Blog Archives
Hannah Hurnard’s “Hind’s Feet on High Places” audiobook video series
playlist on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwc43UiVjiudD0DhoUELBfeHOamG_Hvtj
A set of videos in Tribute to the writing of Hannah Hurnard, “Hind’s Feet on High Places” to Art of Breezy Kiefair i just put music and art to a book that has been a favorite since childhood… my mother used to read me that book…. call it a tribute to her and an introduction of the book to an audience that may otherwise remain unaware of it. I recommend it for anyone with anxiety or PTSD
Preface to the allegory
The Preface chapter to Art of Breezy Kiefair and the Music of Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.
https://plus.google.com/photos/108039434993096331483/photo/5856776704305425106
info on the book: “Hinds’ Feet on High Places” From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Hinds’ Feet on High Places
Hinds’ Feet on High Places | |
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Author(s) | Hannah Hurnard |
Country | United Kingdom |
Language | English |
Genre(s) | Christian |
Publisher | Christian Literature Crusade |
Publication date | 1955 |
Media type | Print (Hardback &Paperback) |
Pages | 158 pp. |
ISBN | ISBN 0 86065 192 4 |
Hinds’ Feet on High Places is an allegorical novel by English author Hannah Hurnard. Hinds’ Feet was written in 1955 and has become a very successful work of Christian fiction, seeing new editions published as recently as July, 2005.
Plot introduction[edit]
It is the story of a young woman named Much Afraid, and her journey away from her Fearing family and into the High Places of the Shepherd, guided by her two companions Sorrow and Suffering. It is an allegory of a Christian devotional life from salvation through maturity. It aims to show how a Christian is transformed from unbeliever to immature believer to mature believer, who walks daily with God as easily on the High Places of Joy in the spirit as in the daily life of mundane and often humiliating tasks that may cause Christians to lose perspective.
The book takes its title from Habakkuk 3:19, “The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places.”
The story begins in the Valley of Humiliation with Much Afraid, being beset by the unwanted advances of her cousin, Craven Fear, who wishes to marry her. The Family of Fearings seems to have some strong similarities to the Addams Family. Much Afraid is ugly from all outward appearances, walking on club feet, sporting gnarled, deformed hands, and speaking from a crooked mouth that seems to have been made so by a stroke or the like.
The Good Shepherd is tender and gentle with Much Afraid, especially in the beginning. However, His many sudden departures may strike the reader as bizarre, given the human penchant to expect kindly souls to never do everything that may be interpreted as rude or as hurtful in any way. Yet, though the Shepherd leaves in a moment, He returns the same way at the first furtive cry of the forlorn little protagonist. “Come, Shepherd, for I am much afraid!”
When Much Afraid intimates that she would love to be able to dance upon the high places as do the surefooted deer, the Shepherd commends her for this desire. In order to accomplish this, he offers to “plant the seed of love” into her heart. At first sight of the long, black hawthorne-looking seed, she shrieks in fear. Soon, she relents, and after the initial intense pain, she senses that something is indeed different in her, though she still looks the same, for now.
Just when the reader thinks that Much Afraid is about to reach the High Places, the path turns downward towards a seemingly endless desert. There is incident with an extremely high cliff that must be ascended by a steep, slippery and very narrow zig-zagging track, with the help of her two companions, Sorrow and Suffering. Then days are spent in a forest that is shrouded in a thick cloud of fog. During this time Much Afraid is sequestered with her two friends in a log cabin. The climax is an unexpected twist that comes as Much Afraid despairs of ever reaching the High Places.
Allusions/references to other works[edit|edit source]
The book bears some stylistic similarities to John Bunyan‘s The Pilgrim’s Progress. The name of the protagonist, Much-Afraid, also appears first in Bunyan’s work.
