Category Archives: natural healing

It Kills Cancer | Greenfaith Ministry

It Kills Cancer | Greenfaith Ministry

http://greenfaithministry.com/blog/cannabis-kills-cancer/

It Kills Cancer
[MUST BE ADULT TO USE SITE]

FREE PDF BOOK about CANNABIS AND CANCER.

Breezy Keifair is a patron and has as much experience with Cannabis Oil as the Rev. She has given us permission to embed her tutorial works here if interested in healing on your own. In addition to being an oil expert, Breezy is a longtime cannabis activist, artist, and writer. Show some love by heading over to her blog and leaving some thanks for her work!

First, for beginners, here’s a FAQ:
https://kiefair.com/2012/10/29/faqs-about-phoenix-tears-therapy-for-the-beginner/

An In-Depth Look at Making Cannabis Cure Oil Easily at Home (set to The Wall!)

The “Large Batch” Method:
https://kiefair.com/2013/05/25/how-to-make-phoenix-tears/

How to Make Cannabis Oil Without Alerting the Neighbors!
https://kiefair.com/2014/03/10/how-to-make-cannabis-cure-oil-without-alerting-the-neighbors/

A powerful Youtube Playlist full of good info on Cannabis Oil / Phoenix Tears!

7 Responses to “It Kills Cancer”

BY BREEZY KIEFAIR FEBRUARY 13, 2015 – 8:43 PM

I am so honored that The oil making method I perpetuate (taught by Ronnie Lee Smith {RIP 2014} was awarded athishigh honor by having these links to the method added here as an outreach education for anyone with the will to learn to make the oil.
The #1 topic I get personal messages and calls about? My oil making methods and questions related to the treatment.
I have been with Greenfaith for many years, sometimes a quiet supporter, sometimes I donate, but in the beginning I was among the needy being helped by the good folks at Greenfaith. These links will lead you to my website and much more information. tons of links within links to read. The information is free to anyone willing to read it. Get some raw materials, and make a batch. You might just save the life of a loved one, give them more time than the doctor thinks, or at very least increase the quality of life as its quantity dwindles. I am honored by the words on this page that speak about me of course, but what really matters is passing on the method. Anecdotal evidence is so important in a climate where little real research is being done. This group of whole plant compounds is a healer of many ills. Learn to make it, feed your soul, then feed the oil to a sick loved one and watch them come back a ways from the precipice of death we all must fall from one day.

Pebbles, thank you for your kind words. It’s been a long hard road for me personally, but if the fruit of that road is giving the method I learned to empower the sick, then every step was worth it.
Thanks to Bill Bartlett and Rev Baker for honoring my oil making master, his method and my changes to it to customize it for smaller batches.

Reply

BY REV B BAKER FEBRUARY 14, 2015 – 3:35 PM

Yes breezy is a good oil maker, we have been donating material to her on and off since 2008; for her to make oil for herself and others! Praise and blessings through greenfaith!

Reply

BY DAVE CASSELL JUNE 5, 2015 – 3:36 AM

i love the lord and his people…i will be visiting now that i know he’ll be there…he always shows up in the smoke

Reply

BY HARRY HOUSTON OCTOBER 26, 2015 – 8:13 PM

I had an opportunity to spend some time with Rev Brandon Baker And several members of the Greenfaith Ministry; it was a true honor to meet people that are so dedicated to helping the sick that they put their personal freedoms on the line to do so.
The good people at Greenfaith Ministry make Holy Healing Oil derived from the Holy Cannabis Plant. And give it to the people who need it. The good people at Greenfaith Ministry have an impressive list of healing ranging from simple scratches to cancer.
How can this be anything less then Gods work?
I urge you to check out the Greenfaith Ministry and all the good they are doing.

Reply

BY BREEZY KIEFAIR NOVEMBER 19, 2015 – 11:15 PM

Yes, I’m a patron of greenfaith, I’m also fragile with my health. I’m willing to help anyone who needs it. It’s best to connect with me on Facebook, same user name or through my website kiefair.com

Reply

BY DIANA SEPTEMBER 29, 2016 – 2:57 AM

Such a good cause in life, to do the right thing to help and heal the sick. Thank you so very much for your courage and faith.

Reply

BY SANCHO GRACIA PEDRO JANUARY 29, 2017 – 6:14 AM

I want to specially thank Rick Simpson for saving my wife’s life with his healing oil. some years back my wife Rose was diagnosed with a deadly disease cancer of the lungs, we try all medication all to no avail, we also try to do the oil our selves but we were doing more harm than worse. until I saw a post on face book on how the cannabis oil had cured a cancer patient, I quickly emailed the mail: rev.420@greenfaithministry.com from that very moment we just have to give it a trier, instantly we got a reply from him asking us what the exact cancer problem that my wife Rose has….. He calculated the dosage for us, i think the dosage he calculated was 60 grams of the oil which we ordered plus 30 grams maintenance and also have body lotion and soap. He told us that if we need the donation we must meet the church elder(s)/leader(s) in person then pick it up or have it delivered, my wife Rose started the medication immediately just after a month of using Rick Simpson cannabis oil (FECO, RSO, HOLY HEALING OIL, etc), Rose is now free from cancer problem, she is living a healthy life my utmost priority of sharing this short testimony is for those that are suffering from my kind of cancer diseases or if your friend or family members are suffering from this deadly disease, please don’t die in silence there is a cure for your cancer today don’t waste anytime further you have to email some one for Rick Simpson Oil directly and save your live and the lives of others
Email: rev.420@greenfaithministry.com

 

 

 

 

Growing With Your Support

[MUST BE ADULT TO USE SITE] **Donate 4 FuckCancer Program HERE** 
…Click for UPCOMING CHURCH EVENTS. *GET TICKETS HERE* …Click for FARM EVENTS INFO *Get Farm Tickets in Store Tab*

“About GreenFaith Ministry”710 RADIO

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…WELCOME greened faith believers; Those that know WASU *The Sacred Seed* (Cannabis)! Here are our current church & farm Locations. Click for WASU (Cannabis) Weddings and related services. Here is the CO AG’s STANCE ON GREENFAITH for our religious cannabis (WASU) use. Click this link if interested in our HEMP SERVICES or here for Recent News or here for More Recent News.
…PLEASE Know and Distribute our CHURCH FLYER (Front) AND CHURCH FLYER (Back). Here is Our leader’s interview inspiring the First Church of Cannabis. This is our ONE and ONLY ONE Sacramental Herb Prayer. Here is our 2009 Press Releaseand 2010 Press Release. Our 1st CannaSacrament info (2003-06).
…REMEMBER Our services are funded through donations from patients, patrons and community supporters. Greenfaith Ministry is also a branch of the ONAC (for their religious cannabis use/training), and a religious charity organization. If on FaceBook go here for the CHURCH FACEBOOK Page.
**Dont Forget ALL donations to Greenfaith will automatically provide FREE Assistance to those in Need.Don’t want to send electronically? Mail check or money orders to: Greenfaith Ministry, PO Box 024 Nunn, CO 80648

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The Greenfaith community supports a wide range of outreach programs, including:

*At this time, these programs are available only to members in Colorado


Special Gift for those pledging $100/mo

The Church thanks all who donate at this level with a retreat in Avon, Colorado, right off I-70 in the middle of the ski resorts. Yes, there are smoking rooms available. 😉

We supply the lodging at our time-share, you do the rest! Thank you so very much for your support for our Church outreach!

 


Choosing your Monthly Pledge

Basic Membership

Monthly Pledge: $4.20
Six months: Church documents
One year: Special event invite (See “Preparing the Soil” for an invite to the Donor Party.)

Preparing the Soil

Monthly Pledge: $10
Initial: Church documents
Six months: Greenfaith T-shirt, special gift


Planting the Seed

Monthly Pledge: $15
Initial: Church documents
Six months: Greenfaith T-shirt & Electric Sacrament Device

Watering the Plants

Monthly Pledge: $25
Initial: Church documents, Greenfaith T-shirt
Six months: Special Gift & Herb Sacrament Device


Harvest the Herb

Monthly Pledge: $50
Initial: Church documents, Greenfaith T-shirt
Six months: Special Gift & Bubbler Sacrament Device

Trimming the Buds

Monthly Pledge: $75
Initial: Church documents, Greenfaith T-shirt, Electric Pipe
Six months: Special Gift, Special Greenfaith T-shirt & Herb Sacrament device


Healing the Sick

Monthly Pledge: $100
Initial: Church documents, Greenfaith T-shirt, Electric Sacrament Device
Six months: FREE WEEK Vacation

Protect Colorado Springs Home Grows

Protect Colorado Springs Home Grows by: Audrey Hatfield

How many registered cannabis patients do you think live in Colorado? How many refugees have given up their former lives to pack up and move here for access to medical cannabis? How many people in general utilize cannabis in some form or another in our state? There are approximately 108,000 registered cannabis patients and out of that many, how many of you have a clue as to what is happening in some city’s across Colorado regarding your rights as a cannabis patient? Very few.

Back in 2012 when the Amendment 64 campaign was rearing its ugly head, I was against it for several reasons. Not because I’m a selfish bitch that didn’t think everyone deserves access to cannabis, it was because, it was and is, a garbage piece of legislative prohibition, designed to benefit our government in the form of higher tax dollars, in disguise as “legalization.” We were all assured by 64 supporters that “medical would not be affected.” A64 was nothing but “legal lies” and too many people lapped it up as “progression” and “baby steps” towards “legalization.” “Regulation works,” “Regulate like alcohol.” Bullshit, all of it, as predicted! 

http://www.westword.com/news/marijuana-community-divide-on-amendment-64-deep-wide-often-nasty-5859203

  Let’s forget about Amendment 64 for a minute and before you chastise me for using the term “medical cannabis,” there is a difference. That difference is, Amendment 20 and those of us that rely on cannabis as our medicine. For us, it’s not about just “getting high.” And no, I don’t have anything against anyone that does. Cannabis should be available to us all, but not this way. Not thru Amendment 64.

 Right now, right under your noses we are slowly being made criminals once again. The MED is “recommending” to all jurisdictions to limit plant counts. One by one, city by city, slowly, Amendment 20 is being blown off by Colorado government officials, in part because of the fact that we have rec and rec generates more tax funds. You might think that it doesn’t matter because we “have A64”. But it does.

  In a recent article in local paper the “Gazette Telegraph,” Colorado Springs City Council proposed ordinance 16-52, on May 10, that was signed by Mayor John Suthers, just a few days after on May 13.

http://gazette.com/colorado-springs-mayor-day-of-reckoning-coming-for-citys-illegal-marijuana-growers/article/1577088 

In a nut shell, this ordinance (above,) is making it criminal to grow more than 12 plants per household without regard to the fact of ones plant count recommendation (Read above links). Yes, you heard it, it will be CRIMINAL! You will be a CRIMINAL, for exercising your rights under Amendment 20. Pay attention to what this will mean for patients here and eventually in the entire state.

https://coloradosprings.gov/sites/default/files/051016_personal_cultivation_ordinance_16-52.pdf

 Colorado Springs is a home rule municipality and basically what that means, is they can make their own rules. HOWEVER, when it comes to this situation they can not decide how many plants a patient is allowed to have! What the fuck? Why is this happening? Amendment 64. Why isn’t it being stopped? Greed and ignorance.

   All patients with higher plant counts will be affected, however, the patients that will be hurt the most are some of the many children whose parents moved here to treat their childrens rare illnesses with cannabis. Two of the families that will be affected and turned into criminals if arrested, will be Moms, Rebecca Lockwood and Marisa Kiser. Because of their childrens high plant counts and the negative impact it would have on their childrens health, Rebecca and Marisa, sprung into action. They decided to set up a meeting with City Council to get some answers and find compassion for all patients and spear headed an email campaign to Springs City Council.

  

Rebecca fears for the health and well-being of her child Calvin, as he has a plant count of 73 to treat his femoral retroversion, a debilitating abnormality, affecting the lower extremities.

http://www.aafp.org/afp/2003/0801/p461.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8OYxQq7mIE

 Marisa Kisers son Ezra, just turned 4 and went in hospice when he was just 3. He suffers from violent seizures and at one time, had an unexplained onset of dystonia so severe that he broke 8 bones in one year. He has a 72 plant count. These are just 2 of the families that will be affected by this bullshit. 


 It was in a May 31 meeting that the Moms were told by the council members in attendance that, “The limited plants counts are just the beginning, a ban will be placed on all home grows, not just here, but thru out the state.” This very phrase was confirmed the beginning of June from council members in a separate meeting between members of council and member Bridget Serrit, of the newly formed organization, Colorado Patient Rights Coalition

 108 million patients and only a handful of you are or have been getting involved with the blatant disregard of our rights. This is going to affect you! Understand what it means! Get off of your asses and stand up for yourselves or bow down to your rights being stepped on by our local politicians. We all need to come together in force and show them that this will not be tolerated! Coming together in numbers will have greater impact and that is what it will take. This WILL happen in your town next, you need to be aware and know your rights as a patient.

Whether you grow or not, what can you do? First, research and familiarize yourselves with Amendment 20 and any laws regarding medical access in Colorado. Send emails to your local government officials that are implementing these laws. Call and leave them a brief, yet detailed message. Stand up for your rights! If you are available during the day, attend any protest about the matter that you see being advertised. Protests are being set up right now in Colorado Springs in front of Mayor Suthers office in Colorado Springs, on a monthly basis. The organization also has started a petition that as patients, you should sign.

 https://www.facebook.com/events/266481020371172/

https://www.change.org/p/colorado-state-house-keep-it-legal-colorado

  If you have paperwork to support your plant count recommendation, continue to grow that plant count. If police come to your home, DO NOT, under any circumstances, allow them access inside your home without a search warrant. DO NOT speak to the police. Record audio if they are in your home or at your door. DO NOT be swayed by the scare tactics they will try to use to get you to take a plea deal if you are arrested. You can and will win your case! It has been done! Now more than ever, is the time to get involved! Strength in numbers! Stand up!

 http://www.westword.com/news/medical-marijuana-patient-bob-crouse-acquitted-another-wasteful-prosecution-5859198

http://www.dailycamera.com/boulder-county-news/ci_16965794

http://gazette.com/jury-returns-not-guilty-verdict-in-mmj-case/article/140056

Audrey Hatfield

Former Founder and President of C4CPR

Medical Cannabis Patient and Colorado Activist

Write to city council allcouncil@springsgov.com

Grand Opening of Please Bogart my Bead Art

Please bogart me art proud to begin a period of jewelry creation to give you all a bit more visual candy. Please be patient with me as I set all this up. Remember it’s just me doing everything, and I’m not a well woman. Everything is in its infancy, but I invite you to like Please Bogart My Bead Art on Facebook.   

             

   
    
    
    
 
As to any pain I may experience crafting and a few words on the hopes, fears, and materials…
Oh my dear ones, it’s okay. That’s what the pills, scents, and pipes are there for. I complain too much.

Pain is just really making the day difficult. There are so many things I want to do. Beads to sort, pieces of jewelry scattered about like the contents of my heart exploded out onto the bed… Each stone a memory, each glass bead a moment of transformation and atmosphere captured until heat releases it and changes it once more, noble metals waiting for the memories and transformations to be strung together like sun, planets, asteroids and stars strung upon the gravity of the universe. Meanwhile, I must be satisfied with what progress has been made. about to knock myself out of the universe where all is seen in shades of pain. I seek a black hole to hide in and be transformed within. 

Maybe someday I’ll emerge into a universe where things are seen in shades of love, shades of pleasure, shades of color and sound, a universe where life is seen in shades of life rather than moment upon moment of pain strung together into a chain that locks body, mind, and spirit down deep in the transformative darkness.

And yet in that darkness I also find the safety and protection you provide. I know you love me as I am, and that is more than anyone could ask for, that you are better than I deserve. If I required more of you than that, it would be quite too much to expect indeed.

I love my patrons!

Introductory Offer!!! 

Introductory offer is $42 plus shipping gets you a necklace (1 or two strand), bracelet (if necklace is single, you may have a bracelet, if necklace is double stranded. You will not have a bracelet made without extra costs)

I love my patrons. I’ll love making custom jewelry for my friends. I’ll ship out once a month (just after the full moon) so as to properly charge materials. Materials have been spiritually cleansed at the new moon before they were sorted for use, and will be charged with the full moon before shipping. 

I am willing to do rush orders, but it’s easier on my rental car body to ship only once a month afte the full moon and payment is received. Medical bills are stacking up and in praying some beading can help lift the financial burden.

~ breezy kiefair

Purchase link

https://www.etsy.com/listing/237246518/custom-jewelry-and-amulets
please have a look at the Raw materials album

https://www.facebook.com/breezy.kiefair/albums/1017860088234000/?ref=bookmark

Not on Facebook? Try this Google plus link
https://goo.gl/photos/7KA6rdoqn2DQHkzN8

Please Bogart my art to support Greenfaith Ministry, The Nation’s First State and Federally approved Cannabis Church

Greetings and Blessings from Breezy of Kiefair.com,

Please come Bogart our Etsy shop! Breezy Kiefair , Please Bogart My ArtKiefair.com, Reefer Gurl and Gardening Tips for the Medically Damned are chipping in to help RevBrandon Baker, Glenn Greuling, Bill Bartlett and Michelle Meadows of greenfaith Ministry, N.A.C. raise funds to aide in their charity work for the low income medicinal cannabis patient in Colorado.

Greenfaith Ministry is The Nation’s First State and Federally approved Cannabis Church. The Below are excerpts from their website: Visit the Greenfaith site by clicking here

Do You Have Greenfaith? watch this video


 Go Here for HEMP SERVICES
CHURCH FACEBOOK
CHURCH FLYER (Front)

CHURCH FLYER (Back)

Our services are funded through donations from patients, patrons and community supporters. Greenfaith Ministries is a branch of the Native American Church, and a religious charity organization.

And single or recurring donation to Greenfaith will automatically enter you into our Donor Rewards Program.

Please visit: the Greenfaith Website to donate directly

Don’t want to send electronically? Mail check or money orders to: Greenfaith Ministry, PO Box 024 Nunn, CO 80648

Additionally, I have added 4 Rev. Brandon Baker approved images to the etsy store. These items were previously available in our old art store that had to be migrated when WePay discontinued its shop service. We are on Etsy now. Each item being sold to benefit #greenfaithministries has a variety of sizing options. Each sizing option has its own donation amount associated with it. 

Don’t miss the images being sold to benefit #greenfaithministries
We’ve raised only $8.40 so far to benefit the low income medicinal cannabis patients in Colorado. I know Greenfaith helps the penny less pot patient because I used to be on their delivery route for free Meds. Now I extract Meds and donate them to greenfaith whenever I can. Please help me support this federally recognized religious institution dedicated to thelow income patient

I’m selling art because I believe we must do better for the low income legal cannabis patients. There are very few organizations for these people to turn to. The herb grown upon the fertile ground of their suffering by dispensaries and caregivers is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. The growers see the benefits of that money, not the suffering patients. Thank you for supporting the one charity in the area with a heart for these patients.

Check their mission out:
http://greenfaithministry.com/blog/

Website: http://greenfaithministry.com/blog/

Donations depending on size will be given to #greenfaithministry

8×10 = $4.20 donation 

16×20 poster = $4.20 donation 

16×20 canvas print = $42.00 donation

16×20 custom canvas = $100 donation

Ships direct from printer except for the canvas prints with artists brushstrokes. Please allow 6 weeks for custom art, all other prints ship in 1-3 days. Additional shipping and process time required for all canvas prints.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/ArtofBreezyKiefair

Art for the cannabis legalization movement. All art produced by an artist/advocate under the influence of cannabis.

Today (4/8/2015) is the last day to order if you want new art on your wall for the 4/20 holiday. Support a SSD dependent artist and don’t miss the 4 images being sold for charity.

Related post:

Do You Have Greenfaith?

an Interview with Reverend Brandon Baker (an old interview with the Rev.)

Respectfully,

Lady B Kiefy
Breedheen O’Rilley Keefer
AKA Breezy Kiefair


links about breezy
blog

https://kiefair.com/

http://kiefy.com/

on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/user/Mr8MrsKiefAir?feature=mhsn
art “like” page on FB
https://www.facebook.com/kiefyart
fb profile
http://www.facebook.com/breezy.kiefair
twitter
@breezykiefair

bio of breezy:
the short 4 page version:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/64585079/My-Personal-Christmas-Present-to-the

the more in depth, needs editing, 31 page version to help you understand why i sit at my machine fighting the machine day in and day out.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/64585829/%E2%80%9CA-Long-Strange-Journey-of-1-Cannabis-Patient%E2%80%99s-Colorado-Cannabis-Activsm%E2%80%9D-or-%E2%80%9CAll-About-Breezy-Kiefair

~ Do all that you can to cultivate peace within yourself, that it might
shine out from you, and plant the seed of peace in other spirits, for them
to cultivate.~

{Remember… it is when we choose act on the issues that are in front of
our faces, when we choose to get involved instead of looking the other way
as our fellow man struggles, when we choose to take those small simple
little actions, working on righting little wrongs in our everyday lives that
really make change happen, those seemingly small actions are what really
make the world a better place and are a catalyst for greater social change.}
~Both quotes by Breedheen “Bree” O’Rilley Keefer~

5 years of spreading KiefAir

 Kiefair.com is 5 years old today

in its present incarnation, 7 years old if you count the time it was breedheenorilleykeefer.com

Each step along our individual paths changes us. Some experiences grow body, mind, and soul. Other experiences cause those same parts of us to shrink and ache endlessly. The trick is to let each step teach you even if it pains you. When you dedicate yourself to a task with little hope of recognition or monetary gain, many steps on the path are painful. No matter how much you give or how many you touch, there are still more in need. We live in a harsh world. My hat/cancer bandana off to anyone on the path to healing themselves and/or helping a loved one get relief in the most natural way possible. It takes a lot of courage and resolve to reach the end of the modern medicine road and only be left with options you may be logically against (such as chemo). It’s just as difficult to dutifully stand by and genuinely unconditionally love someone whose body is in decline.  

As difficult as those decisions are, being public about them makes those choices even harder, but the stories we tell and leave behind in this time when cannabis legality is in its infancy of revival are a testament to the plant, it healing and transformative powers, and the lives of those left searching for comfort when modern medicine can’t offer it. Each of us who has chosen to tell our tale in the public forum of our day (the internet, or public eye in general) is living history. My endless gratitude to all those out there playing nurse to a loved one so limited in physical ability. Watching the cannabis world work to change from prohibition to test markets for medical use to states defying the federal government to decriminalize for adult use has been a heart twisting journey every step of the road. Please don’t forget the chronically ill folks and their caregivers for each recreational bowl you enjoy or sell legally. We still have a long way to go to honor the people who put their entire lives and health on the line in order to create change. Let’s begin by more and more programs to help the low income patients among us.

After many years of dedication to the cause of cannabis education and healing, This is the greatest need I see in the movement today: Just too many folks with too little resources and too much pain while the price of cannabis remains a burden to their largely ssi/ssd funded existences while pounds of useable cannabis are grown in the name of someone suffering and sold elsewhere by their “caregiver” for a profit. We must do better by the low income legal cannabis patient if we ever hope to legalize cannabis for medicinal or recreational use across the board. But as an individual, I can only offer individual mercy. Lately I’ve been giving free oil to individuals legal in Colorado and to cannabis charities such as Greenfaith Ministries. We need to see more of this kind of mercy. 

The Greenfaith community supports a wide range of outreach programs, including:

*At this time, these programs are available only to members in Colorado

Feel free to wander around Kiefair.com, wish the site a happy anniversary, comment on and share your favorite articles from years past. Also feel free to comment on this post for any improvements or changes you would like to see to the site. Moving forward, I have a project to preserve samples of products I make and products available in the market for future research. I imagine a time when we are looking back at this period in our shared history as the dawn of cannabis legalization. I imagine scientists wanting to know exactly what we were using. To preserve this history, the best, the good, the bad, and the ugly, I have procured slides and lab vials to make samples to carry on after us.

My next article covers making your own massage oils. As a preview for those eagerly awaiting the write up on that article, Let us have a look at the history of extracting healing compounds or scent compounds from various plants. This history is essential to understanding the next article from kiefair.com

History of Essential oil extraction and perfumery

I invite you to come and visit the site through a sampling of the most read articles. Scroll below the photo for the top read articles according to my site’s stats, 2014 reading statistics. Let’s take a look at what people are reading.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. ~ George Bernard Shaw

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. ~ George Bernard Shaw https://m.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=955898141096862&id=100000300558421&set=a.321818131171536.80134.100000300558421&source=44&ref=bookmark

Now, some Honorable mentions.

Green Living in a Red State  and Talking to Your Doctor, Support from Social Media, and Living Green in a Red State Part by Verde LoneOwl

DIY Cannabis Cure oil healing: The tale of Wren by Wren SmilingDeer, lady of the wood

The tale of one of many who has taken information they learned on kiefair.com and had the courage to use that knowledge to treat their own illnesses with it.

