy of written documentation stating that the patient has been diagnosed with a debilitating medical condition and the physician’s conclusion that the patient might benefit from the medical use of marijuana;
    (II) The name, address, date of birth, and social security number of the patient;
    (III) The name, address, and telephone number of the patient’s physician; and
    (IV) The name and address of the patient’s primary care-giver, if one is designated at the time of application.
    (c) Within thirty days of receiving the information referred to in subparagraphs (3) (b) (I)-(IV), the state health agency shall verify medical information contained in the patient’s written documentation. The agency shall notify the applicant that his or her application for a registry identification card has been denied if the agency’s review of such documentation discloses that: the information required pursuant to paragraph (3) (b) of this section has not been provided or has been falsified; the documentation fails to state that the patient has a debilitating medical condition specified in this section or by state health agency rule; or the physician does not have a license to practice medicine issued by the state of Colorado. Otherwise, not more than five days after verifying such information, the state health agency shall issue one serially numbered registry identification card to the patient, stating:
    (I) The patient’s name, address, date of birth, and social security number;
    (II) That the patient’s name has been certified to the state health agency as a person who has a debilitating medical condition, whereby the patient may address such condition with the medical use of marijuana;
    (III) The date of issuance of the registry identification card and the date of expiration of such card, which shall be one year from the date of issuance; and
    (IV) The name and address of the patient’s primary care-giver, if any is designated at the time of application.
    (d) Except for patients applying pursuant to subsection (6) of this section, where the state health agency, within thirty-five days of receipt of an application, fails to issue a registry identification card or fails to issue verbal or written notice of denial of such application, the patient’s application for such card will be deemed to have been approved. Receipt shall be deemed to have occurred upon delivery to the state health agency, or deposit in the United States mails. Notwithstanding the foregoing, no application shall be deemed received prior to June 1, 1999. A patient who is questioned by any state or local law enforcement official about his or her medical use of marijuana shall provide a copy of the application submitted to the state health agency, including the written documentation and proof of the date of mailing or other transmission of the written documentation for delivery to the state health agency, which shall be accorded the same legal effect as a registry identification card, until such time as the patient receives notice that the application has been denied.
    (e) A patient whose application has been denied by the state health agency may not reapply during the six months following the date of the denial and may not use an application for a registry identification card as provided in paragraph (3) (d) of this section. The denial of a registry identification card shall be considered a final agency action. Only the patient whose application has been denied shall have standing to contest the agency action.
    (f) When there has been a change in the name, address, physician, or primary care- giver of a patient who has qualified for a registry identification card, that patient must notify the state health agency of any such change within ten days. A patient who has not designated a primary care-giver at the time of application to the state health agency may do so in writing at any time during the effective period of the registry identification card, and the primary care-giver may act in this capacity after such designation. To maintain an effective registry identification card, a patient must annually resubmit, at least thirty days prior to the expiration date stated on the registry identification card, updated written documentation to the state health agency, as well as the name and address of the patient’s primary care-giver, if any is designated at such time.
    (g) Authorized employees of state or local law enforcement agencies shall immediately notify the state health agency when any person in possession of a registry identification card has been determined by a court of law to have willfully violated the provisions of this section or its implementing legislation, or has pled guilty to such offense.
    (h) A patient who no longer has a debilitating medical condition shall return his or her registry identification card to the state health agency within twenty-four hours of receiving such diagnosis by his or her physician.
    (i) The state health agency may determine and levy reasonable fees to pay for any direct or indirect administrative costs associated with its role in this program.
    (4) (a) A patient may engage in the medical use of marijuana, with no more marijuana than is medically necessary to address a debilitating medical condition. A patient’s medical use of marijuana, within the following limits, is lawful:
    (I) No more than two ounces of a usable form of marijuana; and
    (II) No more than six marijuana plants, with three or fewer being mature, flowering plants that are producing a usable form of marijuana.