References[edit]
Bosman, Ellen. “Hind’s Feet on High Places” in Masterplots II: Christian Literature. Pasadena, CA: Salem Press, 2007: 779-782. Bezzina, Christopher Felix. ‘Journey to the High Places. Hannah Hurnard’s Spirituality and the Song of Songs.’http://www.amazon.com/Journey-High-Places-Hurnards-Spirituality/dp/1620320983
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The Chapters:
Part 1: Weeping May endure for a night
Chapter 1 Invitation to the High Places
Chapter 2: Fearing Invasion
Chapter 3: Flight in the Night
Chapter 4: Start for the high Places
Chapter 5: Encounter with Pride
Chapter 6: Detour through the desert
Chapter 7: On the Shores of Loneliness
Chapter 8: On the Old Sea Wall
Chapter 9: Great Precipice Injury
Chapter 10: Ascent of the Great Precipice Injury
Chapter 11: In the Forests of Danger and Tribulation
Chapter 12: In The Mist
Chapter 13: In The Valley Of Loss
Chapter 14: The Place Of Anointing
More Videos to Come soon……
Chapter 15: The Floods
Chapter 16:
Part 2: Joy Cometh in the Morning
Chapter 17:
Chapter 18:
Chapter 19:
Chapter 20:
More Links:
Quotes on Goodreads
http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1128612-hinds-feet-on-high-places
buy the audio book:
http://christianaudio.com/hinds-feet-on-high-places-blackstone-hannah-hurnard
read the book in pdf form:
http://files.tyndale.com/thpdata/firstchapters/978-0-8423-1394-0.pdf
Playlist on Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwc43UiVjiudD0DhoUELBfeHOamG_Hvtj
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The Chapters on youtube
youtube playlist url: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwc43UiVjiudD0DhoUELBfeHOamG_Hvtj
Video 1: Preface, Chapters 1-2
The introduction and first chapters, the Music of Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. Chapter 1 Invitation to the High Places
video url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNSPAmAb8Uc&feature=share&list=PLwc43UiVjiudD0DhoUELBfeHOamG_Hvtj
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Video 2: Chapters 3-5
Chapter 3: Flight in the Night
Chapter 4: Start for the high Places
Chapter 5: Encounter with Pride
video url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXGPUWk0NTA&feature=share&list=PLwc43UiVjiudD0DhoUELBfeHOamG_Hvtj
~~~—~~~
Video 3: Chapters 6-9
Chapter 6: Detour through the desert
Chapter 7: On the Shores of Loneliness
Chapter 8: On the Old Sea Wall
Chapter 9: Great Precipice Injury
video url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cc3Va4Z0Ow&feature=share&list=PLwc43UiVjiudD0DhoUELBfeHOamG_Hvtj
Coming soon!
Video 4: Chapters 10-12
Chapter 10: Ascent of the Great Precipice Injury
Chapter 11: In the Forests of Danger and Tribulation
Chapter 12: In The Mist
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Related articles
- About the Name: Hinds Feet on High Places (inthehighplaces.wordpress.com)
- A Lovely Lesson from Much Afraid (bethanyhart.wordpress.com)
- With Hinds Feet in High Places- Moving Forward at Breakneck Speeds/Prophetic Word (missyhood.wordpress.com)
Atmos Rx Vaporizer Review and Dixie Med-A-Mints vs. Growing Kitchen’s Chill Pills
Atmos Rx Vaporizer Review &
Dixie Med-A-Mints vs.
Growing Kitchen’s Chill Pills
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Review: 5 of 10 Medicinal Leaves Awarded
These mints are of very low impact on the medicinal value scale. The first ingredients are xylitol and sorbitol making them a low sugar medicated treat suitable for diabetics. There is also an organic blend of peppermint leaf, holy basil, chamomile, lemon balm, and catnip that is ahead of cannabis oil in the ingredients list. Other ingredients include conjugated linoleic acid, organic vanilla bean powder, organic vanilla extract and natural peppermint oil. Each mint offers “approx. 10mg active cannabinoids”
information on Dixie Elixirs / med-a-mints
about Dixie Elixirs
About
Dixie Elixirs & Edibles™ has been providing alternative medicated relief for patients in Colorado since 2009. Our THC-infused products are sold only through licensed medical marijuana centers in Colorado in compliance with CO HB 1284. Dixie products provide the strength, taste and discretion desired by MMJ patients. Find out more at www.dixieelixirs.com.