Hipgnotist’s High Crimes and Hi-jinks

Tolkien was a stoner… Was Lembas Bread made of Hemp Seed?

This post is not to debate with others about if J.R.R. Tolkien was a stoner or not. This post is for people who have already determined for themselves that he did like to suck on a weed pipe every now and again and who wonder about what is really in Lembas Bread.

Duke the Cancer fighting Dog and RIP Duke

A dog who teaches us that not every case is a clear success, but not every gift is wasted… we lost duke but ended up helping his owner.

Naphtha is not good for you!

Certainly one of our most controversial posts. Just check out the associated youtube commentary.

Phoenix Tears Healing a Diabetic Ulcer (the healing begins)

And  Phoenix Tears Healing a Diabetic Ulcer (updated Journey)

Fat Freddy has had a sore on his back for about 3 years and it would not heal! We started putting Rick Simpson Oil on it on November 23, 2011 then the next day we checked it and then checked it every 3 days afterwards, changing the oil and bandage every 3 days as well! I documented the process as long as I was the live in maid/nurse for the patient. (WARNING THIS IS GRAPHIC!)

Familial Mediterranean Fever ~ a Rare genetic disease

I do not look like I have a single drop of Mediterranean blood in me, so why do i care about this rare genetic disorder? Because the color of skin is only skin deep. Because despite the pale appearance of my exterior,  I have the genetic ancestor from that part of the world who handed me this recessive trait. Because I have this disease and have to live with it…

Now, The Top 10 Most Read Posts

10. Hannah Hurnard’s “Hind’s Feet on High Places” audiobook video series

I was rather surprised this one made the countdown because the video series is as yet unfinished.

playlist on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwc43UiVjiudD0DhoUELBfeHOamG_Hvtj

A set of videos in Tribute to the writing of Hannah Hurnard, “Hind’s Feet on High Places” to Art of Breezy Kiefair i just put music and art to a book that has been a favorite since childhood… my mother used to read me that book…. call it a tribute to her and an introduction of the book to an audience that may otherwise remain unaware of it. I recommend it for anyone with anxiety or PTSD

hind'a feet on high places

9. Remembering Westley Thorin Keaton Roberts, a child murdered… his murderer acquitted 

This is the tale of how I lost my only child and had to watch the individual who logically was guilty walk free. I was rather surprised it made the most read articles list. May Westley’s love and story live on. My maternal heart will never stop longing for what should have been.

EPSON MFP image

8. Dixie Elixirs, Dixie Script, Dixie Dewdrops and The Clinic Colorado Review

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7. Cannabis Oil Advocate Ronnie Smith Suddenly Dies from Leukemia

Please also read:  Cannabis Activist Roland a Duby’s Censored Wikipedia Article

Ronnie Lee Smith, aka Roland A Duby made much of Kiefair.com possible. In April 2014, he lost his battle with Leukemia after being falsely imprisoned by Yavapai county in Arizona. We got Ronnie out of jail, but only in time for him to die with a pipe in his hands. While Ronnie was alive, he tasked me to keep his oil making method alive. I have done my best to ensure I keep this task entrusted to me by making his method freely available to anyone willing to learn.

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 6. A few words on the properties of Isopropyl alcohol

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5.  Cannabis products and Colorado Dispensary Reviews

*****Note, I have not updated the review page in quite some time. Some of the dispensaries I have reviewed may no longer be in business. The quality at the locations I have reviewed may have changed due to a change in ownership, grower or extraction agreements. Nearly all of my reviews are of MEDICAL locations, so please check to see if they have a retail location before using any of these reviews for a vacation guide.

6/2/2012 after a feeding

4. How to make Cannabis Cure Oil without alerting the neighbors

Screenshot 2014-03-09 20.13.36 edit

3. Hemp Seed and Hemp Seed Oil ~ a superfood, but not a cancer cure

from wiki Sesame-Oil-Rice-Bran-Oil-Hemp-Seed-Oil

2. How to Extract Cannabis Cure Oil with alcohol (Phoenix Tears)

2013-05-23 0657 indicasativa leaves collage polished

1. FAQ’s about Phoenix Tears Therapy for the Beginner 

A Heart Filled with love is like a phoenix that no cage can imprison ~Rumi

A Heart Filled with love is like a phoenix that no cage can imprison ~Rumi

Here’s to another Great Year!

Grateful Dead Throwing Stones

Check out our videos on Youtube

Do you use Kiefair.com? Do you support me giving out info on cannabis oil creation for free? Do you support my free oil program with the colorado cannabis charity known as Greenfaith Ministry? Well, you may be unaware that one little lady pays for all costs associated with KiefAir.com. The way the site stays afloat with its mini library of cannabis related reference information is through sales of art and books. Each year, I must make $300 in PROFITS from the art at my etsy store and my poetry book sales on amazon.com.

Have a look at some samples from my portfolio, all of these images may be purchased to support kiefair.com 

Please remember I only make pennies per art print I sell, so I need to sell a lot of pieces each year. I was very worried about keeping the site open for 2015. The holiday season left me with not one sale. But People pulled together, and We are all set to keep the site open through February 2016!

This is the tale of how I kept the site open this time… previous years, the money had come from my medication budget. This year was different… this happened because a long time patron gifted me $100 to bring the hosting fee bar a little lower, but he was a special case, my first patron ever who seems to still want to pay more for some ceramic figures I did when I was about 14. He always sends me some cash during the winter holidays and on my birthday. In truth this anonymous donor has been more of a father to me than my own. One of the few positive male role models i have had in mu life. The rule is to spend it on something for myself. I misbehaved this year and give the gift to you. This year I’m put it towards continuing to give the gift of information via kiefair.com . Pebbles Trippet, a prominent writer for Skunk Magazine bought a clutch of 4×6 limited edition Maya Angelou memorial prints. Other patrons got posters or 8×10 prints and we made our goal to keep the site open! My thanks to all Patrons!

Each year, I allow you, the reader/viewer to decide if kiefair.com stays alive. If I get sales, all profit (save my usual tithe if 10% of all profits) will go to saving KiefAir.com.  I hope we can do better on those sales and keep the site alive. Remember the power is yours to make it live or let the library die. Any image from my please bogart my art page is for sale except the maya portrait.

Buy here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/ArtofBreezyKiefair

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Portrait of Toni Fox image created by: Breezy Kiefiar

Portrait of Toni Fox by: Breezy Kiefiar Toni Commissioned me to turn one of her favorite digital images of herself into a canvas painting. Toni said she was so pleased with it that she has it displayed in her home office.

RIP MAYA Angelou

Appeared in volume 10 issue 1 of Skunk Magazine Read the article here: https://kiefair.com/2014/05/28/rip-maya-angelou-honoring-her-cannabis-connections/

Screenshot 2014-03-09 20.13.36 edit

more motin art here: https://plus.google.com/photos/108039434993096331483/albums/5958522508897641073

Image title: Maiden, Mother, Crone title by: Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer Image by: The Art of Breezy Kiefair source image: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=555469131139767&set=a.151763424843675.27293.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn1%2F603947_555469131139767_1142977912_n.jpg&size=251%2C750 source image description:  Title: Banshee Breezy, Be afraid Title By: Breezy Kiefair Image by: Breezy Kiefair of The Art of Breezy Kiefair

2013-01-12 0651 dark-angel edit 7 august edit

remember that cannabis flowers are like roses... roses come in many colors and the right color given to the right person can open many doors... cannabis flowers come with many different effects and the right flower given to the right person with the right illness that flower is good at treating can ease much suffering. —                                                                     https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=530336420319705&set=o.154533251224064&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn1%2F525999_530336420319705_1779578205_n.jpg&size=480%2C384

2013-04-02 tokin hills for rev b2013-04-02 Fire on the mountain in a Canna Colorado moonrise2013-04-02 caturday in the woods think i saw a lynx with my eye2013-04-02  Blue moon for a green moment

Love the art on Kiefair.com? please visit: https://www.facebook.com/Breezy.Kiefair.likey

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$11.00 USD
details: 1. Make your selection at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/kiefyart
2. Complete your transaction here and let the artist know what image you desire. Ms. Breezy will ship you a print in the size you desire right away!

Aurora Borealis through Cannabis Eyes

$11.00 USD

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Of Pain, Poetry and Pot [Kindle Edition]

Breedheen O’Rilley , Breezy Kiefair


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Book Description

December 6, 2013
A poetry book centered on pot written by cannabis activist and artist under the influence, Breezy Kiefair. “Of Pain, poetry, and pot.” Is a collection of cannabis centered poetry in a neobeatnik style. It includes updated versions of Allen Allen Ginsberg – Howls “howl” and “america”, along with an update on “to whom it may concern” by Adrian Mitchell , a cannabis parody of Rifleman’s Creed and many other poems that are all my own.


Product Details

  • File Size: 1518 KB
  • Print Length: 31 pages
  • Publisher: Breedheen ORilley, aka Breezy Kiefair; 1 edition (December 6, 2013)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00FGF8WUY
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
Customer Reviews
6 Reviews
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Rare and Lovely, October 2, 2013
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This review is from: Of Pain, Poetry and Pot (Kindle Edition)
Would You Like To Pick Breezy’s Brain? This wonderful book is a chance to witness the creative process at work; author Breezy Kiefair (aka Breedheen O’Rilley) is the real deal, a gifted poet/journalist/activist on the forefront of the battle for medical marijuana patients’ rights and for truth in media. And speaking of truth, emotional truth is exactly what you’ll get here. Breezy isn’t afraid to take an open-eyed, unsparing look at society, at herself, at her illnesses, at the lies we tell ourselves and each other — and at the scintillating, breathtaking beauty which is more real and more powerful than all else. Highly recommended.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful., January 14, 2014
This review is from: Of Pain, Poetry and Pot (Kindle Edition)
Written by someone very intimate with pain on many different levels. Beautiful and honest. I can’t wait to find out more about this amazing young woman. I originally borrowed this book. I have now read it twice and I have to own it. It must become a part of my permanent collection, along with anything else I can find which flows from this beautiful author.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Passion and creativity fills these pages, December 27, 2013
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This review is from: Of Pain, Poetry and Pot (Kindle Edition)
The poems and rhythm that comes from the author’s feelings show you that she uses her medical cannabis passion and even frustrations to put her concerns into words we can understand. You can feel her pain – you can feel her pride. The transposed songs were a great touch.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Talented, insightful artist and writer,November 25, 2013
Verified Purchase(What’s this?)
This multi-talented artist and writer amazed me with her insightful and sometimes heartbreaking poetry. Her artwork is not only beautiful, but different from any I have seen. I have actually ordered several individual prints off her website to give as gifts this Christmas. I highly recommend this book.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fabulous, February 8, 2014
Verified Purchase(What’s this?)
This review is from: Of Pain, Poetry and Pot (Kindle Edition)
As an activist,a woman and a HUMAN BEING,, I could feel the pain in Ms. O’Rilley’s poetry. Yet I could also feel the triumph. A must for all “pot’ lovers, I got it for 2.99 for my Kindle and it was MORE than worth it. I’ve read these poems over and over, you will too.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Of Pain, Poetry and Pot, March 13, 2014
This review is from: Of Pain, Poetry and Pot (Kindle Edition)
This is an excellent book written by a very gifted, unique woman Breezy Keifair. I loved the whole book and have read it a couple of times so far. She is an artist that does her work under the influence of pot for the pain she is in and you can feel that pain with her words. I could really relate to that and a lot of other things in the book. I highly recommend this book. She is also a very gifted artist besides being a good poet and writer.
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Talking to Your Doctor, Support from Social Media, and Living Green in a Red State Part Deux

Talking to Your Doctor, Support from Social Media, and Living Green in a Red State Part Deux

By: Verde LoneOwl

2014-11-20 13.46 Verde Loneowl author pic edit z

When it was time to talk to the doctor about my decision to try the Cannabis Oil as a treatment for the “C” diagnosis was not sure how it would be accepted. Was so thankful that when we talked she told me many of her patients with HIV/AIDS  here in Texas are already using Cannabis Oil! As an Internist with a very large patient base from around the country I was so glad she was positive! Was laughing as I was leaving had to just turn and say “I wonder how much THC I have in me?” She smiled and said “I have those numbers.”  There have been many Urine tests.  Having a doctor who understands cannabis does no harm is a wonderful thing.  It is sad to read people who are trying to talk to the doctors about Cannabis Oil when the doctor’s are not encouraging Cannabis as a treatment option.  It’s not really the Doctor’s fault it is the “Lie” of Prohibition.

Medical students follow strict studies to become a Licensed Physician. Specialist’s are required even more stringent rules and studies. The problem is most of the “Drug Education” is provided by large pharmaceutical companies. This limits what the medical students are learning. This results in keeping American Doctor’s dumbed down. These are the Country’s brightest and best who are accepted into Medical School.

Another area where American doctors are falling behind is in Nutrition. From my understanding most Medical Schools only focus on limited numbers of Nutrition Courses required. So these learned persons do not learn about Nature or the benefit of food.  In the Bible Belt we have few.

Back to that strong Southern Baptist upbringing we learned “you are what you eat”.  My mother also said “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”. My mama was right but she did not know about Genetically Modified Food (GMO) Products are being fed to American’s. Those who are poor it is hard to get food that is not GMO.  Improper nutrition results in higher rates of Cancer and other serious illnesses on the residents of the South.

Southern States are used to doing what they have always done. The elected officials have used the lies, bigotry and fear mongering in the Media to sway the feelings of the people. It happened here when Reagan was running for President. The only thing is we have not changed since Reagan in the Southern Bible Belt. These traditions are deeply seeded in our ‘roots’.  Doing the same old things in the name of God. The South keeps Union’s out of the South. This keeps most of those living in the South ‘poor’. By spending less on Education and giving huge tax breaks to lure new business to the area they dumb down all children in the Public Education System.

What is really sad… is the fact they do all this hating of others in the name of God.  They talk about ‘Abortion is Murder’ yet when the children are born into poverty in Texas in 2011 was reaching 26% or 1 in 4 children in Texas are living at or below the poverty level. When the state refuses increase funding in Education the children suffer. Those children who are being taught in Private Schools have a better opportunity to advance to Higher Learning. Those children in Private School are not in Public Education.  The red voters think they are highly educated people who love God. That is why it is so hard for them to see the damage their actions are causing. The ‘white people’ do not even understand the premise of  ‘white privilege’.  There is no love in the hearts of those who hate others because the sins are different. Being a Southern Baptist we do not have different degrees of sin. A sin is a sin. One as bad as another.  We are no longer a giving loving people taking care of other human beings but are mean and angry if we must help those in need.

http://tfbn.org/rapid-reaction-poverty-in-texas-cities/

Texas spends an average of $8,998 per student this school year, 46th among the 50 states and the District of Columbia, a comparison by the National Education Association shows. That is well under the national average of $11,674.”  This is evidence of how the State of Texas is harming all the children in Public Education.  This is what is hurting Texas and it has been happening so many years in a row now it’s just the way it is.

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/education/headlines/20140325-texas-improves-school-funding-but-still-trails-most-states.ece

While educating myself I learned things which made me upset!  Finding out how Hemp and Cannabis was removed from American’s in 1937!!  Texas Lawmakers failed to provide safe access to the plant for 5 – 10 sessions or between 10 and 20 years.  As Texas only meets on odd years.  Change is  imperative for Texas as a pro-life issue.

People have been trying to get the ‘Word’ out but there seems to be a problem dispensing the information. People who ‘read’ ‘educate’  ‘question’ and do not just take what they throw us as crumbs, begin to gather information from various reliable sources. There is evidence of  Legislative items on file,  the Pharmacopoeia, and other government agency documents which could be requested under the Freedom of Information Act.  Books were read and written documenting these facts.   Would our government really do this?  Yes they will and yes they did!!! A whole bunch of Laws made totally on lies and continue today across America and the World based solely on Greed of certain men.

Activists who saw Personal Freedoms being illegal for no reason other than money began to write books … about this horrific coop made by the USA on its’ own citizens.  There is history of this in books and on the internet on the federal government web sites.  I try to use .0rg or .gov as reference sites in my education. There are many activists. There are also many crooks.  In the sixty’s we used to say ‘know your dealer’ same is true today.

Well, continuing in 2013 with doctor visits and having things frozen off … the last one was the worst and closest to my brain and spinal cord.  It was scary.  So would share going to the doctor and why on Facebook.  Coming home and waiting for the cancer to do what ever it was going to do … as I was not in the right Zip Code to do anything else. Texas Lawmakers failed to provide a Compassionate Cannabis Care Act for Texas in 2013.  There was a Committee Meeting in 2013 but those on the Committee were rude and made fun of those who were there to provide Testimony.

So here we are. Fixing to go into Texas next Legislative Session 2015.  We did not Turn Texas Blue.  We did not change the make up of the Lawmakers of Texas other than to add some more red ones.  Texas only meets every other year so Texas must Legislate in 2015 for us to have any relief.  Texas has had some kind of bill every session for over a decade.  2013 we got in Committee.  Some of the Committee members came to the witnesses and advocates who were at the Session and said they had no idea.

At the grass root level we are more organized for the 2015 Session. The DFW Norml chapter has Organized Poster Children for the DFW area.  We have 4 children who might benefit from Cannabis Oil.  These families are representing over 80 other families across Texas.  If you are in any state with out a Compassionate Cannabis Care Act please take the time to Contact your Elected Officials by phone, email or personal visit. Let them know there has been a tragic mistake made in 1937 and we should not put people in jail for a plant.  The law is a lie.

click here to find your representatives at the local and federal levels

Team Alexis is the group which represents the families recently announced a meeting is set with the new Speaker of the House for Texas Joe Straus along with  DFW Norml.  We all can see that a Compassionate Cannabis Care Act is being seriously considered for Texas 2015.  Bi-Centennial should be able to also introduce a full Legalization Bill for Texan’s as well!  No need for people to be flying to Denver, Seattle, Portland, San Francisco or Anchorage to partake of a plant substance. The Cannabis oil was used by the ancient cultures of the world with out a worry about a ‘high’. Do not fear the plant.  The law is a lie.

Texas passed no Compassionate Cannabis Care Act for Texans in 2013.  Yet I still longed for the Cannabis Oil to treat my Cancer my self.  I began to search the Internet for stories and people.  ‘Low and Behold’  I found someone with the same diagnosis as me!! I was thrilled!!!

Suddenly, I was in a Movement that I know nothing about except Cannabis is Medicine. Cannabis oil kills cancer cells. Cannabis oil is ILLEGAL.   Texas is certainly not the best place to be physically when you have Cancer and choose Cannabis Oil as an Alternative Treatment. There is no Safe Access.

You may recall from my previous entry that I became ill with pneumonia in 2010.  As I remember this is what happened….

Upper respiratory infections had always been part of my existence.  Nebulizers, Pro Air, AdvairSpiriva, Albuterol, Nasacort, the list goes on and on and on.  Breathing medication regularly prescribed by the ‘White Coat Pushers’ and there are many.  The boy and I had moved to our new home near the school. Was just the two of us here hubby was in Austin and came home on the week ends.

Was laying on the couch .. not sure of how many days I had been on the couch but it had been many. A friend dropped by to see me but stayed just a few minutes. Quick enough to say ‘You don’t look good’ then leave!! This alerted me that I might be sick.

Picking up my cell phone I sent the text message … “I think I might be sick”.  That was all I got in the message. I continued to remain on the couch.  Some time after dark he came in the back door.  Bless his heart I must have looked bad.  Quickly he said he would take me to hospital … explained I was not clean as I had not been able to shower and I could not go to a hospital so dirty.  So he allowed me to sleep here on the couch.

In the morning he went out side and got a plastic chair and put it in the shower.  He had to help me to the bathroom. He brought me something to tie up my hair.  Sitting in the white plastic chair he cleaned me up, dried and dressed me.  We got in the car and off to the hospital we went. I forgot to call my doctor and tell him we were on our way to the Emergency Room.

Getting to the hospital I do not really remember. The Emergency Room personnel were top notch. There was not question I was quite ill.  Off to Radiology and on fluids immediately.  They were so nice.  In  2 hospital gowns and was placed in a room.  Hubby was there with me.  Not sure of what they did but remember more than two bags were hanging numerous times.

Poor hubby … as I would come to this world would think of something that was not at the hospital. He was so sweet. He would go to Wal-Mart or Beall’s the only two choices then in the small town where the hospital is located and lovingly search for the item I thought I needed.

The boy was only 14 then and was worried something might happen to me. He has always been afraid he would loose me.  Hubby came home at night to fix him supper and return to the hospital after he went to school.  That way he was not alone.  The  hospital stay was 7 days before release.

Pneumonia, is physically draining.  Had no idea how little energy remained after that illness.  As a Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia (for more information on fibromyalgia and cannabis click here), Lyme, and other syndrome since 1995 my immune system was compromised to say the least already. The Cancer diagnosis was already in place as well.

Hubby returned to Austin, the boy and I remained here at home.  He was 14 and the freezer was full of things he could cook for his self.  Had a good friend then named Bea and she helped care for me during this time.  Was well enough to move back to my bedroom and no longer on the living room couch.  Was thankful to have a caregiver during that difficult time in my life.

Being in your bed with 0 energy and still on antibiotics … my friend Bea introduced me to ‘Farmville’ by Zynga on Facebook.  Began playing the game on the computer while my body could do nothing else.  Hubby would call and ask ‘What are you doing?’ my answer ‘Petting chickens’.  As I write this now … it sound pretty silly to be petting chickens with a mouse on a computer screen … but I did play the game.

The recovery is long for Pneumonia.  As I healed I continued to play the games on Facebook to occupy my days and nights as my hubby was in Austin and I was here … at home.

The games continued and friends on the social network were made.  Anyone who uses a Social Network knows you get friends by getting to know one person … then you see other friends post and you like what they say or you agree you send a friend request.

Always, a Marijuana friendly person I began to make friends who were in the Movement sometime during 2013. That is when I knew about Cannabis Oil and Cancer and knew Texas Lawmakers had a Bill! 2013 everyone who is anyone knows Marijuana is Cannabis. Cannabis is Medicine.  Cannabis kills cancer cells.  USA has a patent.   That makes it pretty simple! The law is a lie. Texas Lawmakers would have the opportunity to change the laws in 2013!!

During these years when a skin lesion would appear would call the doctor, go in to the office, have it frozen and return home.  I did not keep the records of lesions but they did begin to come more often during 2012 -2013.  Would sling out ‘Going to doctor to have another one removed’ on the social media site each visit to the doctor.

Texas Bill stalled in Committee in 2013 with the gop Lawmakers laughing and making Cheech & Chong jokes while people were testifying.  It was not a happy time.  I could not understand how I knew about Cannabis as a medicine for 18 years in California as well as other states.  How could Texas Lawmakers not let Texan’s have this Cannabis Medicine?  How could Texas Lawmakers not understand that Cannabis has always been medicine?  The Lord they taught me about in Sunday School, also Anointed people with Oil.  How many times has a Religious leader used Holy Anointing Oil?  How could this be happening?  These Lawmakers were all ‘self proclaimed Believers’ but they could not believe in a plant given by God/Creator for the people of this planet?  How could this be?  It was making me doubt my own belief in God.  How could these people proclaim God in one breath yet be so full of hate? The hate continues today even worse than before.

All during 2013 I was posting how stupid the Texas Lawmakers were for Failing to provide Compassionate Cannabis Care Act for Texans.  Also, Texas had Battleground Texas a Political Effort by the Democratic Party to Turn Texas Blue in the November 2014 Elections. Facebook became a device for me to say things I would have never had the opportunity to say to anyone!  There was an audience.

Many Fear changes which are coming but those of us who understand are not afraid of Cannabis.  We anxiously await the Gift to us from God to not be an act that may result in a long long Prison Sentence. God intended for this plant to be used by all His creatures.

Unknown to me … as I am new to the Movement. There are people who are willing to risk Personal Freedom to help people who have been diagnosed with Cancer or other terminal disease, to receive free of cost Cannabis Oil.  This is done as people who can grow may not have use for the trim called ‘Sugar Leaf’.  This is the smaller leaves which are on the buds when the Cannabis Plant goes into Flower stage.  Many throw this part of the plant away.  It has many medicinal properties.

I am sitting at my laptop one day when someone sent me a message on Facebook.  Someone sent a Private Message to me on Facebook and said they had medicine for me!  I’m like ‘What I’m in Texas’!!  They said ‘You have cancer don’t you?’  Well yes I did … so now what happens?  A message comes across saying ‘It’s your Turn! All you need to do is join a Facebook group called Cannabis Oil Success Stories and tell your story there’.  That seemed pretty easy!

