I’ve been walking around on a broken pelvis for at least 7-10 days trying to get a ride to the hospital. On April 9, 2012 the pain became so extreme that I finally told a little white lie that i fell in the tub and called an ambulance. I told another little white lie to avoid discussing the cannabis issue with a “luck of the draw doctor”…. I whitewashed the fact that I am chronically ill and said I am on no medications (cannabis is a food wink wink). That made my life a lot easier.

Usually I am 100% honest when I go to see a doctor. I felt bad being deceptive, but I just didn’t have it in me to debate with the doctor, and I was terrified I would be refused pain medication or treatment if I dared to mention the herb that I use as a religious sacrament. I say that it made my life easier to “sweep the cannabis issue under the rug” but morally, I was (and am) conflicted about it. So often I speak about how we should show our pot pride, but the sad truth is, this time I didn’t have any fight in me. This time, the pain was too bad to educate along the way. I’m not proud of my choice to not share the whole truth with that er doctor last night at the Hospital, but I am sharing the truth of how it made me feel to minimize the treatment that works for my ongoing health issues.

When they finally released me from the hospital, I paid for a cab home with money I didn’t really have. I borrowed it from one of my roommates who couldn’t really spare it either but was tired of watching me suffer. We dunno when the injury really happened, but most likely I hurt it trying to be superwoman in the move and then the break grew and grew over the month of March until I could no longer bear the pain. We moved because of stalkers. No need to get into details.

The thing is, I MINIMIZED this injury in the beginning thinking it was just a part of my normal every day pain…. And so did everyone else I was imploring for help… Have I become a bit jaded, well sure I have. Am I fighting that impulse? yes I am. Thanks for the love guys, I need it.

People have been asking what they can do to help me heal…

1. Due to stalkers, I need to be able to set up a post office box to be able to receive packages.  It is not that I do not trust my friends, it is that I am trying to protect myself from the stalkers that caused the move. The move caused the injury. My stubbornness made that injury more severe. A post office box will run $32 for 6 months. I retrieved this information from the USPS site https://www.usps.com/manage/get-a-po-box.htm

2. I currently sleep on a futon mattress on the floor. I don’t really care what kind of bed i end up with, but I do need a bed that is more comfortable than what I have. Bedrest and pain control is about all that can be done until the fracture heals of its own accord. Pillows are also a welcome blessing as I struggle to find comfort.

3. I have phoenix Tears oil aka edible hash oil for sale or trade to Colorado Medical Marijuana Patients. I personally have become tolerant to the strains we made the oil from. This batch was made from medical grade trim and sweetleaf. In return, I need flowers or concentrates to smoke, cannabis infused foods (medibles) to munch, or salves to massage into the pain in my ass. For more information on the edible/topical hash oil I make, please visit this post and watch a diabetic ulcer disappear! I will do product reviews BY REQUEST of any medication I receive

4. Financial support to pay for cab rides to follow up doctor visits, vitamins to help the bone knit back together,  purchase medication and provide food. Cannabis is an expensive medication not covered by any insurance. While I do grow my own, I am no where near harvest and will be needing medication to mitigate the pain. My food stamp benefits were recently terminated as well.

Low priority needs include:

5. Grow lights, nutrients and assorted growing supplies

6. Meditation aids such as incense, classical or relaxing music, or anything else you think might enhance my calm and help me heal faster.

I feel guilty for asking. Those who have been following my posts know that there are others out there that need help badly. One long time activist needs a vaporizer now that she is home from the hospital for a collapsed lung. Meanwhile, on the other side of the country, a family struggles to stay together and provide shelter, food, medications, etc for themselves and their infant son. The good news is, my friend with the collapsed lung is out of the hospital, and the family was given a donation that provided them a few nights in a hotel.

You can read more about the past chronic pain journey here. It needs to be edited, but I just have so many projects and not enough time.

I will keep this post updated as my needs change. I thank you in advance even if all you can do is hope/wish/pray/send energy towards my speedy recovery.

If you can help out financially, please click here to visit the wepay site that has been set up to accept monetary support. You can also email me at btokeefer@gmail.com if you would like to send something or trade.

Have a Blessed day!

Update Friday, April 13, 2012

I find myself unable to sleep more than an hour or so at a time.  I feel guilty asking for anything for myself, especially when there is so much wrong in the world! There are daddies worried about their daughters cause they just found out someone touched them wrong. Homeless parents wondering how long their precious child will have to sit in a dirty diaper. Severe pain patients going through opiate withdrawals because they tested positive for using cannabis to control the pain and are now cut off from their pain doctor…. don’t pain doctors realize they can kill someone like that? “Recovered” addicts are off to the races with their old flames and oh so much more that I dare not even go any further listing…. wow… I’m hoping the creator helps out  a lot of people today.