Dixie Elixirs & Edibles™ is the premier THC-infused medicinal beverage and medicated edibles company. Based in Denver, Colorado, Dixie makes a delicious selection of medicated beverages and food items. Dixie Elixirs & Edibles™ are only available through licensed MMCs in the state of Colorado.
In April of 2012, Dixie Elixirs & Edibles became part of Medical Marijuana Inc.
https://www.facebook.com/DixieElixirs
homepage: http://dixieelixirs.com/
Phone (866) 928-1623
Email info@dixieelixirs.com
med a mints product page:
Dixie Med-a-mints
MED•a•mints are cannabis infused mints that alkalize, detoxify and nourish your body. MED•a•mints are made of a synergistic blend of organic herbs and spices like vanilla, green tea, tulsi, nettles, catnip, cinnamon, ginger, cardamom and peppermint. These pure ingredients are blended with premium Cannabis strains for either daytime or night time use. MED•a•mints are perfect for patients who are serious about their medicine.
http://dixieelixirs.com/products/dixie-med-a-mints/
Med a mints independent websites:
http://www.med-a-mints.com/
http://www.catnipcannabis.com/
previous reviews of dixie elixirs products:
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The Growing Kitchen Chill Pills
9 of 10 Medicinal Leaves Awarded
Both the Sublime Sativa Spearmint Chill Pills and the Heavenly Honey Lemon Indica Chill pills pack a medication punch that you would not expect for the size. 10 mg of active THC per pill and a variable amount of active CBD that is tested and listed on each tin’s batch (varying from 2.5 mg to around 10 mg ). The ingredient list for these treats indicates they are higher in sugar and diabetics may wish to watch their sugar levels on thes…. Ingredients are: pure cane sugar, filtered water, light corn syrup, natural flavoring, and cannabis.
They could use a bit of work on the flavor of the honey lemon chill pills… they remind me of how PLEDGE cleaner smells, but are still palatable. These mints earn a 9 of 10 for their medicinal value.
The Sublime Spearmint Sativa variety is very tasty.
These mints are not meant for severe pain. I have been using them when I am out and about and cannot toke to treat the pain until I can get home and toke. They are excellent for trips to the grocery store or anywhere that you may wish to medicate discretely so you can finish your tasks.
information on The Growing Kitchen
About
facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thegrowingkitchen
Phone 303-578-8454
Email thegrowingkitchen@gmail.com
Website http://thegrowingkitchen.org/
previous reviews for the growing kitchen
https://kiefair.com/2013/04/07/boulder-county-dispensaries/
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Atmos RX Vaporizer with Dry Herb Kit
9 of 10 medicinal leaves awarded
A patron got this vaporizer for me to help deal with the difficulties of living with roomates who are not as into the herbal life as myself. I adore it. I tend to use high quality cold water extraction hash (bubble hash) in the dry herb chamber. I do not have a good opinion of the prefilled chambers that are available for this vaporizer, but it is great for indoor use. Leaves little smell.