    (b) For quantities of marijuana in excess of these amounts, a patient or his or her primary care-giver may raise as an affirmative defense to charges of violation of state law that such greater amounts were medically necessary to address the patient’s debilitating medical condition.
    (5) (a) No patient shall:
    (I) Engage in the medical use of marijuana in a way that endangers the health or well-being of any person; or
    (II) Engage in the medical use of marijuana in plain view of, or in a place open to, the general public.
    (b) In addition to any other penalties provided by law, the state health agency shall revoke for a period of one year the registry identification card of any patient found to have willfully violated the provisions of this section or the implementing legislation adopted by the general assembly.
    (6) Notwithstanding paragraphs (2) (a) and (3) (d) of this section, no patient under eighteen years of age shall engage in the medical use of marijuana unless:
    (a) Two physicians have diagnosed the patient as having a debilitating medical condition;
    (b) One of the physicians referred to in paragraph (6) (a) has explained the possible risks and benefits of medical use of marijuana to the patient and each of the patient’s parents residing in Colorado;
    (c) The physicians referred to in paragraph (6) (b) has provided the patient with the written documentation, specified in subparagraph (3) (b) (I);
    (d) Each of the patient’s parents residing in Colorado consent in writing to the state health agency to permit the patient to engage in the medical use of marijuana;
    (e) A parent residing in Colorado consents in writing to serve as a patient’s primary care-giver;
    (f) A parent serving as a primary care-giver completes and submits an application for a registry identification card as provided in subparagraph (3) (b) of this section and the written consents referred to in paragraph (6) (d) to the state health agency;
    (g) The state health agency approves the patient’s application and transmits the patient’s registry identification card to the parent designated as a primary care-giver;
    (h) The patient and primary care-giver collectively possess amounts of marijuana no greater than those specified in subparagraph (4) (a) (I) and (II); and
    (i) The primary care-giver controls the acquisition of such marijuana and the dosage and frequency of its use by the patient.
    (7) Not later than March 1, 2001, the governor shall designate, by executive order, the state health agency as defined in paragraph (1) (g) of this section.
    (8) Not later than April 30, 2001, the General Assembly shall define such terms and enact such legislation as may be necessary for implementation of this section, as well as determine and enact criminal penalties for:
    (a) Fraudulent representation of a medical condition by a patient to a physician, state health agency, or state or local law enforcement official for the purpose of falsely obtaining a registry identification card or avoiding arrest and prosecution;
    (b) Fraudulent use or theft of any person’s registry identification card to acquire, possess, produce, use, sell, distribute, or transport marijuana, including but not limited to cards that are required to be returned where patients are no longer diagnosed as having a debilitating medical condition;
    (c) Fraudulent production or counterfeiting of, or tampering with, one or more registry identification cards; or
    (d) Breach of confidentiality of information provided to or by the state health agency.
    (9) Not later than June 1, 2001, the state health agency shall develop and make available to residents of Colorado an application form for persons seeking to be listed on the confidential registry of patients. By such date, the state health agency shall also enact rules of administration, including but not limited to rules governing the establishment and confidentiality of the registry, the verification of medical information, the issuance and form of registry identification cards, communications with law enforcement officials about registry identification cards that have been suspended where a patient is no longer diagnosed as having a debilitating medical condition, and the manner in which the agency may consider adding debilitating medical conditions to the list provided in this section. Beginning June 1, 2001, the state health agency shall accept physician or patient initiated petitions to add debilitating medical conditions to the list provided in this section and, after such hearing as the state health agency deems appropriate, shall approve or deny such petitions within one hundred eighty days of submission. The decision to approve or deny a petition shall be considered a final agency action.
    (10) (a) No governmental, private, or any other health insurance provider shall be required to be liable for any claim for reimbursement for the medical use of marijuana.
    (b) Nothing in this section shall require any employer to accommodate the medical use of marijuana in any work place.
    (11) Unless otherwise provided by this section, all provisions of this section shall become effective upon official declaration of the vote hereon by proclamation of the governor, pursuant to article V, section (1) (4), and shall apply to acts or offenses committed on or after that date.
    Enacted by the People November 7, 2000 — Effective upon proclamation of the Governor.