As for me, I am grateful that I DO HAVE medication today. We desperately need a liquid diet to assist in weight gain. I cannot seem to process solid food right now.  My biggest need is a bed.  My discharge instructions dictate bedrest and pain control. Well, if I must be on bedrest in order to heal, then i gotta have a bed I am capable of sleeping in… playing princess and the pea with a futon on the floor every night is not conducive to sleep in this amount of pain.  If my pelvis were not broken, the futon would be fine….

I remain very frustrated with mainstream medicine. The night I went to the er, i ended up with bruises on my arms from the way that stupid emt handled me while strapping me to the backboard. I screamed nearly the whole way to the hospital the other night… Sheesh… why bother asking me what position is most comfortable/uncomfortable if you are just gonna put me in the position I told you was least comfortable any way…. ofcourse, it could be argued that I got the bruises struggling against the restraints on the backboard, but why was I struggling? cause he made sure I was uncomfortable. I understand they were worried I had a broken spine, but logic dictates that if the patient is calm and polite, then a change of position makes it worse and causes her to become irate and scream, them perhaps you shouldn’t put her in that position!

He is the only one who grabbed me by the arm. Man do I wish I had the camera rolling. I just wasnt up for that in my condition.

My discharge instructions say that pain control and bed rest are all that can be done for me. Well, if they want me on bedrest, i gotta have a bed I am capable of  resting in… playing princess and the pea with a futon on the floor every night is not conducive to sleep in this amount of pain. If my pelvis were not broken, the futon mattress lying on the floor would be fine. Not ideal for a fibromyalgia patient, but it was ok before. My Fibromyalgia pressure points make it very difficult to stay still when I am in pain. After a seizure last night (too much pain) I began to worry if perhaps I should have been placed in a device to prevent me from moving my pelvis.  I Have NOT made a follow up doctor’s appointment cause I dunno how i would get there…. the doc they referred me too is way far away

I’ve had an extraordinarily emotional week. In addition to trying to deal with anxiety responses due to severe pain, I had a visit from my estranged biological mother who is anti cannabis and my biological sister whom I love, but always causes enough stress to escalate my illness. I said it best when they were about to arrive in a facebook status message.

I’m about to offer hospitality for the night to my estranged mother… what a strange experience…She REALLY HATES WEED still… There is a hell of a thunderstorm out there and then you get a call and hear that mom and sister need a room for the night and a meal… you think I’m gonna turn her away? heck no…. porch light is on bio mama & sis… my fridge is yours..

My poor mother’s cousin who was more like a brother to her had passed away. She had just picked my sister up from jail (charges were dismissed thank the creator!) and was in a bad place emotionally. I guess seeing me for the first time since she threw me out of her house for my weed was just too much stimuli for her. She began to threaten suicide. I did what I could to ease her suffering. The last thing I said to her was, “Please don’t kill yourself mom. I love you.”

There have been many other emotional disruptions this week ranging from stalker stimuli to good friends alienated because they didnt understand how to deal with me in this much pain, and I tend to be angry and communicate poorly when I am in pain I cannot treat.

I’d like to remind everyone that physical pain can make an individual look, feel, and behave like a person consumed with negative emotions or energy. It helps if the individual can understand that what they are feeling is an effect of their pain/illness…. this can help prevent getting lost in negative emotion land. Sometimes people like this lash out at people who care about them for little or no reason and then feel bad about it…. This is frustrating for all involved. Persons with negativity due to pain may also turn their “negativity” inward in an effort to prevent the negative emotion/energy from spreading. this can cause a”self negativity loop” that tends to feed into the underlying problem of pain by lowering the patient’s self esteem. Friends/Family members should do all they can to help the patient feel loved and valued to help diffuse this cycle. Positive reinforcement and love can combat negativity no matter the source.

I’ve also been frustrated this week with the number of people seeking free oil… No one should EVER have to beg for their medicine… it doesn’t matter if you can afford your medication or not. You still need it. It doesn’t matter what your “tolerance” (read what dosage you medically need.) It is really, really sick that so many either have to beg for compassion or do without their MEDICINE.. I take my turns being without like most all other fiercely dedicated activists. Most won’t tell you when they are out of medicine. I hear from my friends/audience all the time about how they suffer without medication. It breaks my heart. What is worse is when people have need of free oil because they have been victimized by someone who was supposed to help them in exchange for their money. When these people get their bank accounts emptied and their illnesses remain untreated due mostly to ineptitude and greed, its just wrong on a very deep level. I am happy to help these people out as my own finances allow. It is still frustrating to hear they have been taken advantage of by the folks at the link before they got to me.