Atmos Rx information
specific product being reviewed: http://mobile.atmosrx.com/Atmos-Dry-Herb-Kits/Atmos-RX-Dry-Herb-Kit-%E2%80%93-Purple/flypage.tpl.html
Contact Information
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Related articles
- Denver Company Wants to Take Medical-pot Elixirs National (thehandiestone.typepad.com)
- Medical Marijuana Inc. (OTC:MJNA)’s Dixie Elixirs Brand to Co-Sponsor Movie Premiere – (cannabissativenews.wordpress.com)
- Legalising cannabis: America’s reefer madness (telegraph.co.uk)
- Hickenlooper set to sign bills regulating, taxing legal marijuana in Colorado (kdvr.com)
- Medical marijuana all but halts Colorado 6-year-old’s chronic seizures (kdvr.com)
- Atmos Rx Vaporizer Review and Dixie Med-A-Mints vs. Growing Kitchen’s Chill Pills (kiefair.com)
- Pot rules unclear on subject of hashish (thenewstribune.com)
- Marijuana legalization in Washington, Colorado prompts questions hash (newsday.com)
- Colorado marijuana CEO pleads to pot possession in Alabama (kdvr.com)
- Marijuana Legalization Prompts Questions About Hash (theepochtimes.com)
MarQaha soda, and Cannabis Xtract Capsules purchased at JP Wellness
MarQaha soda, and Cannabis Xtract Capsules purchased at JP Wellness 7 Of 10 Medicinal Leaves
MarQaHa Soda, and Cannabis Xtract Capsules purchased at JP Wellness
I sampled the Orange Crush Creamsicle flavor from their higher potency Inkblot line of drinks. I like mine on ice cut with seven up. Reminds me of squirt soda or sparkling grapefruit juice. I give this a 7 of 10 Medicinal Leaves.
Nutrition facts:
10mg THC (approx one dose)
12 oz bottle-servings 11
Calories 75
approx 110mg THC per bottle
Ingredients: filtered water, organic white grape juice, organic orange juice concentrate, organic vanilla extract, organic agave nectar, cannabis, natural flavors, gum acacia, sunshine
Some thoughts posted during the review
from their website:
Here are just a few of the amazing flavors available:
Caffeine Free:
• Lemon-Aid
• Pomegranate
• Hibiscus Tea
Small amount of naturally occurring caffeine:
• Mint Green Tea
• Yerba-Mate
Why use marQaha’s drinks, because they are REAL medicine!
More than just a beverage we take pride in bringing you an all-natural organic, great tasting alternative for your medicine. When comparing our drinks to others in the marketplace here are some things to keep in mind:
• We use organic real ingredients
• Never High Fructose Corn Syrup!
• Properly dosed every time using HPLC equipment.
• Tens of thousands of satisfied patients
Does your drink tell you how much medicine you are buying?
We could make a cheaper drink using less medicine and synthetic ingredients but we wanted to create the best drink possible for our patients.
Freshly Brewed and Finely Tuned in the State of Colorado
~~~~~~~~
Cannabis Xtract Capsule 0 of 10 Medicinal leaves
While these capsules advertise a higher thc content than the pills I reviewed from Dixie Elixirs, I found zero medicinal value from this preparation
http://www.cwdmeds.com/portfolio/capsules
from their website:
Cannabis Capsules
200 mg 2-pack (100 mg/capsule)
100 mg 2-pack (50 mg/capsule)
Designed for patients with a high tolerance, and chronic pain or illness. These capsules offer patients a smokeless alternative with a potent dose.
This product is infused with medical marijuana and was produced without regulatory oversight for health, safety or efficacy and there may be health risks associated with the consumption of the product.
FOR LICENSED MEDICAL MARIJUANA PATIENTS ONLY
Levels of active components of medical marijuana reported on product labels are not subject to independent verification and may differ from actual levels.
KEEP OUT OF THE REACH OF CHILDREN!
want to compare these products with similar brands? click here
More Northern Lights From JP Wellness
10 of 10 leaves
A previous video on Northern Lights from JP Wellness
Related articles
Cheap Stash Jars… Recycling Rocks!
Some information on a cheap source of small nug jars to store your medicine. Any dollar store carries small jar candles that have lids. Some of the candles will only last you an hour of burn time, others will offer you as much as ten hours of candle burn time. Once the use fullness of the candle is at an end, you can extend that “burn time” by cleaning the wax from the jar and using it as a nug jar. Its a good way to recycle the jars and if you save them you always have a cheap jar to send a nug home with a friend. People are always just as happy about the jar as they are about the nug. Some jars are very small indeed and suitable for purse or backpack nugs or to keep small samples of different strains separate.