    retrieved from: http://www.colorado.gov/cs/Satellite/CDPHE-CHEIS/CBON/1251593017076 August 23, 2013 6:39pm MDT

    How to Extract Cannabis Cure Oil with alcohol (Phoenix Tears)

    Phoenix Tears Alcohol Extraction Tutorial

    The purpose of this tutorial is to teach you how to make Phoenix Tears Therapy. I learned to make the tears from Mr. Ronnie Lee Smith, who is currently sitting in jail as I write. I was Mr Smith‘s apprentice for a year and a half before he was arrested. He has asked me to make the method available to all so that anyone who is in need of this life saving information can access it.

    if you are worried about the legality of this oil, I say to you

    “When a life is at stake, and breaking a law will save it, abiding by the law is not a virtue.” ~Breezy Kiefair

    or perhaps Henry David Thoreau said it better in his work Civil Disobedience”

    If the machine of government is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law.
    Read more at: http://xroads.virginia.edu/~hyper/WALDEN/Essays/civil.html

    ******BEFORE YOU ATTEMPT TO EXTRACT

    CANNABIS CURE OIL, Please read  the following post

    first in addition to this post in its ENTIRETY.******

    FAQ’s about Phoenix Tears Therapy for the Beginner

    The Frequently asked questions about phoenix tears therapy for the beginner post covers a lot of the science regarding how and why this medication works to combat cancer. The post you are currently reading centers on how to make the cannabis cure oil.

    *******************     *******************     

    PLEASE NOTE!

    I am not a doctor or licensed herbalist. I am just a lady who has traveled this path trying to offer information to other people considering walking down this path of their own free will.

    PLEASE FOLLOW ALL SAFETY PRECAUTIONS!

    *******************     *******************     

    What Are Phoenix Tears?

    Quite simply, Phoenix Tears are a potent, concentrated form of the cannabis plant.  This therapy is also known as R.S.O (Rick Simpson Oil), Cannabis Cure Oil, Run From the Cure Oil, F.E.C.O (Fully Extracted Cannabis Oil), Ronnie Smith Oil, Jamaican Hash Oil (like you used to get “back in the day”) Cannabis extract, or simply hash oil. Whatever you call it, it is strong medicine that cures most cancers and can treat many disorders/diseases in the body.

    I invite you to also follow the below link for more frequently asked questions on how to use this medication.

    FAQ’s about Phoenix Tears Therapy for the Beginner

    What Solvent to use?

    What solvent you use to create your cannabis oil is very important. If you are thinking of making your own oil, please take the time to educate yourself on the benefits and risks of any solvent you are thinking of using.  When selecting your solvent, it is essential to be as educated as possible about the properties of that solvent.

    I recommend use of food grade alcohol and nothing else for beginners (because the solvent is already food grade, it is good for beginners who are learning the method… that way, IF any solvent is left behind due to inexperience, it is still safe to consume.)  Those proficient with use of alcohol as a solvent may then begin using  isopropyl alcohol 91% (rubbing alcohol) once they have learned to tell when no alcohol  remains. If you use a still, you can reclaim your solvent for reuse to cut down on costs.
    Another option is moonshine if  you  have a trusted source  but note the word trusted. you want someone who has been making shine a long time with lots of living long term customers… if you get my drift

    Please read this article: 

    A few words on the properties of Isopropyl alcohol

    Dry Ice/ CO2 / Carbon Dioxide extraction

    Dry ice, sometimes referred to as “Cardice” or as “card ice” (chiefly British English), is the solid form of carbon dioxide. It is used primarily as a cooling agent. Its advantages include lower temperature than that of water ice and not leaving any residue (other than incidental frost from moisture in the atmosphere). It is useful for preserving frozen foods, ice cream, etc., where mechanical cooling is unavailable.  You may read the Wikipedia article about the propertied of Dry ice by clicking this sentence.