Having just had my worst experience ever with the last lesion I had frozen.  I did not know what to do.  I did give my full name, address and zip code to this person on Facebook.  I tell the Shiner ‘God Bless YOU!!’ The reply ‘I’m an Atheist but what ever makes you feel good.’  Just like that!  An Athiest was sending me free cannabis oil in Texas!!! Tears of joy ran down my face!!! How could I be so blessed?? Thanking God every day!!! Thank you God Thank you God Forgive them God they know not what they do!!! I was being given a gift of Cannabis Oil!!! An Atheist was giving me a gift from the ‘Tree of Life’.  The Texas Lawmakers have no idea what God is doing in this Movement.  Yes the Movement is full of people from all walks of life … doing what ever they can to bring this healing gift to all who are in need.  My belief is God is in control He sees us suffering.  God did not intend for us to be here and be unhappy or unkind.  ‘Be still and know I am God’.  That is one of the hardest for me always amazed when I see His works becoming evident.

It was the end of  January 2014.  Waiting … for the package to arrive.  Waiting for the package to arrive. The package took 8 working days to get to me!  Anxious to see what happens I tear into the package with anticipation. Dosing for Cancer I had already learned was 60 grams in 90 days for most cancers.  So  I knew how to dose and begin immediately!

Now came the time to tell my family about the ‘secret’ kept inside so many years.  The thing I had hidden from them so well.  I had to tell them why I must have the Cannabis Oil which is a Felony carrying a sentence of up to 99 years in my state. I never hid the fact I was a burner … smoking when ever I can.

Hubby is the one who is most concerned.  We both understand if they want me there is nothing he can do to protect me from the law.  Life as I know it could change.  Having been disabled and dependent since 1995 almost 20 years this is very frightening.  It’s not like burning a joint.  Texas has loosened up the flowers … under 4 oz can be a misdemeanor. Cannabis oil is not the same in Texas Law.  Asset Seizure is another concern for us.  The option to let the cancer continue doing what it is doing and die. Or choose to disobey a bad law.  A law I know is based on lies since 1937.

How can I not commit Civil Disobedience? I could no longer wait for the Law to change and live.  I had to treat or die.

I was on the West Coast  during an R&R in Nam.  I loved Huntington Beach, California during Nam … I’m sure I would love it today!!  It is a place on our planet you can stand on the ground and see mountains, Pacific Ocean and lovely landscape!! California was always the place for the Movers and Shakers.   It was the first time I saw a Mall with more than 1 level!!! Wow, bought an Orange Velvet Mini Dress!!  Was ready to have a blast!! Too bad I did not know about Cannabis it was alcohol for me then. 

Never having acquired a taste for alcohol … spent most of my evening walking on the beach at night talking with them.  They were all drinkers.  Beach House in Cali all night!  There were many of us there! I had ran into a girl friend from Junior High School.  She was living there and took me into the California night life. Staying with my Uncle Oscar Hook (Was at Pearl Harbor, my dad’s brother) and his wife Aunt Hera was a blast. There were a bit upset the 17 year old Texas  girl who stayed out all night.  We all know girls just wanna have fun til the sun comes up over Santa Monica Blvd.  California was wonderful and I enjoyed that trip in the late 60’s very very much.   A life memory BC (Before Children).  

 

 

Further articles by Verdeloneowl

Green Living In a Red State (part one)

Green Living in Red State 2014 Election

 “Green” living in a Red State after 2014 Elections

2014-11-20 13.59  Green living in a Red State (2)

2014-11-20 13.46 Verde Loneowl author pic edit zBy: Verde Loneowl

As a 5th Generation Dallasite the youngest of 3 girls. Life was good all was well with the Earth. Daddy, said when General Eisenhower was elected .. don’t ever elect one of those Republicans, “you can’t make any money when they are in charge” was what he said … It has always stuck. The Fear of the GOP was instilled into my brain at a young age.

Sick and disabled since 1995 with some sort of AutoImmune disorder after our Vacation to Lake Tahoe .. the cancer followed after a long IM injection therapy for Lyme Disease with Rochephin. The IM injections were about a year in duration. If you have no experience with Lyme disease, I encourage you to watch the documentary film

“Under Our Skin”

About 8-10 years ago I went to the dermatologist in Bryan, Texas, Terry Jones, MD, to have a biopsy on a bump on the nape of my neck. A few days later I went in to have a mole removed from my back. The new doctor in the practice called to give me the lab results. “The mole on your back was benign. Oh but the other one is Squamous Cell Carcinoma.” Thanks so much. Never returned to Dr. Terry Jones’ office.

One of my friend’s Judy Greer, RN, her dad was being treated for Squamous Cell Carcinoma at the same time. Chemo was extremely difficult. My choice … let it kill me and tell NO ONE. So to spare my family the pain of knowing cancer was diagnosed decided to live what was left on God’s time. God’s time was very important to me as my daddy was a Deacon and my mom was an Officer in the Women Missionary Union of The Southern Baptist Church, Pleasant Grove Baptist Church in Dallas, Texas. We were a strong church family. This was the only decision in my mind. As I knew the chemo killed you and radiation causes cancer. So I decided to quit cutting my hair.

So we all went on about our life as if nothing was wrong with anyone in my family. When a sore would come up a trip to the Family DO and get it frozen, no more biopsy’s … as the little bumps are quite painful. squamous Cell Carcinoma is inside the blood stream.

In 2013 hearing that Medicinal Cannabis would be given in the State House of Representatives (to find your local representative’s contact information for Texas, please click here). I anxiously awaited the Texas Senate Committee hearing live feed for Medical Cannabis for Texas! The Cannabis Oil would cure cancer! The Federal Government had a Patent! Many who are sent home to die are not dying!! Oh my goodness!  Soon I could begin treating with Cannabis Oil!! The doctor’s in California had been on the Morning Shows saying juice the leaves for the health benefits since 1995 … what was happening … the elected officials were so rude to those there to testify! How could this be? Not voted out of Committee?? They did not know Cannabis Oil cured cancer? Oh no now what?

Screaming out loud at the television … my husband awoke to ask “What was wrong?” I explained no way would we get Medical in 2013. My heart had sunk. The death sentence was looming closer. Still my family did not know cancer was inside me. My hubby was about to find out but did not know how to tell him.

Medical Cannabis denied by Texas Law Makers. Texas has no way to put anything onto the ballot by Petition. All laws must be done during Session and they only meet every other year! Oh my goodness … what now? Educate.

(Need to know how a bill gets introduced and passed in Texas? please click here  http://www.house.state.tx.us/about-us/bill/) how a bill is done in Texas the People are not involved only those elected.

As Facebook connections were already available using those connections of people who were already in the states who had medical Cannabis and by January 2014 we had states Legalizing Cannabis for Recreational use! Texas was 20 years behind! Oh my goodness!! Networks started happening .. Noticing people were sending me Friend Requests connecting with people who were using this plant across the Planet! Not just in America but around the world people were making Cannabis Oil. Some of the stories were not happy endings, many have died while waiting to be Legally Healed. Some are being Illegally Healed. More about that another day. Once my story of Cancer came out on Facebook … along with my story about Cannabis was medicine for over 100 diseases until 1937… “they” found me. Not sure how “they” found me but “they” did. So many have taught me so much! First thing I didn’t know Sugar feeds Cancer. When they do the PET scan to see the Cancer… they shoot sugar-water into you and it lights up the cancer. Thinking Sugar was be the most difficult for me to give up. It was not. 1 week off sugar. Now I use Raw Honey in my coffee. Buying Organic food only when I can find it. We are not too healthy in my area. We do all we can to do it correctly.

If you would like to read up on the how and why cannabis can heal so many things, please click here

I can’t remember how many lesions or how often. I remember the last one … was very painful .. up above the hair-line on the base of my neck, it took a long time for him to get that one. It was frightening. It was close to the base of my skull closest one to my brain and my spinal column.  I knew my time was getting closer to leave my family.

2013-2014 was spent learning the good and the bad things about this Highly Unregulated Industry. Many countries are growing hemp. The Stalks and roots are left and these are sent to China as Industrial Hemp Waste. The Chinese processed the hemp stalks and the roots into industrial hemp waste paste and pack it into drums and sell it this product.  Desperate parents unable to get medicine for babies and the medicine they were using was Industrial Hemp Waste Products from China should be no THC high CBD no high for the babies oh NO!! It takes time to expose people who are doing things wrong. Right away seeing this people desperate for medicine were being railroaded into trying snake oil. Babies were sick and hospitalized. At that time my own illness had to be placed on the back burner and someone had to save the Children! It had to be me! Oh my goodness!

 http://www.projectcbd.org/news/hemp-oil-hustlers-a-project-cbd-special-report-on-medical-marijuana-inc-hempmeds-and-kannaway/

full pdf: http://www.projectcbd.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/ProjectCBD_Special-Report_Medical-Marijuana-Inc-HempMeds-Kannaway1.pdf

I Found myself on a forum Children using Cannabis, CBD, sites on Facebook or Scam sites to protect as many as could be protected. Names are found quickly and you may no longer be able to see what is happening in the bad part. The Stanley Brothers in Colorado Springs area are using the Federal Government and the Hemp Farm Act to try to provide CBD Hemp Oil to children with seizures.

More information on the scams of the “Realm of Caring”

Charlatan’s Web: A CBD Debacle

Snake Oil: History repeats itself

Problem not enough THC the oil quits working for the children and they begin to have break through seizures.  The parents in Legal Cannabis States can supplement the THC that is needed. Those who allowed CBD Only or Limited bills are not BEING SERVED! It is broken and not working!  Even the high CBD comes from the leaves and flowers of the Cannabis Plant not a hemp plant. Each strain has different ratios of CBD/THC/CBG/THCa there are hundreds of compounds. Cannabis  makes flowers and leaves … Hemp provides very little useable compounds as there are no flowers for industrial products hemp oil, hemcrete, cloth, paper, art, and other industries. The new Charlotte’s Web has changed from Cannabis hybrid with R4  hemp to get the CBD up and the THC down. That was then! Now the Stanley Brothers are providing Charlotte’s Web HEMP OIL! Please you must educate and protect as there are no safeguards other than each state’s laws. Right now not one of the bills in the CBD only states are currently working, at this time to my knowledge. Know many of these parent warriors.

an article on THC and THCa Helping a little girl with her seizures click here

Texas Parents and Patients have no laws are really in better shape going into Texas Senate 2015 Sessions than all the states who had someone from the Stanley camp go in and understand what they were doing during 2014. So not one of those states are really working this gives Texas the opportunity to not make the same CBD or hemp Oil mistakes. When you limit number of Compounds you limit patients ability to use the medicine effectively. Most patients have a Cannabis Consultant to make your job easier. Many know strains and number to help cure many illness. We have documented cases with X-ray and Labs which is science based cancers gone. Secondary Cancer from the Radiation Treatment appear to be the most difficult to treat. The Oncologist in Washington, Oregon, California, Michigan, Colorado, New Mexico and others see Cannabis Oil patients are stronger than the ones who are not using Cannabis Oil with Chemo! Some Oncologist are asking can we have them call you! Yes you can! We are about doing God’s Business. It’s His gift to us! Cannabis Oil was used for Thousands of Years, dating back to Egypt. They found Cannabis in the mummy tissue. It’s medicine and our bodies have an entire system to process all the compounds in the plant for use in our bodies. Everything you might know about Cannabis is based on Lies, bigotry and Fear Mongering. That is the hardest part to understand. For years some of us have been made to we are a little less human or worse for having understood all along that something about this no matter how bad the lies, bigotry and fear mongering was .. it felt good and it must have been like that Santa Claus story … or the Easter Bunny … not it was a DEVIL STORY! God, Creator, Spirit Being gave us seeds. Like a tomato. Like a herb. Like a Rose. It’s a plant and it is a great spiritual healing plant provided to us for our health. The only real problem is will the governor we elected help the people of Texas? We must turn that over to God. 

 First let me assure you the high is … you feel good. It is not like a drunk. If you have not experienced a “high” you should try  it before your worry about your child might be high. Many parents should be reading the “Side Effects” of the Pharma… Phenobarbital (INN) or phenobarbitone (BAN) is( a long-acting barbiturate and the most widely used anti-seizure medication globally. It has sedative properties, but as with other barbiturates, benzodiazepines are more commonly used for this purpose. Anyone else think these lab created, doctor prescribed drugs are a bad idea for children? Some of the AED Seizure meds can cause DEATH as a side effect! Cannabis Oil, ZERO deaths. You can not die from too much Cannabis it never passes the part of the brain that controls your heart or lungs… Just how smart is that??  God made this plant perfect in every way! The Plants come from Seed and it is here for our health and well-being. Sun Grown is the best method as it provides Oxygen in to the air for us to breathe! But if you can not grow legally you can use a closet and grow your plants for your medicine! It is so important for everyone who can grow to please grow and share this gift with others, in a safe manner.

A new study suggests alcohol is more harmful than heroin or crack MOST people would agree that some drugs are worse than others: heroin is probably considered to be more dangerous than marijuana, for instance. Because governments formulate criminal and social policies based upon classifications of harm, a new study published by the Lancet on November 1st makes interesting reading. Researchers led by Professor David Nutt, a former chief drugs adviser to the British government, asked drug-harm experts to rank 20 drugs (legal and illegal) on 16 measures of harm to the user and to wider society, such as damage to health, drug dependency, economic costs and crime. Alcohol is the most harmful drug in Britain, scoring 72 out of a possible 100, far more damaging than heroin (55) or crack cocaine (54). It is the most harmful to others by a wide margin, and is ranked fourth behind heroin, crack, and methamphetamine (crystal meth) for harm to the individual. The authors point out that the model's weightings, though based on judgment, were analysed and found to be stable as large changes would be needed to change the overall rankings

A new study suggests alcohol is more harmful than heroin or crack
MOST people would agree that some drugs are worse than others: heroin is probably considered to be more dangerous than marijuana, for instance. Because governments formulate criminal and social policies based upon classifications of harm, a new study published by the Lancet on November 1st makes interesting reading. Researchers led by Professor David Nutt, a former chief drugs adviser to the British government, asked drug-harm experts to rank 20 drugs (legal and illegal) on 16 measures of harm to the user and to wider society, such as damage to health, drug dependency, economic costs and crime. Alcohol is the most harmful drug in Britain, scoring 72 out of a possible 100, far more damaging than heroin (55) or crack cocaine (54). It is the most harmful to others by a wide margin, and is ranked fourth behind heroin, crack, and methamphetamine (crystal meth) for harm to the individual. The authors point out that the model’s weightings, though based on judgment, were analysed and found to be stable as large changes would be needed to change the overall rankings

chart courtesy of: http://www.economist.com/blogs/dailychart/2010/11/drugs_cause_most_harm

This movement started decades ago. In the meantime we will be dreaming of another place where we can have the Right to Pursue Happiness and Freedoms while healing my body of cancer and disease! We have several Groups of Texans who want to see Cannabis Medicine.   Connecting together on Facebook to be ready to go into Austin when the Session begins 2015. We have circled the Wagons to get our selves together and we are waiting for others to join us!

As more main stream news agency’s are interviewing these parents and patients who are healing across America. Hoping those who read this story will contact Texas Elected officials … if you use this medicine you can not come to Texas. Children and adults must leave Texas in order to cure the illnesses with Cannabis Oil. My goal is for Not One more Texan have to move away for Cannabis Oil. Hoping we can gather more help from the Grass Root efforts.

Choosing to be a Non-Dues paying member to anyone’s group. I dab (pun) some from all of the Facebook groups. Just not sure which ones to trust and which ones to not trust. Many are “Grass Roots” until you get on the Cash Cow … as Cannabis … Marihauna … Pot … Weed and other products can change your outlook.

For those who understand Extraction Methods … my personal preference for Cancer treatment is Flowers and Leaf with a full Organic Grain Alcohol Extraction.  The cancer treatment is hard and fast but nothing like Chemo. People usually sleep, eat and enjoy life. Please if you can Grow do Grow and share this wonderful Cannabis Oil with others often!!

Extractions, grows, and other illegal activities are not being conducted at my home. Waiting on the laws to change. We must be ready!

It’s been a short 12 since the Elections … Much is happening in Texas and America … as we get ready to head into the 2015 Session. Texas only meets every other year so if Texas is doing anthing like a Compassionate Care Act Texans must unite regardless of party lines. Compassion knows no party lines.

Earlier this week Rice Univsersity’s, Baker Institute department of Drug Policy provided a Program called “Is Texas Ready for Medical Marihauna?” It was very informative but was a bit weak … sometimes when you work in an area so long you loose sights… Like at the very beginning the news source quoted “Texas Tribune” is a gop rag ran by the very attorney’s representing Governor Perry in a Felony Indictment in Texas. It is definitely, a red rag flying and spreading the news of the gop around. Not a reliable source but are there really any reliable sources?

It’s almost 2 hours long. Ann Lee, with Republican’s Against Marijuana Prohibition has more going on in the Houston area! We are so thankful for Ann who is works long and hard to End Prohibition.

Florida which received 58% of the vote for Medical Cannabis Initiative but 60% was required for a ballot to pass. Florida also had filed a limited bill! Thankfully, it lost in court so it’s back to the drawing board for Florida! Saving states from more bad law is very difficult with people like the Stanley Brother’s from Colorado. The science is in that CBD only does not work without THC. So more bad laws are in place for 2014 and not one is working. The only Compassionate Acts working are using Whole Cannabis Plant based medicine in 23 states and DC.

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/os-charlottes-web-rules-tossed-out-20141114-story.html

Educating those in the Republican Party who hasve taken such a hard hard stance against Cannabis as Medicine will make it hard but not impossible. Texans state wide must make an effort to contact their elected officals if we are to Make it Happen in 2015!! We are working at doing just that in Texas! Texas is a large state and networking together regardless of our affliations must be bipartisan! The Compassionate Cannabis Care Act will be over one of the largests numbers of people to date! We have many in Texas who will benefit from this Legislative Action. This is about Personal Freedom. Freedom! We can no longer allow the Republican Party to use Religion to Stop Cannabis when Cannabis is a Gift from our God/Creator. You can not be Pro-Life and be for Prohibition. It just does not work.

http://www.texasgop.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/2014-Platform-Final.pdf

Alexis Bortell, age 9 is one of DFW Normal’s Poster Children for Medical Cannabis. We have 4 in all but they represent over 85 families not counting the ones we have already sent into other States for Compassionate Care. Alexis’s dad is a Disabled Vet and her mother is as well! Whole Plant is all we can accept in Texas after seeing every bill in 2014 fail to work with a CBD only and no THC or limited amounts.  Alexis has already been to Colorado and has her Red Card for treatment. She is a Texas Girl and wants to stay in Texas. She does not want to live in Colorado. Quite frankly wonder if some in Colorado are a little tired of us sending our sick and disabled there! Texas is losing money every day we do not have laws on the books in Texas for Full Compassionate Care as well as Legalization for Freedoms.  Alexis, spoke at the DFW Marihuana March in October. They estimated over 5000 people in attendance, during the Ebola scare! Thinking that was a good thing. The police departments in both Dallas and Frisco had no problems with our Peaceful March’s to bring about the truth! If you are not on the Cannabis’ side you are on the wrong side of History! End Prohibition Nationwide and Free the POW’s. Leaving no one behind.  As you can see from this video the Employee’s of the State of Texas working for Represenative Scott Turner, appear to have little regard for a young 9 year old girl. They shot the finger at her! A 9 year old in front of TV Camera’s from Channel 33 in DFW area.  Someone said the Video put up by the station when shared was removed from Facebook. As I live a long way from the DFW area was not there in person. This video pretty much sums it up … we are peacefully asking for our Freedom and being ignored by the Republican Elected Officals. We see this as a Public Health Issue which is not being addressed by our State Legislature and across the Bible Belt. Pleople must Stand Up with us! Contacting your elected officials at both the State and National level!

The saddest thing is Cannabis … never hurt anyone. The Lies about this plant have harmed many! If you can grow … grow and share with those who can not.  Onelove

 

Remember in Texas you can only effect change by swaying your legislators!
Find your state representatives: http://www.house.state.tx.us/members/find-your-representative/

Find your state senators:
http://www.senate.state.tx.us/75r/Senate/Members.htm#FYI

Find your Federal Level Senators and Representatives
https://www.govtrack.us/congress/members/TX

House of Mirrors

From the El Paso County Jail. There may be glitches while i learn WordPress. http://hipgnosis21.blogspot.com/2014/07/of-mirrors-june-2014-el-paso-county.html

WEDNESDAY, JULY 23, 2014

House of Mirrors

House of Mirrors

26 June 2014

El Paso County Jail

Don’t freak out now, anyone. I’m still out of jail, pending appeal, as of today, 23 July 2014.

Sorry, no footnotes in the blogger. You can get them here
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1umk-RPyxoiQTPSS84Cp4sR80UAXFzsVRpuiRBVzrdNA/edit?usp=sharing

Pogo couldn’t have known the heft and resonance of his words: “We have met the enemy, and he is us.”

I wrote a screed a while back, (Today’s Tom Sawyer), excoriating shitty Christian behavior. There’s still plenty to say about all that, and maybe some of it will come out here, but it’s not the point of this one. During that earlier rant, i promised to harp, eventually, about bad behavior on the part of pagans, dope fiends, felons, bikers, disgruntled employees, GIs, vets, and some of my other natural affinity groups as well.

That isn’t it either. Or maybe it is. But not really. Not quite. I promised to write about the Fear, too, and nor is it that, though the Fear runs through it all. This is about a war.

Many members of of various of the groups on that funny little list i jotted just now recognize and will now openly state that there’s a war looming. They’re wrong about that much anyhow–the looming is all done and the fight is on. Right now. It’s been on for decades, (or maybe forever). I’m here “jotting” because that’s what one does in the county jail, where i am a political prisoner–a POW, really, though i prefer to think of myself as a prisoner of conscience–but maybe it’s a digression to say so. Or maybe not. Let’s explore this amalgam of notions a bit, and see if we can find out.

Here at the county jail one finds a  peculiarly refined microcosm of the way the dynamics of the variously conflicting groups involved in this bizarre  war interact, cleared of much of the dross of false civility that ordinarily circumvents the fight out on the sidewalk, at least here in the U.S.A.

I know Europeans here that want to skedaddle from this place and others afraid to come here because many of them can see the shitstorm brewing and it scares them. They often seem to see it more clearly than we Americans are able to do at least in part because our access to real news is barely over nil, of maybe because as outside observers they aren’t saddled with the cognitive dissonance we sorry brainwashed frogs that live in this hot-ass boiling lake must so often suffer. I don’t know. I hope they realize this pond holds us all.

Oddly enough, while the interactions at the county jail display some of the finer points of conflict in out absurdly labeled free society, they also show some reasons for hope. There are still lights burning.

“Fuck the Police!”

I don’t know how many times i’ve heard that phrase from some of my dearest friends. I’ve uttered them myself. Often. Sometimes at the top of my lungs. Sometimes it was far more personal: “Fuck you! That’s right, you, personally, whomever you may be in your opposition to me, my pursuits, my people. Maybe i should refer to the less common; “Fuck the Pigs,’ because the police are only a fractional representation of one segment, one camp of that particular overarching social entity the hippies were talking about when they began to disparage swine so badly as to label their opposition thusly in this odd existential war from whence the flesh and blood scrap derives.

“Battle lines are being drawn,” went the line from the Buffalo Springfield some fifty-ish years back. They’re pretty well drawn, now, though they resemble lines a three-year-old might scribble. The shit’s on. People are fighting. The skirmishes often feel like some kind of kids’ game though too, involving blindfolds and billyclubs. Maybe i can’t deny swinging a stick around myself, sometimes. Maybe that’swhat this is–a chance for me to look in the mirror a little, Maybe it’s because it’s hard to sit the game out when i keep getting hit in the head. Whatever. Let’s keep on through the maze and just hope we don’t smash too many mirrors.

During the Occupation we intrepids staged a few years back, (and some of us still engage–viva la revolución and all), my son and i traveled to Denver for the final push when the cops razed the encampment there. The scene that October of 2011 there in Denver was some shit this country hadn’t seen in over forty years maybe, where armored brigades of soldiers–not cops at all but stormtroopers–rolled on a huge, disparate group of unarmed citizens. It was tragic. And beautiful. Versions of the same scene played out all around the world that fall.

There at Civic Center Park, across the avenue from the State Capitol building, the Boy and i stood in the thick of it as those battle lines sharpened, and then blew apart as the whole outhouse hit the fan.

Some thousands of us had marched boisterously through Denver’s business district, pausing for a special visit at the Federal Reserve. After completing a wide loop around downtown we mounted the Capitol steps for whatever confrontation the Denver planners had planned. They, (to claim a thing–we), had been warned explicitly beforehand to stay off that particular edifice, so the moment we took the steps and began railing through one of our ubiquitous bullhorns, the shock teams appeared, as if the bearded-Spock Enterprise had beamed them to the scene.

Honestly, i was pretty fucking nervous at that point. It’s not as though i’d never been beaten up by the cops before, but that stuff is kind of a young man’s sport, and i was never really all that much a fan anyhow. Besides, those had always been cops, not armored sci-fi gladiators. But the main thing was the Boy. He was fifteen then and down for plenty, but he looked pretty worried too, and, (the mainthing, actually), i knew i’d never live through my next conversation with his mother if i allowed him to be beaten and busted by the police. I suggested we pull back to the park and we did, but i felt pretty spineless for having done it, really.