Related articles
- 3 Things to Do With Jars (spoonful.com)
- Reused jars for candles (colormenew.wordpress.com)
“Iron Butterfly-In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” artistic video
“Iron Butterfly–In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” artistic video
AN Update for those planning on attending the Week Long Birthday Bonfire Bash for Breezy Kiefair the week of May 19, 2011
Hey Kampers,
Last night, under the full moon, I put up alcohol based tincture for my birthday in May and realized how quickly the party is approaching. I wanted to get a little group started amongst those who think that they will be attending my week long birthday party (even if you only plan to be here a day or two). I had a thought towards classes (basic survival, alcohol based tincture making, glassware cleaning and care, gardening, and so much more) for those attending the party, but soon realized that I probably don’t have the strength to teach for a week.
So, I ask you all… What are your talents? Do you have something you would like to teach the rest of us?
I’d also like to remind everyone that you will have to pull sagebrush for your campsite (I can tell you how to do it, I have the tools, and even my weak behind can do it). I am off grid… That means that I carry water from town 10 miles away and have no power source as my generator was stolen in March’s robbery. We DO have rattlesnakes up here, but they are rarely a problem and I will give you some safety tips when you get here. I’d advise everyone to bring boots with high ankles. Also, nights up here in the high mountain desert can be chilly. Please be sure to bring some warm clothes.
Other items you should think about bringing:
tents, tarps and rain chutes
water (a minimum of one gallon per person, per day… plus some to wash up in)
food
wood
natural soaps
toilet paper
cameras (the scenery here is not to be missed!)
solar or car battery charging packs for batteries/computers/high tech devices (I have no way to charge them at present)
musical instruments for jam sessions around the bonfire
your medications (no herbal medication will be provided cause Breezy’s financially challenged)
and Anything else you can’t do without for a week (or longer if you are planning on staying at Mesa Kamp Kiefair for the long haul)
Cell phone service up here is spotty at best. If you are on verizion, net10, straight talk, or tracphone, you have a decent chance at waves of signals that get text messages out fairly well. Voice calls are a bit more difficult, but not impossible.
Watch for more updates as we move closer to party time.
May you all be blessed and send me a PM or text me at 720-280-2183 if you are interested in teaching the rest of us something while you are at Mesa Kamp Kiefair.
Respectfully,
Breezy Kiefair
Founder, Mesa Kamp Kiefair
event url http://www.facebook.com/breezy.kiefair#!/event.php?eid=111551762256485¬if_t=event_wall#wall_posts
where you are headed: http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?hl=en&ie=UTF8&msa=0&msid=208245905641388047753.00049d323a069e17112dd&z=19
Leaving Mesa Kamp Kiefair
Leaving Mesa Kamp Kiefair
Leaving Mesa Kamp Kiefair
In early October 2010, things seemed to be picking up and making a turn for the better in my life. Behind me were the days of sleeping in the RV in abandoned parking lots and worrying when we’d have trouble from the law. I’d sacrificed a lot, but finally had my land under my feet .Life was harsh, but good. I enjoyed living at nine thousand feet immensely. The wildlife in the area was a constant source of joy to me. The wild horses and human raised but released to the wild horses often visited me. Each morning I woke before dawn to greet icy morning and the beauty of the sunrise. Every morning the tiny footprints of the chipmunks and ground squirrels covered the space outside my shelter. I had an alarm set each evening to remind me to step out and enjoy the sunset.
Beneath the surface, all was not well up on the property I dubbed “Mesa Kamp Kiefair” (MKK) I was often cold. The expense of propane more than our budget to bear. We had built a large fire pit outside the canvas sided pop up camper, but it was rarely used to its full potential. My husband often didn’t feel like gathering fire wood, or starting a fire. At the same time, he didn’t want me engaging in those activities, stating that I was too sick and weak to do them for myself. So I remained cold and hungry. It was much the same with cooking responsibilities. There were many days, often several days in succession when we went hungry with perfectly good food frozen solid in their tin cans in the pantry.