    I must admit, I have never used CO2.to extract, however, I have had the pleasure of smoking hashes that have been extracted with this method. Unlike butane or Naphtha products, I do not have any adverse effects from concentrates extracted with this method. The CO2 extraction method for cannabis cure oil relies on freezing the medication crystals so they “break away” from the remaining plant material. As I said, I have not extracted with COpersonally, so I can offer no more tutorial on carbon dioxide extraction method than this small blurb.

    What Solvents NOT TO USE

    Butane

    Butane is something I know a lot of folks love. But there are just too many folks like me too sensitive to petrol ppms left in the end product. I have tried plenty of well made bho, shatter, earwax or whatever you want to call butane extractions. They will get ya good and stoned, but I find an increase in symptoms above symptom levels before smoking (joint pain especially and muscle tension) when it begins to wear off.

    I (and many others) cannot tolerate butane extracted hash. It makes my body ache every time I smoke it. For some people, butane may be an option, but I will follow my common sense and you follow yours….  I personally experience side effects from any concentrate that has been extracted with a petroleum based solvent.

    “Despite its usefulness, butane is also a toxic chemical. Inhalation of the gas can lead to drowsiness, narcosis, cardiac arrhythmia, frostbite, and death from asphyxiation, acute toxicity, and ventricular fibrillation. Butane inhalation is the most common single cause of solvent-related death. Thus, butane needs to be handled with care.”
    http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Butane

    Naphtha

    Naphtha is not good for you!

    I do not believe that Naphtha should be used to create this medication for ANYONE. I have received a great deal of hate for taking this position, however this substance is dangerous on MANY levels and I cannot in good conscience stop educating people on it’s dangers when others are actively encouraging its use. Many people have subtle or undiagnosed multiple chemical sensitivitiesThere are many reasons Naphtha is not a healthy solvent. I encourage you to read this post that speaks in detail about the dangers (just click this sentence)

    and watch this video:

    Please also be sure to read the commentary on both versions of this video. I kindly call it a debate, but anyone who reads it will see that I have taken a great deal of heat for educating people to the dangers of using the petrochemical naphtha  to create cannabis oil.

    Commentary on the first version of the video.

    Commentary on the second version of the video.

    What kind of cannabis

    do I use?

    Some of you out there are so new to cannabis that knowing what kind of cannabis to get is a difficult proposition. For others, this is basic information that I am reviewing for you.

    Cannabis is divided into two general families. They are referred to as Indicas and Sativas (there are hybrids that are described as a percentage Indica and a percentage sativa)

    2013-05-23 0657 indicasativa leaves collage polished

    Some of the most commonly recommended strains by the Rick Simpson Camp of oil creation are white widow and white rhino. Both of these strains are good Indica strains but there are many, many other Indica strains. Indica plants have fat leaves and generally are more earthy in their flavor and smell.

    You need a strain high in both THC and CBD. I am of the opinion that all of the compounds of the plant work in concert together to heal cancer. Some people will argue with me that chlorophyll is not necessary, but truly that is a small matter.

    Indica strains tend to be sleepier and are better in my opinion for nighttime, however for me, Indica plants are also more effective for deep pain.

    Indica medical marijuana strains are short, bushy plants with wide leaves. Indica plants typically grow faster and have a higher yield than the sativa variety. Medicine produced from cannabis indica plants have higher CBD and lower THCcounts therefore a pure indica strain will produce a heavier, sleepy type of high. The flowering stage lasts between 6 to 8 weeks.Plant Origins: Afghanistan, Morocco, and Tibet.