The Boy and i had a quick consult: “You see what this is going to be, right?” “Yeah.” “Are you down, or not?” Nervous but firm, “Yeah.” “Fuck it then…God damn it; your mom is gonna kill me. Let’s get some lunch.”

The park itself  was packed with crowds of Occupiers, some having returned with us from the march and probably harboring thoughts similar to mine. The encampment had been there for a good while by then, and the Black Flag Anarchists’ Free Kitchen was in full flight. It had already been dismantled more than once as a special preparatory project for the cops–kind of a warm-up. Knowing well what was coming, the no-nonsense scrappy men’n’women in black behind the table were all assholes with elbows, flying around in a frenzy with grim serious joy in their eyes as they did their level best to sling as much great tasting free food as possible before the inevitable hammer fell. Those guys were freaking awesome sauce with motherfuckin’ cherries on top!

Rather than spark an actual and possibly justifiable war on the Capitol steps, even the most radical and adrenaline-blinded of the group holding that position chose to retreat and quickly joined us at the park. The scene was oddly festive, with tents and art projects and folks dressed for carnival. The mid-autumn day was one of those beautiful Colorado Indian summer affairs with pristine blue skies through which flitted happy and blissfully oblivious birdies merrily on the lookout for delectable kitchen scraps. But wait! What the hey!!? The second the steps were abandoned and that contingent joined those meeker souls at the park, the rest of the cops in the danged known universe materialized in a huff and began setting up for some sort of paramilitary invasion. No shit–we all saw pretty quickly what the Denver PD had in mind for all those fun military vehicles and equipment they’d been collecting.

The scene changed dramatically there on the sidewalk where the Anarchists’ Kitchen was set up. There was plenty of action before then, but the top-gun radicals had been at the Capitol along with most of the cops. Now a phalanx quickly formed four deep with armored, shielded, armed, dangerous, implacable, and apparently stoically unflappable police stretching all around, up and down–all over the fucking place. Where the Boy and i stood a few sidewalk squares south of the Kitchen the scene was still like a carnival spreading away and outward into the park in every direction save the east, buy more like something Ray Bradbury or John Clifford might have dreamt up. Moving east to west one would have passed through four rows of cops in a formation that i’d only seen before in movies about Fascist  takeovers where American patriots saved the day by vanquishing some identically clad and positioned foe as we occupiers faced that day, armored only with our damn-the-torpedoes ethical certitude. Stepping by the entrenched police if one were to dare it, one would have passed a modest tree lawn, an ordinary sidewalk crowded with dark festival-goers, and could then step up to the folding table that served as the Anarchists’ ordering counter and serving table set up facing east from the immediate western line of the sidewalk across from the antiMayberry lines facing the stubbornly unaltered scene in the Kitchen.

The cops just stood there for what seems to memory like hours, but it couldn’t have been all afternoon or anything. Maybe so. The Boy and i milled around a bit getting a look at the overall scene and scoping out the various sections of the park. Behind the Kitchen to the west were the bulk of the tents, say a hundred or more, though others were scattered about. Further  west a concrete round with maybe a fountain or something hosted a bunch of info tables, some artsy hippies working on various projects, a triage setup, some chanting Hare Krishnas. More cops surrounded the camp, even more moved to close off the farthest reaches of the west side, We all saw we were utterly circumscribed and our physical position was hopeless. There was plenty of Hope, mind you, but all of it founded on our spiritual position, see.

As we awaited  what everyone knew to be inexorable, not so many of us remained quiet, (by “us” i mean Occupiers here; the most visible government employees were silent). I did mostly, and so did the Boy, he for his reasons and i for mine. The whole scene produced its own racket, but the most noticeable volume arose from the collection of spirit-moved Occupiers working the lines of eerily insensate gendarmes. Each was moved by his or her own personal spirit, few of which were very friendly toward the collective juggernaut we faced. More than one strode frenetically up and down whichever line was convenient  hurling f-bombs and spittle with as much force as he could muster. You know: “Fuck the Police!!!” and,“Fuck Yoooou!!!” from distances as close as the collected officers’ gear would allow. The pointillistic rows of cops, each in his own world, stared into space, eyes forward and directed at some Unknown, refusing eye contact. Only God and each man in his solitude knew what blackness filled his vision, (and possibly anyone operating one of those guv’mint mind-reading gizmos, if you’re into that sort of thinking).

Sensibly, few of the “non-violent” protesters were mad–that is crazy–enough to attempt to get physical. Those that did were promptly stomped, smashed and removed from the game. Otherwise with many pushing the envelope right to its most extreme limit, the arms-down-and-rigid-face forward-inches-from-any-nearest-random-cop’s-shielded-face stance of extreme and barely checked agitation rapidly became familiar. I for one was amazed at the extraordinary and rather creepy restraint the beleaguered police were displaying, though few shield-screened eyes could keep from betraying internal turmoil. Virtually none of the cops would assent to eye contact.

As this scene played itself out, a few Occupiers attempted to convince their fellows to mellow. In the midst of the very front and most electrical line of all this, there in front of the aforementioned Kitchen, one lone Occupier was working the line of gear-laden men, moved by a different spirit indeed. He was preaching it, baby. Pleading. Begging. Beseeching. As near to tears as i am now as this scene spills its way from my fingertips, fluid in his expressive motion to and fro as any practiced Sunday morning crowd-pleaser can i get a amen. “Don’t you see it? You are us! We are you! Please, stop this! We are one–we must stop fighting!” And in some brilliant, divinely inspired voice, “Lay down your shields! Join us! Put down your clubs and have some lunch!”

And then …right there in front of the Boy and me…with the scene in the actual Kitchen production area behind the table unchanged from before the lines formed…one of them did exactly that.

There was actually a fat queue at the Kitchen counter that parted like the Red Sea, astonished, for this newborn brother of ours to step up and claim his serving. He ate his food in silence and retook his spot in that other line which remained unaltered as his fellows stood unmoved, apparently in both senses. The Boy and i collected our portion of genuinely bomb-ass risotto and began to  eat with more on our minds than i can possibly describe. Before we were half through our plates the order came and we found ourselves dining amidst a police riot, our rice flavored by tear gas. (I got off the hook before, when the story remained vague. I suppose his mom is going to kill me now, after all).

The rest of the action went down as one would expect, with ample blood, outrage, and pepper-bullet injury and indignity and tears and drama. It was all on the news, with much expansion available on YouTube. You can look it up. None of that is the point.

I heard that one cop was fired perfunctorily that night.

We were there. Right fucking there. It really happened. It was so surreal i almost have to ask the Boy if it actually wasn’t some kind of dream.

Those two guys, though. That cop! When we all do what he did, just maybe then the war will be over. He looked up  and noticed he was looking in the fucking mirror.

The thing about all this is that the crowd of Occupiers was a full-on quorum of average joes with representation across several spectra. There were Christians, pagans, dope fiends, felons, bikers, disgruntled employees, GIs, vets, blue-collar Barney Rubbles, Republicans, Democrats, hippies, neo-hippies, and chanting, jangling Hare Krishnas, The cops were disguised as an invading foreign force but we all know they were really just a bunch of Christians, pagans, dope fiends, felons, bikers, disgruntled employees, GIs, vets, blue-collar Barney Rubbles, Republicans, and Democrats. The only groups lacking representation really were the hippies and the chanting, jangling Hare Krishnas that stayed with the rest of us till late into the night serving free food as a replacement for the Anarchists who had been quite the hell shut down. Oh yeah–there likely weren’t too many Anarchists on the cops’ side of the lines. I’m pretty sure  those differences are significant. Maybe the cops would be better if they got some of those groups they were missing. The janglier the better.

Back here at the county jail where i’m still Occupying, there’s lots of conflict, though not nearly so boiling hot. The old standby, “Fuck the Police,” is scrawled or carved around and about and plenty of folks on either side of whatever line each has drawn are fully prepared to swing  clubs at one another. Many of the sheriff’s deputies and sad, paycheck-to paycheck “detention specialists” are happy to evoke a very dark spirit indeed in their efforts to control us inmates who represent Other to them. I have been struck by the observation that these obnoxious fucks are the respected  representatives of a society that so many of our deluded citizenry expect us of the criminal class to emulate.

Ha! I may be an asshole myself, but no thanks: I have no interest in joining your obnoxious and shitty club.

Meanwhile, virtually all of us prisoners, including myself sometimes, react…”Grumble grumble fuck the police why i oughtta etc. etc. ad nauseum” Various of us slink around and steal or fight among ourselves or in general practice a sort of blindfolded subservience to Self. (Marco! Polo!…Ouch! Motherfucker!!!). We’re fucking obnoxious. We want the cops and the guards and judges and bankers and presidents to act differently but…why would they want to join our obnoxious and shitty club? When they do we wind up with a spectacular clusterfuck like the found at the Denver county jail last month, where a dep was helping a banger sling dope and administer beat-downs. Happens all the time. In every kaleidoscopic variation you can imagine.

Pogo couldn’t have known the heft and resonance of his words: “ We have met the enemy, and he is us.”

I wrote a screed a while back, (Today’s Tom Sawyer), excoriating shitty Christian behavior. There’s still plenty to say about all that, and maybe some of it will come out here, but it’s not the point of this one. During that earlier rant, i promised to harp, eventually, about bad behavior on the part of pagans, dope fiends, felons, bikers, disgruntled employees, GIs, vets, and some of my other natural affinity groups as well.

That isn’t it either. Or maybe it is. But not really. Not quite. I promised to write about the Fear, too, and nor is it that, though the Fear runs through it all. This is about a war.

Many members of of various of the groups on that funny little list i jotted just now recognize and will now openly state that there’s a war looming. They’re wrong about that much anyhow–the looming is all done and the fight is on. Right now. It’s been on for decades, (or maybe forever). I’m here “jotting” because that’s what one does in the county jail, where i am a political prisoner–a POW, really, though i prefer to think of myself as a prisoner of conscience–but maybe it’s a digression to say so. Or maybe not. Let’s explore this amalgam of notions a bit, and see if we can find out.

Here at the county jail one finds a  peculiarly refined microcosm of the way the dynamics of the variously conflicting groups involved in this bizarre  war interact, cleared of much of the dross of false civility that ordinarily circumvents the fight out on the sidewalk, at least here in the U.S.A.

I know Europeans here that want to skedaddle from this place and others afraid to come here because many of them can see the shitstorm brewing and it scares them. They often seem to see it more clearly than we Americans are able to do at least in part because our access to real news is barely over nil, of maybe because as outside observers they aren’t saddled with the cognitive dissonance we sorry brainwashed frogs that live in this hot-ass boiling lake must so often suffer. I don’t know. I hope they realize this pond holds us all.

Oddly enough, while the interactions at the county jail display some of the finer points of conflict in out absurdly labeled free society, they also show some reasons for hope. There are still lights burning.

“Fuck the Police!”

I don’t know how many times i’ve heard that phrase from some of my dearest friends. I’ve uttered them myself. Often. Sometimes at the top of my lungs. Sometimes it was far more personal: “Fuck you! That’s right, you, personally, whomever you may be in your opposition to me, my pursuits, my people. Maybe i should refer to the less common; “Fuck the Pigs,’ because the police are only a fractional representation of one segment, one camp of that particular overarching social entity the hippies were talking about when they began to disparage swine so badly as to label their opposition thusly in this odd existential war from whence the flesh and blood scrap derives.

“Battle lines are being drawn,” went the line from the Buffalo Springfield some fifty-ish years back. They’re pretty well drawn, now, though they resemble lines a three-year-old might scribble. The shit’s on. People are fighting. The skirmishes often feel like some kind of kids’ game though too, involving blindfolds and billyclubs. Maybe i can’t deny swinging a stick around myself, sometimes. Maybe that’swhat this is–a chance for me to look in the mirror a little, Maybe it’s because it’s hard to sit the game out when i keep getting hit in the head. Whatever. Let’s keep on through the maze and just hope we don’t smash too many mirrors.

During the Occupation we intrepids staged a few years back, (and some of us still engage–viva la revolución and all), my son and i traveled to Denver for the final push when the cops razed the encampment there. The scene that October of 2011 there in Denver was some shit this country hadn’t seen in over forty years maybe, where armored brigades of soldiers–not cops at all but stormtroopers–rolled on a huge, disparate group of unarmed citizens. It was tragic. And beautiful. Versions of the same scene played out all around the world that fall.

There at Civic Center Park, across the avenue from the State Capitol building, the Boy and i stood in the thick of it as those battle lines sharpened, and then blew apart as the whole outhouse hit the fan.

Some thousands of us had marched boisterously through Denver’s business district, pausing for a special visit at the Federal Reserve. After completing a wide loop around downtown we mounted the Capitol steps for whatever confrontation the Denver planners had planned. They, (to claim a thing–we), had been warned explicitly beforehand to stay off that particular edifice, so the moment we took the steps and began railing through one of our ubiquitous bullhorns, the shock teams appeared, as if the bearded-Spock Enterprise had beamed them to the scene.

Honestly, i was pretty fucking nervous at that point. It’s not as though i’d never been beaten up by the cops before, but that stuff is kind of a young man’s sport, and i was never really all that much a fan anyhow. Besides, those had always been cops, not armored sci-fi gladiators. But the main thing was the Boy. He was fifteen then and down for plenty, but he looked pretty worried too, and, (the mainthing, actually), i knew i’d never live through my next conversation with his mother if i allowed him to be beaten and busted by the police. I suggested we pull back to the park and we did, but i felt pretty spineless for having done it, really.

The Boy and i had a quick consult: “You see what this is going to be, right?” “Yeah.” “Are you down, or not?” Nervous but firm, “Yeah.” “Fuck it then…God damn it; your mom is gonna kill me. Let’s get some lunch.”

The park itself  was packed with crowds of Occupiers, some having returned with us from the march and probably harboring thoughts similar to mine. The encampment had been there for a good while by then, and the Black Flag Anarchists’ Free Kitchen was in full flight. It had already been dismantled more than once as a special preparatory project for the cops–kind of a warm-up. Knowing well what was coming, the no-nonsense scrappy men’n’women in black behind the table were all assholes with elbows, flying around in a frenzy with grim serious joy in their eyes as they did their level best to sling as much great tasting free food as possible before the inevitable hammer fell. Those guys were freaking awesome sauce with motherfuckin’ cherries on top!

Rather than spark an actual and possibly justifiable war on the Capitol steps, even the most radical and adrenaline-blinded of the group holding that position chose to retreat and quickly joined us at the park. The scene was oddly festive, with tents and art projects and folks dressed for carnival. The mid-autumn day was one of those beautiful Colorado Indian summer affairs with pristine blue skies through which flitted happy and blissfully oblivious birdies merrily on the lookout for delectable kitchen scraps. But wait! What the hey!!? The second the steps were abandoned and that contingent joined those meeker souls at the park, the rest of the cops in the danged known universe materialized in a huff and began setting up for some sort of paramilitary invasion. No shit–we all saw pretty quickly what the Denver PD had in mind for all those fun military vehicles and equipment they’d been collecting.

The scene changed dramatically there on the sidewalk where the Anarchists’ Kitchen was set up. There was plenty of action before then, but the top-gun radicals had been at the Capitol along with most of the cops. Now a phalanx quickly formed four deep with armored, shielded, armed, dangerous, implacable, and apparently stoically unflappable police stretching all around, up and down–all over the fucking place. Where the Boy and i stood a few sidewalk squares south of the Kitchen the scene was still like a carnival spreading away and outward into the park in every direction save the east, buy more like something Ray Bradbury or John Clifford might have dreamt up. Moving east to west one would have passed through four rows of cops in a formation that i’d only seen before in movies about Fascist  takeovers where American patriots saved the day by vanquishing some identically clad and positioned foe as we occupiers faced that day, armored only with our damn-the-torpedoes ethical certitude. Stepping by the entrenched police if one were to dare it, one would have passed a modest tree lawn, an ordinary sidewalk crowded with dark festival-goers, and could then step up to the folding table that served as the Anarchists’ ordering counter and serving table set up facing east from the immediate western line of the sidewalk across from the antiMayberry lines facing the stubbornly unaltered scene in the Kitchen.

The cops just stood there for what seems to memory like hours, but it couldn’t have been all afternoon or anything. Maybe so. The Boy and i milled around a bit getting a look at the overall scene and scoping out the various sections of the park. Behind the Kitchen to the west were the bulk of the tents, say a hundred or more, though others were scattered about. Further  west a concrete round with maybe a fountain or something hosted a bunch of info tables, some artsy hippies working on various projects, a triage setup, some chanting Hare Krishnas. More cops surrounded the camp, even more moved to close off the farthest reaches of the west side, We all saw we were utterly circumscribed and our physical position was hopeless. There was plenty of Hope, mind you, but all of it founded on our spiritual position, see.

As we awaited  what everyone knew to be inexorable, not so many of us remained quiet, (by “us” i mean Occupiers here; the most visible government employees were silent). I did mostly, and so did the Boy, he for his reasons and i for mine. The whole scene produced its own racket, but the most noticeable volume arose from the collection of spirit-moved Occupiers working the lines of eerily insensate gendarmes. Each was moved by his or her own personal spirit, few of which were very friendly toward the collective juggernaut we faced. More than one strode frenetically up and down whichever line was convenient  hurling f-bombs and spittle with as much force as he could muster. You know: “Fuck the Police!!!” and,“Fuck Yoooou!!!” from distances as close as the collected officers’ gear would allow. The pointillistic rows of cops, each in his own world, stared into space, eyes forward and directed at some Unknown, refusing eye contact. Only God and each man in his solitude knew what blackness filled his vision, (and possibly anyone operating one of those guv’mint mind-reading gizmos, if you’re into that sort of thinking).

Sensibly, few of the “non-violent” protesters were mad–that is crazy–enough to attempt to get physical. Those that did were promptly stomped, smashed and removed from the game. Otherwise with many pushing the envelope right to its most extreme limit, the arms-down-and-rigid-face forward-inches-from-any-nearest-random-cop’s-shielded-face stance of extreme and barely checked agitation rapidly became familiar. I for one was amazed at the extraordinary and rather creepy restraint the beleaguered police were displaying, though few shield-screened eyes could keep from betraying internal turmoil. Virtually none of the cops would assent to eye contact.

As this scene played itself out, a few Occupiers attempted to convince their fellows to mellow. In the midst of the very front and most electrical line of all this, there in front of the aforementioned Kitchen, one lone Occupier was working the line of gear-laden men, moved by a different spirit indeed. He was preaching it, baby. Pleading. Begging. Beseeching. As near to tears as i am now as this scene spills its way from my fingertips, fluid in his expressive motion to and fro as any practiced Sunday morning crowd-pleaser can i get a amen. “Don’t you see it? You are us! We are you! Please, stop this! We are one–we must stop fighting!” And in some brilliant, divinely inspired voice, “Lay down your shields! Join us! Put down your clubs and have some lunch!”

And then …right there in front of the Boy and me…with the scene in the actual Kitchen production area behind the table unchanged from before the lines formed…one of them did exactly that.

There was actually a fat queue at the Kitchen counter that parted like the Red Sea, astonished, for this newborn brother of ours to step up and claim his serving. He ate his food in silence and retook his spot in that other line which remained unaltered as his fellows stood unmoved, apparently in both senses. The Boy and i collected our portion of genuinely bomb-ass risotto and began to  eat with more on our minds than i can possibly describe. Before we were half through our plates the order came and we found ourselves dining amidst a police riot, our rice flavored by tear gas. (I got off the hook before, when the story remained vague. I suppose his mom is going to kill me now, after all).

The rest of the action went down as one would expect, with ample blood, outrage, and pepper-bullet injury and indignity and tears and drama. It was all on the news, with much expansion available on YouTube. You can look it up. None of that is the point.

I heard that one cop was fired perfunctorily that night.

We were there. Right fucking there. It really happened. It was so surreal i almost have to ask the Boy if it actually wasn’t some kind of dream.

Those two guys, though. That cop! When we all do what he did, just maybe then the war will be over. He looked up  and noticed he was looking in the fucking mirror.

The thing about all this is that the crowd of Occupiers was a full-on quorum of average joes with representation across several spectra. There were Christians, pagans, dope fiends, felons, bikers, disgruntled employees, GIs, vets, blue-collar Barney Rubbles, Republicans, Democrats, hippies, neo-hippies, and chanting, jangling Hare Krishnas, The cops were disguised as an invading foreign force but we all know they were really just a bunch of Christians, pagans, dope fiends, felons, bikers, disgruntled employees, GIs, vets, blue-collar Barney Rubbles, Republicans, and Democrats. The only groups lacking representation really were the hippies and the chanting, jangling Hare Krishnas that stayed with the rest of us till late into the night serving free food as a replacement for the Anarchists who had been quite the hell shut down. Oh yeah–there likely weren’t too many Anarchists on the cops’ side of the lines. I’m pretty sure  those differences are significant. Maybe the cops would be better if they got some of those groups they were missing. The janglier the better.

Back here at the county jail where i’m still Occupying, there’s lots of conflict, though not nearly so boiling hot. The old standby, “Fuck the Police,” is scrawled or carved around and about and plenty of folks on either side of whatever line each has drawn are fully prepared to swing  clubs at one another. Many of the sheriff’s deputies and sad, paycheck-to paycheck “detention specialists” are happy to evoke a very dark spirit indeed in their efforts to control us inmates who represent Other to them. I have been struck by the observation that these obnoxious fucks are the respected  representatives of a society that so many of our deluded citizenry expect us of the criminal class to emulate.

Ha! I may be an asshole myself, but no thanks: I have no interest in joining your obnoxious and shitty club.

Meanwhile, virtually all of us prisoners, including myself sometimes, react…”Grumble grumble fuck the police why i oughtta etc. etc. ad nauseum” Various of us slink around and steal or fight among ourselves or in general practice a sort of blindfolded subservience to Self. (Marco! Polo!…Ouch! Motherfucker!!!). We’re fucking obnoxious. We want the cops and the guards and judges and bankers and presidents to act differently but…why would they want to join our obnoxious and shitty club? When they do we wind up with a spectacular clusterfuck like the found at the Denver county jail last month, where a dep was helping a banger sling dope and administer beat-downs. Happens all the time. In every kaleidoscopic variation you can imagine.

Sorry, reader; a glitch is preventing the end of this from displaying just now. I’ll fix it, but meanwhile, this link is better for the footnotes anyway. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1umk-RPyxoiQTPSS84Cp4sR80UAXFzsVRpuiRBVzrdNA/edit?usp=sharing

Although those of you that have read or will now read the other stuff here on hipgnosis will easily recognize the common ground that one may imagine stands to be found on the lawns inside the moats of our adjacent castles in a neighborhood full of loons, all built on air, i am deeply indebted to Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason for some of the truly fine and beautiful language i snatched more or less wholesale to help me build the last four paragraphs here. Even though their book,The Rule of Four is a best-seller of a popular genre, i highly recommend it as the best book i’ve read produced during the twenty-first century. I wish i had written it myself, (while noting the title of this piece). Everyone should read this book.

POSTED BY STEVE BASS AT 9:45 PM

Homeless Colorado Springs man emboldened by Occupy effort appeals jail time

from the Colorado Springs Gazette

http://gazette.com/article/1534440

By Jakob Rodgers Updated: July 28, 2014 at 2:07 pm

Nearly three years ago, Steven Bass’ tent led to a police ticket – a ticket that led to a trial, an appeal denied and 160-day sentence in El Paso County jail.

Bass, the first person cited under Colorado Springs’ camping ban, remains mired in a legal battle backed by a University of Denver assistant professor working for free.

He represents a small segment of the homeless issue – a man on a personal crusade against the camping ban emboldened by the Occupy Colorado Springs movement. His case is not emblematic of others who have been cited for camping on public property; rather, it is more of an outlier.

While people ticketed for camping typically include the chronically homeless – people whose only home is a tent, and who often rebuff police officers’ offers of secure housing – Bass wants to make a point.

Right now, he is free while appealing the jail time. Bass lives with a fellow veteran of the Occupy movement and blogs occasionally on what he sees as injustices in the world.

“I contend now that this thing has burgeoned well beyond the camping ban itself, and has now become a giant discussion of principle, and just what the hell we’re doing here in the United States of America, and the whole world,” Bass said.

Police issued the ticket in October 2011 when he pitched a tent on a sidewalk in Acacia Park, despite warnings from police that doing so would lead to a citation.

For Bass, the ticket and the Occupy gathering proved an opportune time for a stand against the city’s camping ban – an ordinance passed by the City Council in 2010 that outlawed camping on public land. He said he has volunteered at soup kitchens and for other homeless services for about 30 years, and he lives homeless – usually by couch surfing.

“Just because they don’t have any money, poof, they are made criminals,” Bass said of people affected by the ban.

Eleven tickets have been issued under the ban through June 5, with the majority coming in 2014, according to the Colorado Springs Police Department.