Inter-personally, things were not going well between Mr. Kiefair and I either. We fought all the time. We couldn’t seem to agree on anything, and the dysfunction between us made my disease flare and my emotions and behavior run away with me. I take responsibility for some pretty bizarre behavior during this time. After a fight that left me quite insane, I was so distraught that I took off walking across the mesa in the snow wearing nothing but my boots, my my hat, my walking stick and a grim expression on my face. He had goaded me into going out onto the mesa in the snow with the intention of letting mother nature take my life due to exposure. I should not have played his game, and I feel horrible for having done such an extreme and dangerous activity. I just wanted out of the world I found myself stuck in. A world where I was right next to someone I loved a great deal, yet feeling that I was not loved in return. A world where my MMJ license was allowed to expire because he didn’t want me to have it. Yet, I was also not allowed to seek pain relief from a medical doctor via pharmaceutical medications either. He even called the police on me the day my license expired telling them I intended to set fire to all the sage on the mesa. I had never said any such thing. I lived in a world where anger was thrown at me and brought out of me on a daily basis, especially when I was trying to do any writing, activism, or art work. One day in early December 2010, it all boiled over.
It was a warm night in comparison to the bitter cold early December nights we had been having up at 9,000 ft above sea level on the wind swept mesa in Southern Colorado. For the time being, the wind had blown itself out, and the storm had abated. I sat at my neighbor’s geodesic house by the fire waiting for my husband to return from town with supplies. The glow of the fire felt like heaven itself to my cold and fibromyalgia pain ridden bones and muscles. We had not been able to afford propane for the stove in the Coleman tent trailer in some time. Most nights, a down comforter and body heat were the only source of warmth as I slept back to back with my husband, always with nearly a foot of space in between us. In the dark of those cold nights, I often cried myself to sleep. I was so cold. The anguish in my soul sprang from the inherent knowledge that the man I loved lying next to me did not seem interested in holding me; not for the sake of body heat, nor for any other reason. My soul’s ache kept me awake at night more than the cold did.
My neighbor’s adult daughter wanted to feed me, but I wanted to wait on my husband, knowing he would be angry if I ate without him or wasn’t hungry for whatever he brought home. She had seen my weight plummeting since I had moved up to the mesa. This was due in part to my chronic wasting associated with my disease, but the real root cause was my husband.
As I said before, we had food, but it was frozen solid in their cans or needed to be prepared over heat. We rarely built a fire to warm ourselves and cook on. It was enough to drive a saint insane. My husband had made it very clear that didn’t want me building fires or gathering wood. On this day, it had been a full 4 days since I had eaten anything. I eagerly awaited his return from town because I relished the promise of something to eat, hopefully something fresh. My optimistic mind salivated at the thought of a Caesar salad and some protein.
When my husband finally walked through my neighbor’s door, it was much later than I had expected him. He tossed me a pack of the most expensive cigarettes in town (for which I was grateful. I smoke tobacco when I have no herb to fill the gap in meditation), and a pint of “Dr. Magillicuty’s vanilla liqueur”, which I quickly put into my coat. He had a pack of cigarettes for himself, a 30 pack of bush beer, 2 pints of Jim Beam, and some Southern Comfort. No food. I was furious, and took off into the night for home, not waiting for my neighbor who had offered to drive us both the 0.08 miles back to our place. I had hoped that the walk would cool my temper. It did not.
When he came through the door, we immediately began fighting. “This is your idea of supplies?” I screamed at him with tears running down my face. “We cannot live on liquor and tobacco! Well, maybe you can, but I cannot.”
I slammed the door of the little canvas trailer as if it were the door to some grand house and set myself to defiantly building a fire. The bottle of vanilla liqueur was still in my jacket, and found its way to my hand. I began to drink it thinking, “If drinking on an empty stomach were his plans for the night, who am I do disrupt that part of it. At least tonight I intend to be warm.”