    Sativa strains are more for daytime. The feeling is more social, more antidepressant, creative, more energetic, and clearer headed. Sativas are also good as a “ distraction” from the pain, they will help you get interested in whatever it is you are doing to help you not notice how much pain you are in.

    The sativa strain of marijuana is the complete opposite of the indica strain. Sativa medical marijuana pants are tall, thin plants, with narrow leaves, and generally are a lighter shade of green then their counterpart, the Indica strain. Sativa strains take longer to grow, mature, and require more light. Medicine produced from cannabis sativa plants have lower CBD and higher THC counts which produces a more clear headed, energetic type of high. The flowering stage lasts between 10 to 16 weeks. Plant Origins: Colombia, Mexico, Thailand and Southeast Asia.

    remember that cannabis flowers are like roses... roses come in many colors and the right color given to the right person can open many doors... cannabis flowers come with many different effects and the right flower given to the right person with the right illness that flower is good at treating can ease much suffering. —                                                                     https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=530336420319705&set=o.154533251224064&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn1%2F525999_530336420319705_1779578205_n.jpg&size=480%2C384

    remember that cannabis flowers are like roses… roses come in many colors and the right color given to the right person can open many doors… cannabis flowers come with many different effects and the right flower given to the right person with the right illness that flower is good at treating can ease much suffering. — https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=530336420319705&set=o.154533251224064&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn1%2F525999_530336420319705_1779578205_n.jpg&size=480%2C384

    remember that cannabis flowers are like roses… roses come in many colors and the right color given to the right person can open many doors… cannabis flowers come with many different effects and the right flower given to the right person with the right illness that flower is good at treating can ease much suffering.

    I recommend a Cannabis Indica strain or a cannabis Indica dominant hybrid strain for the curing of cancer. If you are treating another disease, you may want to try different strains of cannabis that are more suited for your condition  For example, someone wanting to treat their Post Traumatic Stress Disorder might choose to make their Cannabis Cure Oil from a strain known to be a good treatment for P.T.S.D anxiety symptoms such as Northern Lights. An epileptic or seizure patient may want to make their oil out of strains known to reduce seizure activity such as White Widow, White Rhino, or Life Saver. A chronic fatigue patient may want a sativa based oil for the energetic properties of some of those strains. Likewise, a patient with depression may wish to choose an uplifting euphoric  sativa strain to use as an antidepressant. Cannabis Indica strains tend to be high in both   Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) and  Cannabidiol (CBD)

    What about quality?

    The man who taught me to make the oil can handle this question for me jump to about 4:19 seconds into the video if you are in a hurry.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFKo8yz8yjA&feature=share&list=PLwc43UiVjiuei4EEsVLLENxtNMH1ASuwl

    There is nothing wrong with using a mixture of bud and close trim to make phoenix tears oil. I have even known people who used street grade weed (commonly referred to as shwag) to make the oil and saw results. Too often shwag is grown by non-organic methods and harvested before the nutrients have been flushed out of the plant properly. Sometimes, the plant is even harvested before she is completely ripe.  That being said, you cannot argue with the results of people who used shwag because that was all they had access to and were able to cure their cancer with it.  Because of all these concerns, I recommend everyone grow their own bud, or buy the raw materials from a trusted grower.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    *******************     *******************     

    PLEASE NOTE!

    I am not a doctor or licensed herbalist. I am just a lady who has traveled this path trying to offer information to other people considering walking down this path of their own free will.

    PLEASE FOLLOW ALL SAFETY PRECAUTIONS!

    *******************     *******************     

    What you will Need

    here is a list on amazon.com so you can see the items discussed in this post

    a quantity of Indica cannabis flowers or cannabis trim

    you can make batches with as little and 1 ounce of raw materials, though the yield is very small.