I’m frustrated with bureaucratic nonsense in the cannabis as a treatment option in general. My “Colorado Red Card’s” time is running out quickly and I cannot afford to renew. My current medicinal cannabis license came out before they started printing “home-bound patient” on the cards so I can’t even get a delivery from my caregiver due to state red tape. It does not matter to the state that I have been clinically “home bound” since long before I got on the registry.  I am not upset at my caregiver, just frustrated that those in power think someone with a broken pelvis should be able to walk in and buy their meds a day after they are diagnosed. The emergency room doctor sent me home with just 24 percocet. I cannot get to a follow up appointment with another doctor due to lack of transportation. I guess they expect me to just lay in bed in agony for 4-6 weeks or until I have to call the ambulance again? I am honestly wondering why I even made the first emergency room trip at this point. Still, the knowledge gained that there is a real injury instead of assuming it was just an escalation of my every day pain is valuable.

Despite all the frustrations, there were some rays of hope this week.

I’ve done a lot of complaining in this post. I’d like to leave you on a positive note. Here are some cool things that happened this week.

1. On Wednesday, We changed Fat Freddy’s the bandage in the morning. Lo and behold, all the scaling has gone! We are now continuing treatment only as scar reduction! It has been so amazing to watch this horrible wound heal up and begin to disappear. Latest pics are at the bottom of the link we’ve all been sharing.

2. I wrote a little parody to “Where have all the flowers gone” as it applies to cannabis prohibition.

3. My friend with the collapsed lung was able to  get a vaporizer donated to her! She is now home from the hospital and awaiting delivery of her vaporizer!

4. Even the homeless family I have been blogging about got a donation for a few nights in a hotel room. They are still in dire need.  I pray you pray with me and help them out.

5. I used my convalescence to do some new pieces of artwork. The one that most applies to this situation is below. You can view the other pieces on my facebook like page.

6. I was able to ease suffering of others with oil

I will keep this post updated as my needs change. I thank you in advance even if all you can do is hope/wish/pray/send energy towards my speedy recovery.

If you can help out financially, please click here to visit the wepay site that has been set up to accept monetary support. You can also email me at btokeefer@gmail.com if you would like to send something or trade.

Have a Blessed day!

UPDATE April, 24, 2011

I am overwhelmed with the response to this post. One of my friends went to their local charity and dollar store and made me up a healing box that weighed 1/4 of what I do! A religious studies major from my Alma Mater, Naropa University, made a cash donation of $10. We were able to find a bed on craigslist for free…. the man even delivered the bed to me and helped set it up. I couldn’t have asked for a nicer bed to heal in! Shortly after that, another cannabis activist mailed me a benjamin and told me to get medication and to sleep…… Others are still sending things. I really am ok to heal now. My biggest worry right now is finding trim to make my next batch of mercy for others… If anything is sent that I cannot use, be it money or goods, I will redistribute it to those needing it. THANK YOU ONE AND ALL!

Meanwhile, I am doing all I can to get phoenix tears oil into the hands of those who need it the most while my bone heals.

Have a blessed day!

UPDATE 5/5/2012

my fracture is healed… thanks for the help from the hemp eaze… now on to me bruises from the rent a cops at the hospital! they said they could see the fracture clearly and that it had knitted together well! I put the hemp eaze on my hip every night along with soaks and nutritional supplements… nearly zero pharmacological intervention (other than the diagnosis and initial pain control) for this broken bone! Thanks to Darcy and Bill of Hemp Eaze  and everyone else for answering the call!

here is information on the products i used:

Hemp-EaZe™ THERAPY CREAM

Click To Enlarge

• Item #: 333
• Manufacturer: Tierra Sol Farm

Hemp-EaZe Hemp Root And Honey Deep Healing Body Butter

Click To Enlarge

• Item #: 400
• Manufacturer: Tierra Sol Farm

Hemp-EaZe Hemp Root And Honey Deep Healing Body Butter Introduced at the 20th Anniversary of The Seattle Hempfest! Hemp ROOT has been proven to be successful in reducing swelling and easing pain. Now recent studies have shown that components in the root have been successful at killing Staph. infection! The Deep Healing Body Butter is 100% Organic SOY-FREE treatment for; bruising, sore muscles, skin irritations, burns, scrapes, and cuts. With A touch of honey, enhances this cream as a double antiseptic, preventing infection, promoting tissue growth, rejuvenating the circulation and easing swelling. * We use raw honey for it’s antiseptic qualities. We get our honey locally, from bees who no doubt pollinated our own herbs that we grow for our formula. Tierra Sol Farm is a GREEN company. We grow organically, buy locally, and we’re reusing. We reuse boxes for shipping to help reduce waste. * Results May Vary

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