I sat outside by my fire as he and I screamed at each other long into the night. I screamed at him about so many things that had been eating away at my broken my heart lately including: his refusal to be affectionate to me, him quitting work over a year ago and refusing to find more work, him wanting me to stay in bed all the time like an invalid, the bitter cold and no heat, about the hunger and food within reach but frozen, being surrounded by sage wood that burns quickly but hot and yet never having a fire to be warm near, my medicinal cannabis license expiring because he would not allow me to renew my state ID and we hadn’t the money to pay the doctor’s fees, him not allowing me to get pharmaceuticals to fill in the gap of pain that the lack of cannabis caused. I’d had enough! I could deal with all these hardships if only I felt like he loved me, but that feeling was long gone. He screamed at me about how unreasonable and irrational I was being.
I can’t remember exactly what I said, but suddenly, his 6 foot frame came out of the trailer, towering over my nearly 5 ft self, and knocked me to the ground. He took the fire extinguisher, and put out my triumphant fire. Still on the ground in shock from him knocking me down, I got up, and we continued to fight. He slapped me, knocked me to the ground again, and began dragging me to the road. As he pulled my tail end through a prickly pear cactus patch I knew he was aware was there, he said, “You are going to leave this mesa. You are going to walk out of here, and I don’t want you to ever show your face on this property or on this mesa ever again. Now get out and don’t come back!”
I limped down the road in the dark down the dirt road towards the next dirt road. I was terrified that the coyotes would spot me in the dark and make a dinner out of me. I didn’t even have my walking stick, let alone anything that would actually be effective against a predator for protection. I walked up the road to the junction with the main mesa road and maybe 2 miles up the road. I was exhausted, and so, I sat on a kindly old rock and had a cry under the stars. I sat there in the dark and cold for perhaps a couple of hours. When I sat down, I thought I would wait for dawn and then head down the mesa, but as I pondered in the night, I decided to go back.
When I got back home, he was still awake, and the door was unlocked. I went inside, humbling myself and graveling begging for one more chance. After me begging for some time, he finally relented and said, “Alright, but if we get into it one more time, YOU are leaving this mesa on foot immediately.” I humbly agreed and lay down to find sleep.
Dawn broke cold the next morning, and I was so hungry and sore after the previous night’s exertion. I asked if he would build a fire so I could make some breakfast. This began another fight. It was a minor spat compared to the previous night’s flare. He left and headed to our other neighbor’s place. Even though it was early morning, I knew he had gone to drink Crown Royal Bourbon. I set about clearing the fire extinguisher covered ashes out of the pit, so I could build a fire any way and make something to eat. As I did this, I thought about the night before, and about how he had been so willing to toss me to the coyotes quite literally. I grabbed the backpack that I used as a purse, my walking stick and headed for the neighbor’s place where he went. Once I got there, I asked him to give me my food stamp card, and when he came outside, I explained to him in the privacy of the outdoors that I intended to fulfill the terms of his late night ultimatum based on the argument the morning of December 5, 2010. There was a cruel smile on his face of when he said, “OK, if that is what you want. I hope you are happy with yourself.” He knew that wasn’t what I wanted, especially after last night’s begging session that got me back into the house. He also knew that I really didn’t have any place to go but homeless shelters.
I set off walking for town. I knew it was a long hike that I really had no business making with my medical issues. I stopped frequently to rest. I didn’t even have any water with me. Partway down, I found an old bottle of what I thought was water someone had tossed from their vehicle. I was so thirsty I took a swig, then promptly spit it out. It was moonshine, I’d had the pleasure of drinking good white lightning before, but this tasted to be dangerously bad shine at that. I dumped it out to save someone else from it and continued on my way. My gut was on fire from the alcohol I imbibed the night before, and had to get off the road several times to empty my bowels. Luckily I am a country girl and always kept some toilet paper in my bag. I didn’t have a shovel with me though, and was angry at myself that I couldn’t bury it the way I would have liked. I kicked dirt and put rocks over the mess at least.
I began to be concerned about dehydration. When I thought I couldn’t go any further without a drink, I found another bottle. This time it proved to actually be water. I was so grateful! I had left around 8:30 in the morning. I walked 7 of the nearly 10 miles to town. An older Latin American man picked me up and gave me a ride the rest of the way to town. It was so nice to have a gentleman take pity on me and want nothing from me. By the time I got to town, it was late afternoon. It felt like I walked 12 miles or more!