    1 lb of bud generally yields 2 ounces of oil

    1.2-1.5 pounds of cannabis trim yields about 2 ounces of oil depending on the crystal content of the raw materials.

    a bag made of t-shirt material (a pillow case made of this fabric works well)

    If you buy a set of jersey fabric sheets that comes in a bag, the bag it comes in and the pillow cases are perfect to put raw material in for soaking. if you don’t want to buy a sheet set or pillowcases, sewing up a new (or old) CLEAN t-shirt into a bag will serve just as well.”

    a container to soak in

    for soaking the raw material and alcohol. Some substitute a large plastic container, but I prefer glass and metal start to finish”

    food grade high proof alcohol (ever-clear works well) Please make sure your alcohol is 190 proof or higher! the higher the proof the lower the water content.

    A stainless steel colander or strainer

    A Still  (if you wish to reclaim your solvent) or a rice cooker very small batches can be made in a coffee pot, but you likely won’t ever wish to use it to make coffee again. if the above still link does not work, try this: http://www.nutriteam.com/catalogsearch/result/?q=essential+oil+still

    The temperatures in the rice cooker or still are appropriate for decarboxylation. Basically the process of evaporating the alcohol off the essential oil extract accomplishes the step of heating it so it is suitable for ingestion.

    Unbleached cone shaped coffee filters

    a funnel

    toothpicks to stir with

    a small heavy glass dish about 4 inches in diameter at the bottom

    A desktop heated coffee or tea warmer

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    *******************     *******************     

    PLEASE NOTE!

    I am not a doctor or licensed herbalist. I am just a lady who has traveled this path trying to offer information to other people considering walking down this path of their own free will.

    PLEASE FOLLOW ALL SAFETY PRECAUTIONS!

    *******************     *******************     

    What YOU DO

    Step 1 Grind it:

    Cut or grind your cannabis into small, loose pieces. This increases the surface area for the solvent and maximizes the amount of medication extracted. This step is particularly important if your raw materials have been compressed in any way.

    Step 2 Freeze it:

    Place your raw materials in a bag made from t-shirt (jersey) material. Freeze your raw materials for a minimum of 2 hours.  Also freeze the alcohol solvent (no it will not become solid and if there is any water in your alcohol, it will freeze to the sides of your container)

    Step 3 SOAK IT:

    Put your bag of frozen raw materials into a container to soak. cover with the alcohol you have selected and allow to soak with a lid on it for 2-24 hours. Many different oil makers use different soak times. Some measure their soak time in minutes, some in hours, others in days or weeks. My teacher and I have played with many soak times and have settled upon the 2-24 hour range as ideal for our patients.

    Step 4 Filter it:

     Remove the raw material bag being sure you squeeze as much of the alcohol out as possible. Place the bag in a stainless steel colander or strainer and allow the alcohol to drain from the bag thoroughly. Set up a funnel on top of another container and place a cone shaped coffee filter inside the funnel. Carefully pour the alcohol through the filter and funnel. This removes some of the plant cellulose so that you get a better consistency (less hard) oil in the end process.

    Step 5 Cook it:

    Open a window or otherwise ensure proper 

    ventilation for the duration of this step!

    You may need a fan in the window to help ventilate the alcohol fumes.

    If you need to ensure others do not smell your cook,

    Please do so using your own common sense!

    Please be careful about any flames in the cooking

    room, or near the window outside of your cook.

    Put your filtered alcohol into the device you intend to cook with (still, rice cooker or coffee pot) and turn on the device. Pay close attention to the cook. check it frequently and stir it often with a wooden apparatus you don’t mind being stained for life.

    As the oil becomes thicker, you will need to stir it about every 10 minutes.

    You may find some hard material as you stir. this will want to stick together. allow it to do so and press this harder material against the side of the container. this material contains residual plant cellulose and is of slightly lower medication value. It is suitable to be put into capsules and swallowed, or made into suppositories for anal or vaginal use.

    While there is still enough alcohol left in the mixture for you to pour it, transfer the oil into a small glass dish placed on a desktop coffee or tea warmer.