The ban came as camps swelled along Monument and Fountain creeks amid the Great Recession in 2009 and early 2010. So many people lived there that bystanders dropped off donated food and clothing along the creek beds – philanthropy that proved overwhelming to the point of concern, some homeless advocates say. Sanitation issues also arose.

City Council member Jan Martin said she voted for the ordinance for the safety of people using creekside trails, along with concerns about the image that such tent cities would create for the city, she said Friday. Proponents of the ban said it is a tool to get people into more stable housing.

“In my opinion, it’s not a matter of out of sight, out of mind,” Martin said. “It’s just trying to find resources that can help people get back on their feet.”

Because of Bass’ indigent status, a judge decided against a fine in favor of a 60-hour community service sentence for the citation.

Bass said he almost did it – he planned on helping Pikes Peak Habitat for Humanity – until a DU professor offered to help. With the pro bono advice of Christopher Lasch, who teaches at the university’s Criminal Defense Clinic, Bass appealed the case.

A district court judge upheld the municipal court’s decision – a blow to the notion that the ban is unjust.

A subsequent appeal to the Colorado Supreme Court was denied in March, said Rob McCallum, spokesman for the Colorado Judicial Branch.

Through it all, Bass contemplated his 60-hour of community service sentence. And in an April hearing before Municipal Judge Spottswood W. H. Williams, Bass said he will never complete the requirement.

Identifying himself as an Occupier, Bass wrote to Williams that the camping ordinance is “effectively status-based incarceration,” because forcing people into shelters could be another form of incarceration. He also said he already does community service but railed against the court forcing him to do so.

“Therefore, i (sic) am here in front of you forcing your hand,” he wrote. “You must now either acknowledge the ethical poverty of the ordinance, or prove my point.”

In June, Williams answered Bass’ statement with a 160-day jail sentence for contempt of court.

Bass is appealing that sentence with Lasch’s help after having served more than a month in El Paso County jail.

Lasch said the jail sentence was excessive because jail time for failing to pay a fine is usually half of what Bass has served.

Even if he serves all 160 days, Bass has no plans of completing the 60-hour community service order – a requirement that remains.

Lasch wants all of it thrown out.

“The fact that the government would go to such lengths to punish this activity certainly supports Steve’s position that this (ban) effectively punishes being homeless,” Lasch said.

“In this case, it certainly punished him for speaking out against the ban.”

Contact Jakob Rodgers: 476-1654

Twitter @JakobRodgers

Facebook: Jakob.Rodgers

Read more at http://gazette.com/homeless-colorado-springs-man-emboldened-by-occupy-effort-appeals-jail-time/article/1534440#TIqUcdEm4KE8udlJ.99

RIP Maya Angelou honoring her cannabis connections

SATURDAY, JANUARY 11, 2014

My, Oh Maya

Revered author Maya Angelou, who was the first poet since Robert Frost to read a poem at a Presidential inauguration, writes about her experiences with marijuana in Gather Together, the second installment of her autobiography after the acclaimedI Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.  Angelou, who started life as Rita Johnson from Stamps, Arkansas, was raped at the age of 7, and had an illegitimate child in her teens. Working as a waitress to support her son in San Diego, 18-year-old Rita met two lesbian prostitutes who frequented the bar where she worked. One night, the women invited her to their house for dinner. Angelou recounts: “Let’s have a little grifa before dinner.” Johnnie Mae gave an order, not an invitation. She turned to me.  “You like grifa?” “Yes. I smoke.” The truth was I had smoked cigarettes for over a year, but never marijuana….I was prepared to refuse anything else they offered me, so I didn’t feel I could very well refuse the pot…. I inhaled the smoke as casually as if the small brown cigarette I held were the conventional commercial kind. “No. No. Don’t waste the grifa. Hand it here….try it like this…” I opened my throat and kept my tongue flat so that the smoke found no obstacle in its passage from my lips to my throat…. The food was the best I’d ever tasted. Every morsel was an experience of sheer delight. I lost myself in a haze of sensual pleasure, enjoying not only the tastes but the feel of the food in my mouth, the smells, and the sound of my jaws chewing.  “She’s got a buzz. That’s her third helping.”  …I decided to dance for my hostesses. The music dipped and swayed, pulling and pushing. I let my body rest on the sound and turned and bowed in the tiny room. The shapes and forms melted until I felt I was in a charcoal sketch, or a sepia watercolor. (pp. 52-55) By the end of the evening Rita had arranged to rent the women’s house, putting them to work for her as prostitutes, with her barganing for their services with cab drivers and taking a cut. Meanwhile, she read Dostoevsky and studied dance. Soon the arrangement turned sour and she had to flee back to Stamps, where drinking Sloe gin “numbed my brain” and she had to make herself sick to get rid of the poison.

Rita went back to the West Coast and tried joining the Army in San Francisco, but was turned down because the The California Labor school, where she’d studied dance and drama, was deemed a Communist organization. So she started waitressing again, and smoking pot. Smoking grass eased the strain for me. I made a connection at a restaurant nearby. People called it Mary Jane, hash, grass, gauge, weed, pot, and I had absolutely no fear of using it. In the black ghetto of the forties, marijuana, cocaine, hop (opium) and heroin were only a little harder to obtain than rationed whiskey. Although my mother didn’t use anything but Scotch (Black & White), she often sang a song popular in the thirties that at its worst didn’t condemn grass, and at its best extolled its virtues. “Dream about a reefer five foot long Vitamin [sic] but not too strong You’ll be high but not for long If you’re a viper…” From a natural stiffness I melted into a grinning tolerance. Walking on the streets became high adventure, eating my mother’s huge dinners an opulent entertainment, and playing with my son was side-cracking hilarity. For the first time, life amused me. … I disciplined myself. One joint on Sunday and one on the morning of my day off. The weed always had an intense and immediate effect. Before the cigarette was smoked down to roach length, I had to smother my giggles. Just to see the falling folds of the curtains or the sway of a chair was enough to bring me to audible laughter. After an hour the hysteria of the high would abate and I could trust myself in public. (p. 154).  After a brief stint dancing professionally, she met a married man who told her her, “It’s gauge that’s breaking my marriage….My silly dilly wife stopped letting me have any and she goes around laughing and giggling all the time.” She flushed her pot for him and soon let him lead her into prostitution herself, where she was told if she was good she’d be given some “white girl” (cocaine) but, “They won’t let you smoke hemp, though. They say it makes a ‘ho too frisky. ‘Hos get their heads bad and forget about tending to business.” At the close of the book, another man named Troubador shows her how he shot heroin, and makes her promise to keep her innocence. He gives her his clothes to sell so that she can escape and head back to her Mother’s house. In the following autobiographical installment, Singin’ and Swingin’ and Gettin’ Merry Like Christmas, Rita is discovered while dancing at a strip club in San Francisco and develops a Calypso singing act, changing her name and eventually finding her way to activism with Martin Luther King andMalcolm X, as well as writing with the encouragement of James Baldwin and others. Angelou received over 50 honorary degrees and three Grammys. She was awarded the Presidential Medal of Arts in 2000 and the Lincoln Medal in 2008. PS: Angelou isn’t the only revered US poet to sing the praises of pot. In his book of Haiku She Was Just 17, former poet laureate (2001-2003) Billy Collins wrote: So many nicknames for you  But none as lovely as  marijuana

1 comment:

Breezy KiefAir said…

mayi have permission to reprint this on kiefair.com with credit given to you as the author and links back to your blog?

normelle <ellen@canorml.org>

11:51 AM (16 minutes ago)

to me
Yes, you may repost with link to Tokin Woman blog. (Doesn’t need my name).

Set Up and Opening day of the LaMay CANNABIS MUSEUM™ OF COLORADO Behind the scenes

 

CANNABIS MUSEUM OF COLORADO Website

Jump to Museum Location page.

April 18, 2014

It  Was a warm an humid Friday, the topic on everyone’s lips? What are you doing for this year’s 4/20 celebration? I was single minded in my concerns… I had a painting to drop off. Let us back up 6 weeks time. Michelle LaMay announced she would be opening Colorado’s first cannabis History Museum. She got with me (Breezy Kiefair) and asked if I would be interested in donating a painting to the museum. I was informed that my first book, Of Poetry, Pain, and Pot was already to be included among the museum’s exhibits and gift store offerings. I eagerly agreed and allowed Michelle to choose one of my images. I then had the image printed onto canvas and set about touching up that canvas with my own hand and brushes. I had worked many hours a day for many weeks and finally the beauty in my mind had begun to shine through. I called the piece complete and April 18 was the day to hang the canvas in the museum. It was opening day for the museum, so I was kind of expecting everything to be set up and ready to go, but when Michelle opened the trailer, and said, “Help me” there was no considering refusing.  You see, an international film crew was on the way and would arrive within 2 hours time. The museum had not yet had the exhibits set up and there was a ton of work. Michelle had shown up with two willing gentlemen (Charlie Washington and Rick Wainwright) but an extra set of hands were both willing and necessary. The 4 of us were as industrious as bees. We did pause for the occasional bowl, but by the time the film crew showed up, nearly everything was picture perfect. It was heartwarming to see a group of individuals coming together to complete a task. Each of us had our own strengths and infirmities, but together we were whole and up to the task. The activity and the honor of having my painting shown was more than enough excitement for me for 4/20 this year.

You may click on any of the below images to begin a slideshow of the day in pictures.

 

About Breezy’s Contribution

The title is: "the marriage of azaela flowers and cannabis leaves" if you look up the symbolism of the azaela, you will find it stands for feminine self care. This goddess image symbolizes the marriage of feminine self care with the cannabis plant as a medicine. The energy of self care and the compounds of the cannabis plant come together to provide a synergistic healing to the person in question... to be shown in michelle lamay's cannabis history museum. This is the first painting that I as the artist call one of my masterpieces. Thank you Michelle for giving me a chance to show it. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=782772988409379&set=pb.100000300558421.-2207520000.1398456073.&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn2%2Ft1.0-9%2F1503218_782772988409379_7023335663112254261_n.jpg&size=960%2C720

The title is: “the marriage of azalea flowers and cannabis leaves” if you look up the symbolism of the azalea, you will find it stands for feminine self care. This goddess image symbolizes the marriage of feminine self care with the cannabis plant as a medicine. The energy of self care and the compounds of the cannabis plant come together to provide a synergistic healing to the person in question… to be shown in michelle lamay’s cannabis history museum. This is the first painting that I as the artist call one of my masterpieces. Thank you Michelle for giving me a chance to show it..https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=782772988409379&set=pb.100000300558421.-2207520000.1398456073.&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn2%2Ft1.0-9%2F1503218_782772988409379_7023335663112254261_n.jpg&size=960%2C720

The title is: “the marriage of azalea flowers and cannabis leaves” if you look up the symbolism of the azalea, you will find it stands for feminine self care. This goddess image symbolizes the marriage of feminine self care with the cannabis plant as a medicine. The energy of self care and the compounds of the cannabis plant come together to provide a synergistic healing to the person in question… to be shown in michelle lamay’s cannabis history museum. This is the first painting that I as the artist call one of my masterpieces. Thank you Michelle for giving me a chance to show it. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=782772988409379&amp;set=pb.100000300558421.-2207520000.1398456073.&amp;type=3&amp;src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn2%2Ft1.0-9%2F1503218_782772988409379_7023335663112254261_n.jpg&amp;size=960%2C720

Related articles:

A pop-up cannabis museum on wheels? Only in Colorado

reprinted from: http://www.thecannabist.co/2014/04/16/pop-up-cannabis-museum-wheels-denver-colorado/9662/

A mobile cannabis museum — packed into a crowded fifth-wheel with artifacts, interactive displays, photos and media archives on the history of marijuana — that announces its pop-up locations via social media?

Only in Colorado.

“I intend to travel all around the state educating Coloradans about the history of hemp and cannabis,” said Michelle LaMay, the 67-year-old activist behind LaMay’s Cannabis Museum, which opens 4/20 weekend. “I’m parking this weekend in Aurora, and I’ll be posting my location like food trucks do.”


LaMay isn’t lacking passion. As you tour her museum on wheels, she’ll giddily teach you about the state’s laws for carrying, ingesting and growing marijuana — not to mention her own activist roots dating back to 1992 in Mesa County, where she helped collect 5,000 signatures in an attempt to legalize hemp.

Her museum won’t have regular hours or a steady location even, but she’ll announce her hours and location via social media and website. Admission to the museum is free.

“I’ll be at people’s parties and in dispensary parking lots,” LaMay said. “I’ve been booked for those occasions, and I’ll also be at the Pot Pavilion at the Denver County Fair, which I’m very excited about.”

As with LaMay’s five-year-old Cannabis University of Colorado, the museum’s primary goal is education.

“More education about hemp and cannabis can only help raise awareness and acceptance for cannabis and hemp — not just the products but we users also,” LaMay said. “I’m a 67-year-old, and just my mere presence lends credibility to the cause, I’ve been told.”

Please VOTE YES on

I-3: PROHIBIT CANNABIS POSSESSION PENALTIES ACT COLORADO 2014

 Shall there be an amendment to the Colorado constitution prohibiting courts from imposing any fine or sentence for the possession of cannabis? 

                MAKE IT RIGHT: Drive the nail in the coffin of prohibition

                          

PROHIBIT  CANNABIS POSSESSION PENALTIES

Be it enacted by the people of Colorado Article XVIII of the constitution of the state of Colorado is amended BY THE ADDITION OF A NEW SECTION to read: Section 17. Prohibit cannabis possession penalties. (1) Purpose and findings. (a) THE PURPOSE OF THIS SECTION IS TO DIRECT THE JUDICIARY BRANCH OF ALL GOVERNING BODIES IN THE STATE OF COLORADO TO PROHIBIT AND RELIEVE THEIR COURTS FROM IMPOSING ANY FINE OR SENTENCE FOR THE POSSESSION OF CANNABIS. (b) IT IS IN THE INTEREST OF THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF COLORADO THAT THE COURTS BE PROHIBITED AND RELIEVED FROM IMPOSING A FINE OR SENTENCE FOR THE POSSESSION OF CANNABIS BECAUSE THE PEOPLE FIND THAT THE PUNISHMENT FOR POSSESSION OF CANNABIS EXCEEDS THE FISCAL AND SOCIAL COSTS THAT POSSESSING CANNABIS IMPOSES ON THE PEOPLE OF COLORADO. (c) IT IS IN THE INTEREST OF THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF COLORADO THAT THE COURTS BE PROHIBITED AND RELIEVED FROM IMPOSING A FINE OR SENTENCE FOR THE POSSESSION OF CANNABIS BECAUSE THE PEOPLE FIND THAT THE PUNISHMENT IS INCONSISTENT WITH THE DAMAGE POSSESSING CANNABIS IMPOSES ON THE PEOPLE OF COLORADO. (d) THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF COLORADO FURTHER FIND AND DECLARE THAT IT IS NECESSARY TO ENSURE CONSISTENCY AND FAIRNESS IN THE APPLICATION OF THIS SECTION THROUGHOUT THE STATE, AND THAT , THEREFORE, THE MATTERS ADDRESSED BY THIS SECTION ARE DECLARED TO BE MATTERS OF STATEWIDE CONCERN. (2) Definitions. AS USED IN THIS SECTION, UNLESS THE CONTEXT OTHERWISE REQUIRES: (a) “CANNABIS” MEANS (I) THE GENUS OF THE CANNABIS PLANT AND ALL ITS SPECIES, LIVING OR DEAD; AND (II) IN ANY AMOUNT. (b) “COURTS” MEAN ALL TRIBUNALS ESTABLISHED FOR THE PURPOSE OF ADMINISTERING JUSTICE, INCLUDING ANY JUDICIAL OFFICERS OR “OTHER COURTS” ESTABLISHED BY THE GENERAL ASSEMBLY OF COLORADO AND ALL MUNICIPAL AND POLICE COURTS ESTABLISHED BY HOME RULE CITIES AND (c) “POSSESSION OF CANNABIS” MEANS HAVING CANNABIS (I) IN OR ON ONE’S BODY OR CLOTHING; OR

  1. WITHIN ONE’S HOME OR AUTO.

d) “RELIEVE” MEANS ALLEVIATE. (3) Other laws unchanged. NOTHING IN THIS ACT SHALL BE CONSTRUED TO MODIFY ANY PROVISION OF THIS ARTICLE OR ANY OTHER CONSTITUTIONAL OR STATUTORY PROVISION CONCERNING CANNABIS. (4) Costs of implementing this section. THIS SECTION ADDS NO FISCAL COSTS TO THE STATE AND IMPOSES NO TAX UPON THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE. (5) Self-executing, conflicting provisions. THIS SECTION IS SELF-EXECUTING AND SHALL SUPERCEDE ANY CONFLICTING STATE, LOCAL, OR MUNICIPAL STATUTES, CODES, ORDINANCES, OR PROVISIONS. (6) Effective date. THIS SECTION SHALL BECOME EFFECTIVE UPON OFFICIAL DECLARATION OF THE VOTE HEREON BY PROCLAMATION OF THE GOVERNOR, PURSUANT TO SECTION 1(4) OF ARTICLE V OF THIS CONSTITUTION AND SHALL BE APPLIED TO ANYONE WHO HAS A SENTENCING HEARING ON OR AFTER SUCH DATE. ______________________________________________________________________ Proponent Colorado Citizen #1: Michelle Louise LaMay P.O. Box 181100 Denver, Colorado 80218 303-832-3529 Proponent Colorado Citizen #2: Isaac Smith PO Box 1268 Eastlake, Colorado 80614   720-292-8272 to share the text of this initiative on Facebook, please click this text

Solstice Gift! free ecopy “Of Pain, Poetry and Pot” One Day Only!

DECEMBER 21, 2013 ONLY!

Hurry over to Amazon.com and download your free ecopy Of Poetry, Pain and Pot, by Breezy Kiefair featuring works from The Art of Breezy Kiefair and Kiefair.com. Don’t own a kindle? no worries…. download Kindle for PC or Amazon Kindle for Android to access the book without purchasing the Amazon Kindle hardware. The Book is free today in honor of the Winter solstice celebration

Of Pain, Poetry and Pot is a poetry book centered on pot written by cannabis activist and artist under the influence of cannabis , Breezy Kiefair. “Of Pain, poetry, and pot.” Is a collection of cannabis centered poetry in a neobeatnik style. It includes updated versions of Allen Ginsberg – Howl and “america”, along with an update on “to whom it may concern” by Adrian Mitchell , a cannabis parody of Rifleman’s Creed and many other poems that are all my own.

http://www.amazon.com/Pain-Poetry-Pot-Breedheen-ORilley/dp/1492830399/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1387652549&sr=8-1&keywords=of+poetry+pain+and+pot

I just published a poetry book with amazon.com…..this is the book cover. It is called “Of Pain, Poetry and Pot”

Of Pin, Poetry and Pot cover

Of Pin, Poetry and Pot cover

the electronic edition is still free for one more day folks! Please distribute the following link for people to get their free copy
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FGF8WUY

“Of Pain, poetry, and pot.” Is a collection of cannabis centered poetry in a neobeatnik style. It includes updated versions of Allen Allen Ginsberg – Howls “howl” and “america”, along with an update on “to whom it may concern” by Adrian Mitchell , a cannabis parody of Rifleman’s Creed and many other poems that are all my own. I hope ya grab your free download while it is available and be sure to lend it to your friends (I have enabled book lending on this piece). Yes, I am aware of the odd format in the table of contents. I assure you that is semi-intentional. and please! Share these links around so the pot poetry can be read easily.
another link for the paperback
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1492830399/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_dp_47gssb1B996P0K2N

What the reviews are saying: (dec 20, 2013)

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Talented, insightful artist and writer, November 25, 2013
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This review is from: Of Pain, Poetry and Pot (Paperback)

This multi-talented artist and writer amazed me with her insightful and sometimes heartbreaking poetry. Her artwork is not only beautiful, but different from any I have seen. I have actually ordered several individual prints off her website to give as gifts this Christmas. I highly recommend this book.

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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Rare and Lovely, October 2, 2013
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Would You Like To Pick Breezy’s Brain? This wonderful book is a chance to witness the creative process at work; author Breezy Kiefair (aka Breedheen O’Rilley) is the real deal, a gifted poet/journalist/activist on the forefront of the battle for medical marijuana patients’ rights and for truth in media. And speaking of truth, emotional truth is exactly what you’ll get here. Breezy isn’t afraid to take an open-eyed, unsparing look at society, at herself, at her illnesses, at the lies we tell ourselves and each other — and at the scintillating, breathtaking beauty which is more real and more powerful than all else. Highly recommended.

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excerpt:

A bit of Cancer poetry for thought…

To Whom It May Concern
I was run over by the truth one day.
Ever since the diagnosis I have been this way
So burn my body with radiation
Tell me lies about cancer.

Heard the alarm clock screaming with pain,
Couldn’t find myself so I went back to sleep again
So fill my veins with Chemo
burn my body with radiation
Tell me lies about cancer. Every time I shut my eyes, all I see is pain.
Made a little ribbon to remember all the names
So empty out my bank account
fill my veins with chemo
burn my body with radiation
Tell me lies about cancer. I hear they are thinking surgery, hope it’s not my brains.
They’re only gutting fishes for their own personal gain.
So numb my brain with Morphine
empty out my bank  account
fill my veins with chemo
burn my body with radiation
Tell me lies about cancer. Where were you at the time of the crime?
Ripping up the Hippocratic oath, just to make a dime?
So chain my Life with hopelessness
numb my brain with Morphine
empty out my bank account
fill my veins with chemo
burn my body with radiation
Tell me lies about cancer

You put your doctors in, they take their conscience out,
They take the human being and they twist it all about
So take my world away
chain my Life with hopelessness
numb my brain with Morphine
empty out my bank account
fill my veins with chemo
burn my body with radiation
Tell me lies about cancer– 

Adrian Mitchell’s structure.

Words by The Art of Breezy Kiefair

There is a cure for cancer…

how many beautiful women and men need to be butchered

because doctors want to run from the cure

for the sake of monetary gain?

PTSD People and Passive Aggressive People… a toxic mix

I admit to being a deeply flawed and scarred individual. I have shared several links this morning regarding Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to help people better understand what it is like to live inside a PTSD mind and provide some do’s and don’ts on how to deal with and help someone suffering with this mental illness. I have also provided some links on Passive–aggressive behavior to shed some light on how someone exhibiting passive aggressive tendencies could easily escalate the symptoms of someone suffering from PTSD. I hope this information will be helpful to my friends in dealing with me and will also shed some light on the dynamics of interactions with others and why things have spiraled out of control over the past 2 years or so.

I was sure to post more articles about ptsd than passive aggressive behaviors to take more responsibility for being an individual with ptsd than i am laying blame for passive aggressive behaviors that tend to push my ptsd buttons.

Lets look at Post Traumatic Stress Disorder first.

_________________________

What is post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD?

PTSD is an anxiety disorder that some people get after seeing or living through a dangerous event.

When in danger, it’s natural to feel afraid. This fear triggers many split-second changes in the body to prepare to defend against the danger or to avoid it. This “fight-or-flight” response is a healthy reaction meant to protect a person from harm. But in PTSD, this reaction is changed or damaged. People who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened even when they’re no longer in danger.

Who gets PTSD?

Anyone can get PTSD at any age. This includes war veterans and survivors of physical and sexual assault, abuse, accidents, disasters, and many other serious events.

Not everyone with PTSD has been through a dangerous event. Some people get PTSD after a friend or family member experiences danger or is harmed. The sudden, unexpected death of a loved one can also cause PTSD.

What are the symptoms of PTSD?

PTSD can cause many symptoms. These symptoms can be grouped into three categories:

1. Re-experiencing symptoms:
Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
Bad dreams
Frightening thoughts.
Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.

2. Avoidance symptoms:
Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience
Feeling emotionally numb
Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry
Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past
Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.
Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.

3. Hyperarousal symptoms:
Being easily startled
Feeling tense or “on edge”
Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.
Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.

It’s natural to have some of these symptoms after a dangerous event. Sometimes people have very serious symptoms that go away after a few weeks. This is called acute stress disorder, or ASD. When the symptoms last more than a few weeks and become an ongoing problem, they might be PTSD. Some people with PTSD don’t show any symptoms for weeks or months.

Do children react differently than adults?

Children and teens can have extreme reactions to trauma, but their symptoms may not be the same as adults.1 In very young children, these symptoms can include:

Bedwetting, when they’d learned how to use the toilet before
Forgetting how or being unable to talk
Acting out the scary event during playtime
Being unusually clingy with a parent or other adult.
Older children and teens usually show symptoms more like those seen in adults. They may also develop disruptive, disrespectful, or destructive behaviors. Older children and teens may feel guilty for not preventing injury or deaths. They may also have thoughts of revenge. For more information, see the NIMH booklets on helping children cope with violence and disasters.

How is PTSD detected?

A doctor who has experience helping people with mental illnesses, such as a psychiatrist or psychologist, can diagnose PTSD. The diagnosis is made after the doctor talks with the person who has symptoms of PTSD.