Luckily, it was the beginning of the month, so I stumbled into the little pizza parlor and ordered a personal pizza. I ate but one slice, and my stomach was over full. So full I was afraid I would loose my hard won calories. I got a to-go box and walked down the street to put myself up in a hotel room for the night. Despite my exhaustion, my body would not allow me to rest, so I treated myself to several baths in close succession. I had so missed having water on demand and enough of it to soak in. My husband seemed to think 9 gallons of water a week were enough for two adults and the dog I had given him for his birthday in November (to replace the 3 cats the mesa predators had all claimed).
I called my husband several times, inviting him to come down and have a bath at least. I hoped that perhaps if he got into a more comfortable setting and had a bath that perhaps he and I could talk some sense into one another. He wanted nothing of it. So, I had another bath, enjoyed the rest of my pizza while watching TV, (a luxury I both missed and did not miss at the same time). I also called my neighbor’s daughter who had just recently moved to town so it was easier on the children to get to and from school in town each day. The next morning, she took me into Alamosa and to the domestic violence resource who then put me up in the protected part of the only shelter in town.
I had explained to both places that I have panic attacks from pain, and that sometimes a cigarette was the best way to end that panic attack. I was assured that if I needed to smoke in the night, I would be allowed, even though it was not exactly within the procedures of the shelter. Sure enough, my first night there, the pain got out of control and I had nothing to ease it. I had a panic attack and made my way down to the lower level to ask to go out to smoke. The message regarding my needs had not been passed on to the cruel gentleman who was watching the shelter that night. When he harshly refused me, he melted away in my panic, and all I could see was every man who had ever hurt me. I screamed and soon the police were called on me. I spent the night at the hospital, and left with a firm recommendation to continue my medical cannabis (despite not being legal to do so) and a prescription for Lyrica to help ease the pain when I could not smoke. The ER doctor even told me in the presence of the officers who had brought me in that I should go buy some weed on the street to get my pain under control. The mental health worker put me up in a hotel around 5 am. I had been assured that I would have at least one night there. I bathed again, and went out to get my prescription filled and some food. When I returned, I promptly began getting calls from the hotel to leave. They informed me that check out time had come and gone and I was to get out. The cops were called on me again, and I ended up back at the same shelter I had been at the night before. I could only bear to be there one more night, and then left early the next morning for the bus station.
I had decided to head for Denver where I knew there were many more shelters and many more services for the homeless. Before boarding the bus, I called my husband to make sure it was what he wanted. He refused to pick up the phone. It was already mid afternoon when I got into Denver. I was dropped off at Union Station, and made my way to the “tattered cover book store” on the 16th street mall. There, I bought myself a cup of Earl Grey tea to settle my stomach and to justify to myself the use of their wi-fi connection. I made contact with some people over the internet and let them know my situation. I hadn’t been homeless in Denver since I was a teenager and couldn’t remember all the good places. I ended up in “Writer’s Square” on the 16th Street Mall. It was one of my old haunts from when I was younger, but the vibe there had changed a lot and I was not comfortable sleeping out in the open air there as I once had been. I spit venom at other activists, probably trying to self destruct. Luckily, a fellow sufferer from post traumatic stress disorder came to my aid and helped me get my things to Samaritan House. But there was no room for Breezy at the homeless inn. They made arrangements for me to stay at a shelter for women and gave me bus fare and directions to get there.
I narrowly missed my bus, and sat on the bench patiently waiting for the next one. Across the street from me were several of my homeless fellows bedding down for the night on the street. I am not sure why, but I began to serenade them with Christmas carols and other songs I used to preform with choir as a child. Whenever I stopped singing, they asked me to continue, and I did. The bus finally came, and I left them in the cold night, perhaps a little warmer for my music. I finally got to the woman’s shelter I had been directed to, was let in and given a bed for the night.