    Continue stirring every ten minutes and pay attention to the bubbles that rise up through the oil. At first, the bubbles with be large, then they will become smaller and smaller as the oil becomes thicker.

    YOU KNOW THE OIL IS COMPLETE WHEN NO

    MORE BUBBLES show and the oil appears to be a still black mirror

    Step 6 Store it:

    if you have access to empty oral syringes, then draw up the phoenix tears into syringes

    If you do not have access to oral syringes, consider making up pills from empty vegetable capsules

    If neither of the above are an option, a wide mouth glass container is suitable

    DO NOT STORE IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT. No need to refrigerate, if you do they may become too thick to work with.

    Questions?

    send a pm through facebook to this profile

    email: btokeefer@gmail.com
    snail mail:

    Bréedhéen O’Rilley Keefer

    P.O. Box 705

    Lafayette, Colorado 80026

    Information on dosing and concerns about side effects can be found at the following post:

    FAQ’s about Phoenix Tears Therapy for the Beginner

    If you find my method difficult to understand, please seek out other tutorials on this method. A few are below.

    need to make a smaller batch? http://www.weedist.com/2013/01/full-extract-cannabis-oil-made-easy/

    If you click this sentence, it will take you to the phoenixtears.ca tutorial on how to make the oil

    end-notes

    From Shaved head to cancer free in a little under a month!

    Breezy‘s cancer came back… and we had to shave the back of my head to better monitor and treat it. here is the hair cutting video.

    Let’s begin with a bit of my personal cancer history

    _______________________________

    anyone else notice the big lump on the left? look just above the leaves over my shoulder. It began as a lump behind my left ear the ulcer on the top of the head has been there off and on since I was about 9 years old… it would heal up and reopen unexpectedly years later.
    there is a cure for cancer… how many beautiful women need butchered because doctors wanna run from the cure for the sake of monetary gain… are you curious about the cure?

    I have a genetic disorder that gives me an extremely high tolerance, and I ate 4-10 grams a day for about a month and cured my cancer. VERY few individuals can tolerate that much oil that quickly. It is not going to kill you  no matter how much you take (given that the tears have been made properly and no solvents remain). Most people just can’t take as much as I did and function on any level. I am a unique case on several levels, so my path and speed down that path need not be yours. You know your own body better than anyone else does (with the exception of your understanding of a creator if you have one.) You should be your own judge of what your body needs.

    I am not a doctor or licensed herbalist. I am just a lady who has travelled this path trying to offer information to other people considering walking down this path of their own free will.

    Just this August, I had cancer for the fourth time.

    I fought with myself for a long time about even going to a doctor. MY FREE WILL said that a doctor visit is only a diagnostic tool…. I knew I would not be allowing any cutting… I would not be allowing any chemo… I seriously doubted I’d even submit to imaging (radiation of its own).  Another part of me thought that perhaps I would find some benefit from seeing a western medicine doctor for my cancer… I have had it 3 times before… Still, it was not as if I did not know what I was in for…. I make the cure… I’m was left wondering what to do or to think about it, and it was torture for me and everyone I am connected with…. I made up my own damn mind as always (would you expect anything less?) but, took wise take counsel in many forms before coming to a decision… I hate doctors with a passion, but for the good of my sanity and those around me, I went to the doctor. He said “malignant”, and I went home to eat oil.

    I began using the phoenix tears therapy in November 2011 ( 1 drop – 1/4 gram of cannabis oil per day) to aid in the agony that had been diagnosed as “fibromyalgia” (a misdiagnosis, but we will get to that part of the tale later) Even before I went in to see the doctor, I had been stepping up my dosing of phoenix tears from my previous dosing.