To be diagnosed with PTSD, a person must have all of the following for at least 1 month:
At least one re-experiencing symptom
At least three avoidance symptoms
At least two hyperarousal symptoms
Symptoms that make it hard to go about daily life, go to school or work, be with friends, and take care of important tasks.
Why do some people get PTSD and other people do not?

It is important to remember that not everyone who lives through a dangerous event gets PTSD. In fact, most will not get the disorder.

Many factors play a part in whether a person will get PTSD. Some of these are risk factors that make a person more likely to get PTSD. Other factors, called resilience factors, can help reduce the risk of the disorder. Some of these risk and resilience factors are present before the trauma and others become important during and after a traumatic event.

Risk factors for PTSD include: 2
Living through dangerous events and traumas
Having a history of mental illness
Getting hurt
Seeing people hurt or killed
Feeling horror, helplessness, or extreme fear
Having little or no social support after the event
Dealing with extra stress after the event, such as loss of a loved one, pain and injury, or loss of a job or home.
Resilience factors that may reduce the risk of PTSD include: 3
Seeking out support from other people, such as friends and family
Finding a support group after a traumatic event
Feeling good about one’s own actions in the face of danger
Having a coping strategy, or a way of getting through the bad event and learning from it
Being able to act and respond effectively despite feeling fear.
Researchers are studying the importance of various risk and resilience factors. With more study, it may be possible someday to predict who is likely to get PTSD and prevent it.

How is PTSD treated?

The main treatments for people with PTSD are psychotherapy (“talk” therapy), medications, or both. Everyone is different, so a treatment that works for one person may not work for another. It is important for anyone with PTSD to be treated by a mental health care provider who is experienced with PTSD. Some people with PTSD need to try different treatments to find what works for their symptoms.

If someone with PTSD is going through an ongoing trauma, such as being in an abusive relationship, both of the problems need to be treated. Other ongoing problems can include panic disorder, depression, substance abuse, and feeling suicidal.

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy is “talk” therapy. It involves talking with a mental health professional to treat a mental illness. Psychotherapy can occur one-on-one or in a group. Talk therapy treatment for PTSD usually lasts 6 to 12 weeks, but can take more time. Research shows that support from family and friends can be an important part of therapy.

Many types of psychotherapy can help people with PTSD. Some types target the symptoms of PTSD directly. Other therapies focus on social, family, or job-related problems. The doctor or therapist may combine different therapies depending on each person’s needs.

One helpful therapy is called cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT. There are several parts to CBT, including:

Exposure therapy. This therapy helps people face and control their fear. It exposes them to the trauma they experienced in a safe way. It uses mental imagery, writing, or visits to the place where the event happened. The therapist uses these tools to help people with PTSD cope with their feelings.
Cognitive restructuring. This therapy helps people make sense of the bad memories. Sometimes people remember the event differently than how it happened. They may feel guilt or shame about what is not their fault. The therapist helps people with PTSD look at what happened in a realistic way.
Stress inoculation training. This therapy tries to reduce PTSD symptoms by teaching a person how to reduce anxiety. Like cognitive restructuring, this treatment helps people look at their memories in a healthy way.
Other types of treatment can also help people with PTSD. People with PTSD should talk about all treatment options with their therapist.

How Talk Therapies Help People Overcome PTSD
Talk therapies teach people helpful ways to react to frightening events that trigger their PTSD symptoms. Based on this general goal, different types of therapy may:

Teach about trauma and its effects.
Use relaxation and anger control skills.
Provide tips for better sleep, diet, and exercise habits.
Help people identify and deal with guilt, shame, and other feelings about the event.
Focus on changing how people react to their PTSD symptoms. For example, therapy helps people visit places and people that are reminders of the trauma.

What efforts are under way to improve the detection and treatment of PTSD?

Researchers have learned a lot in the last decade about fear, stress, and PTSD. Scientists are also learning about how people form memories. This is important because creating very powerful fear-related memories seems to be a major part of PTSD. Researchers are also exploring how people can create “safety” memories to replace the bad memories that form after a trauma. NIMH’s goal in supporting this research is to improve treatment and find ways to prevent the disorder.

PTSD research also includes the following examples:
Using powerful new research methods, such as brain imaging and the study of genes, to find out more about what leads to PTSD, when it happens, and who is most at risk.
Trying to understand why some people get PTSD and others do not. Knowing this can help health care professionals predict who might get PTSD and provide early treatment.
Focusing on ways to examine pre-trauma, trauma, and post-trauma risk and resilience factors all at once.
Looking for treatments that reduce the impact traumatic memories have on our emotions.
Improving the way people are screened for PTSD, given early treatment, and tracked after a mass trauma.
Developing new approaches in self-testing and screening to help people know when it’s time to call a doctor.
Testing ways to help family doctors detect and treat PTSD or refer people with PTSD to mental health specialists.
For more information on PTSD research, please see NIMH’s PTSD Research online Fact Sheet or the PTSD Clinical Trials Web site.

How can I help a friend or relative who has PTSD?

If you know someone who has PTSD, it affects you too. The first and most important thing you can do to help a friend or relative is to help him or her get the right diagnosis and treatment. You may need to make an appointment for your friend or relative and go with him or her to see the doctor. Encourage him or her to stay in treatment, or to seek different treatment if his or her symptoms don’t get better after 6 to 8 weeks.

To help a friend or relative, you can:
Offer emotional support, understanding, patience, and encouragement.
Learn about PTSD so you can understand what your friend or relative is experiencing.
Talk to your friend or relative, and listen carefully.
Listen to feelings your friend or relative expresses and be understanding of situations that may trigger PTSD symptoms.
Invite your friend or relative out for positive distractions such as walks, outings, and other activities.
Remind your friend or relative that, with time and treatment, he or she can get better.
Never ignore comments about your friend or relative harming him or herself, and report such comments to your friend’s or relative’s therapist or doctor.

How can I help myself?

It may be very hard to take that first step to help yourself. It is important to realize that although it may take some time, with treatment, you can get better.

To help yourself:
Talk to your doctor about treatment options.
Engage in mild activity or exercise to help reduce stress.
Set realistic goals for yourself.
Break up large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can as you can.
Try to spend time with other people and confide in a trusted friend or relative. Tell others about things that may trigger symptoms.
Expect your symptoms to improve gradually, not immediately.
Identify and seek out comforting situations, places, and people.

Source http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml

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Helping Someone with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

It can be hard to handle having a close friend or family member with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). They may struggle with irritability, have problems sleeping at night, be unable to focus, feel depressed or act anxious most of the time. In fact, for some people the symptoms can be so severe that treatment at a certified post traumatic stress disorder treatment center may be necessary. PTSD treatment facilities have been shown to be very beneficial to the health and overall well-being of those with this disorder.

How can you deal with this situation? The following steps can serve as helpful tips for dealing with and loving someone with PTSD.

Learn everything you can about PTSD. By knowing all of this information, you will be better able to handle the situation.
Exercise together. Exercising strengthens the overall body and improves health.
Don’t judge them.
Be there to listen. Make your self available to them when they need to talk. Be an active listener by giving input when needed.
Show respect. Respect them even though they may be having a difficult time at the moment.
Look out for them. Show you care by recognizing when everything doesn’t seem to be okay.
Allow room for mistakes. Recognize that they will make mistakes, but always be there to forgive them and offer help if needed.
Talk positively.
Give them their space. Your loved one may not always want your opinion on everything, be willing to step aside every once in a while and give them some space.
Be active together. Planning and participating in family activities can be a fun way to interact and show them you don’t look down on them.
Love them.
Don’t belittle them. While it is important to not expect too much, not expecting anything at all is unnecessary and can be hurtful.
Be patient.
Avoid harsh remarks. Stay away from telling your friend or family member to get over their problems, this may only make problems worse.
Encourage their self-esteem.
Take care of yourself. Remember that you can’t take care of someone else if you haven’t dealt with yourself first. In many cases seeking out a friend to help you is beneficial.
In serious situations, it may be helpful to seek out the advice and assistance of a medical professional. In addition, post traumatic stress disorder treatment centers are available for anyone suffering from this disorder. A problem like PTSD can escalate quickly. If help is not sought out soon enough the problem may become increasingly worse to the point where full recovery may never be possible.

Source: http://casapalmera.com/ways-to-support-someone-with-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/

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Helping a Family Member Who Has PTSD

When someone has PTSD, it can change family life. The person with PTSD may act differently and get angry easily. He or she may not want to do things you used to enjoy together.
You may feel scared and frustrated about the changes you see in your loved one. You also may feel angry about what’s happening to your family, or wonder if things will ever go back to the way they were. These feelings and worries are common in people who have a family member with PTSD.
It is important to learn about PTSD so you can understand why it happened, how it is treated, and what you can do to help. But you also need to take care of yourself. Changes in family life are stressful, and taking care of yourself will make it easier to cope.
How can I help?

You may feel helpless, but there are many things you can do. Nobody expects you to have all the answers.
Here are ways you can help:
Learn as much as you can about PTSD. Knowing how PTSD affects people may help you understand what your family member is going through. The more you know, the better you and your family can handle PTSD.
Offer to go to doctor visits with your family member. You can help keep track of medicine and therapy, and you can be there for support.
Tell your loved one you want to listen and that you also understand if he or she doesn’t feel like talking.
Plan family activities together, like having dinner or going to a movie.
Take a walk, go for a bike ride, or do some other physical activity together. Exercise is important for health and helps clear your mind.
Encourage contact with family and close friends. A support system will help your family member get through difficult changes and stressful times.
Your family member may not want your help. If this happens, keep in mind that withdrawal can be a symptom of PTSD. A person who withdraws may not feel like talking, taking part in group activities, or being around other people. Give your loved one space, but tell him or her that you will always be ready to help.
How can I deal with anger or violent behavior?

Your family member may feel angry about many things. Anger is a normal reaction to trauma, but it can hurt relationships and make it hard to think clearly. Anger also can be frightening.
If anger leads to violent behavior or abuse, it’s dangerous. Go to a safe place and call for help right away. Make sure children are in a safe place as well.
It’s hard to talk to someone who is angry. One thing you can do is set up a time-out system. This helps you find a way to talk even while angry. Here’s one way to do this.
Agree that either of you can call a time-out at any time.
Agree that when someone calls a time-out, the discussion must stop right then.
Decide on a signal you will use to call a time-out. The signal can be a word that you say or a hand signal.
Agree to tell each other where you will be and what you will be doing during the time-out. Tell each other what time you will come back.
While you are taking a time-out, don’t focus on how angry you feel. Instead, think calmly about how you will talk things over and solve the problem.
After you come back

Take turns talking about solutions to the problem. Listen without interrupting.
Use statements starting with “I,” such as “I think” or “I feel.” Using “you” statements can sound accusing.
Be open to each other’s ideas. Don’t criticize each other.
Focus on things you both think will work. It’s likely you will both have good ideas.
Together, agree which solutions you will use.
How can I communicate better?

You and your family may have trouble talking about feelings, worries, and everyday problems. Here are some ways to communicate better:
Be clear and to the point.
Be positive. Blame and negative talk won’t help the situation.
Be a good listener. Don’t argue or interrupt. Repeat what you hear to make sure you understand, and ask questions if you need to know more.
Put your feelings into words. Your loved one may not know you are sad or frustrated unless you are clear about your feelings.
Help your family member put feelings into words. Ask, “Are you feeling angry? Sad? Worried?”
Ask how you can help.
Don’t give advice unless you are asked.
If your family is having a lot of trouble talking things over, consider trying family therapy. Family therapy is a type of counseling that involves your whole family. A therapist helps you and your family communicate, maintain good relationships, and cope with tough emotions.
During therapy, each person can talk about how a problem is affecting the family. Family therapy can help family members understand and cope with PTSD.
Your health professional or a religious or social services organization can help you find a family therapist who specializes in PTSD.
How can I take care of myself?

Helping a person with PTSD can be hard on you. You may have your own feelings of fear and anger about the trauma. You may feel guilty because you wish your family member would just forget his or her problems and get on with life. You may feel confused or frustrated because your loved one has changed, and you may worry that your family life will never get back to normal.
All of this can drain you. It can affect your health and make it hard for you to help your loved one. If you’re not careful, you may get sick yourself, become depressed, or burn out and stop helping your loved one.
To help yourself, you need to take care of yourself and have other people help you.
Care for yourself

Don’t feel guilty or feel that you have to know it all. Remind yourself that nobody has all the answers. It’s normal to feel helpless at times.
Don’t feel bad if things change slowly. You cannot change anyone. People have to change themselves.
Take care of your physical and mental health. If you feel yourself getting sick or often feel sad and hopeless, see your doctor.
Don’t give up your outside life. Make time for activities and hobbies you enjoy. Continue to see your friends.
Take time to be by yourself. Find a quiet place to gather your thoughts and “recharge.”
Get regular exercise, even just a few minutes a day. Exercise is a healthy way to deal with stress.
Eat healthy foods. When you are busy, it may seem easier to eat fast food than to prepare healthy meals. But healthy foods will give you more energy to carry you through the day.
Remember the good things. It’s easy to get weighed down by worry and stress. But don’t forget to see and celebrate the good things that happen to you and your family.
Get help

During difficult times, it is important to have people in your life who you can depend on. These people are your support network. They can help you with everyday jobs, like taking a child to school, or by giving you love and understanding.
You may get support from:
Family members
Friends, coworkers, and neighbors
Members of your religious or spiritual group
Support groups
Doctors and other health professionals

source: http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/helping-family-member.asp

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What NOT to Say to Someone With Panic Disorder

By 

Imagine this: you’re allergic to cats. You’ve just been exposed to cat dander and your eyes are a soggy, drippy red mess. You sneeze uncontrollably multiple times in a row. Your skin becomes itchy, red, and full of welts. You’re feeling pretty miserable.

A friend walks up to you.

“Hey, no worries,” he exclaims casually, “there’s nothing to be allergic to!”

Uh, what?

“Sure there is — I’m allergic to cats,” you’d probably say.

“Nah,” says your friend, “just stop sneezing. You’ll be okay.”

“What?! I can’t just STOP sneezing on a dime,” you retort.

“Sure you can. There’s nothing wrong with you,” he insists.

“Uhm, care to explain these welts, then? And the red eyes? And the sneezing?!”

Sounds frustrating, doesn’t it? If you suffer from allergies, you know that a reaction to an allergen can produce a truly miserable day. And while panic disorder is no allergy, it produces its own unique brand of misery, too.

And that misery can be compounded by how others react to a panic attack. Hopefully, no one would ever tell an allergy sufferer to “just stop sneezing” or to “make those welts go away.” It would be ineffective and frustrating advice.

However, as a panic sufferer myself, I’ve received a lot of ineffective and frustrating advice over the past few years. Most of it is delivered sincerely, with the absolute best of intentions, from people whom I care about. So, it often hurts to let these people know that their advice isn’t helping (and perhaps is even making the panic attack worse!). It’s not easy. If you haven’t yet developed a thick enough skin to ignore the below advice (I sure haven’t!), please share the below tips with family and friends who care about you.

This post was inspired by this list of things you shouldn’t say to someone who is depressed.

You say: “Just calm down.”
We want to say: “Okay, HOW!?”

Let’s pick this one apart piece by piece. “Just” implies that the act of calming down is a simple one. It’s not. For someone in the midst of panic, calming down can be an extraordinarily difficult task. For you, it might be effortless; for those of us with panic disorder, it might involve medication, breathing exercises, distraction, rituals, positive self-talk and reassurance, and/or time.

The “calm down” part is also problematic in and of itself. If you don’t have any tools, you can’t build a house, right? Unless you can construct some tools from thin air, you’re out of luck. Likewise, if we don’t have any tools or techniques (like the breathing exercises mentioned above) that can help us to become calmer, we can’t “build” anything. We can’t construct a ladder that will allow us to climb our way out of a panic attack. And, the added stress of being unable to comply with a “calm down” request might compound our anxiety.

Better response: Can I help you calm down? Is there anything I can do?

You say: “Why can’t you just relax?”
We want to say: “It’s a bit more complicated than you think!”

During a panic attack, the following physiological changes can occur:

* increased heart rate
* adrenaline rushes
* shortness of breath
* lightheadedness
* heart palpitations
* nausea
* trembling/shaking
* numbing or tingling in hands/feet

It’s like trying to relax while you’re being chased by a wild animal. Or while you’re frantically trying to find your way out of a burning building. Put simply, our panic-filled bodies aren’t capable of turning off the fight-or-flight impulse on cue. We’re not equipped with a switch. Even a steadfast resolve to relax will probably only incite further frustration over the fact that our body is going haywire.

True story: during my very first biofeedback session, the practitioner hooked me up to a computer that measures anxiety via skin conductance (read: sweat), hand temperature, heart rate, and breathing rate. As soon as she said, “Okay, now try to relax!”, my anxiety level (as measured objectively by a computer) surged upward. This is common!

Better response: I’m here for you. What can I do to help you relax?

You say: “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
We want to say: “Oh yeah? Then why does it feel like I’m going to have a (insert-severe medical-condition-here)?”

Classic line, often delivered by well-intentioned close friends, family, and significant others. Sometimes, this sentiment could be helpful — but only if we’re fretting over the “Is this just panic, or is it a heart attack or a stroke!?” question. Otherwise, it’s usually an unhelpful phrase that makes us want to yell, “Yes! There IS something wrong with me at the moment! I’m panicking, and it’s terrifyingly uncomfortable! THAT is what’s wrong!”

Better response: This must be uncomfortable. Can I do anything to make it better?

You say: “Sit down.”
We want to say: “But sitting down makes me more anxious!”

Usually, sitting down is a relaxing activity. We sit down to eat, to watch television, and to read a good book — and all of those events are generally agreeable and soothing. However, merely assuming a seated position isn’t going to act as a panacea.

The panic response sends a rush of adrenaline into our bloodstream that compels us to either fight or flee. It makes us feel like we need to be hypervigilant in order to ensure our survival. If you were really being chased by a wild animal, for example, sitting down would do you no good. That’s why the impulse to stand upright and stay alert is so strong. Leave this one up to the panicker: if we feel more comfortable sitting down, help us to find a safe spot. If we need to pace or go for a walk in order to calm down, let us.

You say: “You’re overreacting!”
We want to say: “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”

While it may be true that our body and mind are in overdrive, we often feel like we cannot control these reactions. In the midst of a rapid heartbeat, a cascading series of negative thoughts, and an intense urge to escape, having someone inform us that we’re overreacting is not helpful. We’re often aware that our body and mind are overreacting, but we may not yet possess the skills to disengage our frantic nervous system.

Better response: If you want, I’ll wait here with you until this passes.

Even though the above statements aren’t helpful to hear during a panic attack, some might be more appropriate after the threat of imminent panic has passed. If you know someone with panic disorder and want to be a great support person for them, check out this guide.

If you’ve ever had a panic attack, what’s the most unhelpful thing you’ve heard from someone who is trying to help? Share your thoughts in the comments or find me on Twitter @summerberetsky.

Stay tuned for the second half of this list — based on your comments — later in the week.

Source: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/09/07/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-panic-disorder/

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PTSD: 5 Rules to Help a Friend

by Suzanne Grosser

Someone you love has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD sufferers need help. You want to help them. I warn you, it won’t be easy. If you care enough about them to read this page, they are lucky to have you. But don’t expect them to realize that for a long time.

Rule #1: Do not take her behavior personally.
This is not about you. It is about her fear. It is about her anxiety. It is about her pain. This is her post traumatic stress. It is not about you. Understanding this does not make the problems (or obnoxious behaviors) go away. But it can keep your feelings and your relationship from being hurt unnecessarily by PTSD.

Post traumatic stress disorder is an illness. Once you accept this, you can treat PTSD like any other disease. If she had the flu, you wouldn’t expect her to be all cheerful and chatty. You would bring her a box of tissues and some orange juice. You’d keep her company if that’s what she wanted. You’d let her rest, if she wanted to be alone. Either way, you would not take it personally.

You would encourage your friend to get treatment. She needs it, but she may resist it.

Rule #2: Set boundaries
Do not under any circumstances tolerate unacceptable behavior.

Do not tolerate abuse of any kind. You are not a punching bag or a target for degrading insults. You do not deserve that and you will not help your friend that way either. If he hits you, leave. If you stay, you will only endanger yourself and you will give him one more thing to hate himself for, later. Don’t do it.

Do not do everything for him. I can not tell you where the line between helping a friend and being co-dependent is – but your gut will tell you. Give as much as feels right to you. Do not accept the guilt trip you will be handed when you refuse to give everything. Do not feel guilty for having a life outside of his problems. Someday he will join you there. But he’s not ready yet.

Rule #3: Do not expect much in return.
Right now, he doesn’t have much to offer. He’s struggling to get through the day without losing his temper, or drinking too much. He’s doing good if he can get to his doctor appointments and take his medications properly.

You will need your own support network, because he’s got all he can handle to take care of himself. PTSD is taking all his energy to cope with. You will be putting more into this relationship than you will get back out, at least for awhile. He may occasionally acknowledge some of what you do for him. Accept that as the precious gift that it is. It is a sign of his healing. Right now, it is all he has to give.

Rule #4: Do not judge.
She needs to talk abut it. It sucks to hear about it. Try to remember that living through it was worse. Now, because of PTSD, she is going over and over it in her mind. Reliving the horror everyday. This is what is making her sick. This is the poison that is eating away at her. Telling someone is like washing out a infected cut. It stings, it burns, it grosses out people, but it is the only way to get rid of the poison.

Her greatest need is to tell what happened. Her greatest fear is that if she tells, she will lose your love. You probably won’t understand what it was like and she may have done things you both know are wrong. She is afraid of being judged. She has already lost a big part of herself to this trauma. She can’t stand to lose you, too. And if she tells, maybe she will.

It will take a great deal of courage for her to talk about her trauma. So please listen, and don’t judge her. She is still the person you used to know. But she has been hurt, big time, and she is trying to piece her life back together. In time, she will see her actions clearly and make amends if necessary. But right now, she needs to tell someone and not be rejected for the telling. Here are some tips to help you listen to her story.

Rule #5: Have fun.
This is absolutely impossible when you are dealing with PTSD – and absolutely essential. You’ll just have to figure it out. He won’t want to, but maybe he will do it to humor you. He would rather wallow in his pain, but you’re not going to allow that. He is stuck and you can intend to help him get unstuck.

Watch a silly movie together. Gather some friends and play board games. Practice blowing soap bubbles. Buy one of those giant soap bubble rings and see if you can get it to work. Go for a walk and jump into, not over, the puddles. Eat watermelon, and have a seed spitting contest. If it’s the wrong time of year for watermelon, build a snowman instead.

Remind him of good times before his trauma and PTSD – look at your high school yearbook or old family pictures. Laugh together. Laughter is healing. So is your love.
source: http://www.heal-post-traumatic-stress.com/help-PTSD-sufferer.html

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Relationships and PTSD

How does trauma affect relationships?

Trauma survivors with PTSD may have trouble with their close family relationships or friendships. The symptoms of PTSD can cause problems with trust, closeness, communication, and problem solving. These problems may affect the way the survivor acts with others. In turn, the way a loved one responds to him or her affects the trauma survivor. A circular pattern can develop that may sometimes harm relationships.
How might trauma survivors react?

In the first weeks and months following a trauma, survivors may feel angry, detached, tense or worried in their relationships. In time, most are able to resume their prior level of closeness in relationships. Yet the 5% to 10% of survivors who develop PTSD may have lasting relationship problems.
Survivors with PTSD may feel distant from others and feel numb. They may have less interest in social or sexual activities. Because survivors feel irritable, on guard, jumpy, worried, or nervous, they may not be able to relax or be intimate. They may also feel an increased need to protect their loved ones. They may come across as tense or demanding.
The trauma survivor may often have trauma memories or flashbacks. He or she might go to great lengths to avoid such memories. Survivors may avoid any activity that could trigger a memory. If the survivor has trouble sleeping or has nightmares, both the survivor and partner may not be able to get enough rest. This may make sleeping together harder.
Survivors often struggle with intense anger and impulses. In order to suppress angry feelings and actions, they may avoid closeness. They may push away or find fault with loved ones and friends. Also, drinking and drug problems, which can be an attempt to cope with PTSD, can destroy intimacy and friendships. Verbal or physical violence can occur.
In other cases, survivors may depend too much on their partners, family members, and friends. This could also include support persons such as health care providers or therapists.
Dealing with these symptoms can take up a lot of the survivor’s attention. He or she may not be able to focus on the partner. It may be hard to listen carefully and make decisions together with someone else. Partners may come to feel that talking together and working as a team are not possible.
How might loved ones react?