    On August 20, 2012, my facebook status message read:

    my mission for the day? do good and try to heal my own body (we have not gone into a doc, but the phoenix tears is pulling some “very bad things” out of me) We have not decided if a trip to see an oncologist is in order, and even if it is in order, i’m not sure i wanna go see the butchers, submit to the diagnostic torture, and fight with them about my alternative therapy choices… so is my remission at an end or not? does it really matter? the answer is the same… I live in a house that makes the cure…. So I will be doing high dose phoenix tears therapy until all these masses are gone… By the way, I have DVD copies of Run From The Cure available for anyone who needs them… I intend to hand them out free at hospitals and Run for the Cure events……

    I fulfilled that mission. I have given out at least 50 free copies of the “Run from the Cure” that I had paid a company to make for me. I still have around 50 to go. Some went to dispensaries (as you would expect), some were handed out in the doctor’s office(s) I visited, others went to health food stores, some went to herbalists and naturopathic healers, some went to people I happened to speak to in the grocery store line, more went in random places where it was up to fate to decide whose hands the video ended up in… like outside of tobacco shops, liquor stores, and gambling dens. 

    After a conversation with a Dude collecting donations for homeless vets. Before giving, I made sure the vets are allowed to medicate with weed. They are and brother man has his red card.I donated $108 to his cause when I meant to donate $9… there is a benjamin doing good things for homeless vets… wow am i glad i asked if they had a place for the vets to use their canna-medicine if they have a colorado license to do so… 

    I had to shave the back of my head to make topical application of the cannabis oil thinned slightly with olive oil an easier thing to do. I remembered a haircut that had been popular in my youth, and secure in the knowledge that my treatment would not make my hair fall out, I only shaved the back of my head. If I wore a scarf, no one could tell that the back of my head was so lumpy, uneven and working on using the cancer cure. But it wasn’t just a mass on the back of my head, I also had a mass in my left breast and small masses in various other parts of my body (along the lymphatic system’s pathways).  My digestive tract was so messed up that I have lived on a liquid diet almost exclusively from March 2012-the present (although I have recently been able to eat/digest more solid food). There were a ton of other symptoms as well. It was agony. By taking the phoenix tears in very high doses, I was able to eliminate all the masses the doctors had found. They were shocked, amazed, and educated by my “miraculous healing”. They had given me about a month to live, and within that month, I made all the cancer go away using cannabis oil.

    On September 24, 2012 at 10:46pm my Facebook status proudly read:

    Doc says I am cancer free…. Doc said the remaining portion of the mass on the back of my head is acute muscle tension (thank you fibro). Doc says my doggie gave me a minor head injury while playing with me… doc also says I have Acute Pancreatitis and need to be on bed-rest and clear liquids for a while….. I was afraid of people showing up at the er, so I had to say it was a bud of mine and not me…. They wanted to keep me at the hospital for a few days to control the pain and ensure I was ok, but I just couldn’t handle that and I know I can get a shit-ton of things done on bedrest at home where as I couldn’t get jack and shit done at the hospital…. Thanks for the love and support guys…. I needed it and still do….

    Issues with my gut continued. I was diagnosed later with pancreatitis, then colitis, and finally a root cause to all my pain was discovered. I have a rare genetic disease called Familial Mediterranean Fever. Sadly, cannabis cannot cure a defect in my genes (to my knowledge) but it remains an important part of my pain control regimen to ensure I function. You can read more about my crazy genes by clicking this paragraph.

    The good news is I can eat solid foods again (sometimes) and I am getting a lot more sleep than I have been capable of in years with the addition of the new treatment based on the diagnosis of Familial Mediterranean Fever.

    _______________________________

    read even more about phoenix tears here:

    FAQ’s about Phoenix Tears Therapy for the Beginner

    Telemarketer’s machine gets a cannabis cancer cure turn around

    Rick Simpson on Visual Inspection and Quality of Oils: Debunked

    Phoenix Tears Healing a Diabetic Ulcer (8 months of treatment)

    Duke the Cancer fighting Dog

    REBLOG: Do you still need proof that marijuana cures cancer?

     

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