Partners, friends, or family members may feel hurt, cut off, or down because the survivor has not been able to get over the trauma. Loved ones may become angry or distant toward the survivor. They may feel pressured, tense, and controlled. The survivor’s symptoms can make a loved one feel like he or she is living in a war zone or in constant threat of danger. Living with someone who has PTSD can sometimes lead the partner to have some of the same feelings of having been through trauma.
In sum, a person who goes through a trauma may have certain common reactions. These reactions affect the people around the survivor. Family, friends, and others then react to how the survivor is behaving. This in turn comes back to affect the person who went through the trauma.
Trauma types and relationships

Certain types of “man-made” traumas can have a more severe effect on relationships. These traumas include:
Childhood sexual and physical abuse
Rape
Domestic violence
Combat
Terrorism
Genocide
Torture
Kidnapping
Prisoner of war
Survivors of man-made traumas often feel a lasting sense of terror, horror, endangerment, and betrayal. These feelings affect how they relate to others. They may feel like they are letting down their guard if they get close to someone else and trust them. This is not to say a survivor never feels a strong bond of love or friendship. However, a close relationship can also feel scary or dangerous to a trauma survivor.
Do all trauma survivors have relationship problems?

Many trauma survivors do not develop PTSD. Also, many people with PTSD do not have relationship problems. People with PTSD can create and maintain good relationships by:
Building a personal support network to help cope with PTSD while working on family and friend relationships
Sharing feelings honestly and openly, with respect and compassion
Building skills at problem solving and connecting with others
Including ways to play, be creative, relax, and enjoy others
What can be done to help someone who has PTSD?

Relations with others are very important for trauma survivors. Social support is one of the best things to protect against getting PTSD. Relationships can offset feelings of being alone. Relationships may also help the survivor’s self-esteem. This may help reduce depression and guilt. A relationship can also give the survivor a way to help someone else. Helping others can reduce feelings of failure or feeling cut off from others. Lastly, relationships are a source of support when coping with stress.
If you need to seek professional help, try to find a therapist who has skills in treating PTSD as well as working with couples or families. For resources, please see our Where to Get Help for PTSD page.
Many treatment approaches may be helpful for dealing with relationship issues. Options include:
One-to-one and group therapy
Anger and stress management
Assertiveness training
Couples counseling
Family education classes
Family therapy

aource: http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/ptsd-and-relationships.asp

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The weakest among us has a gift, however seemingly trivial, which is peculiar to him, and which worthily used, will be a gift also to hus race.

~Ruskin

Never scoff at another’s weakness or try to cover your own. Instead, encourage others and hold your weakness up to the world where it is in the open and can be healed.

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Now let’s take a look at the Passive Aggressive personality. I’m sure once you read how the passive aggressive personality operates, you can see why it would be an exceedingly unhealthy situation for a P.T.S.D sufferer to try to live in close quarters with someone who has passive aggressive tendencies.

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Relationships: Passive-Aggressive Men, Who Are They Hurting?

He Hurts Everyone in His Path, Including Himself

Their the men who seem so nice, and trustworthy. They don’t hurt you out in the open, but in a very subtle way, you may not even be aware of. Just the same, they can hurt the people they say they care about the most.
A passive-aggressive man usually grows up in a household which may have a parent who is either passive-aggressive, or overbearing and controlling. If he really has bad luck, he may grow up with both. Many marriages consist of individuals who are opposites, or fill an area for the other person they may be lacking in. It’s an unspoken deal so to speak, you be the passive one, and I’ll be the overbearing one. As the boys are growing up, somewhere along the way they choose to either identify with one parent or the other. If they see the overbearing and controlling parent as scary, they may come to believe they do not want to be like that parent, and go the other way. If they see the passive parent as weak and wimpy, they may choose to be like the overbearing and controlling parent. What I’m going to write about is the passive-aggressive man. When the boy decides to be weak, unassuming, and afraid to stand up for himself. Ergo, he asserts himself in passive aggressive ways. This ends up hurting allot of the people he truly cares for.

The passive aggressive man is very often seen as the nice guy that would do anything for anybody. He never says “NO”, at least not out loud, to any request anyone makes of him. He is often everybody’s token doormat. What most people don’t know is there’s a volcano ready to erupt inside this man. He is too afraid to speak up and tell you what he thinks. Therefore, he goes about his life sneaking around doing things he doesn’t want anybody to know about., getting back at people in ways that have nothing much to do with why he’s really mad, and not standing up to the person, or persons, he needs too. He then ends up hurting those he cares about, and puts them in the line of fire.

Often times when he gets into a relationship, or married, he ends up choosing very strong, overbearing, controlling women. Remember, what I said, people often pick the opposite of themselves, and then it gets them off the hook for ever having to learn how to be strong, and assertive themselves. This is where the problem begins. Because he has chosen to be with this Witch on Wheels, he can never directly confront her with ANYHING. He is too scared. This ends up effecting friends, other family members, and anyone involved with this type of man. You can be this man’s very best friend and if Mrs. Wonderful objects, you’re a goner. Oh, he will keep you as a friend, probably, but it will most definitely be behind his partners back. You will be stuck in drama world, with a half-assed friendship. You can never call him at home when you need to, he hides your e-mails, and you cannot spend anytime with your so-called friend, unless you’re very, very careful. You will always be walking on eggshells. It’s almost like your having an affair with him, without the benefits. This ends up hurting his friends, because his friendships are dictated by her. This is the so-called passive part of his problem

The aggressive part of this disorder ends up not only hurting him, but the woman he is with. No matter how mad he gets at her, he is NOT going to stand up for himself, or tell her how he feels. He is too scared to say a word. What this man will do, is while being the all-loving nice guy and doing the housecleaning, his woman’s favorite figurine might just accidentally get broken. He will sneak behind her back, to see other women, friends, and to do things he especially knows would make her angry. It’s the only way he knows how to stand up for himself. You can imagine how damaging to a relationship this can be. It can go so far, their relationship ends forever. Unfortunately, because he does all these things in private, it may be along time, if ever, when she figures it out. She really does believe he will always be the nice doormat she fell in love with. This definitely works to his benefit.

Last but not least, this seriously hurts the man who is passive-aggressive, more than anyone else. He never learns to assert himself, and never develops the self-esteem to say, “this is who I am”, out loud. Although he feels some momentary exhilaration when getting back at someone, he also feels deep shame, that he is not being a real man. He can suffer with depression at times, wondering who he is, and will anyone ever really know him. He is stuck in limbo. He’s afraid to be who he wants to be for fear of losing the woman he loves. At the same time, he’s not even sure why he loves her anyway. After all, isn’t she just there to make up for his inability to do for himself? That may just be the case.

Although most of the time the passive- aggressive man appears to be a quiet, nice, helpful, boy scout kind of guy, he truly is a very hurtful person. He hurts his friends, his partner, his family, and anyone else on his, quietly, secret, destructive path. This is a very serious disorder, and any chance of change, will have to come with allot of counseling, and allot of work on his part. However change is very hard. The longer this man has been this way, the longer it will take to recover. There is also the possibility he may not want to change. Like good old Dr. Phil says, people do what they do because there is some kind of payoff they’re getting out of that particular behavior. Whatever his choice, to change, or not to change, this can be one of the most difficult type of men to live with. That’s if you ever really know in the first place!

source: http://voices.yahoo.com/relationships-passive-aggressive-men-they-317967.html

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10 Common Passive Aggressive Phrases to Avoid

Have you heard (or spoken!) any of these phrases lately?

Published on November 23, 2010 by Signe Whitson, L.S.W. in Passive Aggressive Diaries

Is there someone in your life who consistently makes you feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster? Do you know a person who is friendly one day but sulks and withdraws the next? Does a family member or friend consistently procrastinate, postpone, stall, and shut down any emotionally-laden conversations? Are you sometimes that person? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, chances are you may be interacting with a passive aggressive person or showing signs of passive-aggressive behavior yourself.

In The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces, 2nd ed., passive aggression is defined as a deliberate and masked way of expressing covert feelings of anger (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008). It involves a range of behaviors designed to get back at another person without him recognizing the underlying anger. These ten common passive aggressive phrases can serve as an early-warning system for you, helping you recognize hidden hostility when it is being directed your way:

1. “I’m Not Mad.”

Denying feelings of anger is classic passive aggressive behavior. Rather than being upfront and honest when questioned about his feelings, the passive aggressive person insists, “I’m not mad” even when he is seething on the inside.

2. “Fine.” “Whatever.”

Sulking and withdrawing from arguments are primary strategies of the passive aggressive person. Since passive aggression is motivated by a person’s belief that expressing anger directly will only make his life worse (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008), the passive aggressive person uses phrases like “Fine” and “Whatever” to express anger indirectly and to shut down direct, emotionally honest communication.

3. “I’m Coming!”

Passive aggressive persons are known for verbally complying with a request, but behaviorally delaying its completion. If whenever you ask your child to clean his room, he cheerfully says, “Okay, I’m coming,” but then fails to show up to complete the chore, chances are he is practicing the fine passive aggressive art of temporary compliance.

4. “I Didn’t Know You Meant Now.”

On a related note, passive aggressive persons are master procrastinators. While all of us like to put off unpleasant tasks from time to time, people with passive aggressive personalities rely on procrastination as a way of frustrating others and/or getting out of certain chores without having to directly refuse them.

5. “You Just Want Everything to be Perfect.”

When procrastination is not an option, a more sophisticated passive aggressive strategy is to carry out tasks in a timely, but unacceptable manner. For example:

A student hands in sloppy homework
A husband prepares a well-done steak for his wife, though he knows she prefers to eat steak rare
An employee dramatically overspends his budget on an important project
In all of these instances, the passive aggressive person complies with a particular request, but carries it out in an intentionally inefficient way. When confronted, he defends his work, counter-accusing others of having rigid or perfectionist standards.

6. “I Thought You Knew.”

Sometimes, the perfect passive aggressive crime has to do with omission. Passive aggressive persons may express their anger covertly by choosing not to share information when it could prevent a problem. By claiming ignorance, the person defends his inaction, while taking pleasure in his foe’s trouble and anguish.

7. “Sure, I’d be Happy To.”

Have you ever been in a customer service situation where a seemingly concerned clerk or super-polite phone operator assures you that your problem will be solved. On the surface, the representative is cooperative, but beware of his angry smile; behind the scenes, he is filing your request in the trash and stamping your paperwork with “DENY.”

8. “You’ve Done so Well for Someone with Your Education Level.”

The backhanded compliment is the ultimate socially acceptable means by which the passive aggressive person insults you to your core. If anyone has ever told you, “Don’t worry-you can still get braces even at your age” or “There are a lot of men out there who like plump women,” chances are you know how much “joy” a passive aggressive compliment can bring.

9. “I Was Only Joking”

Like backhanded compliments, sarcasm is a common tool of a passive aggressive person who expresses his hostility aloud, but in socially acceptable, indirect ways. If you show that you are offended by biting, passive aggressive sarcasm, the hostile joke teller plays up his role as victim, asking, “Can’t you take a joke?”

10. “Why Are You Getting So Upset?”

The passive aggressive person is a master at maintaining his calm and feigning shock when others, worn down by his indirect hostility, blow up in anger. In fact, he takes pleasure out of setting others up to lose their cool and then questioning their “overreactions.”

Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201011/10-common-passive-aggressive-phrases-avoid

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The Passive Aggressive Man: He’s All About Control

Who is the passive aggressive man? Identify him and run for the hills.
If you’ve been in a relationship with him, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t be on the look-out because chances are you will cross paths with a passive aggressive man.

Who is the passive aggressive man? He is that guy who avoids responsibility and conflict through passivity and withdrawal. He is the “Nice Guy” who reels you in with his adoration and once you are in the game he turns the tables so quickly your head will swim until you decide to take a hike. Do You See His Potential or Who He REALLY Is?
More from YourTango: 11 Foolproof Pickup Lines To Score A New BFF

The Passive Aggressive Man…
1. Withholds to Punish: He says one thing but means another. Sure, he wants to go to a movie. He even appears to enjoy himself until later that night when he rejects you sexually. You see, he didn’t want to go to a movie but, his passivity would not allow him to own it. His fear of conflict means punishing you in covert ways for something you “made” him do. What better way to punish than withhold something he knows you want?

2. Fears Conflict: He will do anything to keep from arguing with you. He has been taught that anger is unacceptable. Well, expressing anger in an open, honest way is unacceptable and not something you will get from this guy. What you will get is a relationship with a man who avoids solving relationship problems, avoids taking responsibility for problems in the relationship and most importantly avoids making an intimate connection with you.

3. Plays The Victim: This poor guy can’t win for losing, in his mind anyway. He will not show for a dinner date but find it unreasonable that you are upset. It is after, all his bosses fault for making him work late. He could have picked his cell phone up and called but calling isn’t nearly as pleasurable as letting you sit and wait. You waiting on him gets his angries out at you. He gets to punish you and blame his boss…he is off the hook, a “good guy” who is the victim of an unreasonable woman who expects too much from him.

4. Is Forgetful: He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, anything important to you will be forgotten by him. My ex used to forget he needed something from me until the last minute. If there was a social event related to his work, I would get notice the day before. I spent a lot of time running around trying to prepare from something in a few hours that would normally take days.

5. Is Afraid of You: They want you but they don’t want to become attached to you! He is in a constant battle with himself to pursue then distance himself. According to Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The Passive Aggressive Man. The passive aggressive man is “unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn’t depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support.”

You have a lot of anger toward the passive aggressive man you are involved with. You just can’t figure out exactly what you are angry about. He is sweet, kind and loving. He never argues, does exactly what you wish. There must be something wrong with you or such a good man would want to have sex with you, remember your birthday, put effort into solving the problems in the relationship or just show up on time every once in a while. How Do You Manage Red Brain Anger?

And that is the trap women who are involved with passive aggressive men fall into, they become responsible for all that is wrong in the relationship. He keeps you hanging in by doing for you when he doesn’t want to, by never arguing, by being such a nice guy. All those puzzling behaviors that send the opposite message than the other negative behaviors send.

More from YourTango: Get Ready To Rumble! Pro Wrestlers Who Hooked Up Outside The Ring

That is why they call it “crazy making” behavior. The passive aggressive man is very good at appearing to be calm, cool and collected while you are going off the deep end. It isn’t his intent to frustrate, offend or cause you to feel guilty. He truly does only want to help.

The only issue, the kind of help he has to offer comes with a price. He has expectations he is unable to openly express and when you don’t meet those expectations you get resentment and covert punishment in return. And, you should never expect your expectations to be met, not even when you’ve expressed them in a clear, easy to understand fashion.

Want a relationship with a passive aggressive man to last? Become a mind reader and keep your expectations low.

source: http://www.yourtango.com/201063805/passive-aggressive-man-hes-all-about-control

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The Passive Aggressive

There are many childhood set ups for this way of coping but most often there is a domineering mother and a father who is ineffectual. There are power struggles in the marriage with one parent backing off and withdrawing. The boy feels trapped between choosing loyalties at home. He is afraid to compete with his father who is absent either physically or emotionally or perceived as being inadequate. In the typical mother dominant-father passive relationship, the boy learns that the job of being a man in relationship is to escape the woman’s needs and subsequent demands.

The young boy is not allowed to express his feelings and develop a sense of self. He wants his mother’s attention and care yet he resents her continual intrusion. His anger grows but he cannot express it so it becomes submerged and is expressed in an unconscious ‘You can’t tell me what to do.’ He is not allowed to get his way by direct confrontation and competition so he learns to displace his anger through resistance. He learns to use charm, stubbornness, resistance and withdrawal to protect himself in power struggles. He rebels by becoming moody, being an underachiever or developing behavior problems. His self protectiveness and duplicity from the squelched anger and hostility becomes a habit that he plays out with other women he meets. He desperately seeks a woman to meet his needs of being accepted for who he is, but puts her off with small, continual acts of rebellion. He replays the distancing drama of his original family in the relationship.

The man with passive aggressive behavior needs someone to be the object of his hidden hostility. He needs an adversary whose expectations and demands he can resist as he plays out the dance he learned from his parents. He chooses a woman who will agree to be on the receiving end of his disowned anger. He resists her in small ways setting up a pattern of frustration so that she gets to express the anger that he cannot.

The biggest irritant in being with a passive aggressive man is that he doesn’t follow through on his agreements and promises. He dodges responsibility while insisting he’s pulling his weight. He often ignores reality as to his irresponsibility and withdrawal. He denies evidence, distorts minimalizes or lies to make his version of reality seem logical.

He uses vague language to sandbag the partner. Inconsistency and ambiguity are his tools of choice. He withholds information and has a hidden agenda. He can’t take criticism and makes excuses to get himself off the hook. He sulks and uses silence when confronted about his inability to live up to his promises, obligations or responsibilities. When he doesn’t follow through, he puts the blame on his partner so he doesn’t have to take it and accuses her of having the problem.

The man with this type of pattern shows little consideration of the time, feelings, standards or needs of others. He obstructs and block progress to others getting what they want and then ignores or minimalizes their dissatisfactions and anger. He is silent when confronted as he has never learned to compromise. He may be a workaholic, a womanizer, hooked on TV, caught in addictions or self-involved hobbies.

He may have multiple relationships with women as a way of keeping distant from one fully committed relationship. He is confused about which woman he wants and stays caught between the two women in his life not being able to commit fully to either. He is confused and can’t understand why the women get so angry with him. He feels others demand too much of him so resists in overt and subtle ways and feels deprived if he must give in to others. The man who copes with conflict by not being there has strong conflict over dependency. He desperately wants attention but fears being swallowed up by the partner. He can’t be alone and live without a woman in his life, but can’t be with a partner emotionally. He’s caught in a Catch 22–wanting affection but avoiding it because he fears it as his destruction. He resents feeling dependent on the woman so must keep her off guard. He makes his partner feel like a nothing through his neglect or irritability but he keeps her around because he needs her. His script is ‘Be here for me, but don’t come too close and don’t burden me with your needs or expectations.’

He has such strong fears of intimacy deep in his unconscious mind so he must set barriers up to prevent a deep emotional connection. He is clever at derailing intimacy when it comes up by tuning out his partner and changing the subject. He must withhold part of himself to feel safe and may withdraw sexually. Closeness and intimacy during sex may make him feel vulnerable and panicked bringing forth his deepest fears of dependency upon a woman. The passive aggressive man lives an internal loneliness; he wants to be with the woman but stays confused whether she is the right partner for him or not. He is scared and insecure causing him to seek contact with a partner but scared and insecure to fully commit.

Due to the wounding from childhood, he is unable to trust that he is safe within the relationship. He fears revealing himself and can’t share feelings. His refusal to express feelings keeps him from experiencing his sense of insecurity and vulnerability. He often denies feelings like love that might trap him into true connection with another human being. He feels rejected and hurt when things don’t go his way but can’t distinguish between feeling rejected and being rejected. He pushes people away first so he won’t be rejected. He is often irritable and uses low-level hostility to create distance at home. The relationship becomes based on keeping the partner at bay. He often sets up experiences to get others to reject or deprive him. He is noncommittal and retreats, feeling put upon and burdened by partner’s requests for more closeness. He becomes a cave dweller to feel safe.

The man with passive aggressive actions is a master in getting his partner to doubt herself and feel guilty for questioning or confronting him. He encourages her to fall for his apologies, accept his excuses and focus on his charm rather than deal with the issue directly. He blames her for creating the problem and keeps her focused on her anger rather than his own ineptitude. When backed into a corner, he may explode and switch to aggressiveaggressive behavior then switch back to passivity. He keeps his partner held hostage by the hope that he will change. He may appease her and clean up his act after a blow up for several weeks, then it’s back to business as usual.

The passive aggressive man is the classic underachiever with a fear of competition in the work place. He cannot take constructive feedback from others. His fear of criticism, not following through and his inability to see his part in any conflict keeps him from advancing on the job.

You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs. They care for you the way they care for a favorite pair of slippers or an old easy-chair. You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you fill their needs. The sad thing is, they can sweet talk you, know all the right things to say, to make you believe that you are loved and adored by a someone who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.

If forced to deal with the problems you’re having due to their behavior, they will completely withdraw from the relationship and you. They will almost never admit that they were wrong no matter how much evidence you show. They have their own version of reality and will work at making your view distorted.

While most men are having sex with their partner in order to connect more deeply with her, the passive aggressive man withholds sex from his partner in order to keep himself safe and to show her who the boss is. Sex is a weapon to be used, not a way of connecting more emotionally.

These people are usually unaware that the difficulties they encounter in their life are the result of their own behavior. They do not connect their passive resistant behavior to the hostility or resentment other people feel towards them. Dealing with passive aggressive people can be crazymaking. You feel dismissed, shut down, ignored… but in a subtle enough way that you don’t know how to react. At some point, you explode.

He Hurts Everyone in His Path, Including Himself

They’re the men who seem so nice, and trustworthy. They don’t hurt you out in the open, but in a very subtle way, you may not even be aware of. Just the same, they can hurt the people they say they care about the most.

A passive-aggressive man usually grows up in a household which may have a parent who is either passive-aggressive, or overbearing and controlling. If he really has bad luck, he may grow up with both. When the boy decides to be weak, unassuming, and afraid to stand up for himself. Ergo, he asserts himself in passive aggressive ways. This ends up hurting allot of the people he truly cares for.

The passive aggressive man is very often seen as the nice guy that would do anything for anybody. He never says “NO”, at least not out loud, to any request anyone makes of him. He is often everybody’s token doormat. What most people don’t know is there’s a volcano ready to erupt inside this man. He is too afraid to speak up and tell you what he thinks. Therefore, he goes about his life sneaking around doing things he doesn’t want anybody to know about, getting back at people in ways that have nothing much to do with why he’s really mad, and not standing up to the person, or persons, he needs too. He then ends up hurting those he cares about.

Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger in a healthy way. A person’s feelings may be so repressed that they don’t even realize they are angry or feeling resentment. A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior. Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or, are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted about their behavior.

Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors:

They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act. Normally they don’t act until after they’ve caused some kind of stress by their ambiguous way of communicating.

The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by “forgetting.” How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary.

He may never express anger. There are some who are happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable. Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and then sticking it to you in an under-handed way.

The passive aggressive often can’t trust. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you by withholding sex.

Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse? If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it. It is important to him/her that you don’t get your way. He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but, rarely will he/she follow through with giving it. It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel.

The Passive Aggressive and You:

The passive aggressive needs to have a relationship with someone who can be the object of his or her hostility. They need someone whose expectations and demands he/she can resist.

The biggest frustration in being with a passive aggressive is that they never follow through on agreements and promises. He/she will dodge responsibility for anything in the relationship while at the same time making it look as if he/she is pulling his/her own weight and is a very loving partner. The sad thing is, you can be made to believe that you are loved and adored by a person who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.

The passive aggressive ignores problems in the relationship, sees things through their own skewed sense of reality and if forced to deal with the problems will completely withdraw from the relationship and you. They will deny evidence of wrong doing, distort what you know to be real to fit their own agenda, minimize or lie so that their version of what is real seems more logical.

The passive aggressive will say one thing, do another, and then deny ever saying the first thing. The passive aggressive withholds information about how he/she feels, their ego is fragile and can’t take the slightest criticism so why let you know what they are thinking or feeling? God forbid they disclose that information and you criticize them.

Inside the Passive Aggressive:

The passive aggressive has a real desire to connect emotionally but their fear of such a connection causes them to be obstructive and engage in self-destructive habits. He will be covert in his actions and it will only move him further from his desired relationship with you.

The passive aggressive never looks internally and examines their role in a problem. They have to externalize it and blame others for having shortcomings. To accept that he has flaws would be tantamount to emotional self-destruction. They live in denial of their self-destructive behaviors, the consequences of those behaviors and the choices they make that cause others so much pain.

The passive aggressive objectifies the object of their desire. You are to be used as a means to an end. Your only value is to feed his own emotional needs. You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs but as an extension of him. You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you fill their needs.

The passive aggressive wants the attention and attachment that comes with loving someone but fears losing his independence and sense of self to his spouse. They want love and attention but avoid it out of fear of it destroying them. You have to be kept at arms length and if there is an emotional attachment it is tenuous at best.

I’m about to fill you in on a little secret. Anger plays a role in passive aggressive behavior. Yep, that passive aggressive spouse that is driving you insane is angry as hell and full of grief. The passive aggressive deals with anger in one of two ways. Either they have no control over their anger or they have problems expressing their anger.

Adults who have no control over their anger and those who have no idea how to express their anger are grieving. They are grieving the loss of something that was rightfully theirs. Their right to entertain themselves regardless of societies or their parent’s beliefs of what was right or wrong. The right to be heard and cared for regardless of how addicted a parent was to alcohol or drugs. They are grieving the right to express love or negative feelings or a desire for parental attention without fear of punishment.

It is about loss, the loss of normal things any child should expect from a parent. Instead of grieving that loss in a normal way, they internalize it and compensate by being overly aggressive or overly passive. The grief shows itself in behaviors that are destructive to themselves and anyone who engages in a relationship with them.

A man who abuses his wife is often motivated by feelings of loss and grief. Feelings that are expressed through rage. Women who emotionally manipulate their husband by withholding affection are motivated by the same feelings of loss and grief.

The aggression or passivity hides their fear of rejection and helplessness when it comes to getting what they need from their spouse. The spouse is left reeling and wondering what he/she did to deserve a slap across the face or the withholding of normal loving affection.

The spouse feels responsible in some way. That is the sneaky thing about living with a passive aggressive individual. They don’t know how to properly express anger but they are geniuses when it comes to shifting the blame and projecting their own bad behavior off onto their spouse.

Next time you are trying to make sense of some nonsensical behavior by your spouse remember you are dealing with a wounded, damaged child. Don’t make excuses for him/her. Don’t take responsibility for their inability to properly express their grief and anger. Understanding why someone acts the way they do does not mean excusing their hurtful actions.

Knowledge is power.

source: http://mailmandelivers.net/passive-aggression/

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Image title: Maiden, Mother, Crone title by: Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer Image by: The Art of Breezy Kiefair source image: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=555469131139767&set=a.151763424843675.27293.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn1%2F603947_555469131139767_1142977912_n.jpg&size=251%2C750 source image description:  Title: Banshee Breezy, Be afraid Title By: Breezy Kiefair Image by: Breezy Kiefair of The Art of Breezy Kiefair

Image title: Maiden, Mother, Crone
title by: Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer
Image by: The Art of Breezy Kiefair
source image: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=555469131139767&set=a.151763424843675.27293.100000300558421&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn1%2F603947_555469131139767_1142977912_n.jpg&size=251%2C750
source image description:
Title: Banshee Breezy, Be afraid
Title By: Breezy Kiefair
Image by: Breezy Kiefair of The Art of Breezy Kiefair

If a passive aggressive personality and a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder sufferer team up for business, romance, or friendship, the likely end result will be a lot of drama and hurt feelings. No matter if the passive aggressive person realizes what they are doing or not is irrelevant. No matter if the passive aggressive is aware or not, they are presenting a veiled threat with their words and behaviors to the P.T.S.D personality. The P.T.S.D. personality cannot help but sense this threat. It primes the P.T.S.D mind for an adrenaline response and begins putting the P.T.S.D. person into hyperarousal or hypervigilance territory. From this place, it truly takes a small stimuli to take the P.T.S.D. personality from primed for action, to a complete adrenaline response/meltdown. The Passive Aggressive person’s tendencies are then to punish the P.T.S.D. personality for their moment of weakness. This punishment will then feed into the P.T.S.D. again creating a cyclical hell that is very difficult to escape. I lived in this passive aggressive/ptsd generated hell from November 2011 until August 2013. I’m just beginning to come out of they cyclical thoughts and hell that being romantically involved with a passive aggressive while I am suffering from P.T.S.D. It is my hope that the research I sought out to understand my own situation may help others on both the passive aggression side and the PTSD side of this equation improve their own experience.

much love, Breezy Kiefair.

Of Pain, Poetry and Pot

I just published a poetry book with amazon.com…..this is the book cover. It is called “Of Pain, Poetry and Pot”

Of Pin, Poetry and Pot cover

Of Pin, Poetry and Pot cover

the electronic edition is still free for one more day folks! Please distribute the following link for people to get their free copy
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FGF8WUY

the paperback edition is out as well.
http://www.amazon.com/…/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_dp_47gssb1B996P0K2N

“Of Pain, poetry, and pot.” Is a collection of cannabis centered poetry in a neobeatnik style. It includes updated versions of Allen Allen Ginsberg – Howls “howl” and “america”, along with an update on “to whom it may concern” by Adrian Mitchell , a cannabis parody of Rifleman’s Creed and many other poems that are all my own. I hope ya grab your free download while it is available and be sure to lend it to your friends (I have enabled book lending on this piece). Yes, I am aware of the odd format in the table of contents. I assure you that is semi-intentional. and please! Share these links around so the pot poetry can be read easily.
another link for the paperback
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1492830399/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_dp_47gssb1B996P0K2N

excerpt:

A bit of Cancer poetry for thought…

To Whom It May Concern
I was run over by the truth one day.
Ever since the diagnosis I have been this way
So burn my body with radiation
Tell me lies about cancer.

Heard the alarm clock screaming with pain,
Couldn’t find myself so I went back to sleep again
So fill my veins with Chemo
burn my body with radiation
Tell me lies about cancer. Every time I shut my eyes, all I see is pain.
Made a little ribbon to remember all the names
So empty out my bank account
fill my veins with chemo
burn my body with radiation
Tell me lies about cancer. I hear they are thinking surgery, hope it’s not my brains.
They’re only gutting fishes for their own personal gain.
So numb my brain with Morphine
empty out my bank  account
fill my veins with chemo
burn my body with radiation
Tell me lies about cancer. Where were you at the time of the crime?
Ripping up the Hippocratic oath, just to make a dime?
So chain my Life with hopelessness
numb my brain with Morphine
empty out my bank account
fill my veins with chemo
burn my body with radiation
Tell me lies about cancer

You put your doctors in, they take their conscience out,
They take the human being and they twist it all about
So take my world away
chain my Life with hopelessness
numb my brain with Morphine
empty out my bank account
fill my veins with chemo
burn my body with radiation
Tell me lies about cancer– 

Adrian Mitchell’s structure.

Words by The Art of Breezy Kiefair

There is a cure for cancer…

how many beautiful women and men need to be butchered

because doctors want to run from the cure

for the sake of monetary gain?

 

DIY Cannabis Cure oil healing: The tale of Wren

view on youtube http://youtu.be/X2h5s5uidTQ

IN 32 DAYS

Figure 1 Day 1

Figure 1 Day 1

Figure 2 Day 14

Figure 2 Day 14 there are a couple more on the top of my head and I am hoping they too are looking better.

Figure 3 Day 21

Figure 3 Day 21

Figure 4 Day 32 Thank you so much for being here to see this with me.

Figure 4 Day 32

Thank you so much for being here to see this with me.

A CANNABIS OIL SUCCESS STORY a 60 day journey back to living.

wren on pills

This was me on 3 fists full of prescription meds per day. Yes, I needed to take meds just to take their meds and I had gained nearly 100 pounds for no other reason than all those drugs. I the span of seven years, they had prescribed 72 different drugs. Seemed that every time I went in for a check up, they diagnosed me with another thing and handed me a bottle of pills. UGH!

wren a year and a half after

This was taken about a year and a half after the adverse reaction to a SAFE med that was to curb nausea. My body has been twisted in several locations and much of my days were spent in a chair. The pain levels have been excruciating and relentless due to acquired Tardive Dyskenisia/Dystonia, http://www.tardivedyskinesia.com/

http://www.tardivedyskinesia.com/common-associations/Dystonia/symptoms.php

I fought with vertigo while sitting still on a daily basis, Often, the right side of my face felt as though bugs were crawling on it but the feeling was only the muscles in my face rippling. As with Tardive Dyskenisia?Dystonia, my swallowing was not always possible, even liquids were choking hazards. The abnormal facial movements loosened up all my teeth causing a few years of infections and extractions., 2 by 6 they came out I lost 98 pounds, Before that drug, I had been using cannabis in smoked form to curb nausea and give me an appetite for years. The only reason I stopped cannabis was so that I could attend college and be a law abiding person

Where there is a pulse, there is hope

.After the onset of these problems I had torso tics, turrets like symptoms and often speech problems, stuttering and low ruff growly voice. Words were forced out like dried ole boots. To sign my name without ripping the paper was not an option. Having all this grief brought on by the American Medical System, I was scared stiff about going back to be doctored but I did for awhile. I needed to find out what the hell they did to me. As for accepting any more of their medicine, I went home to rot on my own. My heart that was once strong started a long iffy streak in me, not knowing if I would wake up, and the sad part was… I had stopped caring to. Started praying for death to come get me. In my 8 years of wasting, I was so tired and worthless every day. Skin cancer been cropping up and my lymph nodes had given me the finger. No appetite, no hope.
*** Where there is a pulse, there is hope***

Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

Am making Cannabis Oil today. It’s been a long time gathering but looks like the green light came on so wish me luck. this cancer near my left eye has been starting to worry me. another larger on in my hair on top of head. Doc wanted to send me to a specialist. Without naming names, I told her I already have one, Cannabis.

Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

Am not afraid, just know I need to deal with this now with positive forces.

It must be in the cards as a most pleasant surprise came when I stared emptying the clippings bag… found some I did not remember. It will be enough for now.

Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

Thank you,. been saving up for what seemed an eternity. Was holding off for a really rainy day.

Breezy Kiefair

Its raining now

Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

Yes

Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

wrens cook 1

Things went well in the kitchen. I used the stock pot to bath the raw cannabis in everclear for 2 hours, mashing it with a potato masher every half hour. Strained and rinses raw material again with everclear putting the oil infused solution into a glass pitcher. Next I poured solution into the slow cooker, about 3 inches deep and turned it to high. As the solution evaporated, I added more until it was all most all evaporated.

wrens cook 2

I poured the oil into a glass bowl and set the entire bowl back into the slow cooker to finish to proper consistency. When the oil has no more bubbles appearing on top, it is ready to put into container of your choice. I chose a few 20cc syringes because they are easier to dose from if a person does not have gel caps. The end product was not as much as anticipated but it will work for now. it will be enough to clear up my immediate eruptions. this is what I used under my right breast 3 winters ago Breezy. that one never came back.

Breezy Kiefair

hugs and good for you lady!

Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

by the time all the oil was in containers, there was a little over 3 oz. I started ingesting this morning.

Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

a little dose will do ya

ty I will. started off low and this feels pretty good. yes, I will need to work up to full dose as I have never ingested before. Thank you for being here to share my experience with. Don’t forget, you have a candle and cushion inside the festive circle under the moon tonight. Hugs

a little dose will do ya 2

Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

I was profusely ill the first 4 days of ingesting oil. I do not believe that it was the oils fault as I am prone to days on end of flu like symptoms one regular basis. The thing I notice most so far is my ability to breath and have a better O2 level.

Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

um in my healing, I got a boner and am thinkin about sharing it with somebody. not just anybody, but somebody.

well, not a real boner, but the connections that give good enough reason for my boner.

It is quite obvious here that I am waking to real life again sis.

Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

no….not a boner,… it’s my chubbie, … waking up after 12 years.

Wren Déjà Vu SmilingDeer

that’s ok Breezy, I woke up this morning over it. I put over there in the caution bin.

Cannabis Oil Day 10: per history I have been living with vertigo for quite a long time. The daily episodes would last from a few hours, to off and on all day. I am telling you this because today I HAD NO VERTIGO.
I have been on 1/2 to 2/3 gram twice a day. I increased the dose to one gram at night after first week as I started this journey to heal from the past 8 years of wasting and it’s repercussions.
Oh, and the oil I am using is NOT Butane made. I suggest Everclear, a grain alcohol.
8 years and counting, the wasting away has been relentless, excruciatingly painful and often hideous to watch. The US Supreme court has blocked all venues so the the drug companies do not have to pay for the damage done. People, when this was prescribed to me, I was Assured it was a safe stomach medicine. FUCKING LIES!!! It caused a stroke, damaged my heart and gave me an existence worse than death. I did not die, I suffer so the drug companies can continue their agenda to keep us ALL needing them. Please STOP the madness and start SCREAMING, No one is Immune to this shit and I PRAY it has not happened to you.
on my cheek. My mind is being blown away, I am in total AWE.
Boy am I an airhead! I was so happy about yesterday that I totally blew off, forgot about’ this mornings dose of cannabis oil. mid afternoon I was back in vertigo mode and sad that it had come back. DUH, the oil does NO GOOD in the bottle, so I took the evening dose. Within under 5 minutes the vertigo was gone again. This is wonderful stuff
There is an increase on my relaxed state and it is causing me to sleep earlier at night. Lower pain, No nausea, No vertigo, No severe tremors, No torso tics. That’s fine, it’s what the body needs to heal.
The real kicker here is that I stopped using cannabis for my stomach and tried to be obedient to the laws of Big Pharma. VERY BAD IDEA!!!!!!
End of day 12, cannabis oil made by grain alcohol. another blessed day without vertigo. the spots of crap growing on my face were left uncovered today. In the morning I will get a good picture of them before applying more oil. Feeling? The tops of my arms, across my neck and including my throat have been tingling, not my hands and feet, They are like small patches of cool tingles, almost airy. If this oil truly can cure then maybe this is the feeling of fixing all those swollen lymph nodes. Time will tell.
Oh, one more thing, this is refreshing.
Holy Sheep Sheets Batman. I feel really good this morning. I don’t think we are in Kansas anymore Toto.
There is an increase on my relaxed state and it is causing me to sleep earlier at night. That’s fine, it’s what the body needs to heal.
Definitely not Kansas. Blessed Be! I will pst a couple pics at the end of the day to show the progress on those cancerous spots
I started 12 days ago. My vertigo is back in check and I am looking forward to the rest of the oil treatment.
where there is a pulse, there is hope.
even in my giving up, death did not come, so now I fight like hell to get me back.
!t wasn’t until my body started popping out some cancer that I decided to use cannabis oil. I was not even thinking about the Dyskenisia/Dystonia But now, I see that my last resort should have been the First Resort.
Yes the safe stomach med gave me TD after having been on it for 2 1/2 years. After the fact, I learned that it was FAULTY BY DESIGN. what the hell does that mean? It just reinforced what I already knew about routing perfectly good productive people into the arms of big pharma. Hate does not even begin to cover it.
I am keeping notes, the MDs already know it works, and they are cruel for not doing the right thing here.
I for one am deeply grateful for having been taught to make this oil with a grain alcohol. Lord knows there are plenty of bad things already wearing me down, I sure do not want to add to the grief if I have options.
Day 14. Who is this lady that returned from the walking dead? IT’S ME!!!! And it could be you too.
Tardive Dyskenisia/Dystonia, some long standing lymphomas and recurring basal cell carcinomas, there are many things that have been needing fixed, like the vertigo and chronic fatigue, and the wrenching and torquing of my anatomy.
been a little whoozy today. gonna blame it on the heat.
I will be bringing these pics and all my notes with me when I see the specialist on Thursday for my 3 month check in. He better not tell me to Stop what I am doing again. Because I will NOT!
DAY 15, I feel GOOD 
Thank you Claud, for 8 years there has been far more bad days than good. The winds are changing and the seas are calming. I pray this for Everyone.
Day 16, Today is lab day with the docs. I intend to knock their balls out of park. Wish the old lady some luck. See ya’ll when I get home.
Thank you friends. it’s been a very long day. been poked, prodded, pushed pulled, twisted, scanned, and attempted scammed, and bodily fluids scrutinized. I’M HOME, FIRE IN THE BOWL!
Day 17 of cannabis oil treatment: Reporting for duty ma’am. I am strong enough to carry my own gear, I am ready.
Well, ma’am says no, there will be no mud pie making out of me for 2 more weeks. She said that just because I feel stronger, she wants to give me more time that I really feel I do not need. She told me to use these 2 weeks as a REAL Vacation. Pfft, as if I remember what that is. lol help me out here.
Each day I am grateful to tears about living again.
Day 18: it used to annoy me to have a tune stuck in my head but waking up with this one playing in there. 
indeed it beats the alternatives, I had been praying for death to come get me.
End of Day 18: things are going well with the cannabis oil treatment. I did use up a bit more adrenalin than usual today while schooling a jackass but I am doing fine now. On a lighter note, has anyone else noticed that this oil can taste down right nasty if it does not get washed down and melts in the back of your mouth? Oh HECK NO, I am not complaining here. It’s working and I don’t mind. Bless and be Blessed. See you tomorrow.
DAY 19: The oil is doing what it should. Alas, the folks here in this town see me getting stronger and I am NOT safe here.
my head is remaining up. What can they do to me that has not already survived?
thank you Pamela, I am calm, I am ok. It just took an extra bowl to stop the shaking today. I will be alright. Tried to get a good updated pic of my cancer but hands to shaky. will try again in an hour.
ty Claud, and bless you hugely. xxx the stress of home issues and the ways of the world today has stolen my appetite. Now would be a good time for me to stay focused on healing. body can’t heal when it is left unattended to worry about things that will not even matter if I am not well enough. Huge Hugs .xxx
you ladies have done it now, ya made me cry. indeed not sad tears but the kind than wash away the pain. sometimes when one is left all alone at the watch tower for too long, they loose sight of the light and cannot find their way back to it. Bless and be Blessed Sistas Much Love always.
End of Day 19: hit a small snag today because I allowed myself to get angry last night. Spent most of the day trying to get my legs and hands to calm down and swallowing was also incomplete. At 4pm, I finally started feeling better and took a few mor pics of the cancer on my cheek. will get them downloaded and post in the morning. At the end of the day, please let me say thank you Everyone, and I could not get through some of this without you. good night, Zeus and I are going to take a walk along the creek. Xxx
Day 20: Time to sparkle and Dazzle. Time to dance among the sun rays and shake some shit loose. Cannabis has not corrected my stupid. Update pics are not scheduled unlit tomorrow. Yesterday ended in a good place, bye bye yesterday, hello life I want to tell you all today that life is exciting. Last night while I was laying down to sleep, I gave myself another self exam looking for those 3 lymphomas. The 2 marble sized ones have not been found in days and the big one, the one that was the size of a silver dollar is getting hard to palpate. Hey peeps, I have lived with these for several years, refusing to let big pharma finish what they started 8 years ago. I am DRUG FREE and getting my anatomy back in check. But the thing that really makes my tah tahz stick out, I am curing myself, my way. Blessed Be, why did I waits so long.
I hope you all can fit a bit of play in your day. Hugs
Starve Big Pharma Starve. If I ran the zoo you would be dead by now.
not burdening the tax payers with my health issues is PRICELESS.
…and another thing that is true. My heart has stopped reminding me that every breath I take could be my last.
….and something really wonderful must be going on inside me, for I have the most beautiful poo I have ever seen. true story!
“I love talking turd, and I’m not ashamed to say it! Turd, turd, turd. It’s time we all stop hiding behind our toilet paper squares and start understanding one of the most important parts of our everyday well-being — poop”! http://kriscarr.com/blog/your-guide-to-healthy-poop/
I do not have MS, but I do have Tarvive Dyskenisia/Dystonia and the oil has given me back much! just last month, most days all I could do was click a mouse.
End of Day 20: Taking my life back is going well, all I had to do is change the C to G, or in my case, drugs of illness to oil of wellness.
I’ll Take a Melody (Toussaint) – Jerry Garcia – Reflections (1976)
www.youtube.com
Day 21: I also need to make note that I do still have that excruciating ice pick feeling in the middle of my back off and on throughout the day. there has been a long history of this with some of the trigger points back there.I was hoping that since the wrenching and twisting and jerking have calmed that the pain would get off it’s kick. When it hurts real bad, I lay down on my back and position two rubber, air inflated spheres under the center of my back. These are instant heaven and it only takes the effort of lying down and relaxing a minute. BONUS: NO NASTY SIDE AFFECTS I considered increasing the oil but can manage the really ruff times with those therapy spheres.
looking forward to seeing what the next 20 will be like. Good night everybody.
My boxer used to push his snoot into the place where the lymphomas were growing, now he thinks I need his grooming and inspections. What is up with dag???????????
he has never been like this before and I wonder if he isn’t been dabbing while I am asleep. he used to push his snoot into the top outer area of my left tah tah and snort, now he just tries to give a a doggie bath arms legs and neck… actually drools then he smells my feel. I think my dag’s gone crazy. day 21 of oil treatment. I imagine I do smell different.
I do let doctors check but they don’t get to doctor on me anymore. They messed me up huge the last time I trusted them. Hence I resigned to die this was for a few more years. toward the end, even praying for death to come get me. when I did not die, I decided I was going to try the oil. OH MY GOODNESS DENA! Oh My Goodness! so many days where I could do nothing but sit very still and click a mouse. Now… I am up and moving every waking minute. busying my hands with a purpose.
yes, I am breaking the laws in my state. But Yes, I have saved them what they love most, $$$$$ my healing is costing No One a single penny, and that makes me feel good too.
he already let me know he knew that, but what I can’t understand today is, Why is he so compelled to come over and give me a couple licks lately. so he is in approval with his sloppy kisses? Good Doggie End of Day 21: I feel GOOD! and I am hoping you do too.
Day 22: A milestone in that my health is indeed improving, so are my thought processes and outlook on the world in general. much less anxiety gives more time to use my head. I know, and thanks for baring with me through the muk. I’m sure it’s not over for good, but it is BETTER
If I had but one wish, I would wish that people would overcome their fears, whatever they may be, and take back their lives. Not one person needs to die for Big Pharma. Unless maybe for some misconception that you don’t think you deserve to live. Please Get Well soon my lovelies, your world is waiting for you.
Day 23: I have been eating better these days, but as I grow more physically active, the realization is that there is still a ways to go. The past 23 days have been more than amazing for one who has been ill so long. I have been using 1/2 gram oil in the morning and 3/4 gram at bedtime. When I know for sure that all the lymphoma is gone, I may need to consider dividing doses differently. There is a pattern of my Tardive Dyskenisia/Dystonia flares up that indicate adjustments to splitting and timing heading back to tie some knots. here is a positive tune for your days. 
the long and crushingly stagnet days of being sick and tired of being sick and tired are gone. Yes, I still need to manage pain better and there are still times when the tics are still noticeable to others. The observation for today is that I have not had a bad day since beginning this journey. Today I notice that days are going by so quickly.
AND… the granddaddy of the lymphomas has gone from the diameter of a silver dollar to the size of a pea. I’ve been on No other medications so I know exactly what’s up here.
may be helpful.
Day 24: I love all deeply. yet I also have extreme deep hate for the machine that has brought so many to their sufferings and death. Self expression has taken a hit via so many pharmaceuticals that either masked the anger or intensified it. I’ve been away from the last psych med for 24 days now and am learning what I should have come to know decades ago. Do psych meds keep a person from natural developments? HECK YES! Just look at each and every mass shooter and you have your answer.
Even george zimmerman was and still is on psych meds. So if folks out here are wanting to love me back to a more stable existence, my prayers today are that no one gives up. I won’t stop trying until my better is my best.
Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Celexa or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need. Short-term studies did not show an increase in the risk of suicidality with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults beyond age 24; there was a reduction in risk with antidepressants compared to placebo in adults aged 65 and older. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. Families and caregivers should be advised of the need for close observation and communication with the prescriber. Celexa is not approved for use in pediatric patients. (See WARNINGS: Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk, PATIENT INFORMATION, and PRECAUTIONS: Pediatric Use.)
Celexa (Citalopram Hydrobromide) Drug Information: Description, User Reviews, Drug Side Effects,…
www.rxlist.com
Learn about the prescription medication Celexa (Citalopram
after 5 years of consuming this crap, doc comes to me and says,” Um 40mg per day can cause heart problems and death. YOU ARE IN DANGER”. Gee Thanks for the warning doc, and yes I have been having quite a time trying to stay alive. 24 day away from that and the engorged veins to my head are no longer feeling like they will explode when i laugh. LITERALLY! It was Depressing in and of it’sellf so actually this drug did NOT work. only made me worse off.
….and ANOTHER THING: with each new prescription refill, there would be a change in brands. This was another factor. Brands vary and the content within also varied. each time they made a switch from one to another, I had to readjust to it.
I relied heavily upon Bob Marley, Jerry Garcia and a bowl to help me with coping when it seems my last nerve just waltzed out.
…and, For the life of me, I swear…my mind can go from wondering if it was a mob of zombies that killed Jesus to  In 00.0001 second. So Frustrating! Thank you M. chronic illness can drive a person absolutely bonkers on so many levels. according to the statistics, Lots of Bonkered people and a lot of people to share what we have come to know with. http://www.chronicdiseaseimpact.com/
She’s talking about CANNABIS
Katie Couric
Katie Couric (@katiecouric) is an award-winning journalist and TV personality, well-known cancer advocate, and New York Times best-selling author The Best Advice I Ever Got: Lessons From Extraordinary Lives. Couric joined the Disney/ABC Television Group in Summer 2011 and serves as special correspo…
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Top of Form

July 19 at 2:04pm

It means that you are about to be bent over and corn holed because the systems has just ASSUMED you into playing The Sick Roll. RUN! RUN LIKE HELL!!! http://invisibleillnessweek.com/2011/08/18/what-does-it-mean-to-accept-your-chronic-illness-diagnosis/
What Does it Mean to Accept Your Chronic Illness Diagnosis
invisibleillnessweek.com
Acceptance is one the toughest things that anyone of us has to do. Whether we are accepting the loss of loved one, moving to new town because of a job transfer, getting divorced, or accepting that we have to live with sickness and pain, acceptance isn’t easy. With chronic illness, the sooner you acc…

The poor zombies don’t even know they are zombies. We as a rational people can stop our own madness when we stop believing that poisoning yourselves is better.Bottom of Form

The poor zombies don’t even know they are zombies. We as a rational people can stop our own madness when we stop believing that poisoning yourselves is better.
am so deeply grateful that people are starting to understand the underlying causes of more grief than good, Thanks for taking your own stands about it and your lives. I love